Short Hair, Perceived Femininity, and the Status Quo

[verloren1983]

(Before we start, I'd like to say that I'm sick and on cold medicine, so if there's anything that doesn't make sense, I apologize in advance. I'm trying to make a serious post here, but I'm not sure how well it's going to work out.)

Edit: Apologies. DW doesn't seem to want to cut this properly, either. *kicks it* I know this is long, and I would cut

Comments

[llamabitchyo]

My brother's first wife was HOT and her hair was just a touch longer than a buzz cut. I associate short short hair with women with beautiful faces and a lot of confidence. One of my team mates at work has a shorter than buzz cut. Gorgeous older dark-skinned woman, not at all butch. But there's a distinct difference in their looks and the butch look. I say this as a woman with a long history of crushes on butch women, so I'm more clued in than the average annoying family member

[verloren1983]

Dark-skinned women seem to be able to pull off the no hair / buzz thing so much better. It's amazing, really. Kind of makes you wonder how they do it. But then, black women seem to have a natural confidence about them and a comfortableness in their own skin that most white women don't. Maybe that's it

[therhoda]

I had such short hair as a young teen it was assumed i was gay. I had many many people make this assumtion and give me advice and warnings at a young young age. The truth was that my mother couldn't be bothered to brush my hair so she started getting it cut short as it was easier for her. As soon as i could i let it grow and for me i find my hair is easier for me to deal with long. It didn't make a difference i was still persecuted although i also used it to get my way with some of the more bent members of my high school administration that thought they were helping a nice gay girl get away with things. (I know i shouldn't have but i thought it was a good idea at the time and she never dared try anything on me as i was never someone anyone thought would be easy to deal with

[verloren1983]

First and foremost: *hugs* I'm sorry people are assholes. I hate when people decide to put you in a box without knowing if it's actually true or not. It's a bit better when it is, but when it's not, it's an extra special sort of stupid.

Aside from allowing you to feel more comfortable, gay bars also have better music, at least from my experience. ^_~

Also yes, COMFORTABLE is so important. <3 That's how I operate most of the time too- like I just told Llama above, I practically live in unisex t-shirts and jeans. I used to have cheap knockoff type Birkenstock sandals too that I =loved=, but they fall apart easily and I haven't been able to find the damn things the last couple of summers. Bastards

[therhoda]

people can be awesome to, its just that there are more intolerant jerks than awesome that we remember i think.

yeah BPAL can be expensive but well it really is something i find i can do that makes me feel better on bad days and can give me a little boost on other days. If You want to drop me an email with a good mailing address for you i will send you some imps (i have HORDES). you dont have to review it hell you dont have to admit that you have them if you dont want to. I do tend to enable but well thats because i love sharing the love.

[verloren1983]

Heh, sure, why not. I don't seem to have an e-mail address for you though?

[miss_melon12]

Growing up, I lived with a mentally/emotionally absusive aunt. I spent most of my teenage years living under a rock because of her. I had no real concept of 'gay' or 'lesbian'. It was completely foreign to me, and I didn't understand it for the longest time because I was never, ever exposed to it. Transgender and such was even more foreign to me. I mean, I knew they existed. I had no problem with it, but I didn't know anything about it. It was mostly just something I didn't think about. High school was the most I ever encountered people, because I never left the house otherwise. I remember seeing girls with buzzed hair a lot. I even knew a girl who had buzzed hair, and I thought she was absolutely gorgeous. Even though she always wore gray, baggy clothes. There was something about her that I adored. It never once occurred to me that she was a lesbian, or that any of the other short/buzzed haired girls I encountered were. I just didn't associate short hair with lesbians

[verloren1983]

*hugs hugs hugs*

Out of curiosity, when did you find out that this stuff existed beyond abstract concepts?

That's so awesome that there was a circle like that at your school, though. I would've KILLED for someone to talk to in high school when I was still trying to figure things out- but I lived in Smalltown, USA, and there were already rumors about me. There were a lot of bigots in my school and I wouldn't have been surprised if there had been a Matthew Shepard kind of thing. NOBODY was out at my school. They didn't dare. As a matter of fact, I don't know of anyone in my original class except me that's out even now. (Though in my actual graduating class- yes, there's a difference, it's a long story- three or four guys came out shortly after graduation. It was a huge deal.)

Tangents are fine! It's still related. Not like you randomly started talking about jungle animals or something. :D

[miss_melon12]

I kind of finally realized that these kind of things effected me when my ex was finally outed to me (via another friend.) And I wasn't surprised at all, because I'd walked in on conversations that made me think he may be gay. But I was always afraid to bring it up.

On a similar note to that, I'd been reading yaoi since I was 14, and I was so clueless that I was convinced for a little while that guys had a secret hole girls didn't know about. Something like that. It's pretty sad. So the concept of gay wasn't nearly as foreign to me as the idea that it existed everywhere around me. That was such a surprise.

But my school was surprisingly accepting of these things. It was a ridiculously diverse school, so I'm not surprised. I'm sorry to hear that your school sucked in relation to things like that! I was raised in Smalltown, but I moved to Bigcity when I was ten (when I moved in with my aunt), so it's not uncommon here at all. The city has a huge LGBT circle. I think?

[verloren1983]

Well, those kinds of conversations are always awkward, especially if you don't know whether they'll maybe be offended or upset. I'm never quite sure how to bring it up either, if it makes you feel any better.

Secret hole. Oh man. XDDD

Yeah, well, it was what it was. In the entire high school there were about 400 kids, and I can recall less than a handful that weren't white- there was ONE black kid in the whole damn school, and he was a few grades below me. It was that kind of place. I think it had a lot to do with why I was "questioning" for so long. I needed to figure out everything, sure, but I was also afraid. Very much so. Where I am now isn't Bigcity, but it's better. I'm more or less out at work (I don't announce it, but I don't hide it, either, and more often than not people seem to know without me telling them anyway), and even though the current gay population at my job is just me and a bi girl, no one I've worked with has had a problem with it in a long time.