bad to worse...

[theoldanarchist]

I am currently as close to the end of my rope as I feel I have ever been.  I do not know how much worse things can get, but I really feel that I've had enough and can't take any more.  Kelly is afraid I am going to do something drastic, and I cannot honestly say that her fear is unfounded.  Were it not for her, I may have done it already...  I do

Comments

[tyrsalvia]

Find a smaller goal that you can actually complete in a fairly short amount of time? Make a single piece of art that you really like, and if you don't know how, take a class somewhere to learn techniques to do this. Self-publish a single zine, write up your opinions and thoughts and make it available online to anyone who wants to send you a self-addressed stamped envelope (if you do this, tell me, and I'll pass the info around).

If you've truely given up on your dreams, put them to rest. Write them all down, and sacrifice them to the ocean or a fire, and ask to be reborn. If one self has been shed, there is always another underneath. If you really can't be your dreams, find better ones. Unattainable dreams suck.

[theoldanarchist]

I truly appreciate your thoughts and ideas, I do. But, right now, everything seems somehow beyond reach, even the simplest goals seem impossible or pointless. So, I have settled into a routine that provides no satisfaction whatsoever.

There has to be a way out... there has to be.... I just need one sign that things can get better, one sign to give me back some of the hope I've lost.

[nephthys510]

been there.

Please hang in there. The bitch wheel of fortune keeps coming up in my posts lately... she seems to be stuck at the bottom for soooo many people. She has to start turning again.

[theoldanarchist]

In the novel A Confederacy Of Dunces, the main character, Ignatius Reilly, is constantly struggling with the Wheel of Fortune (he refers to it by a feminine name, the name of a Goddess, but I do not recall the name at the moment), and I now know what he was talking about. The wheel seems to have ground to a halt in its downward turning, and does not seem in any hurry to get moving again. It has to though, right?

[nephthys510]

Yep! That's exactly what I was referencing.

Good ol Ignatius.

It HAS to. Mine was down there for a year. But FINALLY starting it's slow turn upward.

Unless you are living like Ignatius, and then you may have some issues....

[theoldanarchist]

No, my life has not degenerated down to the level at which Ignatius was living... but, I won't say it's impossible.

[inlaterdays]

what others have said. for some reason, a lot of people seem to be having a terribly tough time right now. things will get better. :/

[theoldanarchist]

Yeah... See my response immediately above.

[gurdonark]

I read this post and feel badly that you are going through this. I hope that you regain hope, and find the way out of this fog.

[theoldanarchist]

Thanks for your kind wishes. You and I hope the same hope, I guess. Be well.

[greenriver]

I agree with the whole rebirth thing that tyrsalvia was taking about.

Myself, I am gripped by a coldness every day, and I want to be happy but it feels mostly out of reach.

So I just keep on living, in the meantime... I think that the most troubled people can produce the best work...

"It is no measure of sanity, to function in a sick society"

[theoldanarchist]

Yeah, she is definitely on to something there, and I agree with her. But, when you are severely depressed, even the greatest advice, or attempt by anyone to get you to see your situation from a different perspective, just does not help. Somehow, depression affects even your vision and clarity of mind. Nothing looks like it is, and nothing looks at all like it could be.

"What's madness but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance."