(Untitled)

[jemaine]

Jemaine, having found the Compound with the assistance of The Most Beautiful Girl on the Beach (that he'd seen yesterday), had slept curled up on top of his guitar case the night before, and upon finding Bret still not there when he woke up, decided that it was imperative he handle this situation head-on

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[sortofaman]

Being on the Council meant office hours, which meant questions. Which meant questions like Is this the New Zealand Consulate? and while the Doctor tried to be nice, really, sometimes the worst in him took over. Like right then. He just wanted to get done with this paperwork and carry on with heading to the de Worde function.

"Does this look like the New Zealand Consulate?" he asked, not impolitely. It didn't.

[jemaine]

Jemaine looked around. "Actually... rather, yeah. Except Murray is usually sitting where you're sitting and there's a computer that's usually unplugged and posters on the wall that say things like 'New Zealand: Don't Expect Too Much and You'll Love It."

[sortofaman]

"Murray," the Doctor said, looking at the young man over his glasses. The guy looked even more dorky than he did. Which was a statistical rarity, to say the least. Somehow he didn't think he meant Ian or Isolde Murray, either. "Well, no poster and no computer, and no consulates anywhere about. You've reached the Council office."

[jemaine]

"The Council of what? Look, I just arrived here yesterday and I don't have my passport with me. In fact, all I have with me is my guitar, and I don't imagine that's going to do much good unless I'm supposed to use the case as a canoe and row back to New York. Or New Zealand. Whichever's closest is fine, really."

[sortofaman]

"The Island Council," the Doctor said, then paused. "Yesterday, you said?" Usually by that point, someone had explained to the new person what the hell was going on. "Look...Mr...I'm really sorry to have to break this to you, but there's not any rowing off. You ever see The Prisoner on telly? 'I am not a number! I am a free man!' Well, it's like that, except everyone's in the same boat--we're all stuck here."

[jemaine]

Perhaps someone had tried to explain it to him yesterday, but most of what Jemaine had gleaned from those conversations was 1) he was not in Australia, 2) Bret was not here, and 3) there might be a market for musicians.

"That's how I felt about New York," said Jemaine, not really seeing much difference. "Couldn't row from there either." Except Bret was there.

"So you're saying there is no New Zealand Consulate?"

[sortofaman]

"No New Zealand Consulate, no American Consulate, no British Consulate. None at all. Desert island, everyone stuck here. This is the compound, by the way." He slid over the 'So Now What?' pamphlet that had been a recent Council scheme.

[jemaine]

Jemaine glanced over the pamphlet and then looked up at the Doctor, wide-eyed. "You mean everything is free? As in... I get a bed somewhere. With a mattress. And no cockroaches. And I don't have to pay rent?"

[sortofaman]

"There's no point in paying rent," the Doctor said, brows lifted. "As there's no economy on that level. And no, no roaches in here, and yes a mattress. You do have to sign up, though."

[jemaine]

Jemaine paused. Then suddenly had a very important question.

"Are there any bands here?"

[sortofaman]

The Doctor thought for a moment, mentally running through people in his head. "Some people sing," he said, "and or play an instrument. But no bands as such."

[jemaine]

Jemaine looked positively giddy at that. "And it's true there's only one Australian?"

[sortofaman]

"He reminds me of it every single day," the Doctor said. He tried to remember why exactly kiwis didn't get on with wombats. "Look, Mr...you have a name?"

[jemaine]

"Uh, Jemaine," said Jemaine, sounding distracted, "Jemaine Clement." He was already thinking of the possibilities. Bret needed to be here, and fast. They would be Tabula Rasa' number one folk rock band. Hell, they'd be the number one band altogether. And no rent. And hardly any Australians. And beautiful women on every corner.

It was paradise!

[sortofaman]

"Right, Jemaine. Well. Welcome, and all that. And feel free to start a band." The Doctor looked bemused.

[jemaine]

Jemaine blinked. "Oh, I don't have to start a band. I am a band. I mean, I'm in a band. Flight of the Conchords." Pause. "Maybe you've heard of us. Anyway, just as soon as Bret gets here."