Wreck of the Day
Title: Wreck of the Day
Fandom: RPS
Characters/Pairings: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 013. Yellow.
fanfic100 table: here
Word Count: 2,858
Rating: R
Warnings: Schmoop + trauma? h/c, obviously. Some language, lol.
Summary: The boys are driving somewhere and get into an accident - the car rolls and lands in a ditch filled with water. Jensen is trapped and Jared has to keep his head above water until help arrives.
Author's Notes: For catsbycat’s prompt of the above summary in the hurt/comfort meme. I went through the meme ages ago when it was posted and took note of prompts I thought were interesting. They got lost in my mountain of unfinished fics, this got written, and then it got lost in my mountain of unfinished fics…I know the prompt has been filled by sandymg, and I don’t mean to step on anybody’s toes (I ♥ you), but I still kinda wanted to use this for my fic count in fanfic100. Also? It obviously got kinda long, lol. I had two different ideas for how it could go, and then I tried to merge them, so…hopefully, it makes sense.
It’s strange, how your mind goes to different places in certain situations; how you suddenly replay old memories while in the process of creating new ones. It’s like there’s a trigger, something that sets it all off and sends you back to those places, almost like your own brain is trying to make you realize something about yourself that you should have a long time ago.
Jared knows that feeling. He knows it right now, while he’s looking into Jensen’s eyes, reaching through the truck window to hold onto him, rain and rising water soaking him through. There’s something here, now, that he needs to know.
Jensen’s a safe driver. Not that Jared knows many people who aren’t. But the thing about Jensen is that he’s reliable all around. He’s capable, able to handle himself and whatever situation is at hand. The truth is, whenever Jensen’s around, Jared feels a little more secure. Whether they’re filming a scene, on stage at a convention, or driving through one hell of a storm on a dangerous road, Jared knows that Jensen’s got this. In fact, Jared thought about that while on the road, how the situation would make him nervous if someone else were at the wheel, including himself. But looking over at Jensen in the driver’s seat, he felt pretty confident that they’d make it home okay.
What Jared wasn’t thinking about were other people, other drivers. But who ever thinks that they’ll end up a part of one of those stories on the news or in the papers? Someone else driving recklessly in poor conditions, a hit and run. You never think that you’ll be the victim. Not until your entire concept of safety is destroyed by the flash of headlights, the squeal of brakes, and the crunch of metal. Not until you look over at the person who had it all under control and see shock register on his face, watch him try to react in time, to brake and swerve and try to save you. And then you’re jolting, falling, rolling, everything happening so fast with you unable to stop it, and you think for just a second that this could be it.
And then it’s over, and you’re alive and right side up. In a damaged truck sitting in a ditch filling with water.
****
Jared thought he heard something, a voice. Someone was asking if he was okay, if he needed assistance. He tried, but he couldn’t answer, slow in waking up. When he did, he was lost for a moment, until he realized he was in the car. It all hit him again, the impact, the roll, the splash.
“Jensen?” Jared’s voice was soft and shaken. He reached out and touched the airbag, stared at it and wondered how the hell he was still sitting there, not even sure if he was hurt or not. Jensen groaned, and Jared looked over at him, relieved to see him moving and opening his eyes. “Hey, man. You okay?”
Jensen coughed and then shivered. “Fuckin’ cold, man.”
It’s disconcerting, how much you don’t feel when you’re in shock. It wasn’t until then that Jared felt the icy sting of the water pooling up around his feet, his legs. “Shit,” he breathed, trying to fight an onslaught of panic.
“Are you okay?”
Jensen looked over at him, and Jared could see blood running down the opposite side of Jensen’s face, an odd hunch to his body.
“I think so,” Jared said, nodding, then cutting the movement short. He didn’t feel any big problems with his neck at the moment, but he wasn’t sure what to expect. “Think we need to get outta here, though.”
“Yeah,” Jensen said, shivering again. It was almost hard to hear him over the rain pounding against the car, the water inside rising higher. “Yeah, alright, come on.”
Jared unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the door handle, trying to force it open and cursing when it wouldn’t budge.
“The window,” Jensen supplied, nodding towards it. “Break the window.”
Jared took a breath, hid his face, and smashed the window with his elbow, doing his best to clear out the remaining glass. He heard Jensen doing the same, his heart thundering, doing his best to fold his body up and climb through the window. He dropped down with a splash into the cold water, rain pelting his body.
