Second Chances (Chapter 4)
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: Main: YunJae; Secondary: JaeMin, HoMin
Rating: PG13 - NC-17
Summary: Changmin's dying, forcing him to leave his beloved husband Yunho behind. A final visit from his lifelong best friend Jaejoong helps to calm his fears and makes him hopeful that Yunho will find love again when he's gone.
Previous chapter: 3
“Uncle, Min! Look!”
Changmin smiled at the young boy as he and Yunho raced around the yard playing some game or other. He hadn’t really been paying attention to what they were doing, he simply enjoyed watching them. It was one of his greatest pleasures lately.
Perhaps one day Yunho and I might have had a family of our own…
He sighed and forced the thought away. It did no good to dwell on what would never be. He’d accepted his fate, was merely enjoying his final days with his loved ones. When he’d announced that he was leaving the hospital a month ago, the doctor had looked at him like he was crazy. Perhaps he was… The doctor had tried to convince him to stay but his efforts were futile. Changmin’s mind was made up. He’d made his peace with his disease and with death, he just wanted to go home and die comfortably, surrounded by those he cared about. The doctor had insisted he at least take a supply of morphine with him. That, he’d agreed with. He knew he was going to die but he wasn’t a masochist by any means. The pain was often unbearable even with the morphine, so he didn’t contemplate refusing it for a second.
Yunho had been temporarily alarmed but not overly surprised by his decision and he respected him enough not to try to change his mind. He’d taken him home where Jae had been waiting.
Jae…
He was truly a blessing. He didn’t know what he would have done without Jae. He was a godsend. Not only did he see to the house, the meals, everything Changmin couldn’t do, but he was also a great distraction. He kept Changmin’s mind off what was looming ahead, most of the time anyway. He couldn’t always forget it, especially when he had to face the growing hope in Yunho’s eyes every day.
Apparently, coming home had been the best decision he’d ever made. And the worst. He had improved a lot since he’d left the hospital. It surprised them all. His appetite had returned and with it, his strength. Sometimes, on his really bad days, he still used a wheelchair or just stayed in bed, but most of the time he was able to get around with a little help from a cane. It was the most freedom he’d had in almost six months. The downside was that as his body grew stronger, so did Yunho’s hope that he was somehow, miraculously, recovering. He knew better, though. He didn’t have much time left. He could feel it. He was becoming more and more dependent on the morphine to deal with the crippling pain and he wasn’t above over-using. There were days when he took more than was prescribed. He had to: it was the only way he could get out of bed and face the day. But Yunho knew nothing of his struggles. The only one who was aware was Jae.
He’d started to see the wonder and flickers of hope in Jae’s eyes as well. That was, until the day he’d found him collapsed on the bathroom floor.
He was in pretty bad shape at the time, unable to pull himself up or knock over the bottle of pills on the counter. Jae had come in, swore a streak a mile long, hefted him up and shoved some pills down his throat. When they’d finally kicked in, he took him to bed and blistered his ear with more curses and admonitions. He knew it was grounded in fear and worry, though, so he said nothing, simply watched Jae paced. When he’d had enough, he’d said, “It’s time.”
Jae stopped pacing to look at him, his face reddening with anger as he geared up to give Changmin another earful. Min held his hand out to Jae and waited for him to come forward to take it. He brought Jae’s hand to his lips and kissed the back of it before rubbing it gently along his cheek. He smiled slightly. “It’s time.”
Jae took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then the tears had come. As divatastic as he was, he wasn’t much of a crier so his eyes had simply filled and spilled over, a river of silent tears.
“It was only a matter of time,” Changmin said.
“But...”
“I’ve been doing so well lately?” he finished for Jae. He chuckled. “I guess it’s a matter of the insides not reflecting the outsides. Or vice versa rather.”
Jae took another deep breath. “Yunho...”
Changmin sighed. “I know... He’s so happy...so hopeful. I can’t bear to tell him that I’ve thought about taking enough morphine to ensure that I won’t wake up in the morning.” At Jae’s lack of response, Changmin cocked a brow at him. “You knew?”
Jae sniffled, lips twisting wryly. “I monitor your supply. Besides, I know you. And I know me. If I was in your shoes, I don’t think I’d have held out this long. Not even for Yunho.”
Changmin laughed. “That’s a lie, and you know it. You might think you aren’t but you’re probably a bigger romantic than I am. If, when, you fall in love, it’ll be mind, body and soul. There’s nothing you won’t do.”
“God forbid.” He sighed and tightened his hand around Changmin’s. “So what now?”
Changmin shrugged. “Nothing. We wait. It’s gonna devastate them, Yunho, my parents, his family. With the way things have been going, it’s going to be a bigger shock than if I had stayed in the hospital. But I’m just happy that I don’t have to lie or pretend for you. At least there’s one person who won’t be blinded when it finally comes. You’ll look after them for me, won’t you?”
Jae nodded. “How are you doing?”
Changmin smiled brightly. “I’m happy, truly, I am. The pain is, well, a pain in the ass, but I’m okay.”
