(Untitled)

[captainjack]

Remus has been debating a lot of points since waking up as some ridiculously fit, married, American man.  The first debate was less a debate and more wishing he'd taken practical mathematics in his youth, trying to figure out how much he now has to drink to get blind-drunk in a body with six inches and probably a good five to eight stone over his

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[colbert_bump]

Jack came into the kitchen and he felt awesome. He hadn't had a doubt in his mind since he woke up. He didn't even get upset when he realized that he wasn't in his room and that he was in a new body because he was fantastic. It was a shame he wasn't Stephen ALL THE TIME. This was the best day ever.

Except when that dog had began to whine. That had almost broken his heart.

But he was over it by the time he got to the kitchen to get breakfast. He was tempted to sing that song that guy had been singing in his room, but then he spied himself. And he didn't look happy.

"Cheer up," he said, walking right up to his body and going to touch him, then stopping short. Touching a guy...maybe not.

"You're Jack Harkness for a while. Not as amazing as being Stephen, but you'll live. Who are you?"

[captainjack]

As far as Remus is aware, only one person's been informed of his situation, and his eyes cut suspiciously up over his arm to the man's face. "How do you know I'm not Jack," he asks, because the only person who would automatically know something like that is--

"Merlin, you're him, aren't you? I should likely warn you, your husband's none too happy about it, I hope you've seen him."

He's definitely not going to mention the morning wood he'd been pressing against Logan's hip by the time he woke up. He'll take that to the fucking grave.

[colbert_bump]

"I'm going to see him in a minute. I wanted some coffee first," he replied, his expression growing deeply serious. Of course Logan wouldn't be happy about this. And he'd get less happy when he saw who Jack was for the next few days.

Oh, well. Nothing he could do but wait it out. Just like all the other times.

"You have tea...I don't drink tea. You'd feel better with coffee. And a lot of food. I usually eat a lot. All the time...when I'm not working," he continued as he thought on the expression on his face. Of course he was sad...he wasn't Stephen Colbert! Anyone would be sad about that.

[captainjack]

"I am an incredibly tiny person," Remus realizes, sitting up enough to stare at Jack's hands and realize how much sense his suggestion makes. "Normally I mean, I haven't a clue what to do with all of this."

While he knows better than to screw around with Jack's husband or drink himself into a stupor, the mention of work throws him--what if it's something important? Does he have to go for him? "What exactly do you do, when you're not eating a lot?"

[colbert_bump]

"I'm on the Island Task Force. And I help run the Catscratch club," he replied, sounding very proud of himself. Any accomplishment seemed like a fabulously wonderful accomplishment that could only be made better by doing them now that he was Stephen.

"Don't worry about that, though. I'll go like I am now. You can do whatever it is you normally do. Who are you normally, by the way?"

Not that it mattered. He wasn't Stephen. That just wasn't how this island madness worked.

[captainjack]

"Remus," he finally says, having gone quiet and wary at the job descriptions. "Just Remus, who normally doesn't do much but read."

Somehow, the idea doesn't sit right with him though. This doesn't seem like a body one sits around in, drinking tea and succumbing to row upon row of Jane Austen when the bookshelf is in a mood.

He's pretty sure today will be one of those days. "Is drinking an option?"

[colbert_bump]

Jack chuckled softly and nodded.

"Drinking is what most people wind up doing when these sorts of things happen. If you feel like it, go for it. Just...be careful. You might feel the need to touch people and I don't know if Logan would care for that and it's a fight I'd rather not have."

Logan. Oh, Logan. He wasn't going to be happy with Jack like this, but whether or not it was Stephen's bed, he didn't think he could stay downstairs with Asher and the rest of the crowd. He liked his home.

Just the thought of home made his smile drop away. Home. Huh. Stephen must miss it because Jack certainly never got melancholy over the thought of home.

[captainjack]

Sitting all the way up, Remus blinks as if he's just woken from a daze. "I hadn't thought of that," even though it seems obvious now. Without all of his carefully constructed inhibitions, he can only imagine the embarrassing things he might get up to.

Embarrassing for him, and worse for Jack when it's over. When Remus looks back at him, he doesn't know what it is, but the expression on, well, Stephen's face begs the question from him: "Are you alright, like that?"

[colbert_bump]

"Me? Oh, of course!" he replied, snapping out of it. "I'm amazing. Actually, I haven't felt so good in a while. I feel..."

He took a deep breath and thought of the right word.

"...Perfect."

[captainjack]

"That sounds," Remus trails off, face pinching because obviously it should be wonderful or, well, perfect, but he is still Remus under the flashy white smile he isn't putting to much use. "That sounds like utter bollocks, actually."

As does his voice, forcing out the words in this ridiculous accent. "I'm sorry, but I hope you're still planning to take this one back later."

[colbert_bump]

"Of course, of course. These things usually just last a few days. A week, tops, but usually two or three days. I've been through this twice before," he announced, confident in his absolutely authoritative knowledge of just about everything the island did because he was Ste- Jack Harkness. He knew things.

"I tell you what...come to the club, I'll make sure you get good and drunk, and in the morning you'll have such a hangover you won't care what body you're in. You'll just want to die!" he said cheerfully. It was such a brilliant plan. He always came up with the most brilliant plans. He was amazing like that.