i am not going to be writing in here anymore.

I drove Lee into work at the cafe early and sat there, so sleepy, drinking a soy latte I was a little bummed I had to pay for and writing a long overdue, long letter to Bridget who is still living miserably in the middle of New Jersey, because her job is going to pay her way through grad school if she stays there long enough. I really regret how ( Read more... )

After work I cleaned my room for the first time since moving here & taped up pictures I took a long time ago (one & a half years) of Sam's arms & back in my bed & myself at my twenty-second birthday party, in a filthy mirror, wearing a ballet skirt & a long white sweater. The picture is from my ribs down to the carpet & the silver shoes that I don ( Read more... )

My mother's headaches are completely gone. I don't know if anyone who does not personally know me could possibly know how substantial this is. She has undergone two radiation treatments on a small deep part of her brain that has a problematic (swollen and bleeding) vein that may or may not have had something to do with the stroke that occured ( Read more... )

one long, shining black snake in the road & the rooster crows all night.

OKAY & NOT OKAY

i miss the birds of new england a lot.

crying in the back room at work, my tears get all over the little cards i had made to label the baked goods & the ink blooms all over them. my aunt had said something a little unkind about my father & suddenly i loved him more than i ever have & was so sorry for him & what he has done to his life. it was very difficult to stop crying, so i washed ( Read more... )

dreamed about loving.

waking up, something very necessary has been removed from my throat.

my life before the move is all starting to seem like a groggy fiction. my life here feels the same, except for the thing i am doing at the moment.

boats capsize in me after dark, my sleep is filled with hospitals.

i have absolutely no idea what i want. i don't think it is this, but what?