Short Hair, Perceived Femininity, and the Status Quo
(Before we start, I'd like to say that I'm sick and on cold medicine, so if there's anything that doesn't make sense, I apologize in advance. I'm trying to make a serious post here, but I'm not sure how well it's going to work out.)
Edit: Apologies. DW doesn't seem to want to cut this properly, either. *kicks it* I know this is long, and I would cut it if I could. I'm not trying to be obnoxious. Please don't kill me. XD
So I was talking to a coworker the other day about the hair thing- mainly, how my mother and younger sister react to it. It's something I've been thinking about since, and figured it might make an interesting discussion topic.
First, the explanation for myself. I keep my hair cut very short. It's not meant as a statement, though I'm aware that it DOES make one. That's not the intention. I cut my hair this way because I like it this way, plain and simple. I don't see why I should let stupid things like rigid views of femininity or what other people think decide anything about myself. In the same spirit, I often wear men's cologne as well... the ones I like, of course. I'm not about to do something like that just to be contrary. I enjoy that aspect of it, yes. But it's not a contributing factor in those kinds of decisions. I like my hair short. The fact that it pretty much screams DYKE in ten different languages is just a fun bonus. Maybe I would feel differently if I wasn't a lesbian, or if I wasn't bordering on genderqueer. Maybe I would care more about how society looks at me if I was a straight, cis female. But I'm not, so I can't say for sure on either count.
That being said, reactions to my short hair have been overwhelmingly positive ever since I first cut it. I've had many women tell me that they wish they had the guts to do it. Which baffles me, really. How is it particularly brave when it's just hair? I'm not doing anything permanent to myself. If I don't like it, it'll grow back. Seriously, IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. But I've never had any emotional attachment to my hair, either, and a lot of women do. Plus it goes back to not wanting to defy social norms, I guess. Regardless, I have it on good authority that it's a look that suits me. I get that it looks "cute" a lot, which honestly makes me cringe so hard on the inside. Perfect example: today I had an older woman tell me, "I wish I could cut my hair that short, but I would look like an old man. ...It looks cute on you, though!" *twitchtwitch* I try my hardest to ignore those comments and just take in that I can pull it off.
Yet every time I get it cut- especially this last time when it got REALLY short- my mother and younger sister declare that they hate it, that it doesn't look good on me, what have you. My mother even went so far as to say to me, "Why did you let them do that to your hair?" as if a weed whacker had been taken to it. Um, I told her to? Kelly, too, regularly asks me when I'm going back to long hair. I won't say never, because I honestly don't know, but it's not going to be at any point in the forseeable future, that's for sure.
So I got to thinking about WHY they're so threatened by this look. Seriously, I think that's what it is. What other explanation could there be for them clinging so tightly to the idea that short hair is terrible? I think there's some disconnect there between who they think I am and who I actually am. I have never been a girly-girl type. Ever. Yes, I had long hair for a long time- too long, really. But I was overly hung up on what everyone else would think if I cut it the way I wanted it. Plus it was ordinary. It let me hide and not bring attention to myself. It wasn't a reflection of my personality or who I was. It's closer to that now, I think. Regardless of what people might say, I think most of us think of women with short hair as less feminine, even if we don't necessarily see it as that. I have to wonder if it's maybe hardwired in our brains or something, because it's just kind of automatic. I know personally, I first wonder if they're gay (but that also may be just because as a gay person, I'm auto-looking for someone like myself). I also tend to think of short haired girls as lower maintenance and more down to earth than girls with long hair. I think maybe part of that too is my own personal experience- I have yet to see a woman with short hair that also had pounds of makeup on and dressed up and everything. So I tend to see them as... less like these high maintenance plasticky creatures and more like someone I could actually relate to. And me myself being sort of androgynous, I guess I see them that way too. If that makes any sense. Of course, I'm not saying that all girls with long hair are high maintenance or anything ridiculous like that. I'm just saying that it really does change the impression you give off, whether it's something you want or not.