“Shit,” Jensen cursed behind him. “Shit.”
Jared froze, then spun around, dizzying with the movement. “What?”
Jensen was pale, half turned towards his window, eyes closed and body tensed with pain. He opened them slowly, taking deep breaths, then jolted and hissed when he tried to move again. “Jared, I’m stuck.”
Another second of panic, and then just more dumb shock. “What?”
“My leg,” Jensen said, settling back in his seat. “It’s stuck.”
“Okay,” Jared breathed, squashing his hysteria and trying to stay calm. “Okay, I’ll just…I’ll climb back in. See if I can get you out.”
He stepped back towards the vehicle, and he should’ve realized it then, feeling his shoes slip and sink in the muck below the water. But Jared still reached out to steady himself, still tried to lift himself up and climb back in, his full weight on the truck. The mechanical groan wasn’t enough of a warning for the sudden downward shift of the vehicle, Jared’s heart dropping at the renewed feeling of falling, nausea hitting him full force. He heard Jensen cry out, and he let go, splashing back into the water as he lost his balance.
If the accident wasn’t disorienting enough, ending up underwater certainly was. Jared flailed and coughed as he brought himself back up, standing with some difficulty and looking back at the truck. The hood was nearly submerged, headlights dim beneath the murky water, and Jared’s eyes widened, falling into the water again as he tried to run forward.
“JENSEN!” he shouted, getting back up and making his way around the front of the vehicle. He got to the driver’s side, to Jensen’s broken window, and found Jensen slumped forward, the water level inside the truck dangerously high now. “Shit, fuck, Jensen, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Jared rambled, reaching in and lifting Jensen’s head up in his hands, a feeble attempt to keep his best friend from drowning.
And that was how they ended up like this, Jared shivering outside the truck while Jensen shivered inside the truck. This is when Jared’s mind wanders, searches for an answer.
****
As close and as similar as they are, there are differences between Jared and Jensen. Jared knows that for a fact. He thinks about them sometimes, mostly in a way that Jensen hates and gets on his case for, because it’s usually self-deprecating. He thinks about them now, all because of seven words Jensen manages to utter through cold, shivering lips:
“Jared, get the hell out of here.”
Jensen’s eyes had been closed, Jared trying to help him, shake him awake, and keep his head up. But they’re open now, just enough for Jared to see fatigue and numbing pain, fear and acceptance, love. And he hates himself. Because in that moment, he wants to run. He’s cold, numb, and exhausted himself, and he’s more scared than he’s ever been in his life. He wants to get the hell out of here, to accept that Jensen wants him to save himself and flee, get to safety. Those times that he’s told fans that he’d run away if he ever witnessed something supernatural in real life, he hasn’t been lying.
This is how they’re different. As much as every instinct that Jared has is telling him to run away, he knows that Jensen would never even think of doing that to him. Jared may have packed on a lot of muscle, but Jensen’s always been stronger, braver. He’s never hesitated to help anyone, even if it meant running into danger. It’s only a split-second, but Jared’s mind races through so much, so many memories and feelings for Jensen. For a moment, he’s transported back to Barcelona, to standing backstage during Jensen’s panel and listening to him answering a fan’s question about his own bravery.
“I didn’t hesitate, I ran in right after my dad, and we just started pulling stuff out of this fire. The house was goin’ up in flames, and it burned pretty much to the ground. But until we couldn’t go in anymore, we were runnin’ in. I didn’t even think about it, I was just like, ‘Gotta help my dad…’”
It was the first time Jared had heard the story, and he’d looked at Jensen in awe afterwards, Jensen just brushing him off. Jensen was never one to brag about those sorts of things, but Jared thought he had every right to. Jensen had realized that he had more courage than most people did before Jared even knew what courage was. Now Jared has to ask himself the question that Jensen was prompted to answer: Am I brave? He can’t help but feel ashamed that he wants to run away from saving Jensen’s life when Jensen was running into burning buildings just to save other people’s belongings.
“Jared,” Jensen repeats, his voice fading as his eyelids begin to droop again. But there’s still a pleading tone there when he says, “Go.”
Even now, Jensen’s brave. Even as his life hangs in the balance, he’s thinking about Jared’s. And all Jared can think about is how scared he is; how, if their positions were reversed, he’d be begging Jensen not to leave him.
