1am post. I am in a weird headplace
Seriously. I don't know what it is. My attention span has gone down to the level of a gnat. My mind won't focus. My dad's brightened up the Cure pics, but I can't do a writeup because I don't think I could make myself concentrate on one thing for that long.
It isn't good really, because I've written my lost film piece on Dark City for the Forge, but it's a bit over the word limit and it needs proofreading, and I can't make myself go back and edit it. I'll have to do it tomorrow and send it then.
I can't write anhything. My mind id not in a deep, wordy place. It's in an energetic. violent place. This place is full of chains. Only they're not holding me down. I'm wearing them like some very large heavy-duty jewellery, and I can use them to attack anyone who tries to undermine me or my sense or right of self.
This is why some parts of me should never come too close to the surface- they're vehemently defensive, and they very much do not like being told what to do or how to be. They're so vehement that they have fantasies about extreme violence, assault, even cold-blooded murder. I'd hate to think what would happen if I lost control of myself in this mood. I know I'm small and I'm hardly powerful physically, but if I got so angry that I lost control when I was in this mood, I'm sure I could be fairly dangerous, especially with some kind of weapon.
My mind is full of heated emotion, it could swing any way at any second, and it could explode at the slightest triger. And my body is full of energy. It's a state of mind that isn't articulate enough to rant- it just wants to do. And it wants to do the first available thing. It wants to fight. It wants to shout. It wants to stamp on things. It wants to dance in a way that says "come too close and I will knock you down". It wants to cause destruction.
It won't let me write or sleep. I doubt it can be distracted too easily. I need to release all this energy. There's only two ways I can think of doing that right now. One would be very much helped by playing The Cooper Temple Clause or some ofthat Blind Guardian or whoever they are, very very loudly, hich ain't gonna happen becuase it's 1:15am. The other is actually starting to sound very appealing.
I got my dad three bottles of beer- a Peroni (and one for him for tonight and one for me), a Dark Lord, because we're Tolkien geeks and I like the name, and a Goliath, because it was cheap and I don't think he's had one before. Still need to write his card.
Today I was reminded of hilarious that my brother did when he was younger. And now I can't remember what it was. Which is pissing me off because I'm sure you'd find it hilarious and I wanted to share.
But anyway, just because, this is the latest big thing in my family.
I hope I'm calming down now.