The bottom line is, the hair clearly says "I'm gay. Have a problem with that? Too bad." And my family, clearly, has a problem with that. I think they can't deal. And since they can't pick at my sexuality because I'm not officially out to most of my family (gee, I wonder WHY), they pick at my hair instead. Which is pointless, because I just roll my eyes and do what I want anyway. They know this about me. So then why keep harping on about it if there's no ulterior motive? Don't misunderstand me, I don't think it's intentional, at least for the most part. It's probably largely a subconscious thing. However, that doesn't make it okay. They want me to be someone I'm not, someone I've never been. Growing my hair out again isn't going to suddenly make me straight anymore than cutting it made me queer in the first place. They need to deal with that. At the very least, they want me to hide myself better, because they're not comfortable with me being open and out there with it. They would rather at least try to pretend. The way it stands now... yes, I'm obvious. I'm done hiding. I'm never going to be exactly what the world thinks a woman is "supposed" to be. But you know what? Most women don't live up to that standard, including my mother and my sister. I guess I'm far enough away from it that it makes some people uncomfortable. That's fine, it's their problem, not mine. I'm not going to change how I look just because some people are dicks. It's really just an annoyance at this point... but it does make for an interesting social experiment. When I was downtown last week, I was in jeans and my cloud/rainbow scarf t-shirt, plus the super-short hair. At times, yes, it felt like people were staring and I got a bit self conscious about that. As I passed this one group of men, they started calling things out at me, though I'm not sure what they were because I had music blasting in my ears. I probably didn't want to know anyway. Yeah, at times it felt a bit as if I were on display. As I said, though, it's interesting to see how people react to you in those kinds of situations. So would I do it again? Probably.
So what I'm curious to find out from you guys is, what do you think of all this? What do you think when you see a younger woman with short hair? (I'm not counting older women, because from my experience, it's a lot more common for 50+ ladies to chop their hair off. It's much, much rarer for women under 50.) How do you see femininity, masculinity, society's views on both? How do you feel you fit into the gender spectrum (if at all)? Do you think you get treated differently because of how you present? I realize my flist consists of mostly cis-gendered straight-ish women, so responses to the last couple aren't likely to be varied. I figure it's still worth a shot. Could be fun.
---
This has been crossposted to my DW account. You are free to comment either here or there, if you'd like to comment. Preferably here, but it doesn't really matter. Whichever one works for you. :D
Edit: Apologies. DW doesn't seem to want to cut this properly, either. *kicks it* I know this is long, and I would cut it if I could. I'm not trying to be obnoxious. Please don't kill me. XD
So I was talking to a coworker the other day about the hair thing- mainly, how my mother and younger sister react to it. It's something I've been thinking about since, and figured it might make an interesting discussion topic.
First, the explanation for myself. I keep my hair cut very short. It's not meant as a statement, though I'm aware that it DOES make one. That's not the intention. I cut my hair this way because I like it this way, plain and simple. I don't see why I should let stupid things like rigid views of femininity or what other people think decide anything about myself. In the same spirit, I often wear men's cologne as well... the ones I like, of course. I'm not about to do something like that just to be contrary. I enjoy that aspect of it, yes. But it's not a contributing factor in those kinds of decisions. I like my hair short. The fact that it pretty much screams DYKE in ten different languages is just a fun bonus. Maybe I would feel differently if I wasn't a lesbian, or if I wasn't bordering on genderqueer. Maybe I would care more about how society looks at me if I was a straight, cis female. But I'm not, so I can't say for sure on either count.
That being said, reactions to my short hair have been overwhelmingly positive ever since I first cut it. I've had many women tell me that they wish they had the guts to do it. Which baffles me, really. How is it particularly brave when it's just hair? I'm not doing anything permanent to myself. If I don't like it, it'll grow back. Seriously, IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL. But I've never had any emotional attachment to my hair, either, and a lot of women do. Plus it goes back to not wanting to defy social norms, I guess. Regardless, I have it on good authority that it's a look that suits me. I get that it looks "cute" a lot, which honestly makes me cringe so hard on the inside. Perfect example: today I had an older woman tell me, "I wish I could cut my hair that short, but I would look like an old man. ...It looks cute on you, though!" *twitchtwitch* I try my hardest to ignore those comments and just take in that I can pull it off.
