You wouldn't believe it unless you saw it!
Don't you hate when you walk all the way downstairs (or anywhere) to fetch something, get there, and you can't remember what it was you needed? I knew it was something out of the bag I took to work today, so I decided to just schlep the whole bag with me back upstairs. Fortunately, halfway up the stairs, I remembered what it was.
I wanted to post about the Bridal Party Hand Book. Yes, that's right. A Bridal Party Hand Book! (And yes, I know, handbook is one word. That's the bride's spelling. Not mine.)
One of the law clerks at work was asked to be a bridesmaid and the bride has sent everyone in the bridal party a handbook that includes: Important Dates, Rules of Behavior, Dress Expectations, Definition of Roles, List of Essential Items, and a Complete Schedule in 15 Minute Intervals (emphasis added). The cover of the handbook also says:
I have entered Bridezilla phase so deal with it and follow the rules. I cant [sic] handle much more stress, and the breaking of these rules may cause me to have a nervous breakdown so do not ask for any exceptions to the rules.
It is unbelievable! Were I the law clerk, I'd politely hand it back to the bride and say, "Thanks, but no thanks, I'd rather attend as a guest," because I've a feeling that by the end of the wedding we wouldn't be friends anymore.
I really wish I could show you guys the entire booklet (which came in one of those middle school book report holders with the clear covers and plastic thing you slide up the side). Since I can't, here are some of my favorite excerpts:
This is all reproduced exactly as it was typed in the handbook:
2. All smoking breaks must be according to schedule, no longer than 3 minutes per break, and pre-approved by Matron of Honor Cathy AND the wedding coordinator.
3. Alcohol will be limited for all members of the bridal party; there is nothing worse than a drunken bridesmaid. In addition, security has direct orders to remove anyone who is making a scene or visibly intoxicated.
4. There sill be no drinking before the ceremony or beginning of the dinner with the exception of a toast in the limo.
5. There will be no complaining to the bride, if you have a problem tell Cathy or the wedding coordinator, Alice.
7. Be on time for EVERYTHING, a schedule has been provided. DO NOT CALL ME AND TELL ME YOU ARE LATE UNLESS YOU ARE IN THE HOSPITAL. . . .
8. There WILL BE NO SMOKING IN THE LIMO OR NEAR the bride. I do not want my dress to smell like smoke, or being hugging my relatives smelling like an ashtray.
10. Please watch the conversations you have in the company of my family, if you would not say it in front of a nun, do not say it. . . .
11. DO NOT make other plans for afterwards that night, please do not leave it early for some social event, we have given you adequate notice. Also please get to bed early that night.
I know these rules seem harsh, but it has come to my attention that many of you are not familiar with the duties of a bridal party. Please remember I adore each one of you, but this is an Extremely Important day for Casey and me. We should not have to worry about the bridal party disappearing during vital parts of the ceremony or drama occurring during OUR special days.
Lest you think the bride was kidding about the 3-minute smoking breaks, here's an example of it worked into the schedule:
9:15 - Dancing
9:30 - Bouquet and Guarder [sic]
9:45 - Smoking Break for Smokers
9:48 - End Smoking Break
I think I'd have to become a smoker just to annoy her were I insane enough to accept her invitation to be a member of the bridal party.
At the end of the Friday and Saturday schedules, she writes:
Again I know this schedule seems harsh, but it is extremely IMPORTANT to me that I don't have to be constantly watching people to make sure that everything goes according to plan. I love each and every one of you, and when it's your turn I will do it your way, but this is MY WAY and no exception to the RULES.
This is a tentative schedule, and only Vanessa is able to change the schedule of events. You will get an updated schedule the week of the wedding. Love, Bridezilla aka Vanessa
She also has a checklist/contract that she requires her bridesmaids to complete and mail back. Again, some of my favorite excerpts:
1. I know to arrive at Vanessa's at 7:45am on Saturday ( )
3. I am aware that the rehearsal is formal attire. ( )
4. Please indicate where you will be staying the night of the wedding.
A. Home (No one will be aloud [sic] leaving drunk) . . .
8. Do you have a pair of nude nylons? (I hate black nylons with a black skirt so please do not wear the two together for the wedding.)
The bride also has a list of suggested items to bring to the wedding (again, these are reproduced exactly as they appear on the list): Cosmatics, Waterprrof mascara, Deodrant, Hair accessorises, Jewllery, Gift for bride and groom. (I'm not kidding. It was the most half-@ssed job I've ever seen of someone trying to cross something out. I mean, if you took a sharpie to it and then photocopied it, you shouldn't be able to see it at all.)
As you can see this is one of those things that you really have to see to believe. May I just say that the entire office (and I do mean entire) was in uproar this morning. There wasn't a person who wasn't horrified, agog, and laughing uproariously this morning.
I also can't believe the multitude of grammatical and spelling errors in her "Hand Book". If you're going to go through all this trouble, you might as well do it correctly. And the anal perfectionist in me can't help but sniff at the fact that were I to be so psychotic, I would've taken it to Kinko's and had them made into pretty books and I would've added in dividers to separate the rules, schedules, contract, and lists. Hmph.
But like I said. I'd never do this. I'd never want to be a part of this. I can't believe her friends would really need lessons in etiquette (and if they do then it's her fault for picking people like that to be in her wedding!). It seriously makes me wonder what kind of man would put up with this. More importantly . . .
