012 - Drinking and taking it out on the barge.

[the_house_rules]

[House has propped his journal up on his chest, and it looks like his head is resting on the arm of his sofa. It's not immediately clear that he has been drinking, but oh it will be. This is a PUBLIC VIDEO, by the way.]

Hey everybody. So, hey. I lost my handcuffs this week. If you've seen them... let me know or something. Because I need them. [Cue a

Comments

[future_games]

...A duck. [And somehow that was the strangest thing on that list.]

...Well, the Admiral granted the shark request.

[the_house_rules]

Yes, a duck. It's for the shark, actually.

[Pause. Sporfle.]

No, it's not. It's for... something else.

[future_games]

I'm not so sure I want to know what that something else is.

[the_house_rules]

Considering it involves a tarp and marbles and a tarp, I think you might be right. Just pretend this never happened.

[Now he's drunk whispering, as if that will help all this to go away.]

[no_nanomites]

Did you just say 'Good ship Scrotum?"

[the_house_rules]

[Gasp.]

No.

[The shock, it is so apparent.]

I said DUCK.

[no_nanomites]

Uh huh.

[Have a really large grin.]

I think I like you, House.

[the_house_rules]

If you show me my boobs I'll show you yours.

[Pause. Blink.]

Or the other way around.

[thegooddrjones]

How does one measure "a shit ton?"

And you can't have the handcuffs back, they're mine now.

[the_house_rules]

Dude. Bro. They're mine. Don't make me pudding wrestle you for them.

Actually, do. Please do.

Would it be vanilla pudding... or chocolate? [It's clear, by the way he said chocolate, that chocolate is kinky somehow. CLEARLY. Fuck the shit ton, he's all about the handcuffs.]

[thegooddrjones]

I don't know, House, I got into a fight with a Timelord and put him out cold. I don't think you could handle this. Besides, it clearly always needs to be chocolate pudding. Vanilla is boring.

[the_house_rules]

[Grin. Big, slow grin, and House is clearly peacing out to happier thoughts as she announces vanilla is boring. Clearly, this is not a pudding conversation anymore. Not even remotely.]

It could be double chocolate... [His voice is slow, suggestive, and inebriated.]

...or double reverse broken mint chip upside down pudding... [Way to go, House. Sex position pudding.]

PRIVATE BECAUSE THIS IS A SECRET.

[the_house_rules]

It's not for me it's for my penis. A penis. The penis I am creating.

[Cue evil laughter.]

PRIVATE.

[the_house_rules]

No no no... no... not at all... sober is as sober does. Scouts honor.

[House does a little salute and kind of slaps himself in the face a little bit but doesn't seem to care or notice.]

[empirical_data]

Have you lost your marbles as well as your tape? [You make the android joke, House. This is awesome.]

[the_house_rules]

[House finds this way too funny and laughs for too long before answering.]

No. Yes, but no.

Data! Do you have... what time is it?

[empirical_data]

23:55 military time... Five 'til twelve for someone of your inebriation.

[the_house_rules]

[House grins.]

You're like an international cock.

Clock. [He corrects himself, and then there is a ridiculous outburst of asshole-laughter.]