1am post. I am in a weird headplace

[thingogram]

Seriously. I don't know what it is. My attention span has gone down to the level of a gnat. My mind won't focus. My dad's brightened up the Cure pics, but I can't do a writeup because I don't think I could make myself concentrate on one thing for that long.

It isn't good really, because I've written my lost film piece on Dark City for the Forge, but

Comments

[violence4]

Weird feelings are... well, weird. I don't think I've felt quite like what you describe - although as always you are such a vivid writer that it almost feels as though I do - but I know the feeling of being trapped inside an emotion only too well.

It's sort of enjoyable and horrible at the same time. Or that's what I find, anyway.

I say do whatever you need to. Go at the Dark Lord =P

The marmots are adorable! Look at their little fuzzy noses! *coos*
I reckon marmots in a barrel should be the next big thing.

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[thingogram]

I feel like this way too often. A lot of my creative ideas, especially the ones that I don't tend to talk about online much, are at least partially just outlets for these weird emotions.
But it is a feeling I enjoy. Which is what I don't like most about it. I'm worried that if someone did confront me when I was in this mood, I'd be tempted to get violent. I don't know how likely it is that that'd happen because I'm very aware of my own physical weakness and the rational part of me knows that it's the worst thing to do in every situation, but if that rational part of me ever got clouded over with rage... I don't think it'd be pretty, and knowing me, I'd come out the worst.

I can't stop squeeing at the marmots. I just burst out laughing at them. Hopefully that's a sign that my mood's going to a brighter place.

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[violence4]

"When you're feeling angsty, just think of the marmots... look at their little faces..."

lol.

No, I know the feeling. The best creativity always comes from feeling unsettled in some way, I find. If I'm feeling normal and happy I never create anything. It sometimes even makes me not want to feel normal...

I reckon as long as you have a sense that you wouldn't want to be violent, you're okay. The worrying thing would be if you totally lost any sense that violence wouldn't be the answer.

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[thingogram]

That is such a Naboo solution XD
But it probably would work.

My most creative period for poetry was when I was in sixth form, because I still had some of the depression from my GCSE years lingering in me, and I was finaly eloquent enough to express it. I can get poetry from elation, but it has to be an unusually high euphoria. Regular happiness gets me nowhere.

But yeah. Most of the time, I think I'd never actualy get violent, however much I'd want to, because the part of me that lives in the real world is genuinely abhorred by it. But then, I've only ever had really violent urges when there's been no one else around. But on the other hand, maybe I only had them because there was no one else around.
I have no idea. I just hope I never have to find out.

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[violence4]

I'll try it next time I'm in a bad mood XD

No, I have a load of writing from times when I was depressed. And actually also from the time I was recovering from being depressed and was sort of filled with all sorts of feelings about how different everything was... I guess I sort of felt unsettled feeling more settled, cos I was used to being unsettled?

Getting stuck in any feeling too long isn't good for creativity, really.

I'm sure you never will have to find out.
Or if you do, it will be because you're genuinely provoked by something that you could be forgiven for being provoked for... if that makes sense.

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[thingogram]

I think any unusually strong feeling can inspire something, just as long as it's different enough to your usual mood to do it. I wrote two poems on the way to London on Thursday about felings I had at the Bellowhead gig. They were good feelings, but not the usual good feelings.
But that doesn't happen very often. Sexual euphoria or a sort of soul connection or something.

What really worries me is that the most violent fantasies come from comparatively trivial things. The vengeful thoughts about the really important things tend to be more verbal, because it gets the message across in a clearer way, without undermining me by making me look like a thug. Which I suppose is a good thing in a way, but coming at it from the other way, it really isn't.
But hopefully it means that I'll never be provoked to actual violence because the trigger just won't be able to anger me that much... I hope.

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[violence4]

Yeah, I agree.
I feel like I'm not in those sorts of moods often enough at the moment. Just sort of blah wallowing-in-tiredness moods. I don't like it.

I think if all that is the case, you don't have much to worry about.
The fact that the thought of being violent concerns you is most likely a good sign.

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[thingogram]

I feel like that so much. And even when a really inspiring feeling comes along, before I have a chance to make anything of it, I slip back into a laconic laziness and put everything off, and then the whole feeling gets lost. It's the worst possible thing I could do. I mean, it's bad enough even without the fact that these poems are probably my best chance of ever getting published, and the thing that I'd most want published out of everything I write.

I supposeit is a good sign. Even when the darker parts of my mind just want to smash everything in sight, I'm still fairly nervous about the physicality of it. And I think I have too much empathy to ever actually do anything to another person.
Which then makes me take the complete other stance and worry that I'm too complacent.
I think my mind just hates itself, lol.

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[violence4]

I do that too. It's terrible, really it is. If I'm in a situation where I can't write, like a lecture or something, I can forgive myself, but when it's just cos I'm lazy, I hate that. *sigh*

What's especially annoying is that I actually have a pretty coherent idea for a short novel planned out in my head but I just can't get into the swing of it when I actually have an opportunity to write it. It's so maddening and I just don't know why.

I think, in moderation obviously, it's far better to be the kind of person who questions things, even your own mind, than to be the sort of person who never thinks about things like that.
Sometimes I wonder if people who seem to have no problems with themselves aren't just bored.
That's probably a terribly unhealthy thing to think as I'm about to re-embark on therapy to treat my own mental unbalances.... "/

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[thingogram]

I hope it's healthier, and I guess I can see how it would be, but I still wonder if I have some kind of multiple personality thing going on somewhere in there. I suppose it's hard to judge, considering that you can never know how much someone else is attempting to dissect their own head.

I don't think I'd like to be free from problems. Then I really would feel too complacent.
I reckon therapy should make you feel at ease with your mental issues, and only get rid of them to the extent that you want them to be gone. Because I wouldn't feel right if I didn't have any mental issues at all, and that's probably a mental issue in itself.
But then, I've never had therapy at all, so I don't know what I'm on about.

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