Second Chances (Chapter 5a)
Title: Second Chances
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: Main: YunJae; Secondary: JaeMin, HoMin
Rating: PG13...for now
Summary: Changmin's dying, forcing him to leave his beloved husband Yunho behind. A final visit from his lifelong best friend Jaejoong helps to calm his fears and makes him hopeful that Yunho will find love again when he's gone.
A/N: *places box of tissues for those who need it*
Previous chapter: 4
Rain was coming…
As surely as he stood there staring up at the sky, Jaejoong knew it was only a matter of time before the heavens opened and the rain came down. Some say showers of rain are blessings upon the earth. Why, then, did he feel such dread deep down to the very marrow of his bones?
“You guys really should get going if you’re determined to leave the house today,” he said as he turned towards the smiling couple making their way to where he stood in the doorway. “Or maybe you should postpone …”
The hopeful tone in his voice did not escape Changmin’s ears. He pushed away from Yunho and came to Jae’s side, draping an arm around his waist. “You worry too much. It’s not going to rain and so what if it does? After what I’ve endured the past year, I hardly think a little water is going to do me in.”
Jae stiffened and opened his mouth to scold Changmin, again, for making light of his situation but was stopped by the kiss Changmin planted on his cheek. “Stop worrying. I’m fine and everything’s okay. Be happy for me.” He took the picnic basket from Jae’s grip and handed it to Yunho.
Yunho sniffed the basket and a huge grin broke out across his face. “It smells divine, Jae. I’m sure I’ll enjoy every bite.” He bounded down the porch stairs and headed to the car.
Changmin took the blanket from Jae’s other hand, placed it in the crook of his elbow, then took both of Jae’s hands in his. “Thank you,” he said earnestly, gazing intently into Jae’s eyes.
Jae frowned. “For what?”
“For nothing…everything. For being here and being you. You’ve done so much for me, for us, I know I can never repay you.”
Jae tensed, his frown deepening. “Why are you telling me this now? You sound like you’re saying goodbye…”
Changmin laughed. “Have you always been this paranoid?” He leaned forward and placed a soft, lingering kiss on Jae’s lips. As he pulled back, he smiled gently and said, “I love you.” Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Yunho waiting patiently at the passenger side, door already open. “I’d better get going. It’ll be a great wonder if we can get there before he tears into the basket. See you later.” He gave Jae’s hands a parting squeeze then turned and walked to his husband.
Stay. Don’t go!
Jae watched them get into the car and drive away, his stomach clenching painfully even as he returned Changmin’s farewell wave. Thunder clapped overhead and his eyes flew to the darkening sky. A shiver ran down his spine. What was this feeling? His eyes dropped to the road to search for the car that was rapidly fading in the distance. His gaze never wavered, eyes never blinked, as it moved further and further away until nothing was left but a dot on the horizon. Wrapping his arms around himself to ward off the chill that sank into his bones, he whispered, “Why does this feel like goodbye?”
The drive to the picnic spot was a short one. It was a place that Changmin remembered fondly from childhood. His parents had brought him there many times when they’d rented a cabin in the countryside during his summer holidays. The scenery was beautiful, the trees tall and looming, their branches spread wide, providing plentiful shade. There was also a pond nearby that his father taught him to fish in, although there was never anything to catch. The fact that Yunho’s sister’s country house was a mere ten minutes away seemed like fate. In the five years that he’d been with Yunho, he’d never shared that spot with him but now he felt an urgent need to. They both meant so much to him.
Jae’s cooking had been heavenly, as always. Yunho had eaten enough for five people. Changmin had regained his appetite since leaving the hospital but still couldn’t stomach too much variety. He was grateful that Jae had been mindful of that and toned down the spiciness of the dishes. He’d managed to provide many of Yunho’s favorites without upsetting Changmin’s delicate constituation. As always, he was great at taking care of them.
Now, after packing up the remnants of their meal, Yunho’s head lay in Changmin’s lap as he read from a book of poetry while Changmin gently stroked his hair, pausing only to slip another plump, juicy grape between Yunho’s lips. Changmin wasn’t much of a poetry fan and he knew Yunho wasn’t either but it was all that Jae had had on hand and Yunho had felt that it suited the atmosphere of their date so he’d borrowed it to surprise Min. His words barely registered in Changmin’s mind but he adored the sweetness of the thought and the melodic rise and fall of Yunho’s voice as he spoke. It had been a perfect day, a thousand times better than he could have hoped.