“No,” Jared says, but it doesn’t sound very confident. He rights Jensen’s head when it starts to droop towards the water again, not even sure how he does it now that he can barely feel anything. He’s leaning on the side of the truck, feet sinking in the muck down below, his fear building as he realizes that he’ll probably lose consciousness himself soon. But he pushes it away, forces himself to stay there, because he knows Jensen would. As much as he wants to run, he knows he’ll hate himself even more if he does. “No. Help is coming.”
He really hopes he’s right. Whatever use their cell phones were, they aren’t anymore, destroyed in the flood they’re stuck in. He’s pretty sure it was the OnStar advisor he’d heard when he was coming to. But he knows that if help comes, it has to come now.
If help comes. Jared would cry if he had the energy to. He’s still scared, still can’t deal with the concept of dying, not now. But he looks at Jensen, at the unconscious man he’s just managing to keep from drowning, and he tries to convince himself that it’s okay. At least he didn’t leave Jensen to die alone. At least he can die feeling like he had some kind of courage.
Jared doesn’t realize that his eyes have closed until the beam from a flashlight suddenly passes over him, jolting him awake. He’s disoriented for just a second, frantically checking to make sure Jensen’s head is still above water. It is, Jared’s numb hands still holding him up. There are people, lights, and an ambulance up on the road they tumbled off of. Jared feels dizzy just thinking about the way the truck rolled.
It isn’t until hands are on him that he feels relief, and even then it’s hard to give in to. He weakly protests when they pull his hands away from Jensen, tries to speak to Jensen and tell him that help is here, and everything is going to be okay. But he’s frozen and tired, and he can’t even feel the stretcher that he finally passes out on.
****
For all his worry, Jared smiles wide when he rolls into Jensen’s room and finds him awake, Jensen giving him a tired smile back.
“You steal that thing?” Jensen asks, pointing towards the wheelchair.
“Maybe,” Jared says, shrugging and wheeling himself over to the side of Jensen’s bed. “Sure beats walkin’.” He leans over Jensen, hand gentle on his arm. “How you feelin’?”
Jensen’s smile fades. “Like I almost killed us.”
Jared feels his jaw drop, his eyes widen. “What?” He never expected to see any form of guilt in Jensen’s eyes, not after this. “Jensen, it wasn’t your fault. It’s that asshole who ran us off the road and kept going-”
“I know,” Jensen interrupts, wincing and holding up a hand. Jared hadn’t even realized how much he’d raised his voice. “I know. It’s just one of those things, you know?” He lowers his hand, brow furled slightly as he frowns. “You just can’t help thinking about it, and wondering about it. ‘Maybe if I’d swerved that way…’” He looks helplessly up at Jared and shrugs. “Then I remember there was nowhere else to go.”
“Right,” Jared says, moving his hand down to take Jensen’s and squeezing. “It wasn’t your fault. You tried the only thing you could.”
Jensen squeezes back. “They tell me you saved my life.”
Jared opens his mouth and closes it, then looks away, hair shielding his eyes. He doesn’t know how to respond to that, only that he doesn’t feel like the hero everyone’s already making him out to be. “What do you remember?”
“I remember tellin’ you to leave.” Jared looks at Jensen again, sees him smile. “As if you’d start listening to me now.” Jared’s smile appears and fades fast in the face of Jensen’s gratitude. “Thank you,” Jensen says sincerely, eyes searching Jared’s. There’s emotion there, going beyond words. “Jared, I can’t even…”
“Don’t,” Jared says quickly, shaking his head. “Don’t, man, I…” He pauses, sighing heavily, stomach twisting as he averts his eyes. “When you told me to go, I wanted to run away.” It feels worse, admitting it to Jensen, but he feels like he has to, like he’s living a lie if he doesn’t. He shakes his head at himself, then hangs it shamefully, looking down at their joined hands and idly playing with Jensen’s fingers. “I only stayed because I kept thinking about you…about what you would do.” He huffs a laugh then and forces himself to look up at Jensen, cheeks red. “What Would Jensen Do?”
Jensen’s expression is almost unreadable until he grunts and starts moving, lifting himself up on his elbows. Jared jolts, hands on Jensen’s chest, trying to push him back down and make him rest, and Jensen shrugs him off. “Dude, come on, I’m just making room.”
