012 - Drinking and taking it out on the barge.

[the_house_rules]

[House has propped his journal up on his chest, and it looks like his head is resting on the arm of his sofa. It's not immediately clear that he has been drinking, but oh it will be. This is a PUBLIC VIDEO, by the way.]

Hey everybody. So, hey. I lost my handcuffs this week. If you've seen them... let me know or something. Because I need them. [Cue a

Comments

[empirical_data]

Have you lost your marbles as well as your tape? [You make the android joke, House. This is awesome.]

[the_house_rules]

[House finds this way too funny and laughs for too long before answering.]

No. Yes, but no.

Data! Do you have... what time is it?

[empirical_data]

23:55 military time... Five 'til twelve for someone of your inebriation.

[the_house_rules]

[House grins.]

You're like an international cock.

Clock. [He corrects himself, and then there is a ridiculous outburst of asshole-laughter.]

[empirical_data]

[He's never going to live this down.] ...I have an internal chronometer, yes. [If he doesn't say clock, he won't say cock. Win for him!]

[the_house_rules]

Internal? Really. That's... it must be awkward...

[House? Is talking about an internal penis. Theme of the day.]

[empirical_data]

They are essential for computers to dictate processes by. Though I am capable of losing track of time despite it. [There House, have that for your imagination.]

[the_house_rules]

[House's eyes bug out a little. He's somewhat focused on the word "dictate" and how much it sounds like "dick."]

Wait, what, you can't process... dicks?

[House might be more drunk than he imagined he was.]

[empirical_data]

[Oh my, you are so very drunk.] Most men I have encountered would very much disapprove of having that part of their anatomy processed.

[the_house_rules]

[Mentally processing has now switched to mechanical processing, thanks Data, and now House looks vaguely ill.]

Oh... fuck...

[empirical_data]

Have I successfully distracted you from the matter of genitalia? How much have you had to drink?

[the_house_rules]

[Lightbulb lit up over his head. He's remembered that, actually, he wants to talk more about genitalia.]

No, actually... [The first question.] Some. [The second.]

So you're anatomically correct, right? [Back to the first.]

[empirical_data]

[Oh my, where is this going?] I am, as well as fully functional.

[the_house_rules]

[House tries to sit up a bit, but fails, however the action makes him look busy for a few seconds before he gives up.]

Right, so... [House knows Data is built to mimic, in many to most ways, the structures of humans. So...]

So you can get it up. [Clearly.] Like BAM? [This is said as both an exclamation, because he's curious, and a question, also because he's curious, and there's a hand gesture like fireworks that goes along with it. Then he continues:] Or like... android blood and erectile fake tissue and stuff?

[THIS IS PRESSING. HE MUST KNOW.]

[empirical_data]

....I need assistance, if that is what you are asking. [Eyebrows at you so much. Though he may be sitting more primly just because his modesty protocols are getting pinged all over the place.]

I am very similar to a human. It remains active until I otherwise decide. [Suddenly he feels the urge to clear his throat. He doesn't, but its strange.]

Martha is coming to monitor you, correct? [Monitor, get a drink, same difference. He doesn't want you trying to pee on Snape's door and ending up with a tribble for a scrotum. He cares that much.]

OH YEAH THIS IS SUCH A PUBLIC THREAD

[the_house_rules]

Assistance, like, spank bank... or...? [House is lost. And then he is distracted because it remains "active" until Data decides he's finished. House's eyes are wide. There's a little twitch of a grin. He's thinking about how awesome that is.]

You lucky bastard.

Martha? What? Oh. Yeah...