His eyes lifted to the sky, seeing the dark clouds that threatened but didn’t break, and he smiled. Jae had worried needlessly. But that was why he loved him. He was always thinking of others, always considering ways to prevent bad things from happening to the people he loved. Feeling suddenly mischievous, Changmin picked up his phone and started texting.
“Where’s the rain? :p Love you Princess ♥.”
“Who are you texting?” Yunho asked curiously.
Changmin’s grin widened. “Jae.”
Yunho smiled, not bothering to inquire further. Those two were always finding ways to mess with each other.
Changmin set his phone down and returned to stroking Yunho’s hair. When Yunho yawned and stretched, he said, “Why don’t you take a nap?”
Yunho shook his head. “I’m okay. I don’t want to miss a moment of this day with you.”
Changmin gently tugged on his hair. “You’re exhausted. Have you seen your eyes lately? Eye bags aren’t ever going to be in style, I assure you. You’ve been taking care of me for a year while trying to manage a demanding business. It was bound to catch up to you eventually.” Changmin smoothed his hair then caressed his cheek. When Yunho leaned into his touch, he continued, “You don’t have to sleep. Just close your eyes and let your mind drift. Relax. Let me be a wife and take care of you for a change.”
“You’ve never been a wife,” Yunho teased, grinning wickedly.
Min growled softly in warning.
With a burst of laughter, Yunho closed his eyes and settled further into Changmin’s lap. He took a few deep breaths, blew them out slowly. It wasn’t long before his breathing evened out and Changmin knew he was asleep. He smiled self-satisfactorily. He knew his husband very well. In a way, Yunho was a lot like Jae. They were really good at taking care of others but they sucked at taking care of themselves. If someone didn’t intervene, they’d run themselves into the ground. Thankfully Yunho had him but Jae…
He felt a stab of sadness for his friend. Jae was the most wonderful person he knew, going head to head with Yunho in his favorite person category. He deserved the best and it boggled Changmin’s mind that no one had snatched him up yet. Jae was always nonchalant when Changmin asked about his love life. He just wasn’t interested in anyone, he said. But Changmin suspected that there were things Jae didn’t tell him. They were best friends and he shared everything with Jae. Well, almost everything. There were parts of his relationship with Yunho that he kept private but it was only natural that he did since they were married. But where he told Jae almost everything, Jae wasn’t so forthcoming about things. Or rather, important things. He’d bitch and moan, cry and squeal about the most insignificant things but when it came to the things that really affected him, he kept it locked inside. The most open he’d been was probably when they were 12 years old and he’d written the letter confessing his feelings but he’d made sure that Changmin only got it after he left and he’d never brought it up again.
Sometimes he felt like he should’ve been a better friend and forced Jae to open up but wasn’t part of being a good friend respecting people’s decisions as well? He knew that it wasn’t because Jae didn’t trust him: Jae just didn’t want, or perhaps didn’t know how, to share. He frowned and his hand stilled on Yunho’s head. He knew that when he di…when he was gone, Jae would need someone. He would hide it at first, would try to pretend that he was okay, but he’d be hurting inside. Min’s eyes fell to Yunho’s face. They would need each other. He knew that Jae would be there for Yunho, would always put Yunho’s grief ahead of his, but he hoped that Yunho wouldn’t be swimming so deeply in his own pain that he wouldn’t see Jae’s suffering. Family and friends would provide some comfort but only they would really know what the other was feeling.
His eyes flittered across Yunho’s features. He looked so innocent and childlike in sleep. Min let his fingers drift lightly over Yunho’s cheeks, his brow, down his nose, across his lips. He smiled as his eyes settled on the mole on the upper left of Yunho’s lip. He’d always loved it: it was such a turn on. He brought two fingers to his lips, kissed them, then pressed them to Yunho’s, chuckling to himself at the silliness of it.
He took a deep breath and looked at the scenery around him. Although the sun wasn’t shining, it was such a beautiful day. Definitely one of the best days of his life. He was glad that he’d come, thankful that he’d been able to share it with Yunho. He felt a sudden stab of pain in his gut, held his breath and rode it out. It was excruciating but he wasn’t going to take anything for it. He didn’t want anything dulling his senses. Plus, he thought as he yawned and stretched out the kink in his back, he was tired enough as it was. If he took a pill, he’d knock out completely and Yunho wouldn’t be able to get him to wake up for a while.
Sighing, he shifted again, trying to make himself as comfortable as possible without waking his sleeping husband. His eyes rested on Yunho’s beautiful, sleep-softened face again and his mouth immediately tilted upward in a smile. He resumed stroking Yunho’s hair and closed his eyes, focusing his senses on the silky feel of the strands. He hummed a little, nothing in particular, but it soothed him.
