I can't comprehend the ways that I miss you, they come to light in my mistakes

[new_ophelia]

Kate's not sure how many days it's been. A few, at least. Not a week. She knows she fed Sam a couple of hours ago. Meeting whatever needs he has is the only thing that gives time any kind of meaning right now. There's just this looming future, the rest of her life now, that she's got to get through. Without Jack. Every instinct she has is screaming

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[polly_okeefe]

This time, trying the jungle path, I managed to avoid Mr. Tennant. Or, maybe he felt it was time for Kate to see her friends, I'm not sure. Either way, it was with a determined pace that I walked towards Kate's hut, bearing a pie.

When I saw her though, I didn't think she'd eat much. My heart ached. I knew how it felt to lose someone. I'd lost a lot of friends, and I'd lost Bridge while I held him in my arms. I also knew that this didn't compare to what she'd lost.

I set the pie on the porch and sat in the deck chair beside her. And I suddenly found that I had nothing to say. What could I say? So, instead I said, very quietly, "Hi."

[new_ophelia]

"Hi," Kate croaks out, swiping a hand across her face as she tries to straighten up a little. She's not sure if she's really expected to say something or if she can even begin to think of anything other than to keep breathing. She just hopes Polly understands that.

[polly_okeefe]

For a minute, I watch mutely while Kate tries to straighten up. It looks horrible. But then I remembered I'd come here for a reason. I stood up. "Let me help."

I learned from experience that this sort of phrase had to come as statement, and not a question.

[new_ophelia]

Kate lets Polly manhandle her a little, shushing softly when Sam starts to fuss. Her grip on him has been pretty tight the past few days.

"So," she tries, clearing her throat after it comes out as a croak. "Guessing the food's been you?"

[dishabille_mal]

Maladicta may have been too pregnant to police, but apparently stalking was still in the realm of her abilities. She'd listened when Geoffrey had told her Kate's condition, and she could respect that, but there were only so many days she could stay away. Trying her luck again, she wasn't sure if she could be gratified to see Kate technically out of doors.

The woman was a godsdamn wreck.

She walked up to but not on the porch, watching Kate for a few moments, before sucking it up and taking the steps up to lean against the wall next to the recliner.

"I'm sorry."

[new_ophelia]

Kate blinks up at her for a moment, feeling hazy and disconnected from so many days spent basically alone. "Thanks," she says with a jerky nod. "I...I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing." Maladicta understands this, to some extent, Kate knows. But Kate's alone, now.

[dishabille_mal]

"I think you've been doing it," Maladicta said, letting her hand drift out to gently sift her fingers through the super soft hair on Sam's head.

[new_ophelia]

Sam gives Maladicta as mournful a look as his little face can muster. Kate thinks he's starting to get that Jack isn't around anymore. She wonders how long before he forgets he was ever even there.

"I can't leave the porch," she says, a little hysterically. "I can't just live here on the porch forever but I can't leave. I just...it's all too big and I can't even get off the fucking porch."

[1000_cranes]

She's been there every day, sitting on the porch, knitting, with Bill sleeping at her feet. Today, walking up with her knitting in her hand, she sees Kate and she stops, for a minute, free hand shading her eyes. She loves Kate like a sister, like the sister she never had, and, through Duck and Geoffrey, they might as well be related, but Charlie doesn't know if she's wanted here, yet. Bill, though, has no such compunctions, running up and jumping up to lick the sole of Sam's foot, his litle paws resting on Kate's knee.

So Charlie has to follow.

[new_ophelia]

Sam lets out a little squeal at that, as much noise as Kate's heard from him in two days. He immediately twists around to grab at the dog's ear, Eli having abandoned them earlier for other company. "Hey," she murmurs to the dog, squinting out at Charlie. She nods at her and sits up, wiping at her eyes.

[1000_cranes]

Bill is quite content to nip at Sam's toes while Charlie climbs up onto the porch and drop s kiss into Kate's hair, her hand lingering against the top of her head for a moment.

"I figured I'd just sit here and knit for a while again today."

[new_ophelia]

"Okay," she says, voice raspy from lack of use. She closes her eyes at Charlie's touch. It's been days since she's even had that. It's so weird, after so long of having Jack's casual little shows of affection. Feels like she's going to float away into nothing, sometimes.

"You've been playing guard dog to us, huh?"

[vendettaevey]

Evey had been worried about Kate, had been worried about Sam as well, but she respected the need to grieve alone and had just left food she was sure wouldn't be eaten. It wasn't about the food, after all. It was about letting someone know you cared, even if they didn't want to eat.

When she arrived that morning with another batch of the scones Abby made so well, she saw Kate and Sam on the porch and nearly turned around, if only so she didn't intrude on their grief, but she really couldn't eat all the scones and Rollo shouldn't.

She walked as quietly as ever, using every bit of what she'd learned from V, and placed the scones on the edge of the porch, then smiled slightly and turned to go.

If there was one thing Evey Hammond understood, it was the grief of losing loved ones, and with that came the knowledge that she'd never force anyone to do anything in their own grief, including say good morning.

[new_ophelia]

Sam perks up a little at the newcomer, letting out a soft noise, even as he sees it isn't his dad. "Thanks," Kate mumbles, trying to clear her eyes. "For the food."

[vendettaevey]

Evey turned silently at that, still employing all her skill at nearly disappearing, but smiled softly at Sam and Kate.

"You're welcome. I'm very sorry about Jack," she replied. The words didn't help, were just pat responses they all said, but it was true that she was sorry.

"If you ever need any help with anything, someone to talk to, or even someone to scream at, please let me know. I've got cotton wool for the last possibility."

[new_ophelia]

Kate just nods at that, not trusting her voice for a moment. "You can, you can come up if you want," she finally says, sitting up as she resettles Sam. "I need to at least try to talk, I think."

[island_anne]

Anne knew better than anyone exactly what Kate was feeling. And it didn't feel like so very long ago right now that she had woken up to find Ariel gone, with an infant of her own to care for. So when she saw that Kate had finally ventured out of doors again, she made it a point to dress Matthew in his best and carry him over there for a visit, quietly joining Kate on her porch.

[new_ophelia]

If anyone can understand what Kate's going through, it's Anne. For that reason, she's been torn between wanting to see her and avoid her at all costs. As much as she would like to share this pain, there's this desire to guard it jealously. As if the second she starts to try and deal with it, she's going to be expected to move on from it. As it is, as soon as she she's Anne and Matthew, the dam breaks as she stares at her future.

"Anne," she manages, hand flying up to her face as sobs burst free without warning.

[island_anne]

"Oh, Kate," she said, setting Matthew down so that she might put her arm around Kate's shoulders. "It's all right. Sometimes it begins to feel a little better after a good cry."

[new_ophelia]

Sam starts twisting and pawing at Kate's face as soon as the tears start to fall. "Shit," she hisses, trying to grab his tiny hands. "Anne, I can't do this. I can't do this."