Do you think there's a Complete Schedule of Wedding Night in 15 Minute Intervals? ;)
I wanted to post about the Bridal Party Hand Book. Yes, that's right. A Bridal Party Hand Book! (And yes, I know, handbook is one word. That's the bride's spelling. Not mine.)
One of the law clerks at work was asked to be a bridesmaid and the bride has sent everyone in the bridal party a handbook that includes: Important Dates, Rules of Behavior, Dress Expectations, Definition of Roles, List of Essential Items, and a Complete Schedule in 15 Minute Intervals (emphasis added). The cover of the handbook also says:
I have entered Bridezilla phase so deal with it and follow the rules. I cant [sic] handle much more stress, and the breaking of these rules may cause me to have a nervous breakdown so do not ask for any exceptions to the rules.
It is unbelievable! Were I the law clerk, I'd politely hand it back to the bride and say, "Thanks, but no thanks, I'd rather attend as a guest," because I've a feeling that by the end of the wedding we wouldn't be friends anymore.
I really wish I could show you guys the entire booklet (which came in one of those middle school book report holders with the clear covers and plastic thing you slide up the side). Since I can't, here are some of my favorite excerpts:
This is all reproduced exactly as it was typed in the handbook:
2. All smoking breaks must be according to schedule, no longer than 3 minutes per break, and pre-approved by Matron of Honor Cathy AND the wedding coordinator.
3. Alcohol will be limited for all members of the bridal party; there is nothing worse than a drunken bridesmaid. In addition, security has direct orders to remove anyone who is making a scene or visibly intoxicated.
4. There sill be no drinking before the ceremony or beginning of the dinner with the exception of a toast in the limo.
5. There will be no complaining to the bride, if you have a problem tell Cathy or the wedding coordinator, Alice.
7. Be on time for EVERYTHING, a schedule has been provided. DO NOT CALL ME AND TELL ME YOU ARE LATE UNLESS YOU ARE IN THE HOSPITAL. . . .
8. There WILL BE NO SMOKING IN THE LIMO OR NEAR the bride. I do not want my dress to smell like smoke, or being hugging my relatives smelling like an ashtray.
10. Please watch the conversations you have in the company of my family, if you would not say it in front of a nun, do not say it. . . .
11. DO NOT make other plans for afterwards that night, please do not leave it early for some social event, we have given you adequate notice. Also please get to bed early that night.
I know these rules seem harsh, but it has come to my attention that many of you are not familiar with the duties of a bridal party. Please remember I adore each one of you, but this is an Extremely Important day for Casey and me. We should not have to worry about the bridal party disappearing during vital parts of the ceremony or drama occurring during OUR special days.
Lest you think the bride was kidding about the 3-minute smoking breaks, here's an example of it worked into the schedule:
9:15 - Dancing
9:30 - Bouquet and Guarder [sic]
9:45 - Smoking Break for Smokers
9:48 - End Smoking Break
I think I'd have to become a smoker just to annoy her were I insane enough to accept her invitation to be a member of the bridal party.
At the end of the Friday and Saturday schedules, she writes:
Again I know this schedule seems harsh, but it is extremely IMPORTANT to me that I don't have to be constantly watching people to make sure that everything goes according to plan. I love each and every one of you, and when it's your turn I will do it your way, but this is MY WAY and no exception to the RULES.
This is a tentative schedule, and only Vanessa is able to change the schedule of events. You will get an updated schedule the week of the wedding. Love, Bridezilla aka Vanessa
She also has a checklist/contract that she requires her bridesmaids to complete and mail back. Again, some of my favorite excerpts:
1. I know to arrive at Vanessa's at 7:45am on Saturday ( )
3. I am aware that the rehearsal is formal attire. ( )
4. Please indicate where you will be staying the night of the wedding.
A. Home (No one will be aloud [sic] leaving drunk) . . .
8. Do you have a pair of nude nylons? (I hate black nylons with a black skirt so please do not wear the two together for the wedding.)
The bride also has a list of suggested items to bring to the wedding (again, these are reproduced exactly as they appear on the list): Cosmatics, Waterprrof mascara, Deodrant, Hair accessorises, Jewllery, Gift for bride and groom. (I'm not kidding. It was the most half-@ssed job I've ever seen of someone trying to cross something out. I mean, if you took a sharpie to it and then photocopied it, you shouldn't be able to see it at all.)
As you can see this is one of those things that you really have to see to believe. May I just say that the entire office (and I do mean entire) was in uproar this morning. There wasn't a person who wasn't horrified, agog, and laughing uproariously this morning.
I also can't believe the multitude of grammatical and spelling errors in her "Hand Book". If you're going to go through all this trouble, you might as well do it correctly. And the anal perfectionist in me can't help but sniff at the fact that were I to be so psychotic, I would've taken it to Kinko's and had them made into pretty books and I would've added in dividers to separate the rules, schedules, contract, and lists. Hmph.
But like I said. I'd never do this. I'd never want to be a part of this. I can't believe her friends would really need lessons in etiquette (and if they do then it's her fault for picking people like that to be in her wedding!). It seriously makes me wonder what kind of man would put up with this. More importantly . . .
Do you think there's a Complete Schedule of Wedding Night in 15 Minute Intervals? ;)