“Sleep well, my love… My prince.”
The cold breeze woke him. It chilled him to the bone. He was a little disoriented when he first opened his eyes, unfamiliar with the scenery as he was, but then his eyes focused and he realized that he was staring up into his beloved’s face. A smile curved his lips as the day came flooding back to him. They were on a picnic and he’d fallen asleep in Min’s lap. Now it looked like Min had taken a little nap of his own. His smile widened as he took in his sleeping husband, his face serene as he sat hunched over Yunho’s form. Another gust of wind reminded Yunho what had woken him. Changmin’s body had probably blocked most of it until it had gotten strong enough to whip all around them. Yunho was sorry he had to disturb his sleep but they needed to get moving before the rain started.
Still smiling, he raised a hand and gently stroked Changmin’s cheek. “Minnie…Time to wake up, sleepyhead.”
Changmin’s cheek was cold but he was freezing himself so he thought nothing of it.
“Minnie. Come on now, time to go.” He pushed himself up so he sat facing Changmin. He placed a hand on Min’s shoulder, giving him a little shake.
Changmin’s body suddenly slumped further and he started falling backward. Yunho made a quick grab for him, pulling him forward against his chest. He was so cold and…still.
“Oh God,” he breathed. “No, no, no. Please, no.” He shook the prone figure in his arms. “Minnie, please wake up. Don’t leave me…please.”
A voice in his head told him Changmin was dead but he couldn’t believe it. He grabbed his wrist and felt for a pulse. He thought he felt something but he couldn’t be sure so he bent his head to Min’s chest and listened. His heart was beating but it was thready, inconsistent.
He grabbed Min up, rose to his feet and raced to the car, their picnic spread completely forgotten. The first, fat drops of rain started pelting but his steps didn’t falter. He gently placed Min in the passenger seat, draping their jackets over him, and climbed into the driver’s seat beside him. Soon, he was racing down the lonely country road. He took his phone out and called information to get directions to the nearest hospital. He would’ve preferred to go to the hospital in Seoul where their doctor could see about Min but he didn’t want to waste precious time. After he hung up, he dialed another number and started speaking into the phone as soon as the person on the other end answered. As that call ended, he glanced over at Min, still unmoving, and his eyes brimmed with tears.
Pressing down on the accelerator even harder, he sent a silent prayer up to whoever was listening. “Please let me make it in time.”
The phone dropped from Jae’s limp fingers. He was frozen stiff in shock. Was this really happening? Was he really going to lose his best friend today?
He forced himself into action, racing down the hall to Yunho and Changmin’s room. He threw open the wardrobe and grabbed the gym bag on the floor. It was Changmin’s hospital bag, in case of emergency. He raced back down the hall and out of the house, not bothering to stop to lock it. He was in the car and speeding down the street ten seconds later, thankful that they’d driven up with both Changmin and Yunho’s cars and not just one.
Why hadn’t he made them stay? Insisted that they stay. He’d known, had felt it in his bones, that something was going to happen. Why hadn’t he tried harder?
For a second, he remembered Changmin’s words, how they’d sounded like a farewell. Had he known too? But then he’d texted later and… Jae’s breath hitched, his eyes filling with tears that he fought back. It was positively cruel to take Changmin on a day where he was so happy. How he was supposed to say goodbye to him?
His eyes shifted to the gym bag on the seat beside him and his heart clenched as he remembered the importance of what it held.
“Jae! Can you come into the study for a minute?”
He’d immediately gone to see what Changmin wanted, his heart slightly fearful that it was something serious, as it always was whenever Changmin called out to him. Even though he could see with his eyes that Min was improving since he’d left the hospital, he more so than anyone else knew that the picture was a lot prettier than reality. Just yesterday he had found Min on the floor in the bathroom, incapacitated by pain and unable to get himself up. Yes, he knew that despite Changmin’s release from the hospital, nothing had changed.
He walked into the library with a slightly heavy heart, not knowing what to expect. Nothing could’ve prepared him for the bomb that was about to drop, however.
“Jae, this is Mr. Han,” Changmin began as soon as he crossed the threshold. “He’s my lawyer.”
Jae froze. “Lawyer?”
Changmin nodded. “Yes. He’s here to help me with something and I just need you to cosign for me, as a witness.”
Witness?” Jae repeated lamely.
