Yuri hasn't been to the monument since it was first erected -- yesterday -- but he hasn't strayed far from it, either. Lingering around the Hill through the night, the morning, without any rest or respite -- he wouldn't have found either if he tried -- he only increased his distance at Flynn's arrival, choosing to give the Commandant the private time he deserved
( ... )
Yuri's response comes out rough, almost barked, matching the obvious effort he's putting into holding off Flynn's attempt -- an effort that requires two hands, and with the hilt in his right, only his gloveless left is open to catch the side of his defending blade, a motion that quickly earns a stinging but ignored slit across his palm.
"Do you think I wanted to?" One knee touches ground, but the kneel makes it easier to balance their weights and prevent them from going any further. "You should know that it wasn't my first choice!" His jaw clenches, but just what it's from -- the fight or his feelings -- isn't entirely clear. "In all the times you've pictured how it must have happened, did you imagine me killing her without a second thought? Do you really think I saw her no differently than those bastards
( ... )
As well as they know each other, that kind of move from Yuri is all but expected; metal shrieks and sparks fly as Flynn roughly jerks his blade free and takes a step back to avoid being thrown. But while his quick backstep is enough to keep him from being flipped, the Acting Commandant still takes that foot in his gut hard enough to send him stumbling backwards, the breath knocked out of him.
He takes the moment and the space to recover, and the instant he has the breath to speak again-
"I don't know how far you've fallen, Yuri, but if you're willing to kill people like Lady Estellise, then I do know you've fallen a lot farther than I ever thought you would."
-And then he's coming at Yuri again, hacking and slashing just like before, as if he's quite literally trying to beat his best friend into submission.
"What you wanted isn't as important as what you did! What does it matter if you hesitated if your decision was the same in the end?!"
Yuri defends more than he attacks, making this unsurprisingly one-sided. The blows he deflects, usually one-handed, seem to catch Flynn's attacks only at the last second before he's working to parry the next.
It's no longer just about Flynn. Knowing that his words don't mean anything, that they won't mean anything, Yuri's next are for himself--an outlet of sorts, because this is the first he's spoken since killing her, and here, with the only person he can and will be so honest with, in the heat of both their frustrated griefs and the adrenaline-pumping clang of steel on steel and the pain of his injured hand and just the feeling of freedom that comes with fighting--it's a slow picture he depicts, the closest he'll come to saying exactly what happened.
"And what else could I do? Stay there, keep standing every time she knocked me down, fighting until she was finally forced to kill me herself? Would you have forced that on her in my place?" He shifts to a two-handed stance for a vertical parry, his fingers momentarily slipping on the
( ... )
"No--I cannot accept that! There must have been another way!"
He notes that slight slip, sees the blood on the grip of Yuri's sword, and plans to take full advantage of it the first chance he gets. As usual, this sparring match has become a debate rather than simply a way to blow off steam; but even as he continues his unrelenting assault, Flynn watches Yuri's movements closely, looking for just the right sort of opening.
"…And if there wasn't…even so, I could not have raised my hand against Lady Estellise in lethal force-not after I swore to protect her!"
That's an admission more than anything, and maybe it's not exactly an admission of weakness, but it does expose one of Flynn's flaws: inflexibility even in the face of exceptional circumstances--one of the worst consequences of being Lawful Anal Stupid Good. But at the same time, it is a head-nod, a concession of sorts…because it's an acknowledgement that once again, Yuri stepped up and did what Flynn couldn't
( ... )
The move doesn't surprise Yuri, but given the double advantage that Flynn has over him, he can't stop it, either: his sword lands a useless distance away and he's left standing, weaponless and a little out of breath, as he stares Flynn down with a solid, unrelenting look.
"...You couldn't have protected her, Flynn." His voice matches the look, even if both gain an almost apologetic tint of grief to them. "If I'd thought there was any plausible way for you both to survive what happened, I wouldn't have resorted to what I did."
