Bleach fic, Weight of a Promise chapter 8
title: Weight of a Promise chapter 8
author: caledon (the_tower_room)
pairing: Ichigo/Orihime
rating: T
summary: "All or nothing," she whispered to herself. Years ago, she'd made that decision. Her feelings overflowed, became too much for her to keep inside any longer, and she'd let them out, released them in words to the one man that had always held her heart.
words: 2427
He couldn't help but gulp, made difficult by the huge lump that had risen to his throat. She exuded seriousness, as though a monstrously large weight was on her shoulders, and that what she came to say was being wrung out of her with great difficulty. All Ichigo could do was brace himself, prepare himself for the worst, even though he couldn't even begin to imagine what it could be.
Her mouth opened and closed several times, and when the words kept choking her, her gaze faltered, lids curtaining those mournful eyes half-mast.
Dread was roiling at the pit of his stomach. Her nervousness was making him nervous, and the hope that had filled him at the news of her return slowly began to disintegrate.
"Inoue?"
With a jolt, she looked back up and met his eyes.
"Kurosaku-kun, I..." Blinking, her gaze rolled just off beyond his left ear, and somehow, that indirectness finally freed her voice. "I don't even know where to start."
Putting his hands in his pockets, he asked, "Do you want to find a place to sit? Would that make things easier?"
She bit her lip, taking a few moments to think, then nodded, reaching behind her for the boy's hand before proceeding to walk.
His heart hitched at the sight; realizations descended inside his mind of the many things that never happened between them, that never had a chance to happen. All the things he'd yearned for all those years ago when he realized his developing feelings for her. The sight of that small hand in hers cinched the ultimate truth that he'd missed his chance; that, had things gone the way they should've been, that small hand could have belonged to someone else, someone who was a part of both of them-of Ichigo and Orihime-instead of her and some other faceless man.
Falling into step a little behind Inoue, he couldn't help closing his eyes tightly, feeling like a heel at the jealousy gnawing at him, on a little boy at that.
Across the street from the cemetery was a grassy area with a bike path running across it with wooden benches scattered here and there. Ichigo watched Tatsunosuke look at Orihime and point to one, smiling and running off at her responding nod. The orange-haired couldn't help being fascinated, watching the boy struggle to lift himself up on a bench, beaming a proud smile at them when he finally made it, and patted the spot next to him.
"Mama! Mama! You can sit here. I saved it for you."
"Thank you," replied Orihime softly, ruffling the boy's hair while taking the place allotted to her.
Tatsunosuke leaned into her side and peered shyly at Ichigo from under her arm. "You can sit here too," he said, pointing to the vacant spot next to him.
Giving him a nod and a half-smile, Ichigo lowered himself next to Tatsunosuke, hands perched rigidly on his knees. A wry thought came to him, that anyone passing by might mistake them for a young family.
Several minutes passed, and there was nothing but the sound of mumblings from Tatsunosuke as he played with the hamburger-shaped cellphone, giggling occasionally at a video recording he was watching.
The air was stifling, but Ichigo couldn't bring himself to leave, and despite the trepidation that filled him, he wanted to stay to hear what Inoue came here to tell him.
"Tatsuki-chan, she..." she finally began, "...there had been a lot of things that she wanted and didn't want."
A mixture of loss and puzzlement came over him at the mention of his oldest friend. But he gave Inoue a small nod to continue.
"She wanted to teach martial arts. She wanted to go sky-diving, and go on a plane ride that goes high enough to experience zero gravity. She wanted to climb against the current of a waterfall, and then bungee jump off it afterwards." She reached up to wipe the tears that had brimmed on her lower lids, and sensing her movement, Tatsunosuke paused from playing with the phone to hug her middle. She gave him a small smile as she squeezed him back, and Ichigo found himself clenching his fists to stop himself from reaching for her.
"She wanted a lot of things, and she wanted to do them with someone special." Heaving a deep exhale, she leaned down to press a kiss on top of Tatsunosuke's head. "She...Instead, some things happened to her that she hadn't been planning on. One of them was falling in love...
