Today, I was born.

[unisex]

Today I was born. I am shiny, cold, unused toilet. I have no idea where I am. I think I know my purpose in life. I have a shiny handle, the moment I was born, someone pressed on this shiny handle down as far as it could go, and I swallowed a bunch of water, and then quickly filled right back up! This is going to be a strange life time ahead of me.

What did I do to deserve this?