Right now, he hates that look--and he hates the words he's hearing just as much. And there's a fleeting, dangerous moment where his sword wavers, and for all of maybe half an instant, it almost looks like Flynn might come at Yuri again anyway, unarmed or not. But the next instant sees him fling his blade away, angry and atypically careless, putting his own weapon equally out of reach.
That added touch of grief in Yuri's tone is (for now) all that keeps him from hurling himself forward instead to personally remove that look from his best friend's face; but it doesn't stop him from hurling angry words instead.
"You can't know that for certain! And if you're right--if I couldn't protect one person--one person who was dear to me--then what hope do I really have of trying to protect hundreds of people?"
"You learn from it." It's not what Flynn wants to hear--Yuri figures he wants to hear that yes, it was his fault, and to be punished for not fulfilling his duty--but while he normally wouldn't cater to such a stupid notion, he's certainly not about to do it now. "You use your losses to make yourself a better soldier. You get wiser because of it, and make sure that you avoid making the same mistakes
( ... )
Flynn looks right back at Yuri, his own expression every bit as solid and stern. "You've been telling me this whole time that it's not my fault, that there was nothing I could have done-so what am I supposed to learn from that?!"
He doesn't quite look down, but his chin lowers just slightly, as does his voice. "…And you know very well that this is far from my first loss, Yuri." His family when he was child, other people from the Lower Quarter, fellow Knights, and in a way, even Yuri himself; Flynn's no more a stranger to loss than Yuri is. They had shared everything, after all, once upon a time.
...And perhaps things really haven't changed all that much since then. All the grief and guilt they both feel over Estelle's death is something they'll either have to learn to share, or else both give up their claim on--together
( ... )
"No one can ever make her death mean anything," Yuri counters evenly, his tone and his face still unmoved. "She shouldn't have had to go through what she did, end of story. I know that there's not a lesson in the world that could change that."
His next inhale and exhale are equally heavy. "...But this isn't the time to doubt yourself. If you want to hate and blame someone, then focus on stopping the bastard. That's the most we can do for her right now--and just because you think you were willing to die to give her a slim chance at recovering, don't think that means it's okay for you to get distracted and get yourself killed now."
"I have no intention of letting myself be killed--not while Alexei and people like him are still out there."
His hands are starting to ache a little with how tightly he has them clenched, and though he's still on the edge emotionally, he's doing his best to put it aside for the moment, to box it up and close it off and to focus on what needs to be done now. The time for real grief will be later...and Flynn has a feeling that that grief won't only be for Lady Estellise.
"As I said before, regardless of your reasons, Yuri…it doesn't change what you've done. Killing royalty..." He gives a little shake of his head. "The Council won't simply look the other way this time, especially since they backed her bid for the throne so strongly. Even with my position as Acting-Commandant, there's nothing I can do to make them forgive something like that
( ... )
Yuri does know, and it comes as no surprise. He knew the moment he resolved to do what he did, even if it was the last thing on his mind--last in regards to himself, anyway; second where Flynn was concerned--and so nothing about him changes or moves at Flynn's unfinished sentence.
"...You know I'll be there." Almost idly, Yuri glances skyward as he flicks his injured hand, some of the streaming blood spattering on the grass. In custody. Right. He wonders briefly if killing Alexei would even make a dent on his already present sentence. Not that it matters; there's nothing to add onto capital punishment. "Just like you know I don't go easily. I don't expect a headstart, but if you're as set as you sound, don't take your eyes off of me for a second." It's as much of a joke as it is serious--but not really a joke, because even Yuri's sarcasm falls flat here, in this little clearing, less than a day after the worst crime he could ever think to commit.
Part of Flynn--the logical part--knows that he should just quietly say, I know...I won't and leave. Staying to talk won't change anything, can't undo what's already been done...but another part of him knows that this might very well be the last time he really gets to talk to Yuri alone like this, and he can't stand the thought of not saying everything he wants to say and regretting it later. It might go the other way too, that he says more than he wants to and regrets that instead, but in his way of thinking, wishing to take words back is infinitely easier to bear than keeping them bottled up inside you for the rest of your life.