Yet every time I get it cut- especially this last time when it got REALLY short- my mother and younger sister declare that they hate it, that it doesn't look good on me, what have you. My mother even went so far as to say to me, "Why did you let them do that to your hair?" as if a weed whacker had been taken to it. Um, I told her to? Kelly, too, regularly asks me when I'm going back to long hair. I won't say never, because I honestly don't know, but it's not going to be at any point in the forseeable future, that's for sure.
So I got to thinking about WHY they're so threatened by this look. Seriously, I think that's what it is. What other explanation could there be for them clinging so tightly to the idea that short hair is terrible? I think there's some disconnect there between who they think I am and who I actually am. I have never been a girly-girl type. Ever. Yes, I had long hair for a long time- too long, really. But I was overly hung up on what everyone else would think if I cut it the way I wanted it. Plus it was ordinary. It let me hide and not bring attention to myself. It wasn't a reflection of my personality or who I was. It's closer to that now, I think. Regardless of what people might say, I think most of us think of women with short hair as less feminine, even if we don't necessarily see it as that. I have to wonder if it's maybe hardwired in our brains or something, because it's just kind of automatic. I know personally, I first wonder if they're gay (but that also may be just because as a gay person, I'm auto-looking for someone like myself). I also tend to think of short haired girls as lower maintenance and more down to earth than girls with long hair. I think maybe part of that too is my own personal experience- I have yet to see a woman with short hair that also had pounds of makeup on and dressed up and everything. So I tend to see them as... less like these high maintenance plasticky creatures and more like someone I could actually relate to. And me myself being sort of androgynous, I guess I see them that way too. If that makes any sense. Of course, I'm not saying that all girls with long hair are high maintenance or anything ridiculous like that. I'm just saying that it really does change the impression you give off, whether it's something you want or not.
The bottom line is, the hair clearly says "I'm gay. Have a problem with that? Too bad." And my family, clearly, has a problem with that. I think they can't deal. And since they can't pick at my sexuality because I'm not officially out to most of my family (gee, I wonder WHY), they pick at my hair instead. Which is pointless, because I just roll my eyes and do what I want anyway. They know this about me. So then why keep harping on about it if there's no ulterior motive? Don't misunderstand me, I don't think it's intentional, at least for the most part. It's probably largely a subconscious thing. However, that doesn't make it okay. They want me to be someone I'm not, someone I've never been. Growing my hair out again isn't going to suddenly make me straight anymore than cutting it made me queer in the first place. They need to deal with that. At the very least, they want me to hide myself better, because they're not comfortable with me being open and out there with it. They would rather at least try to pretend. The way it stands now... yes, I'm obvious. I'm done hiding. I'm never going to be exactly what the world thinks a woman is "supposed" to be. But you know what? Most women don't live up to that standard, including my mother and my sister. I guess I'm far enough away from it that it makes some people uncomfortable. That's fine, it's their problem, not mine. I'm not going to change how I look just because some people are dicks. It's really just an annoyance at this point... but it does make for an interesting social experiment. When I was downtown last week, I was in jeans and my cloud/rainbow scarf t-shirt, plus the super-short hair. At times, yes, it felt like people were staring and I got a bit self conscious about that. As I passed this one group of men, they started calling things out at me, though I'm not sure what they were because I had music blasting in my ears. I probably didn't want to know anyway. Yeah, at times it felt a bit as if I were on display. As I said, though, it's interesting to see how people react to you in those kinds of situations. So would I do it again? Probably.
So what I'm curious to find out from you guys is, what do you think of all this? What do you think when you see a younger woman with short hair? (I'm not counting older women, because from my experience, it's a lot more common for 50+ ladies to chop their hair off. It's much, much rarer for women under 50.) How do you see femininity, masculinity, society's views on both? How do you feel you fit into the gender spectrum (if at all)? Do you think you get treated differently because of how you present? I realize my flist consists of mostly cis-gendered straight-ish women, so responses to the last couple aren't likely to be varied. I figure it's still worth a shot. Could be fun.
---
This has been crossposted to my DW account. You are free to comment either here or there, if you'd like to comment. Preferably here, but it doesn't really matter. Whichever one works for you. :D