The Wizard of PROZ
Title: The Wizard of PROZ (The Wizard of PROZ Epilogue @ FF.net)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Kutner/Thirteen, House/Wilson, Wilson/Amber
Genre: Parody/Adventure
Warnings: Language, sexual references, spoilers up to Living The Dream, but disregarding the finale (House's Head/Wilson's Heart)
Summary: An accident causes Thirteen to sustain a nasty concussion, and a second impact leaves her totally unconscious. While unconscious she's taken to a strange world called Princeton-South-of-Oz, where she's given the Ruby Thong, and a mission; get it to House! But will the Wicked Witches stop her?
Notes: This is it. =) Thanks a bunch to everyone who has been reading an reviewing, we both really appreciate it! We hope you've enjoyed the story.
Previous Chapters: PROLOGUE CHAPTER ONE CHAPTER TWO CHAPTER THREE CHAPTER FOUR CHAPTER FIVE CHAPTER SIX CHAPTER SEVEN CHAPTER EIGHT CHAPTER NINE CHAPTER TEN
"My head is killing me," seemed to be the only coherent thought Thirteen could articulate. Her head hurt, and badly. She really wanted to tell everyone about the dream and have a laugh, but they seemed much more focused on shining penlights at her and waving their hands in front of her face.
"That headache probably won't go away for a while," House said conclusively. "But, there seems to be no permanent damage."
"Good," Kutner said, sighing in relief.
"We should probably schedule another CT, make sure there's not swelling or anything," Foreman said.
House nodded. "Go do that."
Foreman exited the room. Thirteen watched him go, then turned back to House. "How long have I been out?" she asked. The dream felt as if it had lasted for a couple of days, at least, but she had no idea how long she had actually been asleep.
House looked at his watch. "About ten hours."
"It felt like days," she said thoughtfully. "I had the craziest dream," she told them, smiling a bit.
"You were talking in your sleep," Taub piped up. "We got the gist of it."
"That's embarrassing," she said to herself, biting her lip.
House chuckled, taking a seat and stretching out his good leg and popping a couple of vicodin. "So what was Amber wearing?" he asked her seriously.
"Oh, you know, typical witch outfit," Thirteen replied, quietly. She realised that if she spoke in a normal tone, it made her head hurt more, and she really wanted to avoid that. "When she was wearing anything at all, that is." She smirked at House.
"Hah, I knew it. You were having one crazy dream, weren't you?" He turned to Kutner. "Pity, though, your girl doesn't seem to dream about doing the nasty with you."
Thirteen wanted to roll her eyes, but she just closed them instead, enjoying the relief that offered. "I wasn't the one having sex with Amber," she said. "You and Wilson were."
"That sounds like a nightmare," Kutner said, holding back laughter.
"It really does," Cuddy agreed.
"Yet you dream about it every night!" House said, winking outlandishly at Cuddy. She just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.
Wilson just shook his head. "So you're sure you're alright?" he directed at Thirteen.
"Other than the headache, I'm fantastic," she said dryly, groaning a little as her head gave a painful throb.
"I'm really sorry," Kutner interjected, sighing. "About the concussion."
She tried to shake her head, but found it a bit too painful. "It isn't your fault," she said, narrowing her eyes at House.
"It is," House muttered, sticking his tongue out at Kutner.
"Is not," Kutner replied, sticking his tongue out as well.
"House, stop acting like that, you're rubbing off on the children," Wilson said, laughing. "They're never going to grow up properly now."
"And they're all going to be gay," House said sadly. "You mother them too much. Just look at Thirteen, she's already halfway there. And Kutner... well. We won't talk about that."
"I'm not gay!" Kutner protested.
"Of course not," House said.
"You should probably lay off the drugs, though, they mess with your concentration," Wilson added. "I could just kick myself for never sitting down and having those anti-drug talks with you." He laughed again, and House joined in.
Kutner cracked a smile. "You two are insane."
"Obviously it runs in the family," House said sarcastically, jabbing Kutner in the leg with his cane.
"Ow!"
"That did not hurt," he said dismissively. "Quit being a baby."
Pouting, Kutner glared at House. "I wasn't being a baby, that hurt!"
Foreman returned to the hospital room, interrupting the impromptu glaring contest Kutner and House had started. "We can take Thirteen up for a CT in a few minutes," he told them. "They were just finishing one when I got in there, so whenever you want to," he said to Thirteen.
