I've only been up and running for a short time, and just over heard that I'm relocating to a place called San Francisco for a short time. I had a customer a little bit ago talk on his phone while he was doing business, and said it's a fun town. I wonder how I'll get there......

Hardly anyone has come in and visited me this week. There must be some sort of holiday that no one let me in on. Someone did leave this for me though, it wasn't very nice...


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The place where I reside is cold the majority of the time. When people open up the door, warm air rushes in, it feels like a rush, but I'm still cold, ya know? I'm cold until I get someone to sit on me, but it can't be just anybody. Over the past week I've noticed that people with small butts suck, and people with big butts rock! Now you are ( Read more... )

Today was a wildly entertaining day, as it was my first full day of life. The most of the day I spent cold and lonley, then it picked up for the better. When someone sat on me, it felt great, I felt alive, I felt like I was doing the public a great service! In return, they made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, do you ever get that feeling? ( Read more... )

Today I was born. I am shiny, cold, unused toilet. I have no idea where I am. I think I know my purpose in life. I have a shiny handle, the moment I was born, someone pressed on this shiny handle down as far as it could go, and I swallowed a bunch of water, and then quickly filled right back up! This is going to be a strange life time ahead of ( Read more... )