Jae frowned. “Are you scared?”
Changmin shook his head. “Not any more. I was and it took me a long time to realize it but once I did, it was easier to deal with. I’m just grateful to have these last days making memories with the people I love. At least I get to say goodbye. Some people don’t even get that much.”
Jae nodded again.
“Don’t be sad, Joongie.” Changmin chuckled. “Just think, when I die, you’ll finally have a shot at Yunho.”
Jae gasped and anger turned his cheeks red again. Something undecipherable flashed in his eyes but it was gone before Changmin had a chance to analyze it. “You ass...”
He tugged on his hand, urging him down. “I love you, bitch.”
“I love you too, asshole,” Jae replied and sealed it with a kiss.
That had been a week ago, yet here he sat on the porch of Yunho’s sister’s country house watching his husband play with his nephew while Jae snapped pictures of the two from under a huge tree where his sister-in-law lazed in the grass. Jae was making a photobook. Changmin wondered if it would turn out anything like the photobook that Jae had made for him before he moved away all those years ago. Probably not, since at the time Jae had had a love interest: Min himself. This photobook was a memorial to Changmin’s life before he died. Changmin wondered who on earth would want to look at it, to be reminded of the days leading up to his death, but he figured that perhaps it simply gave Jae something to do. He had to be under significant strain himself, with no one but Min to talk to and Changmin knew he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t want to burden him. For that, he was regretful. Jae was everything to him, did everything for him, yet he couldn’t return the favor. He felt selfish, even though he knew Jae didn’t see it that way.
“Smile!”
He turned to see Yunho pick HyunJoon up and throw him over his shoulder. The little boy squealed in glee and Min felt a momentary pang of sadness that he would never have the family he’d always wanted. The pair posed for Jaejoong, silly expressions adorning their faces.
He suddenly wondered if, among all of Jae’s pics, there were any of him. He was always taking pictures of others but Min didn’t remember anyone ever taking a picture of him. Where would he be in the photobook? He was part of the family too.
“Jae!”
Jaejoong jogged over to him, a worried frown immediately creasing his face. “Sup? You okay?”
“I’m fine.” He snatched the camera from Jae’s hand and pointed to where Yunho and HyunJoon stood watching them. “Go on. Let me play photographer for a while.”
Jae glanced over his shoulder at Yunho before turning back to Changmin. “Um...”
“Afraid to be near him?” Changmin teased.
Jae blushed even as he hissed. “Asshole.”
Changmin chuckled. “Just go, will you.”
Jae strode over to Yunho, his steps somewhat halting, but when Yunho smiled at him, he sped up a bit.
That was another change Changmin had noticed. During the past month since his exit from the hospital, they’d grown closer than they had in the five years he and Yunho had been together. They teased each other often; both adored HyunJoon and showered him with love and attention. Jae had come to care for Yunho and he knew Yunho cared for Jae in his own way.
Without waiting for the trio to turn towards him, Changmin snapped the picture then looked down at the screen to see what he’d captured. Jae had only just reached Yunho’s side and was looking up at him, and HyunJoon on his shoulder, with a soft smile on his face. HyunJoon was laughing down at Jae...and so was Yunho. They looked good together.
Like a family...
Changmin smiled, feeling no bitterness or jealousy. He didn’t know if Jae loved Yunho and he didn’t expect Yunho to rush into Jae’s arms but perhaps, after he was gone, Yunho could someday find love again. If ever there was someone he would give his Yunho to, it would be Jae.
“HyunJoon turn that down!” his mother yelled.
“Oh, don’t be such a wet blanket,” Jae teased from the kitchen.
EunHye stuck her tongue out in his direction.
“Don’t think I didn’t see that, bitch. Don’t you know I’ve got eyes in the back of my head?”
She chuckled.
It was after dinner and they were chatting in the living room while Jae washed the dishes in the kitchen. It was all one huge, open space so they could see Jae while he worked and he could see and hear them uninterrupted. HyunJoon had decided to turn the television on a music channel and a song from a popular girl group had come on full blast. HyunJoon himself was dancing along with the girls, his body flailing and rotating every which way.
He ran to his mother and grbbed her hands. “Come on mom, dance with me!”
She didn’t budge an inch. “That music is only for young people, honey.”
His little face scrunched in confusion. “But Jaejoong hyung is dancing too.”
Everyone’s eyes swung towards Jae in the kitchen where he was indeed dancing along in perfect sync with the girls on the screen as he dried the clean dishes.
“Well, he’s special,” EunHye whispered.
“I heard that!”
EunHye raised a brow. “Do you have ears on the back of your head too?”
Jae shot her a baleful glance over his shoulder.
Changmin and Yunho looked at each other, laughing and rolling their eyes at the pair. The two had hit it off immediately and though they bickered like housewives, it was clear that they’d bonded.
HyunJoon ran to Jae and tugged on his apron. “Hyung, come dance with me.”