"When she fell in love with y-when she fell in love, she wasn't really happy about it. Instead of thinking about her getting her own happiness, she chose to think of...someone else's. She'd felt as though she'd hurt that person a lot by falling in love, you see. So instead of staying and confessing to the person she loved about her feelings for him, she ran away. She went with me.
"You don't know how many times I wanted to come back and set things right, so she can finally become happy again, this time with the person she loved. But her feelings for me got in the way. She was just hurting herself over and over by staying with me."
At a loss for words, Ichigo swallowed, reaching out to touch Orihime's shoulder but stopping, hovering over indecision a few scant centimetres away. That he should be the one to become privy to Tatsuki's frame of mind-he had to wonder if it was because he had been Tatsuki's oldest friend, or whether it was because he just happened to be the one currently present among their friends.
Hearing about Tatsuki made him recall the last time he had seen her, the last time they had hung out together, and it was a moment that he never in a million years expected to happen. It was a memory rife with regret, with remorse, of the million ways he'd wished could be undone. Of the multitudinous speculations that ran through his mind of if-only's: if only they hadn't been drinking, if only she'd left early with the rest of their friends, if only they hadn't come over, if only he had work that night, if only...if only...
But what happened that night did, and there was no turning back from it. Did it destroy their friendship? Her going away-it was proof, wasn't it, that she'd regretted it as much as he did?
"Kurosaki-kun..."
He started, head jolting to turn to her. "Inoue?"
"I-I've always known this wouldn't be easy."
Eyebrows raised, he nodded, prompting her to continue, but to take her time in doing so.
"She-It-I mean-Tatsuki-chan hadn't expected to fall in love with y-she hadn't-" Orihime took a deep breath.
"Inoue, if it's too hard, maybe you shouldn't force yourself. I know it's-"
"No, it's alright, Kurosaki-kun. But thank you for your concern. I just feel this is too important."
"Okay."
With a small unamused chuckle, she wrapped an arm around Tatsunosuke, drawing him close to her when he rubbed his eyes tiredly, his little hand slackening on the cellphone as his head fell on her lap, having fallen fast asleep. After taking the phone away, she stroked his hair, looking as though she was trying to find the strength to continue.
"She hadn't expected to become pregnant and have a baby," she finally said, voice firm though husky.
At this, Ichigo's eyes fell to the boy, finally realizing the sense of familiarity he'd felt, and recognized traces of Tatsuki in every feature. A part of him was relieved that there was no true tie between Orihime and Tatsunosuke, but even so he tried to stifle that relief in respect to Tatsuki's memory.
"So, he's Tatsuki's son?" he couldn't help voicing as confirmation.
Orihime bit her lip, and nodded. "Hers."
But didn't he call Inoue 'mama'? he thought. And isn't his last name Inoue? If he was Tatsuki's, then why-
But he couldn't finish the train of thought, derailed at her next words, feeling as though he'd been punched in the gut.
"And yours, Kurosaki-kun."
Minutes might have stretched. He might have blinked. His head felt hollow, ringing with an odd echo.
"Ever since we found out," continued Orihime, "I've wanted to come back and tell you. You deserved to know, Kurosaki-kun. But Tatsuki-chan refused and said it was her final decision. She said you didn't need to know about it, about him."
Ichigo's eyes lowered to the sleeping figure between them, and as he examined his so-Tatsuno-the boy's features further, he felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, and abruptly he rose, with heaving breaths paced the few steps to lean his head against a nearby tree. Breathing deeply, he forced down the bile that had risen to his throat.
But that's impossible, he wanted to scream, rail the words at the sky, but all he could do was bend over forward with hands braced on his knees, trying to control his breathing. FUCK!
He grimaced at the choice of curse word, his hands rising to pull at his hair. What happened that night five years ago wasn't supposed to happen-at least not between him and Tatsuki.
It has to be a lie. It is, isn't it? Tatsuki-she was far too straightforward to hide anything from him. She was never the type of person to hold back. Even after what happened between them that night, she just wouldn't up and leave, wouldn't tell him this very important thing. Wouldn't leave him out of an important matter such as this.
But she did, a hard, uncompromising part of him countered. There's no denying she did all that. She came between what could have been between you and Inoue. And Inoue-
She-
Fuck!
