Kodoku kara Umareta Ai - Chapter 05B
Title: 孤独から生まれた愛 (Love Born out of Loneliness)
Author: Mayonaka no Taiyou/Unare Haineko
Pairing: [Juntoshi] Matsumoto Jun x Ohno Satoshi
Rating: PG-13-ish overall
Summary: Due to some bizarre coincidence, Ohno unexpectedly wanders into Jun’s company one lonely evening. Jun, in a rare display of his softer side, unknowingly fills some of Ohno’s emotional voids, voids Ohno was not aware he even had in his heart-that is, not until Jun filled them.
0-0-0-0-0
Nakai had burst in unannounced to find a half naked Ohno (fortunately with his pants still on-sort of…) lying on his back on the large couch under Jun who was sucking his collarbone loudly as he fondled Ohno from inside his pants.
“Stop…” moaned Ohno, bucking into Jun’s touch.
“Why? Everyone’s gone-“ said Jun.
“Nooo…we should wait until we get home-“
“Why? No one will hear…”
“What are you two doing?” said Nakai, staring wide eyed at the pair.
They both looked up, surprised that someone had entered, but quickly recovered when they realized who it was.
“Oh, Nakai-san,” Jun said, acknowledging the SMAP leader, but not making any efforts to stop what he was doing.
“What are you doing?” repeated Nakai.
“Can’t you just tell by looking?” said Ohno, not missing the chance to jab his sempai.
“Oi!” Nakai said, stomping over to give Ohno a piece of his mind.
“Don’t tell me you’re jealous?” Jun said licking Ohno’s nipple seductively. “Or maybe you secretly like our leader more than you’d care to admit…?”
“Maybe he wants to join us…” suggested Ohno.
“Sorry, Nakai-san, two’s company, three’s a crowd,” smirked Jun.
“Shuddup! That’s definitely not the case!” shouted Nakai. “Who would fall for…M-M-Matsumoto! W-Why are you touching Ohno’s…thing?!”
“What are you, still in middle school or something?!” asked Ohno in annoyance.
“Have you never touched yourself before, Nakai-san?” asked Jun wickedly.
“More like never been touched-ahn, Jun, don’t start speeding up now-“ begged Ohno as Jun rubbed his shaft harder and faster.
“You know what, you stupid Arashi juniors?!” began Nakai. “You really piss me-“
“Have you got some business with me or something, Nakai? Or did you just get lost trying to find your way back from the bathroom?” asked Ohno breathlessly.
“Don’t ask such normal questions when you’ve got another guy’s hand down your pants!” sputtered Nakai. “And did you just call me ‘Nakai’?! You’re doing it again, getting overly familiar with sempai!”
“Are you embarrassed?” asked Jun, claiming Ohno’s lips for a moment in a deep kiss with plenty of visible tongue action.
“Shut up!”
“Probably because he’s never gotten any-“ gasped Ohno in between.
“Or any recently…” suggested Jun.
“Stop teasing and take me already, Jun,” said Ohno, as Jun licked his earlobe.
“Hey, I heard that!” said Nakai.
“If you’re looking for the exit,” said Ohno, as Jun pulled him up and sat Ohno upon his lap. “There’s an emergency exit if you go down the hall three doors…”
“Oh, I see,” said Nakai, trying to hide his elation that the answer to his question had been revealed.
“To the left,” added Jun.
“I see…”
“He really is hopeless,” Ohno whispered to Jun, as he watched Nakai slowly back out of his dressing room rather indiscreetly. “I knew he was onchi (tone-deaf), but to think he’s houkou onchi (has a bad sense of direction) too…”
“Shhh! He’ll hear you and then he’ll never leave,” Jun said as he rolled his eyes.
0-0-0-0-0
The next day…
Ohno had the whole day off and spent it lounging about Jun’s apartment while Jun went to some sort of casting session in the morning. While they lay in bed that morning, Jun had told him the auditions were expected to take a few hours, but he promised that he would come back in the afternoon and make an early dinner for the two of them. So while Jun was gone, Ohno decided to check out Jun’s library.