“Making…” Jared trails off when Jensen scoots over as much as he can in the bed before settling back down and lifting the covers for him. He looks around and raises an eyebrow at Jensen. “Really?”
“We just almost died, Jared,” Jensen says quietly, looking up at him. “I’ll cuddle you in my hospital bed if I want.”
Jared climbs in under the covers, watching Jensen’s IV carefully as he turns on his side to face Jared. It’s warm, and Jared’s learning to savor warmth now, as hot and sweaty as he gets. There are heavy blankets, and then there’s Jensen, so much warmer than he was the night before.
“I want you to stop.”
Jared meets Jensen’s eyes, surprised by the sudden command. “Stop what?”
“Putting yourself down, like I’m so much better than you. You do it all the time, even with little things. ‘He works too hard, so it makes me look bad.’” Jensen rolls his eyes and gives him a small smile, but Jared can feel the annoyance coming off of him in waves. “Come on, man.”
“Jensen…”
“I’m serious.” Jared can see that he is, the smile gone now, not just annoyance but sadness in Jensen’s eyes, concern. “I really want you to stop. You saved my life, risked yours by sticking by me, and you think you have something to be ashamed of just because you were scared? Stop.” Jensen takes Jared’s hands in his. “Please. Just be proud of yourself for once.”
Jared hesitates, thrown by all of this. But Jensen’s expression is enough to make him nod, to promise. “Okay. Okay, I’ll stop.”
Jensen pulls Jared closer, resting their foreheads together. “If anyone’s a coward, it’s the guy who sent us rolling into that ditch and kept moving. Not you.” He sighs and looks at Jared, brushing the hair back from his eyes. “You really think I’d be with you if everything you thought about yourself was true?” He speaks again, before Jared can answer, a question that has him smiling again. “You know what it feels like to hear you say you stayed because of me?”
Jared grins. “Like I pitied you?”
Jensen laughs, and Jared’s heart soars. “Is that what they’re calling it these days? And here I thought it was love.”
Jared nudges Jensen playfully. “You’re so gullible, Ackles.”
“See?” Jensen says, nudging him back. “I’m not quite as infallible as you think I am.”
Jared smiles and cups Jensen’s cheek, looking into his eyes before leaning in and pressing their lips together in a soft kiss. “Guess not.”
Fandom: RPS
Characters/Pairings: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 013. Yellow.
fanfic100 table: here
Word Count: 2,858
Rating: R
Warnings: Schmoop + trauma? h/c, obviously. Some language, lol.
Summary: The boys are driving somewhere and get into an accident - the car rolls and lands in a ditch filled with water. Jensen is trapped and Jared has to keep his head above water until help arrives.
Author's Notes: For catsbycat’s prompt of the above summary in the hurt/comfort meme. I went through the meme ages ago when it was posted and took note of prompts I thought were interesting. They got lost in my mountain of unfinished fics, this got written, and then it got lost in my mountain of unfinished fics…I know the prompt has been filled by sandymg, and I don’t mean to step on anybody’s toes (I ♥ you), but I still kinda wanted to use this for my fic count in fanfic100. Also? It obviously got kinda long, lol. I had two different ideas for how it could go, and then I tried to merge them, so…hopefully, it makes sense.
It’s strange, how your mind goes to different places in certain situations; how you suddenly replay old memories while in the process of creating new ones. It’s like there’s a trigger, something that sets it all off and sends you back to those places, almost like your own brain is trying to make you realize something about yourself that you should have a long time ago.
Jared knows that feeling. He knows it right now, while he’s looking into Jensen’s eyes, reaching through the truck window to hold onto him, rain and rising water soaking him through. There’s something here, now, that he needs to know.
Jensen’s a safe driver. Not that Jared knows many people who aren’t. But the thing about Jensen is that he’s reliable all around. He’s capable, able to handle himself and whatever situation is at hand. The truth is, whenever Jensen’s around, Jared feels a little more secure. Whether they’re filming a scene, on stage at a convention, or driving through one hell of a storm on a dangerous road, Jared knows that Jensen’s got this. In fact, Jared thought about that while on the road, how the situation would make him nervous if someone else were at the wheel, including himself. But looking over at Jensen in the driver’s seat, he felt pretty confident that they’d make it home okay.