Jae…” Changmin said gently. He took Jae’s hand and led him to a chair in front of the desk where the lawyer sat. Changmin sat in the chair next to him. He took Jae’s other hand into his and looked into his eyes, his expression serious. “I’m going to ask you to do something and I know it’s going to be hard but I need you to do this for me.”
Jae tried tugging his hands away but Changmin held on. “Wha…What are you talking about.”
Changmin turned to the lawyer and nodded. The lawyer placed a form, in triplicate, in front of Jae. “It’s a D.N.R. order.”
“D.N.R?” Jae repeated again, this time in confusion.
“Do not resuscitate,” Changmin explained. “If something were to…happen, I want you to let me go.”
Jae started shaking his head, unable to believe what he was hearing, what he was being asked to do. He tried pulling his hands away again but changmin tightened his grip. “You can’t…You can’t expect me to…”
“It’s already signed and documented, Jae. Before I left the hospital, I had it prepared.” Changmin’s eyes turned pleading. “I don’t want to suffer anymore than necessary, Jae. If for some reason I’m unable to speak or communicate, I want my wishes to be known.”
"Yunho…”
Changmin shook his head. “I can’t ask him to do that, Jae. You know that. He’d do anything within his power to save me, he’d never adhere to the order. Nor would my mom or dad. You’re the only one I can trust to put my wishes ahead of theirs.”
“What if I want to save you?” Jae demanded in a sudden burst of anger, tears springing in his eyes.
Changmin smiled sadly. “I know you do, I know you’d want to, but you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t go against my wishes. I want to die with dignity, Jae. I don’t want to be a vegetable with only a machine keeping me alive.”
Jae took a deep breath, releasing is harshly as silent tears slid down his cheeks.
“I hate you for this,” he said.
Changmin nodded. “I know…”
Jae took a moment to compose himself before he asked, “What do you want me to sign?”
Changmin nodded at the lawyer again and another sheaf of paper was placed in front of Jae.
“The DNR itself is already binding,” he explained, “this is just to show that Changmin was in his right mind when he signed it.”
"I’m not so sure about that,” Jae muttered.
Changmin smiled. “I’m sorry, Jae. I just don’t want Yunho to contest it. He can’t, my will is binding, but this will show him that this is what I truly want and your signature is just for back-up.”
Jae picked up a pen and signed his name where the lawyer indicated. “Back-up huh? He just might be pissed enough to send me along to meet you wherever the hell it is you’re going when you die.”
“Well, then maybe I’ll stick around for a while before I go,” Min joked.
Mr. Han attached a copy of the form to the DNR then took his leave.
Changmin put the forms in an envelope and told Jae he’d be placing it in his emergency bag. “The next time I go into a hospital, I won’t be coming back out,” he’d assured.
Jae took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down, lifting his foot off of the accelerator slightly. The rain was pouring outside and visibility was low. Nothing good would come of getting himself killed on the way to the hospital. His mind replayed Yunho’s words to him on the phone in bits and pieces. “Changmin…not breathing…hospital.” Thankfully he remembered the directions. He wasn’t up for calling information to ask.
Again, he wondered if this was the end, how was he supposed to say goodbye to his friend. And again, his eyes shifted to the bag on the seat beside him.
How was he supposed to kill him?
Yunho had called ahead so there was a team waiting for him in the emergency bay as soon as he arrived at the hospital. Changmin was lifted out of the car onto a stretcher and rolled into the hospital. Yunho followed closely behind, the chatter from all around completely blocked out. All he could see was Changmin’s lifeless body: all he could hear was the pounding of his own terrified heart in his ears.
Changmin was wheeled into a room and hooked up to a respirator.
“Mr. Jung, has he taken any medication today?”
Yunho heard his name but the question didn’t register. Shaking his head, he tried to concentrate. “What?”
“Medication. Has he taken any?”
“No… I don’t think so.”
“I need to know in the event that we need to jump start his heart by injection. If he’s taken anything, there’s a possibility that there could be complications. Has his heart ever stopped before?”
Yunho shook his head. “No.”
Just then, the screeching, monotone beep of a “flatline” sounded.
“Oh God,” Yunho whispered.
“Crash-cart!” the doctor yelled. Paddles appeared in his hand while a nurse cut Changmin’s clothes straight down the middle. The doctor pressed the paddles to Changmin’s chest and Yunho saw his body jerk off the stretcher before settling down. The horrifying beep continued.
As the doctor moved to press the paddles to Changmin’s chest again, Yunho thought he heard a soft voice say “stop.” Turning, he was startled to find Jae standing by the door. When had he arrived?