The manga section itself was extensive. Ohno estimated Jun’s entire collection to be at least a thousand volumes of everything from the sugary sweet shoujo to the macho shounen and what Ohno called ‘fetish manga’. For Ohno, everything from vampires, cosplaying maids, twincest, and Akiba otaku fell under this category. Jun even had a small collection of BL manga, which Ohno made a mental note to ask Jun to ‘read the pictures’ to him later.
As Ohno moved on, he was fascinated at what kinds of books that Jun liked to read. Jun read a few novels here and there. There did not seem to be an overwhelming amount of any particular genre. But it seemed that his real interest lay in books of random knowledge. It truly did resemble a small bookstore. Jun had books on cooking, food, wine, gardening, chess, traditional Japanese arts like flower arranging and tea ceremony, sports, drawing, improving your Japanese, and even how to write kanji neatly with a ballpoint pen. If Jun had read all the books on his shelf at least once, it would explain why he always appeared so well read and knowledgeable in virtually any situation.
When he got to another one of Jun’s shelves he saw that it was all his work related material. Ohno noticed that Jun must have actually researched various aspects of the character he was playing because next to the script was often a slew of books on random things like dog behavior, high school delinquents, dancing, and rare and fatal diseases. Interestingly, Jun’s pleasure reading books contained no marks on the pages, but when he pulled a book off the work-related material shelf, he found that the pages were full of post-it tags and markings in the margins.
Ohno was so fascinated by this aspect of Jun that he did not even hear the angel come in through the front door.
“There you are,” whispered Jun, his hot breath on Ohno’s neck. “I was looking for you…”
“You’re home already?” asked Ohno. “What time is it?”
“3:45. Are you hungry? Shall I start dinner?”
“What’re you making?” asked Ohno, placing the book he was flipping through back on the shelf.
“I dunno, are you starving? If you want something quick, I can prepare something quick, but I can make something else that takes more time if you can wait.”
“What were you planning to make?”
“Pork stir fry,” said Jun.
“Okay,” said Ohno, following Jun to the kitchen.
“So what were you doing?” asked Jun, taking everything out of the plastic bags and putting it away with the exception of the ingredients he was planning to use.
“Sleeping, checking out your library, and thinking about you,” Ohno said, with his face resting in his palms using his elbows to support them.
“Really?” Jun said, folding up the plastic bags into little space saving triangles and placing them into one of the lower cupboards.
“Yup…So how was that thing you went to?”
“Oh, the casting for an anime?”
“Yeah, that.”
“I got the role of one of the bad guys…”
“Really?! Congratulations…or did you want to be one of the good guys?” asked Ohno.
“No, no. The character I’m supposed to play is this sort of cold, sadistic, controlling character-“
“Oh, so perfect!”
“Oi! Shut up!” Jun said, throwing a shallot at Ohno’s head.
“Sorry! Sorry!” Ohno said, covering his head.
“Anyway-“
“So what’s his name?”
“Name?”
“Yeah. He does have a name right?”
“Kiri Souga.”
“Sounds interesting. What’s the name of the anime?”
“Aienkien (合縁奇縁).”
“What an odd name. ‘Aien’…like ‘aienka (heavy smoker)’?”
“Not that kind of ‘aien’! That kanji is ‘love’ plus ‘smoke’. This kanji is ‘ai’ as in ‘au’, ‘to suit’ or ‘go well with’. ‘En’ is the ‘en de musubareru’ and ‘en wo kiru’, the ‘relationship/bond to someone’ kind of ‘en’! It’s a four kanji compound that means-oh never mind what it means,” laughed Jun. “Just remember the name, ‘Aienkien’.”
“Okay,” Ohno said giving Jun the thumbs up.
“Anyway, did you find anything interesting in the library?”
“I did.”
“Really, like what?”
“Your BL manga collection,” replied Ohno.
“My BL manga…oh, I see you found that…”
“It’s the first thing I noticed, but I think we should read the pictures together,” said Ohno, watching Jun chop a bunch of vegetables.
“Read the pictures?” snickered Jun. “That’s the first time I’ve ever heard that phrase. What did you do make it up?”