So before he can stop himself, he half-turns back towards Yuri, not even bothering to hide the misery in his expression. Yuri's the only one there to see it, and there's no reason to keep that from him; he knows anyway.
"...Do you really think I want to do this? That hunting down my best friend is something I ever thought I would have to do when I joined the Knights?" He shakes his head, giving a huff
( ... )
...The BFF-ness demanded a pt. 2.capt_moralfagAugust 16 2010, 02:53:54 UTC
Again. Again, he's failing to protect someone he'd sworn he would protect. And this time, it's the most important person in his life, the closest thing to family he has left in this world, the person he's loved like a brother since they were tiny children, since before he can remember. Flynn can't imagine a world without Yuri in it; what's more, he doesn't want to. But as he'd said, it's not about what he wants anymore. It can't be.
Yuri meets that miserable look with a serious frown, the expression remaining solid as Flynn goes on. When he finishes, Yuri looks out in the direction of the sea again.
"I know," he says calmly, finally. "I didn't expect you to do the impossible, Flynn. You're not letting anyone down." That's a lie, of course--Flynn will be letting himself down, and secondary only to Estelle's death, that's the last thing Yuri wants. But there's nothing to offer here except for words, as empty as they are, because there's no words to change what's happened or to prevent what Flynn will go through, whatever Yuri's specific fate
( ... )
Wrong, is the first thought that comes to mind. I'm letting you down, Yuri. There's no way you could've known that you'd end up here, and I should've stopped it before any of it could happen. But though the words form on his lips, that expression on Yuri's face, and his own words, erase them.
"...So am I, Yuri," is all that comes out when he does manage a reply.
Silently he retrieves his sword, which ended up rather close to Yuri's. Flynn sheathes his own, then starts to bend to take up Yuri's, too--then stops, momentarily unable to look away from that blade; after a slightly too-long pause, he straightens without touching it.
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"Do you think I wanted to?" One knee touches ground, but the kneel makes it easier to balance their weights and prevent them from going any further. "You should know that it wasn't my first choice!" His jaw clenches, but just what it's from -- the fight or his feelings -- isn't entirely clear. "In all the times you've pictured how it must have happened, did you imagine me killing her without a second thought? Do you really think I saw her no differently than those bastards ( ... )
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He takes the moment and the space to recover, and the instant he has the breath to speak again-
"I don't know how far you've fallen, Yuri, but if you're willing to kill people like Lady Estellise, then I do know you've fallen a lot farther than I ever thought you would."
-And then he's coming at Yuri again, hacking and slashing just like before, as if he's quite literally trying to beat his best friend into submission.
"What you wanted isn't as important as what you did! What does it matter if you hesitated if your decision was the same in the end?!"
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It's no longer just about Flynn. Knowing that his words don't mean anything, that they won't mean anything, Yuri's next are for himself--an outlet of sorts, because this is the first he's spoken since killing her, and here, with the only person he can and will be so honest with, in the heat of both their frustrated griefs and the adrenaline-pumping clang of steel on steel and the pain of his injured hand and just the feeling of freedom that comes with fighting--it's a slow picture he depicts, the closest he'll come to saying exactly what happened.
"And what else could I do? Stay there, keep standing every time she knocked me down, fighting until she was finally forced to kill me herself? Would you have forced that on her in my place?" He shifts to a two-handed stance for a vertical parry, his fingers momentarily slipping on the ( ... )
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He notes that slight slip, sees the blood on the grip of Yuri's sword, and plans to take full advantage of it the first chance he gets. As usual, this sparring match has become a debate rather than simply a way to blow off steam; but even as he continues his unrelenting assault, Flynn watches Yuri's movements closely, looking for just the right sort of opening.
"…And if there wasn't…even so, I could not have raised my hand against Lady Estellise in lethal force-not after I swore to protect her!"