5b
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: Main: YunJae; Secondary: JaeMin, HoMin
Rating: PG13...for now
Summary: Changmin's dying, forcing him to leave his beloved husband Yunho behind. A final visit from his lifelong best friend Jaejoong helps to calm his fears and makes him hopeful that Yunho will find love again when he's gone.
A/N: *places box of tissues for those who need it*
Previous chapter: 4
Rain was coming…
As surely as he stood there staring up at the sky, Jaejoong knew it was only a matter of time before the heavens opened and the rain came down. Some say showers of rain are blessings upon the earth. Why, then, did he feel such dread deep down to the very marrow of his bones?
“You guys really should get going if you’re determined to leave the house today,” he said as he turned towards the smiling couple making their way to where he stood in the doorway. “Or maybe you should postpone …”
The hopeful tone in his voice did not escape Changmin’s ears. He pushed away from Yunho and came to Jae’s side, draping an arm around his waist. “You worry too much. It’s not going to rain and so what if it does? After what I’ve endured the past year, I hardly think a little water is going to do me in.”
Jae stiffened and opened his mouth to scold Changmin, again, for making light of his situation but was stopped by the kiss Changmin planted on his cheek. “Stop worrying. I’m fine and everything’s okay. Be happy for me.” He took the picnic basket from Jae’s grip and handed it to Yunho.
Yunho sniffed the basket and a huge grin broke out across his face. “It smells divine, Jae. I’m sure I’ll enjoy every bite.” He bounded down the porch stairs and headed to the car.
Changmin took the blanket from Jae’s other hand, placed it in the crook of his elbow, then took both of Jae’s hands in his. “Thank you,” he said earnestly, gazing intently into Jae’s eyes.
Jae frowned. “For what?”
“For nothing…everything. For being here and being you. You’ve done so much for me, for us, I know I can never repay you.”
Jae tensed, his frown deepening. “Why are you telling me this now? You sound like you’re saying goodbye…”
Changmin laughed. “Have you always been this paranoid?” He leaned forward and placed a soft, lingering kiss on Jae’s lips. As he pulled back, he smiled gently and said, “I love you.” Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Yunho waiting patiently at the passenger side, door already open. “I’d better get going. It’ll be a great wonder if we can get there before he tears into the basket. See you later.” He gave Jae’s hands a parting squeeze then turned and walked to his husband.
Stay. Don’t go!
Jae watched them get into the car and drive away, his stomach clenching painfully even as he returned Changmin’s farewell wave. Thunder clapped overhead and his eyes flew to the darkening sky. A shiver ran down his spine. What was this feeling? His eyes dropped to the road to search for the car that was rapidly fading in the distance. His gaze never wavered, eyes never blinked, as it moved further and further away until nothing was left but a dot on the horizon. Wrapping his arms around himself to ward off the chill that sank into his bones, he whispered, “Why does this feel like goodbye?”
The drive to the picnic spot was a short one. It was a place that Changmin remembered fondly from childhood. His parents had brought him there many times when they’d rented a cabin in the countryside during his summer holidays. The scenery was beautiful, the trees tall and looming, their branches spread wide, providing plentiful shade. There was also a pond nearby that his father taught him to fish in, although there was never anything to catch. The fact that Yunho’s sister’s country house was a mere ten minutes away seemed like fate. In the five years that he’d been with Yunho, he’d never shared that spot with him but now he felt an urgent need to. They both meant so much to him.
Jae’s cooking had been heavenly, as always. Yunho had eaten enough for five people. Changmin had regained his appetite since leaving the hospital but still couldn’t stomach too much variety. He was grateful that Jae had been mindful of that and toned down the spiciness of the dishes. He’d managed to provide many of Yunho’s favorites without upsetting Changmin’s delicate constituation. As always, he was great at taking care of them.
Now, after packing up the remnants of their meal, Yunho’s head lay in Changmin’s lap as he read from a book of poetry while Changmin gently stroked his hair, pausing only to slip another plump, juicy grape between Yunho’s lips. Changmin wasn’t much of a poetry fan and he knew Yunho wasn’t either but it was all that Jae had had on hand and Yunho had felt that it suited the atmosphere of their date so he’d borrowed it to surprise Min. His words barely registered in Changmin’s mind but he adored the sweetness of the thought and the melodic rise and fall of Yunho’s voice as he spoke. It had been a perfect day, a thousand times better than he could have hoped.