So then Inoue knew that he and Tatsuki...
Of course she would. The two were best friends. And since Tatsuki was pregnant there was no way she could keep that hidden from Inoue. There was no way she would hurt Inoue...
Raising his head, he blinked. But Tatsuki had hurt Inoue too. As with him, she had done something none of them would ever think she would ever do.
And now she was gone.
His nose stung. Loss...betrayal...confessions...they all hit him one after another. With Tatsuki dead, she couldn't account for her decisions. All that was left was Inoue. And...
Turning, he met Inoue's gaze, and read pity and heartbreak there. Ichigo went to her, dropping down to a knee in front of the boy.
Tatsunosuke.
His son.
Reaching out a hand, he lightly traced a soft cheek with his fingertips. Ichigo still had a hard time believing it. How could that one night five years ago have changed all their lives so drastically? Pushed them together and pulled them apart...and this, here, an innocent by-product of a never-should-have-happened moment.
Orihime's hand, trembling and clammy, slid over his, gently pushing so that his palm laid fully against the boy's cheek. He wanted to draw back, but the feeling of small puffs of warm exhales on his wrist stopped him, letting him feel the hard evidence of a life he'd created with Tatsuki. Pain squeezed his chest as he came to the realization that like him, Tatsunosuke had also lost his mother at such a young age. And even if right now he had a hard time fully accepting the situation he had been suddenly thrust into, Ichigo couldn't very well deprive the boy of another parent.
He leaned down and, hesitantly, lightly pressed his lips on the boy's forehead, hearing Inoue's sigh of relief.
"Thank you, Kurosaki-kun."
Looking up, warmth settled in him at the kindness and tenderness he saw in her gaze, the fear and nervousness slowly receding.
"Being with Tatsuki-chan made me understand your feelings."
Puzzled, he couldn't help tilting his head.
"W-when I confessed five years ago, and you made your feelings known-"
"Inoue," he interjected, but she shook her head, imploring him to let her speak on.
"For something like this-"
"This?"
She indicated the still-sleeping boy. "-The baby, Tatsunosuke-to have happened...it was simply meant to be. Between you and Tatsuki-chan."
Ichigo licked his dry lips. "Inoue, I..."
Her eyebrows raised in query, expecting him to continue, but only his silence became prolonged, and she proceeded, her gaze releasing their hold on him. "How could someone as beautiful and as good and as sweet as him be a mistake? Tatsuki-chan always kept saying your time together was something that shouldn't have happened, but that had always been her way of going about things since we went away. She was denying her own feelings for you because she wanted to spare my feelings."
"Inoue..."
She smiled as she continued looking at elsewhere but him. "It should have been you, and not me, who was with her and Tatsunosuke for all these years." She took a deep breath and struggled to keep up the façade, putting more perkiness into her voice. "And that's why I'm here, Kurosaki-kun. To give back what I've unknowingly taken from you."
"What are you talking about?" A frown furrowed his brow as he grew increasingly disbelieving as she continued.
"It's time to gain back all the years you've both missed together. It's time for Tatsunosuke to be with you."
He shook his head, surprised at what he'd just heard her say. "You can't just do that to a child, Inoue," he finally managed to say after he gathered his thoughts. "You can't just drop him off to a complete stranger."
"But you're not a stranger, Kurosaki-kun. You're his father." She couldn't help saying the last word huskily.
"And you're his mother."
She shook her head. "I never was. He calls me 'mama', but I'm not really. It was Tatsuki-chan who insisted on it."
"This is just-" Ichigo couldn't help but keep shaking his head, becoming more unnerved with the direction the conversation was heading. Beneath her words, her despair was almost palpable, enough that he knew anytime soon she would flee from him once again, and this time she would never return. Thoughts came and went without really registering in his mind as he tried to quickly come up with ways to anchor her to him. And then, without really thinking, he blurted out, "Let's get married."
Her head whipped around to face him, her eyes blinking in disbelief. "K-ku-kurosa-sa-ki-kun...?"
"Inou-" He stopped, and corrected himself. "Orihime."
He hardened his resolved and took hold of both her shaking hands, and said with more conviction, "Let's get married, Orihime."