What Jared wasn’t thinking about were other people, other drivers. But who ever thinks that they’ll end up a part of one of those stories on the news or in the papers? Someone else driving recklessly in poor conditions, a hit and run. You never think that you’ll be the victim. Not until your entire concept of safety is destroyed by the flash of headlights, the squeal of brakes, and the crunch of metal. Not until you look over at the person who had it all under control and see shock register on his face, watch him try to react in time, to brake and swerve and try to save you. And then you’re jolting, falling, rolling, everything happening so fast with you unable to stop it, and you think for just a second that this could be it.
And then it’s over, and you’re alive and right side up. In a damaged truck sitting in a ditch filling with water.
****
Jared thought he heard something, a voice. Someone was asking if he was okay, if he needed assistance. He tried, but he couldn’t answer, slow in waking up. When he did, he was lost for a moment, until he realized he was in the car. It all hit him again, the impact, the roll, the splash.
“Jensen?” Jared’s voice was soft and shaken. He reached out and touched the airbag, stared at it and wondered how the hell he was still sitting there, not even sure if he was hurt or not. Jensen groaned, and Jared looked over at him, relieved to see him moving and opening his eyes. “Hey, man. You okay?”
Jensen coughed and then shivered. “Fuckin’ cold, man.”
It’s disconcerting, how much you don’t feel when you’re in shock. It wasn’t until then that Jared felt the icy sting of the water pooling up around his feet, his legs. “Shit,” he breathed, trying to fight an onslaught of panic.
“Are you okay?”
Jensen looked over at him, and Jared could see blood running down the opposite side of Jensen’s face, an odd hunch to his body.
“I think so,” Jared said, nodding, then cutting the movement short. He didn’t feel any big problems with his neck at the moment, but he wasn’t sure what to expect. “Think we need to get outta here, though.”
“Yeah,” Jensen said, shivering again. It was almost hard to hear him over the rain pounding against the car, the water inside rising higher. “Yeah, alright, come on.”
Jared unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the door handle, trying to force it open and cursing when it wouldn’t budge.
“The window,” Jensen supplied, nodding towards it. “Break the window.”
Jared took a breath, hid his face, and smashed the window with his elbow, doing his best to clear out the remaining glass. He heard Jensen doing the same, his heart thundering, doing his best to fold his body up and climb through the window. He dropped down with a splash into the cold water, rain pelting his body.
“Shit,” Jensen cursed behind him. “Shit.”
Jared froze, then spun around, dizzying with the movement. “What?”
Jensen was pale, half turned towards his window, eyes closed and body tensed with pain. He opened them slowly, taking deep breaths, then jolted and hissed when he tried to move again. “Jared, I’m stuck.”
Another second of panic, and then just more dumb shock. “What?”
“My leg,” Jensen said, settling back in his seat. “It’s stuck.”
“Okay,” Jared breathed, squashing his hysteria and trying to stay calm. “Okay, I’ll just…I’ll climb back in. See if I can get you out.”
He stepped back towards the vehicle, and he should’ve realized it then, feeling his shoes slip and sink in the muck below the water. But Jared still reached out to steady himself, still tried to lift himself up and climb back in, his full weight on the truck. The mechanical groan wasn’t enough of a warning for the sudden downward shift of the vehicle, Jared’s heart dropping at the renewed feeling of falling, nausea hitting him full force. He heard Jensen cry out, and he let go, splashing back into the water as he lost his balance.
If the accident wasn’t disorienting enough, ending up underwater certainly was. Jared flailed and coughed as he brought himself back up, standing with some difficulty and looking back at the truck. The hood was nearly submerged, headlights dim beneath the murky water, and Jared’s eyes widened, falling into the water again as he tried to run forward.
“JENSEN!” he shouted, getting back up and making his way around the front of the vehicle. He got to the driver’s side, to Jensen’s broken window, and found Jensen slumped forward, the water level inside the truck dangerously high now. “Shit, fuck, Jensen, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Jared rambled, reaching in and lifting Jensen’s head up in his hands, a feeble attempt to keep his best friend from drowning.
And that was how they ended up like this, Jared shivering outside the truck while Jensen shivered inside the truck. This is when Jared’s mind wanders, searches for an answer.
****
As close and as similar as they are, there are differences between Jared and Jensen. Jared knows that for a fact. He thinks about them sometimes, mostly in a way that Jensen hates and gets on his case for, because it’s usually self-deprecating. He thinks about them now, all because of seven words Jensen manages to utter through cold, shivering lips:
“Jared, get the hell out of here.”
