Comments | thesynergizer: Dear children

thesynergizer

Dear children

Sep 18, 2008 19:31

Dear Ben,

I am so sorry. I'm sorry that I was young and stupid and didn't know to do my own research and ask questions and believe in my body. I'm sorry that I could have done so much better and it didn't even occur to me to try.

Love,
your mamaI am borrowing Ina May's Guide to Childbirth from my friend Kelly and have devoured most of it in less ( Read more... )

books, pregnancy, babies, sad, benjamin, birth story

Comments 21

powerpuffer September 19 2008, 15:03:19 UTC

i had that stuff too =( LBC ended up in the NICU, but due to jaundice, so i do not think there is a connection.

i am a ways off on having #2, but i plan to do it toally differently this time, and i am excited to have you to watch and learn from!

thesynergizer September 21 2008, 04:01:27 UTC

thanks! i'm doing a ton of learning for myself and for this baby and hoping to help others along the way. stephen said the other day that i'm going to know so much about birth that it's a pity to waste it all by only having one more, and perhaps we should have 10. hardy har har.

newsbean September 19 2008, 20:12:25 UTC

My love, there is no reason that you should not have trusted the medical advice of your doctor. In that position, you are absolutely trusting in them, and why shouldn't you? It's their job and they are trained. It's good that you have this information for the next time through, and I know that being a parent is feeling guilty all the time. I really hope you are able to forgive yourself, after all, YOU did nothing wrong.

xoxo

thesynergizer September 21 2008, 04:04:58 UTC

there's a whole lot more to birth than "medical advice" there's "oh crap its sunday and i really really do not want to be here all day. can't we just hurry this damn thing up already?" and various other horrors that have nothing to do with what's best for the mother or the baby.

i trust self-education a whole lot more than mainstream medicine at this point in my life.

newsbean September 21 2008, 05:09:13 UTC

I completely agree. If I had trusted in mainstream medical stuff, I would be dead. Quite literally. (The surgery was performed by mainstream medical, but I was the one who had to self-educate myself into knowing I needed it. Lo and behold...)

All I'm saying is that in the moment, you made a decision that was based on the best information you had. xoxo

letisca November 23 2008, 02:45:06 UTC

I know I'm commenting on an entry from a million years ago but I just saw this tonight while doing a little catch up reading on your journal and wanted to say that I too cried while reading Ina May the first time for similar reasons ( ... )

thesynergizer November 24 2008, 00:07:42 UTC

oh wow, you are due so soon!!!! if you can't get it from the library, then i think you should buy another copy. i reread mine just the other day (and it hasn't even been that long since i read it the first time) and got a ton more stuff out of it than i did the first time.

i actually took NOTES this time. i have a ton of questions for my midwife at my next appointment on tuesday ...

wait, you mean they sectioned you because your baby *might* get stuck? based on what? the weight guess from a late ultrasound? holy crap, that makes me want to cry and it's not even my baby!!!!!!

are you VBACing? HBACing? it occurs to me i know little about your pregnancy and birth plans ...

good luck to you guys though, i hope it is an empowering birth and you have a chance to do it all right this time :-)

letisca November 25 2008, 15:29:16 UTC

I've been pretty quiet on LJ about my birth plans because it's a mixed audience and I just don't need any hassles. (I'm not actually sure my inlaws actually realize we are planning a homebirth ( ... )