1am post. I am in a weird headplace

[thingogram]

Seriously. I don't know what it is. My attention span has gone down to the level of a gnat. My mind won't focus. My dad's brightened up the Cure pics, but I can't do a writeup because I don't think I could make myself concentrate on one thing for that long.

It isn't good really, because I've written my lost film piece on Dark City for the Forge, but

Comments

[jenoofer]

Hey, sweetheart. Don't know if you're still online, but if you are I'm probably going to be up for a while if you want to talk or anything.

[thingogram]

Yeah, I'm still here. I probably shouldn't be. But that's never stopped me before.
I really wish I was in an empty house with soundproofing, so I could just stick on some angry music and wear myself out to it.

[jenoofer]

Headphones? :)

Seriously, right there with you on the destructive urges. I've done some pretty messed up things to myself and to random stuff - I once set fire to my graduation photos, in my bedroom, and ended up scorching the carpet as well. Getting them in the middle of the night doesn't help - last summer I felt like I was going out of my mind because of insomnia and started going for walks - one night I set off at about half past midnight and got home close to four a.m. It's awful trying to find ways to use up all that energy, especially when you can't focus on any one activity for any length of time.

[thingogram]

I don't have any that work and I can't dance in them because I'd need to be too close to the speakers. I doubt very much that my CD player still has batteries in it. I haven't used it since I got my first laptop and the batteries probably wound up in something else.

Normally I hate the idea of the destruction of anything. But now I can see the perverse beauty in it. But not by fire tho, even tho I'm normaly such a pyromaniac- it's too external. I just want to smash things.
I get this random energy so much, just usually without the rage. Those are the nights when I want to go clubbing. Only with the rage, I'm not sure I should be around people. Tho if I was, I suppose it would be possible to just dance all the rage out of me.
Only here there's nowhere to go.

[violence4]

Weird feelings are... well, weird. I don't think I've felt quite like what you describe - although as always you are such a vivid writer that it almost feels as though I do - but I know the feeling of being trapped inside an emotion only too well.

It's sort of enjoyable and horrible at the same time. Or that's what I find, anyway.

I say do whatever you need to. Go at the Dark Lord =P

The marmots are adorable! Look at their little fuzzy noses! *coos*
I reckon marmots in a barrel should be the next big thing.

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[thingogram]

I feel like this way too often. A lot of my creative ideas, especially the ones that I don't tend to talk about online much, are at least partially just outlets for these weird emotions.
But it is a feeling I enjoy. Which is what I don't like most about it. I'm worried that if someone did confront me when I was in this mood, I'd be tempted to get violent. I don't know how likely it is that that'd happen because I'm very aware of my own physical weakness and the rational part of me knows that it's the worst thing to do in every situation, but if that rational part of me ever got clouded over with rage... I don't think it'd be pretty, and knowing me, I'd come out the worst.

I can't stop squeeing at the marmots. I just burst out laughing at them. Hopefully that's a sign that my mood's going to a brighter place.

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[violence4]

"When you're feeling angsty, just think of the marmots... look at their little faces..."

lol.

No, I know the feeling. The best creativity always comes from feeling unsettled in some way, I find. If I'm feeling normal and happy I never create anything. It sometimes even makes me not want to feel normal...

I reckon as long as you have a sense that you wouldn't want to be violent, you're okay. The worrying thing would be if you totally lost any sense that violence wouldn't be the answer.

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[thingogram]

That is such a Naboo solution XD
But it probably would work.

My most creative period for poetry was when I was in sixth form, because I still had some of the depression from my GCSE years lingering in me, and I was finaly eloquent enough to express it. I can get poetry from elation, but it has to be an unusually high euphoria. Regular happiness gets me nowhere.

But yeah. Most of the time, I think I'd never actualy get violent, however much I'd want to, because the part of me that lives in the real world is genuinely abhorred by it. But then, I've only ever had really violent urges when there's been no one else around. But on the other hand, maybe I only had them because there was no one else around.
I have no idea. I just hope I never have to find out.

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