Empathy - too much vs too little

[tyghra]

How nice to see others writing long wordy responses on fb groups today. Often the responses are clipped and have glaring holes whereby people can misconstrue *everything*. So glad to see I'm not the only one who writes long responses :) Today I've struggled several times with how to express my annoyance with the pervasive persistence of

Comments

[anthraxia]

The biggest problem I have with the SCA is how often I see people in the limelight get rewarded, often for so-so effort, while others who work harder and do better, but who aren't in the right social circle, or whose lives mean they aren't getting to the 'right' events and practices, get ignored. The knowledge that people don't bother to recommend because they have decided that although so-and-so did something, it's not enough for X award also depresses me. I can't seem to get it through that recommendations don't need to be for a specific award, but should be to let the Crown/B&B know that hey, this person did something you may not know about, and it accumulates.

[tyghra]

Did that already which was why I was digging to that particular person. I'd sent in two recommendations to all of the relevant heads present. One was acted on by both so that person was actually a little embarrassed by how much he received. The other was not although she did, and has done, so much work it's unbelievable that she's still upright.

[anthraxia]

:) I knew I liked you!

The line "The response was 'oh they're not going anywhere'. " had me filled with all kinds of rage. Sometimes the SCA looks horribly like a dysfunctional marriage - "sure, I noticed, but I didn't think I need to *say* anything! I live here, don't I?"

[wenchilada]

As far as awards go. Sometimes, a personal token of 'geez, you're awesome' goes so much further than an award does and that's how I am hoping to approach the game now. Personal tokens, something meaningful and given from the heart.

You know well that the SCA attracts many different flavours and amongst those are the socially awkward, extremely creative types. They are either hopeless at expressing themselves, or they over-do it. The brain-mouth filter very frequently fails. Some of us are very sensitive, empathetic people, to the point where it is painful. Others...completely lack it. But a good kick in the empathies all too often spoils a good person.

Look after yourself. Take the time and space you need.

[tyghra]

Hi Wenchi :)

As I just said in my reply to madsheena, this person is already in my close sphere for peer reasons and so is already getting lots of support both verbal and physical, personal tokens etc

The kick in the empathies is really doing some damage around these here parts and it's driving me a little nuts. Most of it seems to be simply a lack of communication altogether although people think they're doing each other favours. Without full knowledge it's causing huge issues that may be unrecoverable.

Mostly this is a fallout between households where both are burnt out and not thinking before acting, getting upset and then losing sight of the bigger picture/game. HOpefully the chrissy break will fix that, along with a change of official positions for a bunch of 'em.

Meanwhile I'm enjoying learning to make baskets, paint and contemplate a possible trip to Europe. Not my circus but some of them are my monkeys :/

[evil_gabbie]

hugs, just hugs...
Life can be awkward enough with out people using the brain and words they were gifted. I am personally finding miss communication to be a royal pain in my ass.

Here is to brighter futures, happier time... and fun in our game!

[wenchilada]

Damnit, where is the 'like' button?

[tyghra]

She shoots, she scores :)

Yeah, the rampant self absorption thing seems to create the barrier to people communicating and empathising with others. Sucks to be them I say!

Fun, fun and more fun. See you soon!

love this post

[madsheena]

I as a new member have had my eyes opened to the on goings of the sca. I must admit that at present for me a personal word from someone I admire means so much. So I can only image a token or quiet word from yourself would sustain or keep them. I find that those who give so much of themselves do it not for awards but for the joy of it anyway. And getting a group of like minded people to as a group promote this persons good qualities and their own personal experiences may be more effective.

Re: love this post

[tyghra]

Hi madsheena,

As always, there's a little bit more to this than meets my mad rant. This person already gets loads of support from me on a personal level so it's almost impossible to up that.

The person's household is also extremely supportive and have made recommendations as well.

The awards recommended are well overdue and it's more of a political/personality stance that seems to be going on. Our Barony is Politarchopolis so it's not really surprising :)

Although awards aren't and shouldn't be what it's all about, sometimes it's the most visual and obvious way to show someone that 'everyone' appreciates what they do. Not just their friends.

You sound like a lovely person and obviously we have some friends in common who I also like very very much. Enjoy the sca for what you like to do and try and steer clear of the mayhem that some personalities bring to it (and every other arena of life in all reality but the sca seems to focus that somehow).

Re: love this post

[madsheena]

Sorry I re read my post oh man go the lets offer advice to someone whos played for so long.
Lol thanks so much for your reply.
learning so much both about myself and my fellow players.
looking forward to catching up and having a proper chat soon.