“Well, I’m bad at reading kanji right? And BL manga doesn’t have the furigana readings over the kanji. So it’ll be hard to understand the story, which is why we need to ‘read the pictures’ together.”
“Read the pictures together…” Jun said, slowly processing the idea. “Okay. We’ll read the pictures together…get turned on, I mean inspired…and then I get to smex you!”
“Now you’re catching on!” Ohno said excitedly now that he and Jun were on the same wavelength.
“Or I can just take you now and we can skip the BL manga,” Jun offered.
“Food first, dessert after!” Ohno shook his head adamantly, crossing his arms and scooting away from Jun’s wandering hands.
“Okay, since you insist,” Jun smiled turning on the stove and starting his stir fry.
0-0-0-0-0
Things were going well for Jun and he could not be happier that Ohno was there every night. Ohno had barely been there a week and yet Jun felt as if the void in his heart had been filled. For the first time in many years, he felt complete. He did not really expect anything from Ohno. Even if Ohno had not given into the sexual aspect, Jun felt that making Ohno happy made him happy. He wanted Ohno to be a part of his life. He liked that Ohno slept in his bed and happily ate anything Jun put in front of him. He had been certain that as the savior and light of his world, Ohno Satoshi could do no wrong. Then as if on cue from fate (which he did not believe in), it happened…
Two days later…
“I’m home,” Ohno said, letting himself in and slipping off his shoes.
He set his fishing gear down in the genkan and was about to head into the living room when he came face to face with a seething Jun.
“Just where the hell have you been?!” he demanded, grabbing Ohno by the collar.
“What?”
“What time do you think it is?!”
“It’s only 8:30…” said Ohno looking at the clock.
“Only 8:30…” Jun sneered, mimicking Ohno’s nonchalance. “Why didn’t you answer your phone?!”
“Huh? I dunno, I must’ve turned it off or something…”
“I’ve been trying to get in touch with you! Where the hell were you?!”
“I got done early with my photo shoot. I thought I’d go fishing…I sent you an email. Let go of me…” Ohno squirmed a bit and Jun put him down, shoving him into the living room.
“Where?!”
“By Funabashi-what are you so mad at?!”
“Isn’t it obvious?! When you decide to go fishing, you better tell me! And you better tell me where and what time you’re coming back!”
“What?! Why?! Why do I need your permission to go fishing, Jun?!”
“It’s not asking permission, I wanna know!” snapped Jun.
“Why?! If I decide to go fishing, I never tell my mother or Kazu that I’m going. I just go! They’ve never asked why I come home when I do, even if it is late. They just let me do whatever I want-”
“Do I look like your mother or Nino?!” retorted Jun crossing his arms.
“No, but I’m not a kid! Don’t treat me like one-“
“It’s not about treating you like a kid. Even if you were seventy years old, I’d still demand to know where you’re going!”
“Why are you being such a clingy control freak?!” yelled Ohno throwing up his hands in frustration.
“Because this ‘clingy control freak’ was worried about you!” Jun yelled back. “I got your email at 2:30 this afternoon. You’ve been out for six hours and the sun went down two hours ago! What was I supposed to think?! I don’t know much about fishing, but I don’t surf when the sun goes down! What if something happened to you out there?! The ocean’s a big place, Leader. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that! Besides, what if the sun goes down, it gets dark, and you’re still not home?! Do I wait until the next morning thinking that you’ll eventually come home when you could be hurt or separated from your boat catching hypothermia or something before I call the coast guard to look for you?! And if you’re bleeding when night falls, you’ll attract sharks! Maybe I’m a worrywart, but I need to know WHAT TIME you’re coming back so that I know WHEN to start worrying! And I need to know WHERE you are so that if you don’t come home by the time you said you would, I know WHERE to look! It’s not about treating you like a kid or controlling your life! I don’t mind that you go fishing. You don’t need to call me or email me while you’re out there. I know there’s little to no reception out there. All I wanna know is where you’re going and what time you’re coming back. And I only ask because I LOVE YOU!!”
Jun stepped back, shocked that the last three words came out of his mouth. He had not meant to say that last part, but he just blurted it out in the heat of the moment.
Just when did it go from ‘I’ve fallen in love with Ohno Satoshi’ to ‘I love Ohno Satoshi’?
