I am not the dent in my car ( Read more... )

I got my invitation in the mail today ( Read more... )

I'm listening to the BBC's People and Politics on NPR right now.

And a British journalist used the term "rumpy pumpy" to refer to gay sex.

Rumpy pumpy.

Fuck.

*wipes tears*

MOMENT OF CLARITY

Last month
I found myself
in the men's room
of a gas station
in the Louisiana bayou
and with a pause
I thought,
"This is different."
The End.

Rarely am I flustered speechless by a movie. But tonight when talking to my friend K about watching the unrated special edition version of Re-Animator, my exact words were, "Uhhhhhhhh...ahhssssmmmmhhh...chsssss...uhummm...yeah."

If I ever ate an eleven pound hamburger I would put that shit on my resume.

Woman eats six-pound hamburger(Associated Press, January 17, 2005 ( Read more... )

A couple Fridays ago, I'm at a club in North Beach getting gum cut out of my hair with a swiss army knife when I realized...I'm fricking smooth yo ( Read more... )

Today is my (and Carol Channing and Justin Timberlake's) birthday but did you know that today is also Child Labor Day ( Read more... )

Finish any/all of these sentences ( Read more... )