Jensen’s eyes had been closed, Jared trying to help him, shake him awake, and keep his head up. But they’re open now, just enough for Jared to see fatigue and numbing pain, fear and acceptance, love. And he hates himself. Because in that moment, he wants to run. He’s cold, numb, and exhausted himself, and he’s more scared than he’s ever been in his life. He wants to get the hell out of here, to accept that Jensen wants him to save himself and flee, get to safety. Those times that he’s told fans that he’d run away if he ever witnessed something supernatural in real life, he hasn’t been lying.
This is how they’re different. As much as every instinct that Jared has is telling him to run away, he knows that Jensen would never even think of doing that to him. Jared may have packed on a lot of muscle, but Jensen’s always been stronger, braver. He’s never hesitated to help anyone, even if it meant running into danger. It’s only a split-second, but Jared’s mind races through so much, so many memories and feelings for Jensen. For a moment, he’s transported back to Barcelona, to standing backstage during Jensen’s panel and listening to him answering a fan’s question about his own bravery.
“I didn’t hesitate, I ran in right after my dad, and we just started pulling stuff out of this fire. The house was goin’ up in flames, and it burned pretty much to the ground. But until we couldn’t go in anymore, we were runnin’ in. I didn’t even think about it, I was just like, ‘Gotta help my dad…’”
It was the first time Jared had heard the story, and he’d looked at Jensen in awe afterwards, Jensen just brushing him off. Jensen was never one to brag about those sorts of things, but Jared thought he had every right to. Jensen had realized that he had more courage than most people did before Jared even knew what courage was. Now Jared has to ask himself the question that Jensen was prompted to answer: Am I brave? He can’t help but feel ashamed that he wants to run away from saving Jensen’s life when Jensen was running into burning buildings just to save other people’s belongings.
“Jared,” Jensen repeats, his voice fading as his eyelids begin to droop again. But there’s still a pleading tone there when he says, “Go.”
Even now, Jensen’s brave. Even as his life hangs in the balance, he’s thinking about Jared’s. And all Jared can think about is how scared he is; how, if their positions were reversed, he’d be begging Jensen not to leave him.
“No,” Jared says, but it doesn’t sound very confident. He rights Jensen’s head when it starts to droop towards the water again, not even sure how he does it now that he can barely feel anything. He’s leaning on the side of the truck, feet sinking in the muck down below, his fear building as he realizes that he’ll probably lose consciousness himself soon. But he pushes it away, forces himself to stay there, because he knows Jensen would. As much as he wants to run, he knows he’ll hate himself even more if he does. “No. Help is coming.”
He really hopes he’s right. Whatever use their cell phones were, they aren’t anymore, destroyed in the flood they’re stuck in. He’s pretty sure it was the OnStar advisor he’d heard when he was coming to. But he knows that if help comes, it has to come now.
If help comes. Jared would cry if he had the energy to. He’s still scared, still can’t deal with the concept of dying, not now. But he looks at Jensen, at the unconscious man he’s just managing to keep from drowning, and he tries to convince himself that it’s okay. At least he didn’t leave Jensen to die alone. At least he can die feeling like he had some kind of courage.
Jared doesn’t realize that his eyes have closed until the beam from a flashlight suddenly passes over him, jolting him awake. He’s disoriented for just a second, frantically checking to make sure Jensen’s head is still above water. It is, Jared’s numb hands still holding him up. There are people, lights, and an ambulance up on the road they tumbled off of. Jared feels dizzy just thinking about the way the truck rolled.
It isn’t until hands are on him that he feels relief, and even then it’s hard to give in to. He weakly protests when they pull his hands away from Jensen, tries to speak to Jensen and tell him that help is here, and everything is going to be okay. But he’s frozen and tired, and he can’t even feel the stretcher that he finally passes out on.
****
For all his worry, Jared smiles wide when he rolls into Jensen’s room and finds him awake, Jensen giving him a tired smile back.
“You steal that thing?” Jensen asks, pointing towards the wheelchair.
“Maybe,” Jared says, shrugging and wheeling himself over to the side of Jensen’s bed. “Sure beats walkin’.” He leans over Jensen, hand gentle on his arm. “How you feelin’?”
Jensen’s smile fades. “Like I almost killed us.”
