(Untitled)

[captainjack]

Remus has been debating a lot of points since waking up as some ridiculously fit, married, American man.  The first debate was less a debate and more wishing he'd taken practical mathematics in his youth, trying to figure out how much he now has to drink to get blind-drunk in a body with six inches and probably a good five to eight stone over his

Comments

[little_moons]

Somehow, I manage to make it all the way to the compound without noticing anything's weird. With all five of us waking up unchanged, the morning is just like any other. Mike heads off to The Winchester with the girls and Tom in tow, and I decide to grab some coffee and check in at the station.

Seeing Jack Harkness sprawled miserably across one of the kitchen tables isn't exactly normal, and for a second or two, I wonder if maybe I've stumbled across a clone or something. Wouldn't that be weird.

"Bad night?"

[captainjack]

"You could say that," Remus answers into his elbow. Even the voice is impossible to work with--it's not just the accent, it's some gentle undertone of laughter, some hum of bravado that takes the punch of abject misery out of his words. He thinks if he has to keep this up for too long, that laughter is going to edge toward hysterical.

Rolling an eye up to look over the new and considerable bulk of his arm, he finds the source of the question and doesn't know whether to groan or sigh in relief. "Oh good," he says, as flatly as he's now able, "it's you. I think I need you to find my juvenile delinquent of a clone and ask him where he keeps his drugs."

[little_moons]

Okay, so it's one of those days.

Behind the Harkness swagger and that face and the accent, there's something disturbingly familiar, and I stare unabashedly, mouth working while I run through a list in my head of people I know with doubles, people I know who'd call someone a juvenile delinquent in all seriousness, and people I know who'd be sitting here at the kitchen table with tea instead of coffee.

I open my mouth, but before I can actually say anything, I let out a bark of laughter, and pretty soon I'm doubled over and struggling to breathe.

[captainjack]

"Thank you for helping me decide whether or not I'm happy to see you," he says, sitting up enough to rest his head in his hands and, if he could actually see the way he's pouting, Remus would probably smack himself.

[colbert_bump]

Jack came into the kitchen and he felt awesome. He hadn't had a doubt in his mind since he woke up. He didn't even get upset when he realized that he wasn't in his room and that he was in a new body because he was fantastic. It was a shame he wasn't Stephen ALL THE TIME. This was the best day ever.

Except when that dog had began to whine. That had almost broken his heart.

But he was over it by the time he got to the kitchen to get breakfast. He was tempted to sing that song that guy had been singing in his room, but then he spied himself. And he didn't look happy.

"Cheer up," he said, walking right up to his body and going to touch him, then stopping short. Touching a guy...maybe not.

"You're Jack Harkness for a while. Not as amazing as being Stephen, but you'll live. Who are you?"

[captainjack]

As far as Remus is aware, only one person's been informed of his situation, and his eyes cut suspiciously up over his arm to the man's face. "How do you know I'm not Jack," he asks, because the only person who would automatically know something like that is--

"Merlin, you're him, aren't you? I should likely warn you, your husband's none too happy about it, I hope you've seen him."

He's definitely not going to mention the morning wood he'd been pressing against Logan's hip by the time he woke up. He'll take that to the fucking grave.

[colbert_bump]

"I'm going to see him in a minute. I wanted some coffee first," he replied, his expression growing deeply serious. Of course Logan wouldn't be happy about this. And he'd get less happy when he saw who Jack was for the next few days.

Oh, well. Nothing he could do but wait it out. Just like all the other times.

"You have tea...I don't drink tea. You'd feel better with coffee. And a lot of food. I usually eat a lot. All the time...when I'm not working," he continued as he thought on the expression on his face. Of course he was sad...he wasn't Stephen Colbert! Anyone would be sad about that.

[captainjack]

"I am an incredibly tiny person," Remus realizes, sitting up enough to stare at Jack's hands and realize how much sense his suggestion makes. "Normally I mean, I haven't a clue what to do with all of this."

While he knows better than to screw around with Jack's husband or drink himself into a stupor, the mention of work throws him--what if it's something important? Does he have to go for him? "What exactly do you do, when you're not eating a lot?"

[not_the_grim]

It is surely an indicator of how well Sirius is acquainted with Remus and his eccentricities that upon entering the kitchen and laying eyes upon this fellow, he simply knows. Here is a startlingly attractive, incredibly fit man dressed in a bloody pensioner's cardigan and slumped in a fit of pique over his tea.

Oh, there's no doubt about it: Moony is in there.

"Only you could end up in a body like that and actually mope about it," Sirius points out as he slides into the chair opposite.

[captainjack]

At first, Remus doesn't even look up at Sirius. Just the sound of his voice frustrating him, and not because Sirius is being particularly annoying. Then he's sitting right there, his legs sprawled under the table and Remus can't help the way his leg shifts just enough for their knees to touch, shifts just enough that he isn't comfortable with his head down. "Yes," he agrees, sitting up and leaning back against his chair, "only me. I suppose you know where the rest of me is, then. Were they thoroughly traumatized?"

[not_the_grim]

"I wouldn't say that, no," Sirius replies as he slumps down into the seat with a smirk. Rubbing idly at the back of his neck, he slides his knee very purposely against Remus' under the table, wondering if he's even aware of what that body has him up to. "She'll take good care of you, no worries. Very capable, that one."

