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[captainjack]

Remus has been debating a lot of points since waking up as some ridiculously fit, married, American man.  The first debate was less a debate and more wishing he'd taken practical mathematics in his youth, trying to figure out how much he now has to drink to get blind-drunk in a body with six inches and probably a good five to eight stone over his

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[justsookie]

Sadly, what bothers Sookie more than the fact that her rack is being checked out at the supermarket is the fact that Jack Harkness pushed the cart up altogether. The blonde is more than accustomed to enduring prying gazes after so many years of working as a waitress and even taking advantage of pigheaded men with a tight top and short shorts, but Jack had gone so far to reassure her that he didn't have any intentions of the sort when they first got to know one another-- absolutely necessary, given that he already knows quite a bit about her from her past. The fact that he's violating that now already has Sookie pushing away with a loud scrape of chair legs against the floor, small hands splaying over her chest to block visual access to the admittedly low top she's wearing.

It's summer, after all.

So upsetting is the experience that she honestly doesn't even catch the words spilling out of Jack's mouth, except in hearing the tone that clearly smacks of something fishy going on.

"Jack Harkness, what in the fudge are you doing, starin' at me like that? You're married!"

[captainjack]

If finding his gaze drawn to a pair of--well, alright, he knows both objectively and from the way his mind is lingering on the issue that it's a spectacular pair really--isn't traumatizing enough, getting caught doing so by a rather loud young woman in a public setting is more than enough to completely horrify him. This is the sort of thing he used to sit back and laugh at, watching his friends get thwapped in the head with books or smacked on the chin, told to lift their eyes up, yeah?

It was never supposed to happen to him, he despairs. "I'm not Jack," he sighs, wiping a hand over his face, because this is going to go so much better if his eyes are closed. "I'm not Jack, I'm not married, and I honestly do not want to stare at you like that, I never want to stare at anyone like that."

[justsookie]

By the time he finishes his sentence, Sookie's managed to snatch someone's chemise off the back of their chair to wrap around herself-- with an apology, of course-- and does so tightly while still staring at Jack from a distance. Or not-Jack. Honestly, there are enough clones on the island that this man may very well be someone else altogether, although still obviously someone with wandering eyes. One thing that does pop into her mind, though, is how strange it is for Jack's face to be pulled into such a forlorn expression.

Maybe this guy is telling the truth. Either that, or Jack's been body-snatched. There've been stranger things.

"You're not Jack," she repeats, largely for her own benefit. "Alright, so... that still makes you a guy who's been starin' at my bosom. I don't think a lot of people do that without wantin' to, deep down-- so what is this exactly, a David Duchovny problem?"

[captainjack]

"I don't know who this David person is, but I'm not him either," he groans. Remus glances fixedly at her face, partly out of necessity, partly because he has enough of a mental image that he doesn't have to look any more, and that's possibly worse because the harder he tries not to think about it ever again, the more he thinks about it.

"I promise you, I'm usually quite unimpressed by the female anatomy, or, well, any anatomy. I think this man has some kind of hormone imbalance." And that's the trick--if he can just go back to focusing on how rubbish today is, he can stop thinking about, well, her. "I think I may have to drown myself," he decides miserably.

[justsookie]

"Oh no, I didn't mean that you are David Duchovny, 'cause..." Sookie pauses, eying the man with a cant of her head before she shakes it lightly from side to side. "...'cause you're obviously not. I mean that maybe you had the same-- well-- he's a. A sex addict. Supposedly."

In retrospect, it shouldn't even be necessary for Sookie to cite the exact problem, because frankly, staying around someone who simply likes her for her body is not a choice a strong, independent woman should make. This man's just lucky that she's not pouring sand all over his person like she did the man in orange spandex who greeted her minutes after her original arrival on Tabula Rasa. But even as her hands are gearing to help her push away from the table, Sookie hears the forlorn little mutter from not-Jack's lips and she sits herself right back down with a slightly exasperated sigh.

"Drownin' yourself isn't gonna fix anything," she enunciates, meeting his gaze. "And... wait, are you one of the people who's had that whole body switcheroo thing happen?"