Jae wiped his hands and took the apron off, then followed the boy into the living room. A new song had started and he was soon grooving and gyrating while HyunJoon flopped along frenetically beside him. Jae glided in front of Changmin and shook his butt in his face, which earned him a bite on the ass. Jae gasped in faux surprise and pretended to slap Min before sauntering off to plop in EunHye’s lap.
Yunho laughed at their antics. He loved their relationship, loved how much they clearly loved each other. Even at their worst, their love for each other was always at the fore. Perhaps that was what had finally softened him towards Jae, enough for him to actually open up to him. Jae had relaxed towards him in turn and he found that he really enjoyed Jae’s company. He wasn’t just Changmin’s friend anymore. The fact that his own family loved Jae made him even more fond of him. He was glad Jae was there. He was a light in their lives, like sunshine. He made everything more enjoyable. Jae took care of everyone and Changmin, against all odds, seemed to be getting better. Life was...perfect.
An hour later, Changmin approached Jae in the kitchen. EunHye’s husband had collected her and HyunJoon and he and Yunho were heading up to bed. He’d already showered and left Yunho to see to his own bath while he spoke to Jae.
“I want you to make a picnic lunch for me tomorrow.”
Jae raised a brow questioningly.
“What? Can’t I go on a picnic with my husband?”
Biting back a retort, Jae asked, “Anything in particular you want on the menu?”
Changmin smiled tenderly. “Yunho’s favorites. It’s been hard on him the past year and I just want to show my appreciation. We haven’t had any alone time for six months, what with being in the hospital and then your arrival...”
Jae cocked a brow again. “Want me to leave?”
Changmin thumped him non-too-gently on the shoulder. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
Jae grinned. “Just playing. I think I can handle that. Guess I better get to bed. I’ll have to wake up early if I’m to make a meal fit for King Yunho.”
Changmin growled. He’d always hated Jae’s nickname for Yunho. To Min, it made him sound like a pretentious ass but Jae said it was because he was so noble and masterful.
They walked down the hall together, hugged outside of Changmin and Yunho's room, then Jae continued to his room two doors down.
Changmin entered the room, heard the shower running, and strolled over to the ajar door.
“I’m a pervert,” he whispered to himself, smiling as he peeked at his husband’s silhouette through the transparent shower curtain. Yunho’s body was...masterful, to borrow Jae’s word. All long lines and lean limbs. He’d lost weight and muscle since Changmin had become sick but his body was still toned and every bit as drool-worthy as Changmin had remembered.
He felt a strange sensation settle low in his stomach and it took him a while to realize it was lust. It was almost foreign to him, having been such a long time since he’d experienced it.
Moving away, he walked to the bed and curled up facing the door as he waited for Yunho to emerge.
Yunho smiled when he came out and found Changmin gazing fixedly at the doorway. He threw on his pajama bottoms and slid beneath the blankets, pulling Changmin into the warm cocoon of his arms. He was starting to drift off when he heard Min whisper into his chest, “Make love to me.”
Yunho froze, wondering if he was hearing things. He pulled back slightly and looked down into Changmin’s face. “What?”
“Make love to me.”
Yunho had never envisioned finding himself in this situation. It had been more than six months since they’d last made love. Ever since Changmin had become too sick to take care of himself, he’d been Yunho’s number one priority. If his body had needs besides food, he hadn’t felt it. He’d neither needed nor wanted sex. He’d been too busy hoping for a miracle. Even now that Min seemed to be getting better, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind. Min was still frail, still had a long way to go before he got back to the man he used to be. Simply seeing him smile was more than enough for Yunho after all the misery he’d experienced in the hospital.
Yunho was at a loss as to how to respond. He couldn’t very well say no. He didn’t want to hurt Min’s feelings, but he also didn’t want to hurt Min. Even if he was gentle, could Min handle it?
“Please,” Changmin implored.
Looking into his face and seeing the love and lust in his eyes, Yunho remembered the vibrant young man he used to be. He used to love making love to Min, being one with him. Min might not physically be the same as he used to but clearly his passions raged just as strongly.
Lifting a hand, Yunho gently stroked his cheek. It was starting to fill back out, bringing with it some of Changmin’s lost youthfulness. Even at his worst, he was still so handsome. Curving a hand under Changmin’s jaw, Yunho tilted his chin upward and met his lips halfway.
Yunho was gentle, oh so gentle, and he was pleasantly surprised to discover that despite all they’d gone through, nothing had changed. Their bodies were as in tune with each other as they’d always been. And Changmin was just as responsive as he remembered, pushing the bounds of his restraint until he couldn’t hold back anymore and let go of the reins entirely.
In the aftermath of their lovemaking, Changmin melted against Yunho, listening to the even beat of his heart as he slumbered. There were no words to describe how he felt in that moment. It had been surreal, unimaginable. He was complete.
He suddenly remembered that he’d forgotten to mention the picnic to Yunho. He’d surprise him in the morning. Changmin smiled to himself and snuggled closer to his husband. He couldn’t wait for tomorrow.
Tomorrow...
A/N: I imagine you know what's going to happen next... :(
Next Chapter: 5a