Comments | the_blank_slate: I can't comprehend the ways that I miss you, they come to light in my mistakes

new_ophelia in the_blank_slate

I can't comprehend the ways that I miss you, they come to light in my mistakes

Jan 22, 2010 08:45

Kate's not sure how many days it's been. A few, at least. Not a week. She knows she fed Sam a couple of hours ago. Meeting whatever needs he has is the only thing that gives time any kind of meaning right now. There's just this looming future, the rest of her life now, that she's got to get through. Without Jack. Every instinct she has is screaming ( Read more... )

charlie jones, kate mcnab, polly o'keefe, anne shirley, evey hammond, maladicta

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dishabille_mal January 22 2010, 18:44:21 UTC

Maladicta may have been too pregnant to police, but apparently stalking was still in the realm of her abilities. She'd listened when Geoffrey had told her Kate's condition, and she could respect that, but there were only so many days she could stay away. Trying her luck again, she wasn't sure if she could be gratified to see Kate technically out of doors.

The woman was a godsdamn wreck.

She walked up to but not on the porch, watching Kate for a few moments, before sucking it up and taking the steps up to lean against the wall next to the recliner.

"I'm sorry."

new_ophelia January 22 2010, 19:01:03 UTC

Kate blinks up at her for a moment, feeling hazy and disconnected from so many days spent basically alone. "Thanks," she says with a jerky nod. "I...I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing." Maladicta understands this, to some extent, Kate knows. But Kate's alone, now.

dishabille_mal January 22 2010, 19:36:11 UTC

"I think you've been doing it," Maladicta said, letting her hand drift out to gently sift her fingers through the super soft hair on Sam's head.

new_ophelia January 22 2010, 19:46:19 UTC

Sam gives Maladicta as mournful a look as his little face can muster. Kate thinks he's starting to get that Jack isn't around anymore. She wonders how long before he forgets he was ever even there.

"I can't leave the porch," she says, a little hysterically. "I can't just live here on the porch forever but I can't leave. I just...it's all too big and I can't even get off the fucking porch."

dishabille_mal January 23 2010, 01:54:25 UTC

"When Sacharissa went," Maladicta said, endeavoring to keep her voice as neutral as she could despite the fact that pain stayed fresh (a fact she didn't necessarily want to advertise to Kate), "I don't think I let William get more than five feet away from me for a week. It becomes impractical, after a while. But no one," she continued, lifting her hand to repeat the gesture but to Kate, leaving her hand cupped against the other woman's hair, "expects you to rejoin society any time soon. You have more than enough friends to bring you whatever you need, here, for as long as you need it."

She offered Kate a rueful, small smile.

"The fact that you're on the porch is a reasonably big step."

new_ophelia January 23 2010, 05:40:02 UTC

Kate nods a few times, breath hitching as she tries unsuccessfully to calm down.

"I just..I keep thinking that I know exactly where he is, you know? If I was at home I could find him but I can't leave Sam so...that's it. You know? That's just it and Sam's not even going to remember him."

dishabille_mal January 24 2010, 01:29:51 UTC

Maladicta nodded, slowly.

"Yes, it is a peculiarly upsetting sensation. Both William and I have some experience with it, but the stakes were never... Well, it's painful for everyone in different ways. What's important is, even if Sam doesn't remember Jack the way you'd like him to, he'll still know he was loved. And telling him about Jack will be one more thing you teach him."

new_ophelia January 24 2010, 03:58:15 UTC

She lowers her head into her free hand, trying to calm down as Sam tugs on her arm. "I don't know what to do past right now," she says, voice dull and tight. "I've had him for four years and he's still my husband. I don't know what to do with that?"

dishabille_mal January 24 2010, 04:38:39 UTC

"You can't do anything with it," Maladicta said, running her hand over Kate's shoulders. "Just remember it and keep breathing."

new_ophelia January 24 2010, 04:48:09 UTC

"You're going to give birth on my porch," she mumbles, leaning away a little as Sam pats her wet face. "Does William know you walked all the way down here?"

dishabille_mal January 26 2010, 19:52:26 UTC

"If it didn't happen while I was skulking around in your bushes trying to look in the window, it's probably not going to happen now," Maladicta said, then hesitated.

"...Probably. And I told him where I was heading. He wasn't pleased, but his protective instincts for me are sorely tempered by his fear."

new_ophelia January 27 2010, 14:58:27 UTC

"Good," she says with a nod. She can so easily remember being in that place. About to pop she was so pregnant, Jack by her side. She shakes her head as the tears start to slide down, wondering how the hell this can be her life, now. "Sorry," she says with a hitching breath. "I want to, I want to talk more about the baby. Something else. When are you due, again?"

dishabille_mal January 31 2010, 03:16:21 UTC

"About five minutes, give or take," Maladicta said without missing a beat.

"Still haven't a damn clue for a boy's name. Poor little blighter better hope it's a girl."

new_ophelia February 1 2010, 21:59:32 UTC

"I think it's a girl. I always knew Jack was a boy, in my gut," she murmurs, placing a free hand on Maladicta's enormous belly. "Who's your doctor going to be?"

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