His eyes lifted to the sky, seeing the dark clouds that threatened but didn’t break, and he smiled. Jae had worried needlessly. But that was why he loved him. He was always thinking of others, always considering ways to prevent bad things from happening to the people he loved. Feeling suddenly mischievous, Changmin picked up his phone and started texting.
“Where’s the rain? :p Love you Princess ♥.”
“Who are you texting?” Yunho asked curiously.
Changmin’s grin widened. “Jae.”
Yunho smiled, not bothering to inquire further. Those two were always finding ways to mess with each other.
Changmin set his phone down and returned to stroking Yunho’s hair. When Yunho yawned and stretched, he said, “Why don’t you take a nap?”
Yunho shook his head. “I’m okay. I don’t want to miss a moment of this day with you.”
Changmin gently tugged on his hair. “You’re exhausted. Have you seen your eyes lately? Eye bags aren’t ever going to be in style, I assure you. You’ve been taking care of me for a year while trying to manage a demanding business. It was bound to catch up to you eventually.” Changmin smoothed his hair then caressed his cheek. When Yunho leaned into his touch, he continued, “You don’t have to sleep. Just close your eyes and let your mind drift. Relax. Let me be a wife and take care of you for a change.”
“You’ve never been a wife,” Yunho teased, grinning wickedly.
Min growled softly in warning.
With a burst of laughter, Yunho closed his eyes and settled further into Changmin’s lap. He took a few deep breaths, blew them out slowly. It wasn’t long before his breathing evened out and Changmin knew he was asleep. He smiled self-satisfactorily. He knew his husband very well. In a way, Yunho was a lot like Jae. They were really good at taking care of others but they sucked at taking care of themselves. If someone didn’t intervene, they’d run themselves into the ground. Thankfully Yunho had him but Jae…
He felt a stab of sadness for his friend. Jae was the most wonderful person he knew, going head to head with Yunho in his favorite person category. He deserved the best and it boggled Changmin’s mind that no one had snatched him up yet. Jae was always nonchalant when Changmin asked about his love life. He just wasn’t interested in anyone, he said. But Changmin suspected that there were things Jae didn’t tell him. They were best friends and he shared everything with Jae. Well, almost everything. There were parts of his relationship with Yunho that he kept private but it was only natural that he did since they were married. But where he told Jae almost everything, Jae wasn’t so forthcoming about things. Or rather, important things. He’d bitch and moan, cry and squeal about the most insignificant things but when it came to the things that really affected him, he kept it locked inside. The most open he’d been was probably when they were 12 years old and he’d written the letter confessing his feelings but he’d made sure that Changmin only got it after he left and he’d never brought it up again.
Sometimes he felt like he should’ve been a better friend and forced Jae to open up but wasn’t part of being a good friend respecting people’s decisions as well? He knew that it wasn’t because Jae didn’t trust him: Jae just didn’t want, or perhaps didn’t know how, to share. He frowned and his hand stilled on Yunho’s head. He knew that when he di…when he was gone, Jae would need someone. He would hide it at first, would try to pretend that he was okay, but he’d be hurting inside. Min’s eyes fell to Yunho’s face. They would need each other. He knew that Jae would be there for Yunho, would always put Yunho’s grief ahead of his, but he hoped that Yunho wouldn’t be swimming so deeply in his own pain that he wouldn’t see Jae’s suffering. Family and friends would provide some comfort but only they would really know what the other was feeling.
His eyes flittered across Yunho’s features. He looked so innocent and childlike in sleep. Min let his fingers drift lightly over Yunho’s cheeks, his brow, down his nose, across his lips. He smiled as his eyes settled on the mole on the upper left of Yunho’s lip. He’d always loved it: it was such a turn on. He brought two fingers to his lips, kissed them, then pressed them to Yunho’s, chuckling to himself at the silliness of it.
He took a deep breath and looked at the scenery around him. Although the sun wasn’t shining, it was such a beautiful day. Definitely one of the best days of his life. He was glad that he’d come, thankful that he’d been able to share it with Yunho. He felt a sudden stab of pain in his gut, held his breath and rode it out. It was excruciating but he wasn’t going to take anything for it. He didn’t want anything dulling his senses. Plus, he thought as he yawned and stretched out the kink in his back, he was tired enough as it was. If he took a pill, he’d knock out completely and Yunho wouldn’t be able to get him to wake up for a while.
Sighing, he shifted again, trying to make himself as comfortable as possible without waking his sleeping husband. His eyes rested on Yunho’s beautiful, sleep-softened face again and his mouth immediately tilted upward in a smile. He resumed stroking Yunho’s hair and closed his eyes, focusing his senses on the silky feel of the strands. He hummed a little, nothing in particular, but it soothed him.
