Supernatural fic: Grace Under Fire 6/10 (Dean/Cas PG-13 AU)
Title: Grace Under Fire [chapter 6/10]
Rating: PG-13 this part. NC-17 all up.
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Genre: AU, romance
Spoilers/Warnings: AU references to season 6
Word Count: apx 2,630 this part (12,915 so far)
Summary: The one in which Dean and Cas fall, hard and fast.
A/N: Also the one in which there are many geek references. It's my form of fluff XD And I also want to thank luvsbitca here, for once telling me the story of her ridiculous hand injury, a long time ago before she disappeared into the Teen Wolf fandom :S ... Sorry this is so friggin late, but thanks for the inspiration!
Disclaimer: Supernatural ain't mine. Neither is Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, or Firefly.
[ Chapter 1] [ Chapter 2] [ Chapter 3] [ Chapter 4] [ Chapter 5]
~
Spring turned to Summer, the school year ended, the months flew by, but Castiel barely even noticed, so wrapped up was he in the whirlwind of this thing with Dean. Dean, who staggered into his bed in the early hours of morning, too tired to do anything but pass out after his shift, but just wanting to be near him anyway. Dean, who insisted Castiel cook for him, but then refused to eat unless Castiel hand-fed him, sitting on the couch watching Star Wars movies. Dean, who had been a nervous wreck about him meeting Sam, and then pouted jealously like a left-out child when he and Sam got along famously. Dean, who was at his apartment so much he already had drawers full of his own things in Castiels dresser, when Castiels past relationships had only gotten to the spare toothbrush stage in the same amount of time. Dean, who Castiel watched over as he slept late into the morning, and then spent the rest of the day making love to until hunger or work prompted them from the bedroom, and the cycle repeated itself over again.
Today was no different. Theyd spent most of the morning (afternoon) in bed having lazy morning sex (because its still morning if youve just woken up), until Deans stomach inevitably began to growl for food. Then Dean had pulled him into the shower, insisting they clean up and spend some time outdoors for once, so Castiel could try what Dean insisted was The best ice-cream in the world, ever.
Ive got a bad feeling about this, Castiel had groaned at first, reluctant to be dragged out of the safe little lovenest that was his bed. But as the Star Wars quote left his lips he couldnt help but chuckle a little at Deans enthusiasm. Quite frankly, Castiel didnt think any ice cream could compare to a whole day in bed with Dean (unless, of course, the ice cream was on Dean), but in the three short months theyd been together, hed already learned he could deny Dean nothing.
And Castiel had to admit, it was a refreshing change. It was a beautiful, warm, Summer day outside, and as they walked by the water, ice cream cones in hand, Castiel found that for once he didnt mind the noise and press of children and families around, enjoying the vacation atmosphere. And even though it was highly likely some of his students might be around, he wasnt even worried about the repercussions of being seen with another man at all. When Dean was with him, he could handle anything, and nothing else mattered.
Castiel was burning. Falling. So very quickly that he knew what it must be like, to be a comet plunging to the earth. It was almost embarrassing really, how fast everything was happening, but he found he simply couldnt give a damn. Not when Dean looked at him the way he did, smiled at him the way he did, laughed and made him laugh every time they were together, with such ease it felt like theyd known each other years instead of months.
And yet, he was still aware that this had to be some kind of insanely good honeymoon period or something, because there was still so much they were discovering about each other - Such as whether they preferred Battlestar Galactica or Firefly - And there was no other way to explain how he could still find Dean so adorable when he was being so damn infuriating!
It figures youd be a Battlestar guy, Dean muttered, shaking his head in disgust. You know the original series was just a way to ride on the success of Star Wars, right? I mean come on. The ships, the effects, the whole look was similar! And Apollo and Starbuck were totally cheap knock-offs of Luke and Han.
That may be true, but in the remake their counterparts are far more dimensional. And thats beside the fact they made Starbuck a woman, Castiel retaliated.
Waitaminute, Dean said, stopping in his tracks, So if Sam and I remind you of Luke and Han, and therefore Apollo and Starbuck Are you implying that Im a woman?
Castiel almost choked on the last bit of his ice cream. Well, you do have that thing for womens underwear, he recovered quickly, swallowing it down with a smirk.
Cas! Dean hissed, blushing as he looked around to see if anyone heard. Castiel continued his argument, unconcerned.
Im just saying its not completely unreasonable that they decided to continue with Battlestar instead of Firefly. Besides the characters, the themes the show explored were extremely layered and complex as well.
Ill layer your face. Dean mumbled, lacking any kind of counterargument. Castiel chuckled.