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previous chapter | next chapter
author: caledon (the_tower_room)
pairing: Ichigo/Orihime
rating: T
summary: "All or nothing," she whispered to herself. Years ago, she'd made that decision. Her feelings overflowed, became too much for her to keep inside any longer, and she'd let them out, released them in words to the one man that had always held her heart.
words: 2427
He couldn't help but gulp, made difficult by the huge lump that had risen to his throat. She exuded seriousness, as though a monstrously large weight was on her shoulders, and that what she came to say was being wrung out of her with great difficulty. All Ichigo could do was brace himself, prepare himself for the worst, even though he couldn't even begin to imagine what it could be.
Her mouth opened and closed several times, and when the words kept choking her, her gaze faltered, lids curtaining those mournful eyes half-mast.
Dread was roiling at the pit of his stomach. Her nervousness was making him nervous, and the hope that had filled him at the news of her return slowly began to disintegrate.
"Inoue?"
With a jolt, she looked back up and met his eyes.
"Kurosaku-kun, I..." Blinking, her gaze rolled just off beyond his left ear, and somehow, that indirectness finally freed her voice. "I don't even know where to start."
Putting his hands in his pockets, he asked, "Do you want to find a place to sit? Would that make things easier?"
She bit her lip, taking a few moments to think, then nodded, reaching behind her for the boy's hand before proceeding to walk.
His heart hitched at the sight; realizations descended inside his mind of the many things that never happened between them, that never had a chance to happen. All the things he'd yearned for all those years ago when he realized his developing feelings for her. The sight of that small hand in hers cinched the ultimate truth that he'd missed his chance; that, had things gone the way they should've been, that small hand could have belonged to someone else, someone who was a part of both of them-of Ichigo and Orihime-instead of her and some other faceless man.
Falling into step a little behind Inoue, he couldn't help closing his eyes tightly, feeling like a heel at the jealousy gnawing at him, on a little boy at that.
Across the street from the cemetery was a grassy area with a bike path running across it with wooden benches scattered here and there. Ichigo watched Tatsunosuke look at Orihime and point to one, smiling and running off at her responding nod. The orange-haired couldn't help being fascinated, watching the boy struggle to lift himself up on a bench, beaming a proud smile at them when he finally made it, and patted the spot next to him.
"Mama! Mama! You can sit here. I saved it for you."
"Thank you," replied Orihime softly, ruffling the boy's hair while taking the place allotted to her.
Tatsunosuke leaned into her side and peered shyly at Ichigo from under her arm. "You can sit here too," he said, pointing to the vacant spot next to him.
Giving him a nod and a half-smile, Ichigo lowered himself next to Tatsunosuke, hands perched rigidly on his knees. A wry thought came to him, that anyone passing by might mistake them for a young family.
Several minutes passed, and there was nothing but the sound of mumblings from Tatsunosuke as he played with the hamburger-shaped cellphone, giggling occasionally at a video recording he was watching.
The air was stifling, but Ichigo couldn't bring himself to leave, and despite the trepidation that filled him, he wanted to stay to hear what Inoue came here to tell him.
"Tatsuki-chan, she..." she finally began, "...there had been a lot of things that she wanted and didn't want."
A mixture of loss and puzzlement came over him at the mention of his oldest friend. But he gave Inoue a small nod to continue.
"She wanted to teach martial arts. She wanted to go sky-diving, and go on a plane ride that goes high enough to experience zero gravity. She wanted to climb against the current of a waterfall, and then bungee jump off it afterwards." She reached up to wipe the tears that had brimmed on her lower lids, and sensing her movement, Tatsunosuke paused from playing with the phone to hug her middle. She gave him a small smile as she squeezed him back, and Ichigo found himself clenching his fists to stop himself from reaching for her.
"She wanted a lot of things, and she wanted to do them with someone special." Heaving a deep exhale, she leaned down to press a kiss on top of Tatsunosuke's head. "She...Instead, some things happened to her that she hadn't been planning on. One of them was falling in love...
"When she fell in love with y-when she fell in love, she wasn't really happy about it. Instead of thinking about her getting her own happiness, she chose to think of...someone else's. She'd felt as though she'd hurt that person a lot by falling in love, you see. So instead of staying and confessing to the person she loved about her feelings for him, she ran away. She went with me.
"You don't know how many times I wanted to come back and set things right, so she can finally become happy again, this time with the person she loved. But her feelings for me got in the way. She was just hurting herself over and over by staying with me."
At a loss for words, Ichigo swallowed, reaching out to touch Orihime's shoulder but stopping, hovering over indecision a few scant centimetres away. That he should be the one to become privy to Tatsuki's frame of mind-he had to wonder if it was because he had been Tatsuki's oldest friend, or whether it was because he just happened to be the one currently present among their friends.
Hearing about Tatsuki made him recall the last time he had seen her, the last time they had hung out together, and it was a moment that he never in a million years expected to happen. It was a memory rife with regret, with remorse, of the million ways he'd wished could be undone. Of the multitudinous speculations that ran through his mind of if-only's: if only they hadn't been drinking, if only she'd left early with the rest of their friends, if only they hadn't come over, if only he had work that night, if only...if only...
But what happened that night did, and there was no turning back from it. Did it destroy their friendship? Her going away-it was proof, wasn't it, that she'd regretted it as much as he did?
"Kurosaki-kun..."
He started, head jolting to turn to her. "Inoue?"
"I-I've always known this wouldn't be easy."
Eyebrows raised, he nodded, prompting her to continue, but to take her time in doing so.
"She-It-I mean-Tatsuki-chan hadn't expected to fall in love with y-she hadn't-" Orihime took a deep breath.
"Inoue, if it's too hard, maybe you shouldn't force yourself. I know it's-"
"No, it's alright, Kurosaki-kun. But thank you for your concern. I just feel this is too important."
"Okay."
With a small unamused chuckle, she wrapped an arm around Tatsunosuke, drawing him close to her when he rubbed his eyes tiredly, his little hand slackening on the cellphone as his head fell on her lap, having fallen fast asleep. After taking the phone away, she stroked his hair, looking as though she was trying to find the strength to continue.
"She hadn't expected to become pregnant and have a baby," she finally said, voice firm though husky.
At this, Ichigo's eyes fell to the boy, finally realizing the sense of familiarity he'd felt, and recognized traces of Tatsuki in every feature. A part of him was relieved that there was no true tie between Orihime and Tatsunosuke, but even so he tried to stifle that relief in respect to Tatsuki's memory.
"So, he's Tatsuki's son?" he couldn't help voicing as confirmation.
Orihime bit her lip, and nodded. "Hers."
But didn't he call Inoue 'mama'? he thought. And isn't his last name Inoue? If he was Tatsuki's, then why-
But he couldn't finish the train of thought, derailed at her next words, feeling as though he'd been punched in the gut.
"And yours, Kurosaki-kun."
Minutes might have stretched. He might have blinked. His head felt hollow, ringing with an odd echo.
"Ever since we found out," continued Orihime, "I've wanted to come back and tell you. You deserved to know, Kurosaki-kun. But Tatsuki-chan refused and said it was her final decision. She said you didn't need to know about it, about him."
Ichigo's eyes lowered to the sleeping figure between them, and as he examined his so-Tatsuno-the boy's features further, he felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, and abruptly he rose, with heaving breaths paced the few steps to lean his head against a nearby tree. Breathing deeply, he forced down the bile that had risen to his throat.
But that's impossible, he wanted to scream, rail the words at the sky, but all he could do was bend over forward with hands braced on his knees, trying to control his breathing. FUCK!
He grimaced at the choice of curse word, his hands rising to pull at his hair. What happened that night five years ago wasn't supposed to happen-at least not between him and Tatsuki.
It has to be a lie. It is, isn't it? Tatsuki-she was far too straightforward to hide anything from him. She was never the type of person to hold back. Even after what happened between them that night, she just wouldn't up and leave, wouldn't tell him this very important thing. Wouldn't leave him out of an important matter such as this.
But she did, a hard, uncompromising part of him countered. There's no denying she did all that. She came between what could have been between you and Inoue. And Inoue-
She-
Fuck!
