Dear children

[thesynergizer]

Dear Ben,

I am so sorry. I'm sorry that I was young and stupid and didn't know to do my own research and ask questions and believe in my body. I'm sorry that I could have done so much better and it didn't even occur to me to try.

Love,
your mamaI am borrowing Ina May's Guide to Childbirth from my friend Kelly and have devoured most of it in less

Comments

[preachan_sidhe]

Cytotec is a vile drug for induction and augmentation. The bottle even has a picture of a pregnant figure with a big red x'd out circle on it. They gave it to me to induce, followed by pitocin during my first pregnancy, except they inserted it vaginally rather than orally. Both methods are used and the doses are not regulated. Each doctor/medwife has their own idea on how much is ok. It's also a major cause of uterine rupture in both VBACs and births with no surgical history. :(

But don't beat yourself up. Doctors and midwives often gain the trust of first time moms and abuse it. All you can do is move forward like you're doing. Also, Ina May is complete and total WIN is she not?

[thesynergizer]

complete and total. i am in a beautiful state of awe over what she has accomplished and how strong she is. what a legacy to leave!

thanks so much for the book. stephen is now reading it (without any nudging from me) and he is impressed as well. and that takes a lot. :-)

[preachan_sidhe]

I love that not only is she a dirty hippy, she's a very intelligent dirty hippy and her book is full of information. I like the emotional, inspirational birth stories, but it should be balanced with practicality and I think she really DOES have that balance.

[rami_raksab]

You really shouldn't blame yourself for hasty decisions made during your labor. One cannot expect to be clear-headed when one is in labor. Furthermore, trained medical experts have an annoying habit of thinking they know better than their patients. (Which they usually do, but they can screw up.) That's why you bring your partner or a close friend/relative to the hospital with you.

Apologies if this sounds naive, but ... why is it a point of pride to give birth (partially or completely) without the intervention of drugs or surgery? As far as I understand it, the ease and speed of labor is determined by factors which appear to be mostly genetic. It's not a question of how caring the mother is, or how well she tolerates pain. Some women just have easy deliveries and some don't, just like some women are great at baking them and some aren't. (Granted, lots of people are proud of genetic gifts over which they had no control, but there you go.)

[thesynergizer]

because interventions lead to interventions. there is no such thing as a "safe" medication for birthing. all have side effects. some are for the mom, some are for the baby, some are mild, some are grave

[rami_raksab]

oh, I will certainly do some reading, probably far more than is good for me, if I ever get pregnant. I am the sort of person who prefers to be well-informed. Thankfully this is not something I believe I need to worry about for years yet

[thesynergizer]

i obviously cannot know the details of the birth of you and your brother, but i do know that "the baby didn't fit" is very very rare in other parts of the world. assuming that your mom didn't have rickets or vitamin d deficiancy, it is more likely (though again, i am not her or her doctor and obviously wasn't there) that the problem was more one of postitioning. the way amercian women give birth in hospitals, either lying flat on their backs or with their legs up in stirrups, is horrible for getting out babies. not only does it force the woman to push uphill, against gravity, but it also narrows the width of her hips and cervical opening. the hips are not just one bone, but many that are connected by ligaments that stretch and give during childbirth. the baby's head is also made of several bones, and the skull bones actually can overlap in order to fit through the birth canal. giving birth in a squatting position or on hands and knees (as is usually done in traditional societies) opens up the mother and makes the optimum amount of

[katielovesjoel]

That book is fantastic. I"m glad you're reading it!

[thesynergizer]

i love love love it. i am so excited to give birth! i keep on wondering if having birthing dreams now is weird, but it is what it is, you know? ;-)

[jesskathand]

I know how you feel :-(
every day I wish I stood up to the doctr that said "you have to have a c-section now or you will die"

really? going to die? seriously?

But it happened and now you have a wonderful, gorgeous son! and now you're educating yourself for this birth! I'm so excited you're having a homebirth!

[thesynergizer]

awwww, thanks!

it's so hard when they pull the "going to die" or "baby will die" card, because crap, they're the doctor right? they must know what they're talking about right?

honestly, i think that it's more than i would have to stand up to that, which is why i am staying as far away from hospitals as possible. birth is not a disease!!!!!

[thesynergizer]

if i'd thought to ask "are there any potential risks?" and was told "nope!" then i could sleep well at night saying it was not my fault. but i didn't even think about it. i had no idea that crap like this existed back then ... i knew i didn't want to give birth in a hospital, but honestly, i had no idea WHY that was, factually at least. it was just intuition.