(Untitled)

[jemaine]

Jemaine, having found the Compound with the assistance of The Most Beautiful Girl on the Beach (that he'd seen yesterday), had slept curled up on top of his guitar case the night before, and upon finding Bret still not there when he woke up, decided that it was imperative he handle this situation head-on

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[sortofaman]

Being on the Council meant office hours, which meant questions. Which meant questions like Is this the New Zealand Consulate? and while the Doctor tried to be nice, really, sometimes the worst in him took over. Like right then. He just wanted to get done with this paperwork and carry on with heading to the de Worde function.

"Does this look like the New Zealand Consulate?" he asked, not impolitely. It didn't.

[jemaine]

Jemaine looked around. "Actually... rather, yeah. Except Murray is usually sitting where you're sitting and there's a computer that's usually unplugged and posters on the wall that say things like 'New Zealand: Don't Expect Too Much and You'll Love It."

[sortofaman]

"Murray," the Doctor said, looking at the young man over his glasses. The guy looked even more dorky than he did. Which was a statistical rarity, to say the least. Somehow he didn't think he meant Ian or Isolde Murray, either. "Well, no poster and no computer, and no consulates anywhere about. You've reached the Council office."

[jemaine]

"The Council of what? Look, I just arrived here yesterday and I don't have my passport with me. In fact, all I have with me is my guitar, and I don't imagine that's going to do much good unless I'm supposed to use the case as a canoe and row back to New York. Or New Zealand. Whichever's closest is fine, really."

[belongtonobody]

Inara raised an eyebrow, glancing over her shoulder from where she stood slicing mango. "Actually, I believe it's the kitchen," she said. "It's certainly not a consulate, as far as I'm aware." She didn't know what or where New Zealand was, but that didn't change the fact that this room wasn't a consulate of any kind.

[jemaine]

Jemaine was about to say, "Okay, thanks anyway," as he had at every other non-Consulate door, but instead he found himself staring at the woman chopping mangoes.

"Hi," he said, his voice breaking a little.

She was the most beautiful women he'd seen since yesterday. More beautiful, probably.

[belongtonobody]

"Hello." Inara laid the knife down carefully, turning to look more fully at the man. "I'm sorry I can't be of more help. I haven't actually heard of such a place around here."

[jemaine]

Jemaine wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying because he was too busy staring at her. Maybe that was why he seemed to have trouble communicating with women.

In an attempt to justify his behavior, he pointed. "Is that a mango?"

[deaths_relation]

Susan was sitting in her usual chair in the rec room when the door opened and a slightly strange looking man popped his head around the door asking about New Zealand.

"What's a New Zealand?"

[jemaine]

Jemaine blinked at her for a moment and then said, sounding scandalized, "It's a country!"

[deaths_relation]

"Really?" she asked, genuinely interested. "Is it a big one?"

[jemaine]

Jemaine really wasn't used to women being interested in what he had to say, and for a second it threw him off and he wasn't sure what to do.

Finally, he stepped into the room and said, "It's... cozy." Pause, and then added, "Way better than Australia, though."

[fisherprice_tim]

Tim looked up, startled, from where he'd been playing with Dixon, where 'playing' meant 'putting on a fresh nappy'.

"What?" he said, flustered. "No! This isn't New Zeal- no! There is no- no consulate here." He glanced around the room then peered back at the Kiwi.

"You know these are private dormitory rooms down here, right? Like... people's rooms."

[jemaine]

"Are they?" Jemaine looked at the door. "There's no signs. There ought to be a 'dormitory' sign or a 'do not disturb' sign, or at the very least 'not the New Zealand Consulate'."

[fisherprice_tim]

"Well, most people... you know, most people just know. I mean... Did you just randomly pick this door?" Tim asked, eyes narrowing in absolute confusion. If he had, it was a bizarre choice, and if he'd been opening all the doors than there was no conceivable way he could have not realized, by the time he hit Tim and Bridget's room, that they were bedrooms.

Dixon made a noise like "buuhr?" and Tim shared an equally as confused glance with the infant.

[jemaine]

"No," said Jemaine, and looked at the man as if perhaps he were a bit slow. "If I'd picked them randomly I would probably never find the right one, now would I?"

[dogbitesman]

William stared at him.

It was almost like being back in Ankh-Morpork, although usually it was less 'New Zealand Consulate' and more 'The place with, you know, with the... young ladies?'

"Um... no. No, this is the Tabula Rasa Times. I don't believe there is a New Zealand Consulate, unless someone set one up very recently. Or did it without telling anyone."

[jemaine]

Jemaine thought that was quite an oversight. After all, what are you supposed to do if you're from New Zealand and you show up here without a passport? There was probably an Australian consulate somewhere.

"Tabula Rasa," said Jemaine. "That means blank, uh, tablet." The only reason he knew that was because in school he'd had a history teacher obsessed with Frued and everyone had paid attention briefly when it seemed like it was all about sex but then stopped when it turned out it wasn't the interesting sort. Apparently 'tabula rasa' had slipped in before Jemaine had stopped paying attention.

[dogbitesman]

"That's right," William said, because Latation was funny like that. "Most people say 'slate' but tablet is just as accurate. And frankly I prefer it, because slate can refer to the kind of rock, but tablet is specific to the actual meaning of the phrase."

[jemaine]

"The meaning of the phrase," said Jemaine, "which has nothing to do with an island."