Short Hair, Perceived Femininity, and the Status Quo

[verloren1983]

(Before we start, I'd like to say that I'm sick and on cold medicine, so if there's anything that doesn't make sense, I apologize in advance. I'm trying to make a serious post here, but I'm not sure how well it's going to work out.)

Edit: Apologies. DW doesn't seem to want to cut this properly, either. *kicks it* I know this is long, and I would cut

Comments

[miss_melon12]

Growing up, I lived with a mentally/emotionally absusive aunt. I spent most of my teenage years living under a rock because of her. I had no real concept of 'gay' or 'lesbian'. It was completely foreign to me, and I didn't understand it for the longest time because I was never, ever exposed to it. Transgender and such was even more foreign to me. I mean, I knew they existed. I had no problem with it, but I didn't know anything about it. It was mostly just something I didn't think about. High school was the most I ever encountered people, because I never left the house otherwise. I remember seeing girls with buzzed hair a lot. I even knew a girl who had buzzed hair, and I thought she was absolutely gorgeous. Even though she always wore gray, baggy clothes. There was something about her that I adored. It never once occurred to me that she was a lesbian, or that any of the other short/buzzed haired girls I encountered were. I just didn't associate short hair with lesbians.

Recently, I've gotten back in touch with a friend from high school who knew most of these girls, and even dated the one girl I knew and kind of had, what I realize now was, a crush on. She told me all about the lesbian/gay goings on within my school. It was everywhere, and I never even realized it. And apparently I knew a great deal of people who were in the middle of it. Looking back on my high school years, I get mad at myself, because I was so, so ignorant of things back then. There was a whole LGBT inner circle within my school, and I basically skirted the edges of it because I didn't know it existed. A good example of how out of this whole thing I was: My ex boyfriend (who's still my best friend in the world) came out of the closet and I was the last person to know. And he wasn't the one who told me. In fact, my current boyfriend, who I met through him, knew, and I didn't.

Getting back on the subject, as I've gone far off the whole hair thing, I was never particularly taught to associate short hair with lesbians. Mostly because, thanks to my awful aunt, I wasn't even exposed to enough of society for that to be ingrained in me. Even now, I don't see a girl with short hair and think 'lesbian.' I usually just think that she's beautiful. I love long hair as well, but something about short hair, and especially buzzed hair makes me jealous almost. Because I'm too afraid to do it.

It is a hard thing to understand in a way, but I'm really attached to my hair. Not necessarily the length of it, but my ability to pull it back and just have it there, on my head, to mess with when I get bored. I don't like keeping my hair particularly long. It gets in the way, and it's super annoying because I really don't feel like taking care of it. But I do like having it shoulder length, or close to it. Because the look fits me, I know it fits me, and I don't really want to experiment with my hair. It takes far too long to grow back.

And now, I'm going to end this because I feel like I went off on a tangent and this is getting long. xD

[verloren1983]

*hugs hugs hugs*

Out of curiosity, when did you find out that this stuff existed beyond abstract concepts?

That's so awesome that there was a circle like that at your school, though. I would've KILLED for someone to talk to in high school when I was still trying to figure things out- but I lived in Smalltown, USA, and there were already rumors about me. There were a lot of bigots in my school and I wouldn't have been surprised if there had been a Matthew Shepard kind of thing. NOBODY was out at my school. They didn't dare. As a matter of fact, I don't know of anyone in my original class except me that's out even now. (Though in my actual graduating class- yes, there's a difference, it's a long story- three or four guys came out shortly after graduation. It was a huge deal.)

Tangents are fine! It's still related. Not like you randomly started talking about jungle animals or something. :D

[miss_melon12]

I kind of finally realized that these kind of things effected me when my ex was finally outed to me (via another friend.) And I wasn't surprised at all, because I'd walked in on conversations that made me think he may be gay. But I was always afraid to bring it up.

On a similar note to that, I'd been reading yaoi since I was 14, and I was so clueless that I was convinced for a little while that guys had a secret hole girls didn't know about. Something like that. It's pretty sad. So the concept of gay wasn't nearly as foreign to me as the idea that it existed everywhere around me. That was such a surprise.

But my school was surprisingly accepting of these things. It was a ridiculously diverse school, so I'm not surprised. I'm sorry to hear that your school sucked in relation to things like that! I was raised in Smalltown, but I moved to Bigcity when I was ten (when I moved in with my aunt), so it's not uncommon here at all. The city has a huge LGBT circle. I think?

[verloren1983]

Well, those kinds of conversations are always awkward, especially if you don't know whether they'll maybe be offended or upset. I'm never quite sure how to bring it up either, if it makes you feel any better.

Secret hole. Oh man. XDDD

Yeah, well, it was what it was. In the entire high school there were about 400 kids, and I can recall less than a handful that weren't white- there was ONE black kid in the whole damn school, and he was a few grades below me. It was that kind of place. I think it had a lot to do with why I was "questioning" for so long. I needed to figure out everything, sure, but I was also afraid. Very much so. Where I am now isn't Bigcity, but it's better. I'm more or less out at work (I don't announce it, but I don't hide it, either, and more often than not people seem to know without me telling them anyway), and even though the current gay population at my job is just me and a bi girl, no one I've worked with has had a problem with it in a long time.

[miss_melon12]

True.

My high school had a graduating class had a little over 400 people in it. Which was considerably lower than it started out in freshman year. There were a ton of people in the school. I can't even imagine what it would be like to only have 400 people in the entire school. I'm glad to hear that you're more or less accepted at work. It's always difficult to work with and get along with people who don't accept you.