Jun immediately covered his mouth as he tried to catch his breath (rather unsuccessfully as it turning more into hyperventilating). His body was trembling as he looked up at Ohno, whose face was paralyzed by shock.
Ohno’s head was swimming. He was angry, scared, frustrated, happy, moved, confused and a whole bunch of other emotions he could not describe. He had never been on the receiving end of so much emotion. Usually people did not get angry with him. His family was pretty passive and most times, he would be cut a lot of slack at work due to people attributing his error to his ditzy personality. Basically, people expected him to screw up, which explained why they were not surprised when ‘Plan B’ had to go into effect due to Ohno’s incompetence or misjudgment. This really only served to perpetuate rather than correct the problem. No one ever yelled at him like Jun.
He was at a crossroad and needed to make a decision. He was so used to people not enforcing the boundaries that the argument with Jun was actually an eye opening experience for him. His decision would determine the whole course of his future. Ohno saw two choices. He could tell Jun to fuck off and go back to Nino where it was comfortable (as Ohno preferred not to be stuck in two relationships that had conflicting values) and where Nino would never tell Ohno he could not do something or that he needed to live within certain rules and boundaries-a life that was full of freedom, maybe more than he really needed. Or, he could take what Jun was saying to heart and make the conscious decision to choose Jun over Nino for good. Was this not what he had been asking for? He had wanted to be acknowledged and missed in the absence of his presence. And maybe Jun’s style was a bit brash, but his message had been clear: ‘I’m angry that you didn’t call because I care about you. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t bother worrying and getting this upset.’
Ohno was no fool. If he chose Jun, he would be entering a relationship where confronting problems as they arose was the expectation. Compromise went without saying. On the other hand, Ohno had never fought with Nino because there was really nothing to fight about. If there was something they did not agree on, Nino would do his thing and Ohno would do his thing. That was less confrontational and a typical resolution for two uke partners. It was not that Nino did not care, but even Ohno had his moments when he doubted Nino’s love. He had been at Jun’s apartment for almost a week and Nino had not sent him a single email or even called to see where he was. Ohno wondered how long it would be before Nino noticed that he had not come back. However, judging by Jun’s outburst, there was no question in his mind that Jun honestly and truly did care for him.
“I need a cigarette!” Jun said suddenly, grabbing his pack off the table with his lighter and walking to his balcony.
Go, Satoshi! Can’t you see that he’s hurt that you didn’t respond and scared that you’ll leave him? There goes the MatsuJun wall again! This is not the time to be selfish and childish. He loves you. Stop gaping over here like an idiot, get over there and tell him how you feel! For once in your life, show that you have some balls!
“Jun, wait!” said Ohno, willing his legs to move and reaching out to grab Jun by the arm gently. “I’m sorry!”
Ohno stopped and bowed a full ninety degrees to his back was completely parallel to the ground.
“I’m so, so sorry!”
Jun turned around where Ohno stood up and rushed into Jun, wrapping his arms around Jun’s waist.
“I was inconsiderate and I’m sorry for making you worry. Please forgive me!” Ohno looked up at Jun, who was equally surprised at the apology.
“Leader…” Jun said, brushing the hair across Ohno’s eyebrow away from his face.
“Jun, I...”
“I’m so happy nothing happened to you,” Jun said pulling Ohno in closer. “If something had happened to you, I’d…I’d never forgive myself…”
“But it wouldn’t have been your fault…”
“Still, I think I wouldn’t be able to live without you…” Jun said licking Ohno’s lower lip before turning it into a gentle kiss.
“Jun…”
“You won’t leave me will you?” asked Jun quietly, afraid that if he let go that Ohno might walk out and never return. “I meant what I said. I…I do love you…I need to know; do you feel the same about me?”
He asked the question! He wants me to make a decision! Kazu or Jun? You know you can’t have both. There’s nothing waiting for you back at that dark apartment littered with playing cards and video games. He doesn’t even know you’re gone! Jun, he wants you-he’ll take care of you. What are you still deliberating about?! Quick, before you lose him forever!
“Sa…to…shi…?”
>>> Chapter 05C
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