Thirteen nodded. "I'm ready whenever you guys can take me there." Her muscles felt stiff from not moving for so long, and she really wanted to get up and get out of the room, even just for a bit, and even if it was just to go run a test. She tried to sit up a bit, then pulled herself up all the way when she didn't experience any dizziness, or an increase in the pain in her head.
"Look at that, getting up all by herself. Don't cry, Wilson, they do that."
"Your constant jokes about us being your children is faintly disturbing, House," Taub said.
"You like it. Makes you feel special, don't deny it," House replied. "And besides, it makes Wilson happy."
Wilson just shook his head in exasperation.
"Well, if you're going to keep them up," she started. "Pick one of us as your kid, and stick with that. If you keep calling both of us your kids, I may have a problem with it," she said, trying to sound stern.
"But then we can't make incest jokes!" House said, looking appalled.
"Exactly."
"You are no fun at all, even when you are banging your brother." House made a point of sulking.
"I don't think that's a problem, though," Wilson said. "Since Kutner is clearly adopted."
"Shh, don't tell him that!" House covered Kutner's ears. "He doesn't need to know just yet!"
"Get off me!" Kutner jerked away from House. "Seriously, you two are ridiculous."
"Just a bit," House said, shrugging. "So whenever you're ready, Thirteen," he said, looking from Foreman, to Thirteen, to the door. "I want to go to get a sandwich," he added.
"Trust you to have food on the brain," Wilson muttered, rolling his eyes again.
"Well, I'm ready," Thirteen said, looking around at everyone.
"Great, let's go check out that brain," House said happily, standing up, leaning on his cane for a moment before walking towards the door. He opened it and gestured toward a nurse who was waiting outside, and she entered with a wheelchair. Thirteen, with the help of Kutner, got out of bed and into it without any problem. Her head felt a bit light, but she knew it would pass, and everything would go back to normal.
As she was taken toward the CT lab, surrounded by her friends and colleagues, a thought entered her head, and she laughed.
"What?" Kutner asked, confused at the random laughter.
"Nothing," she said. "Just..." she laughed again. "There's no place like home."
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Kutner/Thirteen, House/Wilson, Wilson/Amber
Genre: Parody/Adventure
Warnings: Language, sexual references, spoilers up to Living The Dream, but disregarding the finale (House's Head/Wilson's Heart)
Summary: An accident causes Thirteen to sustain a nasty concussion, and a second impact leaves her totally unconscious. While unconscious she's taken to a strange world called Princeton-South-of-Oz, where she's given the Ruby Thong, and a mission; get it to House! But will the Wicked Witches stop her?
Notes: This is it. =) Thanks a bunch to everyone who has been reading an reviewing, we both really appreciate it! We hope you've enjoyed the story.
Previous Chapters: PROLOGUE CHAPTER ONE CHAPTER TWO CHAPTER THREE CHAPTER FOUR CHAPTER FIVE CHAPTER SIX CHAPTER SEVEN CHAPTER EIGHT CHAPTER NINE CHAPTER TEN
"My head is killing me," seemed to be the only coherent thought Thirteen could articulate. Her head hurt, and badly. She really wanted to tell everyone about the dream and have a laugh, but they seemed much more focused on shining penlights at her and waving their hands in front of her face.
"That headache probably won't go away for a while," House said conclusively. "But, there seems to be no permanent damage."
"Good," Kutner said, sighing in relief.
"We should probably schedule another CT, make sure there's not swelling or anything," Foreman said.
House nodded. "Go do that."
Foreman exited the room. Thirteen watched him go, then turned back to House. "How long have I been out?" she asked. The dream felt as if it had lasted for a couple of days, at least, but she had no idea how long she had actually been asleep.
House looked at his watch. "About ten hours."
"It felt like days," she said thoughtfully. "I had the craziest dream," she told them, smiling a bit.
"You were talking in your sleep," Taub piped up. "We got the gist of it."
"That's embarrassing," she said to herself, biting her lip.
House chuckled, taking a seat and stretching out his good leg and popping a couple of vicodin. "So what was Amber wearing?" he asked her seriously.