So then Inoue knew that he and Tatsuki...
Of course she would. The two were best friends. And since Tatsuki was pregnant there was no way she could keep that hidden from Inoue. There was no way she would hurt Inoue...
Raising his head, he blinked. But Tatsuki had hurt Inoue too. As with him, she had done something none of them would ever think she would ever do.
And now she was gone.
His nose stung. Loss...betrayal...confessions...they all hit him one after another. With Tatsuki dead, she couldn't account for her decisions. All that was left was Inoue. And...
Turning, he met Inoue's gaze, and read pity and heartbreak there. Ichigo went to her, dropping down to a knee in front of the boy.
Tatsunosuke.
His son.
Reaching out a hand, he lightly traced a soft cheek with his fingertips. Ichigo still had a hard time believing it. How could that one night five years ago have changed all their lives so drastically? Pushed them together and pulled them apart...and this, here, an innocent by-product of a never-should-have-happened moment.
Orihime's hand, trembling and clammy, slid over his, gently pushing so that his palm laid fully against the boy's cheek. He wanted to draw back, but the feeling of small puffs of warm exhales on his wrist stopped him, letting him feel the hard evidence of a life he'd created with Tatsuki. Pain squeezed his chest as he came to the realization that like him, Tatsunosuke had also lost his mother at such a young age. And even if right now he had a hard time fully accepting the situation he had been suddenly thrust into, Ichigo couldn't very well deprive the boy of another parent.
He leaned down and, hesitantly, lightly pressed his lips on the boy's forehead, hearing Inoue's sigh of relief.
"Thank you, Kurosaki-kun."
Looking up, warmth settled in him at the kindness and tenderness he saw in her gaze, the fear and nervousness slowly receding.
"Being with Tatsuki-chan made me understand your feelings."
Puzzled, he couldn't help tilting his head.
"W-when I confessed five years ago, and you made your feelings known-"
"Inoue," he interjected, but she shook her head, imploring him to let her speak on.
"For something like this-"
"This?"
She indicated the still-sleeping boy. "-The baby, Tatsunosuke-to have happened...it was simply meant to be. Between you and Tatsuki-chan."
Ichigo licked his dry lips. "Inoue, I..."
Her eyebrows raised in query, expecting him to continue, but only his silence became prolonged, and she proceeded, her gaze releasing their hold on him. "How could someone as beautiful and as good and as sweet as him be a mistake? Tatsuki-chan always kept saying your time together was something that shouldn't have happened, but that had always been her way of going about things since we went away. She was denying her own feelings for you because she wanted to spare my feelings."
"Inoue..."
She smiled as she continued looking at elsewhere but him. "It should have been you, and not me, who was with her and Tatsunosuke for all these years." She took a deep breath and struggled to keep up the façade, putting more perkiness into her voice. "And that's why I'm here, Kurosaki-kun. To give back what I've unknowingly taken from you."
"What are you talking about?" A frown furrowed his brow as he grew increasingly disbelieving as she continued.
"It's time to gain back all the years you've both missed together. It's time for Tatsunosuke to be with you."
He shook his head, surprised at what he'd just heard her say. "You can't just do that to a child, Inoue," he finally managed to say after he gathered his thoughts. "You can't just drop him off to a complete stranger."
"But you're not a stranger, Kurosaki-kun. You're his father." She couldn't help saying the last word huskily.
"And you're his mother."
She shook her head. "I never was. He calls me 'mama', but I'm not really. It was Tatsuki-chan who insisted on it."
"This is just-" Ichigo couldn't help but keep shaking his head, becoming more unnerved with the direction the conversation was heading. Beneath her words, her despair was almost palpable, enough that he knew anytime soon she would flee from him once again, and this time she would never return. Thoughts came and went without really registering in his mind as he tried to quickly come up with ways to anchor her to him. And then, without really thinking, he blurted out, "Let's get married."
Her head whipped around to face him, her eyes blinking in disbelief. "K-ku-kurosa-sa-ki-kun...?"
"Inou-" He stopped, and corrected himself. "Orihime."
He hardened his resolved and took hold of both her shaking hands, and said with more conviction, "Let's get married, Orihime."
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