Dear children

[thesynergizer]

Dear Ben,

I am so sorry. I'm sorry that I was young and stupid and didn't know to do my own research and ask questions and believe in my body. I'm sorry that I could have done so much better and it didn't even occur to me to try.

Love,
your mamaI am borrowing Ina May's Guide to Childbirth from my friend Kelly and have devoured most of it in less

Comments

[letisca]

I know I'm commenting on an entry from a million years ago but I just saw this tonight while doing a little catch up reading on your journal and wanted to say that I too cried while reading Ina May the first time for similar reasons.

The part that got me was when she describes the Gaskin maneuver which is important for freeing a baby stuck with shoulder dystocia. Shoulder dystocia is the hypothetical they used to bully me into a c-section with Samuel. The doctor kept talking about how he'd get stuck and die or even if she could get him out, she'd have to break his collar bones to do it and he'd probably have permanent damage from that. It was all so horribly violent and scary, I was scared to have that doctor touch me if I was opposing her in any way. And then to read that there are things to do to get a baby out that is stuck (if they even end up stuck in the first place) that don't involve breaking and cutting, etc. Well I cried.

Sadly my copy of Ina May is in TX with my SIL right now. I should go check it out from the library. I'm huge and 38.5 weeks and tired of being puffy and in need of some inspiration. But I love what you said to your new baby. "We are strong. We will do this together" That was one of my positive affirmations before Isaac's birth and it was so true. Thanks for the good reminder, I need to say that to my little wiggly one. Wishing you all the best!

-Laura

[thesynergizer]

oh wow, you are due so soon!!!! if you can't get it from the library, then i think you should buy another copy. i reread mine just the other day (and it hasn't even been that long since i read it the first time) and got a ton more stuff out of it than i did the first time.

i actually took NOTES this time. i have a ton of questions for my midwife at my next appointment on tuesday ...

wait, you mean they sectioned you because your baby *might* get stuck? based on what? the weight guess from a late ultrasound? holy crap, that makes me want to cry and it's not even my baby!!!!!!

are you VBACing? HBACing? it occurs to me i know little about your pregnancy and birth plans ...

good luck to you guys though, i hope it is an empowering birth and you have a chance to do it all right this time :-)

[letisca]

I've been pretty quiet on LJ about my birth plans because it's a mixed audience and I just don't need any hassles. (I'm not actually sure my inlaws actually realize we are planning a homebirth)

So yeah, I had an amazing wonderful natural successful hospital VBAC with Isaac. And then those doctors (Heidi and Rudy, Heidi's birth story is in Ina May) were forced out of practice because they did stuff like actually support VBAC instead of grumpily allowing it. So I pretty much vowed that unless it was life or death, none of the OB's in my town were getting my business (that and 3 out of the 6 of them have 50% cesarean rates and you get whoever is on call when you go into labor)

Then in 2007 when I found out I was pregnant, I got in touch with the homebirth midwife who everyone I know loves. (there are no birth centers close by that accept VBACs and I can't get midwifery care in hospital because of my VBAC status) She did my prenatal care for my pregnancy with Faith (she was also consulting with the perinatologist and her back-up OB when things started to go badly) Anyway, in the whole messy thing, I ended up having to go to the hospital and deal with one of the least objectionable OB's to deliver what I knew was going to be a non-surviving 22 weeker. And the experience was simply awful. And this is in my crunchy town with a hospital that is seriously awesome at trying to do good stuff in regards to birth. All it takes is a bad care provider :(

so, I'm planning an HBAC. And I'm really happy with my choice. Took me awhile to frame it as a positive choice and not a negative choice (what I'm avoiding) but I've done that and I'm so excited. And I really love my midwife, her student, and her nurse.

But I'm quiet about my plans because of things like people assuming that Faith died because I was seeing a midwife, etc. I just don't need the extra stress in my life and I'm still a little raw emotionally. (and Matt can have that discussion with his parents after the baby comes) This pregnancy has been totally complication free (only my aching back!)

Oh, yeah, pretty awful to section someone on estimated size. A 39 week u/s said Samuel was 11 lbs 3 oz. At birth 4 days later, he was 9 lbs, 9 oz (and I swear the OB had her thumb on the scale) The beautiful part - after a long tiring labor I pushed out Isaac in 45 minutes and he weighed 9 lbs 12 oz :) So much for "oh no, too big!"