Jared feels his jaw drop, his eyes widen. “What?” He never expected to see any form of guilt in Jensen’s eyes, not after this. “Jensen, it wasn’t your fault. It’s that asshole who ran us off the road and kept going-”
“I know,” Jensen interrupts, wincing and holding up a hand. Jared hadn’t even realized how much he’d raised his voice. “I know. It’s just one of those things, you know?” He lowers his hand, brow furled slightly as he frowns. “You just can’t help thinking about it, and wondering about it. ‘Maybe if I’d swerved that way…’” He looks helplessly up at Jared and shrugs. “Then I remember there was nowhere else to go.”
“Right,” Jared says, moving his hand down to take Jensen’s and squeezing. “It wasn’t your fault. You tried the only thing you could.”
Jensen squeezes back. “They tell me you saved my life.”
Jared opens his mouth and closes it, then looks away, hair shielding his eyes. He doesn’t know how to respond to that, only that he doesn’t feel like the hero everyone’s already making him out to be. “What do you remember?”
“I remember tellin’ you to leave.” Jared looks at Jensen again, sees him smile. “As if you’d start listening to me now.” Jared’s smile appears and fades fast in the face of Jensen’s gratitude. “Thank you,” Jensen says sincerely, eyes searching Jared’s. There’s emotion there, going beyond words. “Jared, I can’t even…”
“Don’t,” Jared says quickly, shaking his head. “Don’t, man, I…” He pauses, sighing heavily, stomach twisting as he averts his eyes. “When you told me to go, I wanted to run away.” It feels worse, admitting it to Jensen, but he feels like he has to, like he’s living a lie if he doesn’t. He shakes his head at himself, then hangs it shamefully, looking down at their joined hands and idly playing with Jensen’s fingers. “I only stayed because I kept thinking about you…about what you would do.” He huffs a laugh then and forces himself to look up at Jensen, cheeks red. “What Would Jensen Do?”
Jensen’s expression is almost unreadable until he grunts and starts moving, lifting himself up on his elbows. Jared jolts, hands on Jensen’s chest, trying to push him back down and make him rest, and Jensen shrugs him off. “Dude, come on, I’m just making room.”
“Making…” Jared trails off when Jensen scoots over as much as he can in the bed before settling back down and lifting the covers for him. He looks around and raises an eyebrow at Jensen. “Really?”
“We just almost died, Jared,” Jensen says quietly, looking up at him. “I’ll cuddle you in my hospital bed if I want.”
Jared climbs in under the covers, watching Jensen’s IV carefully as he turns on his side to face Jared. It’s warm, and Jared’s learning to savor warmth now, as hot and sweaty as he gets. There are heavy blankets, and then there’s Jensen, so much warmer than he was the night before.
“I want you to stop.”
Jared meets Jensen’s eyes, surprised by the sudden command. “Stop what?”
“Putting yourself down, like I’m so much better than you. You do it all the time, even with little things. ‘He works too hard, so it makes me look bad.’” Jensen rolls his eyes and gives him a small smile, but Jared can feel the annoyance coming off of him in waves. “Come on, man.”
“Jensen…”
“I’m serious.” Jared can see that he is, the smile gone now, not just annoyance but sadness in Jensen’s eyes, concern. “I really want you to stop. You saved my life, risked yours by sticking by me, and you think you have something to be ashamed of just because you were scared? Stop.” Jensen takes Jared’s hands in his. “Please. Just be proud of yourself for once.”
Jared hesitates, thrown by all of this. But Jensen’s expression is enough to make him nod, to promise. “Okay. Okay, I’ll stop.”
Jensen pulls Jared closer, resting their foreheads together. “If anyone’s a coward, it’s the guy who sent us rolling into that ditch and kept moving. Not you.” He sighs and looks at Jared, brushing the hair back from his eyes. “You really think I’d be with you if everything you thought about yourself was true?” He speaks again, before Jared can answer, a question that has him smiling again. “You know what it feels like to hear you say you stayed because of me?”
Jared grins. “Like I pitied you?”
Jensen laughs, and Jared’s heart soars. “Is that what they’re calling it these days? And here I thought it was love.”
Jared nudges Jensen playfully. “You’re so gullible, Ackles.”
“See?” Jensen says, nudging him back. “I’m not quite as infallible as you think I am.”
Jared smiles and cups Jensen’s cheek, looking into his eyes before leaning in and pressing their lips together in a soft kiss. “Guess not.”