"Oh, you know, typical witch outfit," Thirteen replied, quietly. She realised that if she spoke in a normal tone, it made her head hurt more, and she really wanted to avoid that. "When she was wearing anything at all, that is." She smirked at House.
"Hah, I knew it. You were having one crazy dream, weren't you?" He turned to Kutner. "Pity, though, your girl doesn't seem to dream about doing the nasty with you."
Thirteen wanted to roll her eyes, but she just closed them instead, enjoying the relief that offered. "I wasn't the one having sex with Amber," she said. "You and Wilson were."
"That sounds like a nightmare," Kutner said, holding back laughter.
"It really does," Cuddy agreed.
"Yet you dream about it every night!" House said, winking outlandishly at Cuddy. She just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.
Wilson just shook his head. "So you're sure you're alright?" he directed at Thirteen.
"Other than the headache, I'm fantastic," she said dryly, groaning a little as her head gave a painful throb.
"I'm really sorry," Kutner interjected, sighing. "About the concussion."
She tried to shake her head, but found it a bit too painful. "It isn't your fault," she said, narrowing her eyes at House.
"It is," House muttered, sticking his tongue out at Kutner.
"Is not," Kutner replied, sticking his tongue out as well.
"House, stop acting like that, you're rubbing off on the children," Wilson said, laughing. "They're never going to grow up properly now."
"And they're all going to be gay," House said sadly. "You mother them too much. Just look at Thirteen, she's already halfway there. And Kutner... well. We won't talk about that."
"I'm not gay!" Kutner protested.
"Of course not," House said.
"You should probably lay off the drugs, though, they mess with your concentration," Wilson added. "I could just kick myself for never sitting down and having those anti-drug talks with you." He laughed again, and House joined in.
Kutner cracked a smile. "You two are insane."
"Obviously it runs in the family," House said sarcastically, jabbing Kutner in the leg with his cane.
"Ow!"
"That did not hurt," he said dismissively. "Quit being a baby."
Pouting, Kutner glared at House. "I wasn't being a baby, that hurt!"
Foreman returned to the hospital room, interrupting the impromptu glaring contest Kutner and House had started. "We can take Thirteen up for a CT in a few minutes," he told them. "They were just finishing one when I got in there, so whenever you want to," he said to Thirteen.
Thirteen nodded. "I'm ready whenever you guys can take me there." Her muscles felt stiff from not moving for so long, and she really wanted to get up and get out of the room, even just for a bit, and even if it was just to go run a test. She tried to sit up a bit, then pulled herself up all the way when she didn't experience any dizziness, or an increase in the pain in her head.
"Look at that, getting up all by herself. Don't cry, Wilson, they do that."
"Your constant jokes about us being your children is faintly disturbing, House," Taub said.
"You like it. Makes you feel special, don't deny it," House replied. "And besides, it makes Wilson happy."
Wilson just shook his head in exasperation.
"Well, if you're going to keep them up," she started. "Pick one of us as your kid, and stick with that. If you keep calling both of us your kids, I may have a problem with it," she said, trying to sound stern.
"But then we can't make incest jokes!" House said, looking appalled.
"Exactly."
"You are no fun at all, even when you are banging your brother." House made a point of sulking.
"I don't think that's a problem, though," Wilson said. "Since Kutner is clearly adopted."
"Shh, don't tell him that!" House covered Kutner's ears. "He doesn't need to know just yet!"
"Get off me!" Kutner jerked away from House. "Seriously, you two are ridiculous."
"Just a bit," House said, shrugging. "So whenever you're ready, Thirteen," he said, looking from Foreman, to Thirteen, to the door. "I want to go to get a sandwich," he added.
"Trust you to have food on the brain," Wilson muttered, rolling his eyes again.
"Well, I'm ready," Thirteen said, looking around at everyone.
"Great, let's go check out that brain," House said happily, standing up, leaning on his cane for a moment before walking towards the door. He opened it and gestured toward a nurse who was waiting outside, and she entered with a wheelchair. Thirteen, with the help of Kutner, got out of bed and into it without any problem. Her head felt a bit light, but she knew it would pass, and everything would go back to normal.
As she was taken toward the CT lab, surrounded by her friends and colleagues, a thought entered her head, and she laughed.
"What?" Kutner asked, confused at the random laughter.
"Nothing," she said. "Just..." she laughed again. "There's no place like home."