Empathy - too much vs too little
How nice to see others writing long wordy responses on fb groups today. Often the responses are clipped and have glaring holes whereby people can misconstrue *everything*. So glad to see I'm not the only one who writes long responses :) Today I've struggled several times with how to express my annoyance with the pervasive persistence of miscommunication, the making of assumptions, self absorption, the lack of empathy and how it affects me, those around me and those others allergic to the wearing of teflon. These people, at present, are feeling completely exhausted with the dealing with these 'markers'.
I've deleted three potential posts on fb already. It's hard to write without sounding like it's a whinge, complaint or downright depressing already. Decided that LJ is probably where I need to vent and not cop flak as some people will recognise and take personally some of what I might say. So here I am and most of this post is comprised of the third fb post that hasn't been deleted.
I'm also extremely tired and mentally worn out so my own communication here is probably fraught with rubbish but I'll feel better once it's out. Someone recently said 'why do you still use lj'. My reply was 'because it's peaceful and mostly it's for me and not for socialising with others'. Like sitting in the desert writing a journal, or beneath a tree daydreaming. I might only do it on occasion but lj gives me a little writing retreat :)
The traits mentioned above, miscommunication etc etc, waste enormous amounts of time and waste Life that could be better enjoyed if we all used just a few more words to identify context, to convey nuances, to state facts, to apologise with explanation as to how we misconstrued things (it's not a fault to apologise - it's an enormous sign of maturity), to be honest with each other about how we've interpreted some piece of information, to take the time to reread and think about how others might feel if we make certain assumptions. Are these assumptions true? Receiving a bunch of official, public and private assertions and assumptions on a variety of fronts during the last few weeks, has certainly demoralised my respect for many and how I will participate in future.
One brilliant thing that happened amongst all this was having someone jump up when they saw me at an event (we live interstate from each other) and apologise profusely for assumptions she'd made. At which point I apologised profusely for my terse reply to her public assumptions. We worked out where the assumptions had crept in, said 'aha' to each other and moved on. We then worked out the next steps for a project on which we'd both been independantly thrown together. It was awesome and my respect for that person has grown immensely. Maturity - it's a huge learning curve and we don't all make it. Age has nothing to do with that journey although experience *should* help. Sometimes it seems to destroy empathy, cultivates cynacism and encourages an attitude of superiority over those who are yet still young and haven't had to go through certain experiences in life. Sometimes age has the opposite impact in those with a naturally inbuilt sense of empathy and we hope that those younger that us, never have to go through those 'certain' experiences.
The worse moment over this weekend came in a reply to my suggestion that someone deserved far more recognition than they'd received for working like a dog to make the event happen. The response was 'oh they're not going anywhere'. It wasn't meant with malicious intent but please, don't bet on it. My ingame is poorer for those who have burnt out and moved on to enjoy their time elsewhere. Stay in communication people but above all, please have empathy for others. Self absorption is an evil thing.