[captainjack]

The reaction isn't immediate: Remus is too distracted by the brush of Sirius' knee to pay proper mind to what he's saying at first. But, new body or no, new senses and moods to contend with, he knows Sirius. He knows that smirk.

"You--you slept with her, didn't you," he doesn't quite sputter, because the idea of Sirius fucking him while he's actually some strange woman--or fucking some strange woman while she's actually him or something--should bother him, does bother him, but combined with the way he's just brushed his leg down over the inside of Sirius', this body is telling him it's all rather good.

Which is mortifying, really. The squeal of his chair over the floor does nothing for his head, but it's really imperative that he untangle his legs from his best friend's right now. "This does go away at some point, doesn't it?"

[halfscarlet]

It wasn't hard at all to figure out something was wrong, and after realizing none of his closest were affected, Billy was able to find the amusement in all of it. Not that he'd actually laugh in anyone's faces, but he wasn't above going back to laugh with Kate if anything hilarious happened.

The kitchen seemed like a good place to start to find some entertainment, but a pained looking man sprawled on the kitchen table wasn't exactly what he was expecting.

It was kind of sad, actually.

"Hey, are you okay?"

[captainjack]

In most cases, Remus would give perfunctory fine, thank you for asking, because his greatest concern has always been to stop anyone asking questions. Especially questions about his health, but, whatever else this body is, it's remarkably healthy. Today though, he has far less interest in being that polite: "Oh I'm fantastic," he answers, curling his arms up over his head and threading fingers into shorter, darker hair than he's used to.

"Instead of turning into a wolf once a month, now I've taken to waking up as strange men," with an entirely new appetite for human flesh, he does not fucking add.

[halfscarlet]

Billy blinked, eyebrows rising and disappearing into hair he'd probably need to get cut, and soon. He recognized the face, which didn't help when he thought he recognized the who, as well.

"...Remus?"

Remus in Captain Jack's body was a whole new level of geek Billy hadn't been prepared for.

[captainjack]

Well, at this point he's definitely answered the question of whether or not he is completely obvious. Then again, on a tropical island, how many people would wear cardigans and drink hot tea with every meal?

"Billy," he says a bit stupidly, not sure who he expected when he finally looks up. And if he's put all the clues together, he must actually be Billy. "I don't suppose you've seen my body running around anywhere?" It seems logical to go looking, but also a bit horrifying.

[justsookie]

Walking in just in time to catch sight of Jack Harkness' head landing on the table with a very light thud, Sookie sighs and fills a couple of tall glasses with water before heading over to his table. Maybe it's just from her days as a waitress at Merlotte's, but the first thing that always comes to mind when someone downs aspirin is the possibility of a hangover, and she's always found that the best cure is just water-- cool and refreshing, since no one likes gagging over the toilet after a prairie oyster.

"Rough night?" she asks, gently placing the glasses down as she slides into the seat across from Jack, resting her chin in the palm of a hand.

[captainjack]

"Not really, the night was rather nice, it's the morning I'm trying to recover from." Considering how frustrated he already is, thinking about what he'd actually last done with his own body seems like a bad idea.

Water though, that looks delicious, spied over the folds at his elbow before he sits up to down it. It's like everything is so much better in this body--more vital, more appreciated, and when he looks across the table, there's, well, even more to appreciate. His sideways glance takes in the unfamiliar face, then flicks down, the lines of her neck and the little dip of her collar that points--

oh Merlin's fucking beard, he's oggling some poor woman's tits. He doesn't think he's done that since he was fourteen and James needed him to confirm that an overdeveloped second-year's chest was worthy of his rapt attention. Choking on the water, he holds up a hand, to quell any questions and possibly to shield his eyes, sipping slowly from the glass until he can breathe again. "I'm sorry, so sorry, but I don't think I'm who you

[justsookie]

Sadly, what bothers Sookie more than the fact that her rack is being checked out at the supermarket is the fact that Jack Harkness pushed the cart up altogether. The blonde is more than accustomed to enduring prying gazes after so many years of working as a waitress and even taking advantage of pigheaded men with a tight top and short shorts, but Jack had gone so far to reassure her that he didn't have any intentions of the sort when they first got to know one another-- absolutely necessary, given that he already knows quite a bit about her from her past. The fact that he's violating that now already has Sookie pushing away with a loud scrape of chair legs against the floor, small hands splaying over her chest to block visual access to the admittedly low top she's wearing.

It's summer, after all.

So upsetting is the experience that she honestly doesn't even catch the words spilling out of Jack's mouth, except in hearing the tone that clearly smacks of something fishy going on.

"Jack Harkness, what in the fudge are you doing, starin

[captainjack]

If finding his gaze drawn to a pair of--well, alright, he knows both objectively and from the way his mind is lingering on the issue that it's a spectacular pair really--isn't traumatizing enough, getting caught doing so by a rather loud young woman in a public setting is more than enough to completely horrify him. This is the sort of thing he used to sit back and laugh at, watching his friends get thwapped in the head with books or smacked on the chin, told to lift their eyes up, yeah?

It was never supposed to happen to him, he despairs. "I'm not Jack," he sighs, wiping a hand over his face, because this is going to go so much better if his eyes are closed. "I'm not Jack, I'm not married, and I honestly do not want to stare at you like that, I never want to stare at anyone like that."