I really have a love-hate relationship with this place, this journal.  I have to wonder at times why I continue to do it.  The things I write here are sometimes deeply embarassing to me afterwards (like the entry from last Monday), or just seem stupid or self-indulgent.  Maybe this has just been a bad week---actually, there's no maybe about it, ( Read more... )

I have not posted an update in quite some time... largely because I really haven't been online, or when I am, I am not on lj.  I guess I'm just not feeling all that communicative.  Or, I don't have anything to communicate?  Maybe that's it.  I read your journals, folks, but don't feel like I have much to say.

It seems that I have pneumonia, which ( Read more... )

I am currently as close to the end of my rope as I feel I have ever been.  I do not know how much worse things can get, but I really feel that I've had enough and can't take any more.  Kelly is afraid I am going to do something drastic, and I cannot honestly say that her fear is unfounded.  Were it not for her, I may have done it already...  I do ( Read more... )

So, May, "the month of big changes", should have been more accurately called the month that tried my patience to the breaking point.  Sort of like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer, in a fit of great frustration, shakes his fist at the sky and addresses God thusly: "You're really pushin' me, buddy!"  I'm not quite to that point, but I'm ( Read more... )

My 33rd birthday, of course, is in 2 days, and I feel more nauseated every day as it approaches. My life is not at all where I imagined it would be by this point. I should have at least two non-fiction books published by now, 4 or 5 novels and/or plays/screenplays, etc. Instead, I have nothing, or very nearly nothing. This is not simply a ( Read more... )

I'm not sure if it is actually possible to die of boredom, but of late I feel I've been stretching the limits of said possibility. At this point, I think only something dramatic and miraculous will save me from this dreadful amalgamation of laziness, entropy, inertia, boredom, moroseness, despondency, caffeine-addiction, financial woes, direction- ( Read more... )

I wish I could answer that question myself... I guess I've been looking for a job, but not with much excitement or energy. But, the end of the month is coming, and it would be nice to be able to pay my rent for September ( Read more... )

I have a rehearsal tonight, but no desire to go.

I've been feeling sad all afternoon, and I'm damned if I can figure out why...

*sigh...*

It's not that I necessarily mind feeling bad, but I'd sure as hell like to know why.

I want to listen to Nino Rota.

Well, I must say it comes as a terrible surprise to me that pay day rolls around, and I've got no goddamn check. I do not know for how much longer I can work for this woman.... Honestly, I am beginning to hate the very sight of her. What's worse is, I hate feeling this way ( Read more... )