“Sleep well, my love… My prince.”
The cold breeze woke him. It chilled him to the bone. He was a little disoriented when he first opened his eyes, unfamiliar with the scenery as he was, but then his eyes focused and he realized that he was staring up into his beloved’s face. A smile curved his lips as the day came flooding back to him. They were on a picnic and he’d fallen asleep in Min’s lap. Now it looked like Min had taken a little nap of his own. His smile widened as he took in his sleeping husband, his face serene as he sat hunched over Yunho’s form. Another gust of wind reminded Yunho what had woken him. Changmin’s body had probably blocked most of it until it had gotten strong enough to whip all around them. Yunho was sorry he had to disturb his sleep but they needed to get moving before the rain started.
Still smiling, he raised a hand and gently stroked Changmin’s cheek. “Minnie…Time to wake up, sleepyhead.”
Changmin’s cheek was cold but he was freezing himself so he thought nothing of it.
“Minnie. Come on now, time to go.” He pushed himself up so he sat facing Changmin. He placed a hand on Min’s shoulder, giving him a little shake.
Changmin’s body suddenly slumped further and he started falling backward. Yunho made a quick grab for him, pulling him forward against his chest. He was so cold and…still.
“Oh God,” he breathed. “No, no, no. Please, no.” He shook the prone figure in his arms. “Minnie, please wake up. Don’t leave me…please.”
A voice in his head told him Changmin was dead but he couldn’t believe it. He grabbed his wrist and felt for a pulse. He thought he felt something but he couldn’t be sure so he bent his head to Min’s chest and listened. His heart was beating but it was thready, inconsistent.
He grabbed Min up, rose to his feet and raced to the car, their picnic spread completely forgotten. The first, fat drops of rain started pelting but his steps didn’t falter. He gently placed Min in the passenger seat, draping their jackets over him, and climbed into the driver’s seat beside him. Soon, he was racing down the lonely country road. He took his phone out and called information to get directions to the nearest hospital. He would’ve preferred to go to the hospital in Seoul where their doctor could see about Min but he didn’t want to waste precious time. After he hung up, he dialed another number and started speaking into the phone as soon as the person on the other end answered. As that call ended, he glanced over at Min, still unmoving, and his eyes brimmed with tears.
Pressing down on the accelerator even harder, he sent a silent prayer up to whoever was listening. “Please let me make it in time.”
The phone dropped from Jae’s limp fingers. He was frozen stiff in shock. Was this really happening? Was he really going to lose his best friend today?
He forced himself into action, racing down the hall to Yunho and Changmin’s room. He threw open the wardrobe and grabbed the gym bag on the floor. It was Changmin’s hospital bag, in case of emergency. He raced back down the hall and out of the house, not bothering to stop to lock it. He was in the car and speeding down the street ten seconds later, thankful that they’d driven up with both Changmin and Yunho’s cars and not just one.
Why hadn’t he made them stay? Insisted that they stay. He’d known, had felt it in his bones, that something was going to happen. Why hadn’t he tried harder?
For a second, he remembered Changmin’s words, how they’d sounded like a farewell. Had he known too? But then he’d texted later and… Jae’s breath hitched, his eyes filling with tears that he fought back. It was positively cruel to take Changmin on a day where he was so happy. How he was supposed to say goodbye to him?
His eyes shifted to the gym bag on the seat beside him and his heart clenched as he remembered the importance of what it held.
“Jae! Can you come into the study for a minute?”
He’d immediately gone to see what Changmin wanted, his heart slightly fearful that it was something serious, as it always was whenever Changmin called out to him. Even though he could see with his eyes that Min was improving since he’d left the hospital, he more so than anyone else knew that the picture was a lot prettier than reality. Just yesterday he had found Min on the floor in the bathroom, incapacitated by pain and unable to get himself up. Yes, he knew that despite Changmin’s release from the hospital, nothing had changed.
He walked into the library with a slightly heavy heart, not knowing what to expect. Nothing could’ve prepared him for the bomb that was about to drop, however.
“Jae, this is Mr. Han,” Changmin began as soon as he crossed the threshold. “He’s my lawyer.”
Jae froze. “Lawyer?”
Changmin nodded. “Yes. He’s here to help me with something and I just need you to cosign for me, as a witness.”
Witness?” Jae repeated lamely.
Jae…” Changmin said gently. He took Jae’s hand and led him to a chair in front of the desk where the lawyer sat. Changmin sat in the chair next to him. He took Jae’s other hand into his and looked into his eyes, his expression serious. “I’m going to ask you to do something and I know it’s going to be hard but I need you to do this for me.”
Jae tried tugging his hands away but Changmin held on. “Wha…What are you talking about.”
Changmin turned to the lawyer and nodded. The lawyer placed a form, in triplicate, in front of Jae. “It’s a D.N.R. order.”
“D.N.R?” Jae repeated again, this time in confusion.
“Do not resuscitate,” Changmin explained. “If something were to…happen, I want you to let me go.”
Jae started shaking his head, unable to believe what he was hearing, what he was being asked to do. He tried pulling his hands away again but changmin tightened his grip. “You can’t…You can’t expect me to…”
“It’s already signed and documented, Jae. Before I left the hospital, I had it prepared.” Changmin’s eyes turned pleading. “I don’t want to suffer anymore than necessary, Jae. If for some reason I’m unable to speak or communicate, I want my wishes to be known.”
"Yunho…”
Changmin shook his head. “I can’t ask him to do that, Jae. You know that. He’d do anything within his power to save me, he’d never adhere to the order. Nor would my mom or dad. You’re the only one I can trust to put my wishes ahead of theirs.”
“What if I want to save you?” Jae demanded in a sudden burst of anger, tears springing in his eyes.
Changmin smiled sadly. “I know you do, I know you’d want to, but you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t go against my wishes. I want to die with dignity, Jae. I don’t want to be a vegetable with only a machine keeping me alive.”
Jae took a deep breath, releasing is harshly as silent tears slid down his cheeks.
“I hate you for this,” he said.
Changmin nodded. “I know…”
Jae took a moment to compose himself before he asked, “What do you want me to sign?”
Changmin nodded at the lawyer again and another sheaf of paper was placed in front of Jae.
“The DNR itself is already binding,” he explained, “this is just to show that Changmin was in his right mind when he signed it.”
"I’m not so sure about that,” Jae muttered.
Changmin smiled. “I’m sorry, Jae. I just don’t want Yunho to contest it. He can’t, my will is binding, but this will show him that this is what I truly want and your signature is just for back-up.”
Jae picked up a pen and signed his name where the lawyer indicated. “Back-up huh? He just might be pissed enough to send me along to meet you wherever the hell it is you’re going when you die.”
“Well, then maybe I’ll stick around for a while before I go,” Min joked.
Mr. Han attached a copy of the form to the DNR then took his leave.
Changmin put the forms in an envelope and told Jae he’d be placing it in his emergency bag. “The next time I go into a hospital, I won’t be coming back out,” he’d assured.
Jae took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down, lifting his foot off of the accelerator slightly. The rain was pouring outside and visibility was low. Nothing good would come of getting himself killed on the way to the hospital. His mind replayed Yunho’s words to him on the phone in bits and pieces. “Changmin…not breathing…hospital.” Thankfully he remembered the directions. He wasn’t up for calling information to ask.
Again, he wondered if this was the end, how was he supposed to say goodbye to his friend. And again, his eyes shifted to the bag on the seat beside him.
How was he supposed to kill him?
Yunho had called ahead so there was a team waiting for him in the emergency bay as soon as he arrived at the hospital. Changmin was lifted out of the car onto a stretcher and rolled into the hospital. Yunho followed closely behind, the chatter from all around completely blocked out. All he could see was Changmin’s lifeless body: all he could hear was the pounding of his own terrified heart in his ears.
Changmin was wheeled into a room and hooked up to a respirator.
“Mr. Jung, has he taken any medication today?”
Yunho heard his name but the question didn’t register. Shaking his head, he tried to concentrate. “What?”
“Medication. Has he taken any?”
“No… I don’t think so.”
“I need to know in the event that we need to jump start his heart by injection. If he’s taken anything, there’s a possibility that there could be complications. Has his heart ever stopped before?”
Yunho shook his head. “No.”
Just then, the screeching, monotone beep of a “flatline” sounded.
“Oh God,” Yunho whispered.
“Crash-cart!” the doctor yelled. Paddles appeared in his hand while a nurse cut Changmin’s clothes straight down the middle. The doctor pressed the paddles to Changmin’s chest and Yunho saw his body jerk off the stretcher before settling down. The horrifying beep continued.
As the doctor moved to press the paddles to Changmin’s chest again, Yunho thought he heard a soft voice say “stop.” Turning, he was startled to find Jae standing by the door. When had he arrived?
5b