That's an admission more than anything, and maybe it's not exactly an admission of weakness, but it does expose one of Flynn's flaws: inflexibility even in the face of exceptional circumstances--one of the worst consequences of being Lawful Anal Stupid Good. But at the same time, it is a head-nod, a concession of sorts…because it's an acknowledgement that once again, Yuri stepped up and did what Flynn couldn't ( ... )
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"...You couldn't have protected her, Flynn." His voice matches the look, even if both gain an almost apologetic tint of grief to them. "If I'd thought there was any plausible way for you both to survive what happened, I wouldn't have resorted to what I did."
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That added touch of grief in Yuri's tone is (for now) all that keeps him from hurling himself forward instead to personally remove that look from his best friend's face; but it doesn't stop him from hurling angry words instead.
"You can't know that for certain! And if you're right--if I couldn't protect one person--one person who was dear to me--then what hope do I really have of trying to protect hundreds of people?"
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He doesn't quite look down, but his chin lowers just slightly, as does his voice. "…And you know very well that this is far from my first loss, Yuri." His family when he was child, other people from the Lower Quarter, fellow Knights, and in a way, even Yuri himself; Flynn's no more a stranger to loss than Yuri is. They had shared everything, after all, once upon a time.
...And perhaps things really haven't changed all that much since then. All the grief and guilt they both feel over Estelle's death is something they'll either have to learn to share, or else both give up their claim on--together ( ... )
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His next inhale and exhale are equally heavy. "...But this isn't the time to doubt yourself. If you want to hate and blame someone, then focus on stopping the bastard. That's the most we can do for her right now--and just because you think you were willing to die to give her a slim chance at recovering, don't think that means it's okay for you to get distracted and get yourself killed now."
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His hands are starting to ache a little with how tightly he has them clenched, and though he's still on the edge emotionally, he's doing his best to put it aside for the moment, to box it up and close it off and to focus on what needs to be done now. The time for real grief will be later...and Flynn has a feeling that that grief won't only be for Lady Estellise.
"As I said before, regardless of your reasons, Yuri…it doesn't change what you've done. Killing royalty..." He gives a little shake of his head. "The Council won't simply look the other way this time, especially since they backed her bid for the throne so strongly. Even with my position as Acting-Commandant, there's nothing I can do to make them forgive something like that ( ... )
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"...You know I'll be there." Almost idly, Yuri glances skyward as he flicks his injured hand, some of the streaming blood spattering on the grass. In custody. Right. He wonders briefly if killing Alexei would even make a dent on his already present sentence. Not that it matters; there's nothing to add onto capital punishment. "Just like you know I don't go easily. I don't expect a headstart, but if you're as set as you sound, don't take your eyes off of me for a second." It's as much of a joke as it is serious--but not really a joke, because even Yuri's sarcasm falls flat here, in this little clearing, less than a day after the worst crime he could ever think to commit.
However perceived, it's an honest word of advice.
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So before he can stop himself, he half-turns back towards Yuri, not even bothering to hide the misery in his expression. Yuri's the only one there to see it, and there's no reason to keep that from him; he knows anyway.
"...Do you really think I want to do this? That hunting down my best friend is something I ever thought I would have to do when I joined the Knights?" He shakes his head, giving a huff ( ... )
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"I know," he says calmly, finally. "I didn't expect you to do the impossible, Flynn. You're not letting anyone down." That's a lie, of course--Flynn will be letting himself down, and secondary only to Estelle's death, that's the last thing Yuri wants. But there's nothing to offer here except for words, as empty as they are, because there's no words to change what's happened or to prevent what Flynn will go through, whatever Yuri's specific fate ( ... )
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"...So am I, Yuri," is all that comes out when he does manage a reply.
Silently he retrieves his sword, which ended up rather close to Yuri's. Flynn sheathes his own, then starts to bend to take up Yuri's, too--then stops, momentarily unable to look away from that blade; after a slightly too-long pause, he straightens without touching it.
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