Just be thankful I watch science fiction at all. Balthazar refuses to watch anything with the word Star in the title.
Ha! Dean exclaimed, grinning wide, That makes him a Firefly man by default!
It does not! Castiel scoffed.
By the way, how come he never called Sam back? Dean asked, the grin on his face replaced by concerned curiosity as quickly as the topic of conversation changed.
Castiel stopped in surprise. Balthazar hadnt mentioned Sam since that dinner theyd had months ago, and from the way Balthazar had told it, Sam hadnt been all that interested. But now he kind of got the feeling this was something Sam mightve discussed with Dean quite recently, for Dean to bring it up now. Did he miss something? He mightve, considering how caught up hed been in this new thing with Dean. Hed barely had the chance to talk to Balthazar lately, so there was no telling what his friend mightve gotten up to recently.
Its cool, Cas, Dean interrupted his thoughts. From what youve told me, I kinda figured he wasnt really a second date kind of guy.
Castiel barked out a laugh at that. It was too true. Yet he still couldnt help feeling like something was amiss. He didnt have the chance to pinpoint it though, as in the next moment Dean was pulling him into his arms, nuzzling into his neck and turning his brain into goo.
So Dean murmured into his ear, If Im Han, you know that totally makes you Leia, right?
Castiel smirked. Is this an attempt to get me in a gold bikini?
Would you?! Dean drew back in surprise, leering at him excitedly
Certainly not, Castiel protested, smacking him on the arm. I dont have the chest for it, he grinned.
But you sure have the hips for it, Dean murmured, sliding his hands under the hem of his shirt and gripping his hips, pulling him in close to nuzzle his neck again. Castiel moaned, his eyes fluttering closed as he clutched at Deans shoulders, his knees turning to jelly. And then he suddenly remembered they were in public and his eyes snapped open again.
Stop that, he hissed, disentangling himself from Deans grip with another smack on the arm. Nerf-herder, he chastened softly, before kissing Dean on the cheek.
Dean grinned, leaning in again to steal a quick kiss from his lips, and Castiel couldnt help the smile that crept across his face after that.
You know I love Firefly just as much too, right? he conceded. Dean eyed him softly.
You know I l--
Dean? a voice called from behind his shoulder. Dean blinked in confusion at the interruption, surprise crossing his face when looked up, followed by several other emotions that flickered across his face too fast for Castiel to read.
Lisa?!
~
Dean was painfully silent after running into Ben and Lisa. For hours afterwards he was distracted, broody, would barely even look at Castiel, let alone touch him, and Castiel felt the lack of contact like a physical ache. He hadnt realized just how much Dean touched him all the time now, and how easily hed gotten used to it, until it suddenly stopped.
He didnt know what to do. Not even the promise of homemade burgers cheered Dean up. So he tried to just be patient, be there, and give Dean time to sort out whatever he needed to. Seeing his ex and the kid that had practically been a son to him couldnt have been easy for Dean. It was obvious from their brief meeting that Dean still cared for them a great deal.
He wouldve expected the whole encounter to be a lot more awkward than it was, but surprisingly it wasnt. Lisa seemed like a kind woman, and Ben clearly idolized Dean, so the whole exchange felt like theyd just run into some of Deans old friends. And from what Dean had told him, they genuinely were still friends, as theyd parted amicably. Lisa had been good to Dean, especially during the time after Deans father had died, before Sam had come back from college and Dean had really needed someone to help him through it. It was Deans job that was the problem. Lisa had always wanted a good role-model for her son, and Dean had been, until she realised just how dangerous his job really was. And having just lost another parent to a fire, Dean didnt want them to go through the kind of loss he was going through someday.
Castiel understood it had been a difficult situation, but he couldnt help but feel that if itd been him, he wouldve fought for Dean. Danger be damned. Tragedy could strike at any time, in any million different ways, and to Castiel it only meant he wanted to spend every moment with Dean that he could. And he could handle the worry and the fear over whether Dean would survive every fire, because he was raised to be strong. His father was military, and hed survived military school, so hed been bred pretty tough to begin with. And the parts of him that still faltered were bolstered by the fact that it was him Dean would be coming home to after every one of those fires. So if he couldnt be strong for himself, he would be for Dean.
But then again, Castiel didnt have a child to think of, so it wasnt really fair to compare himself against Lisas priorities. Hed never really thought about having children of his own before, but after seeing how good Dean had been with Ben, hed had a moment, a twinge of serious consideration. He could see how alluring the prospect of having a family with Dean could be, so he could appreciate just how hard it mustve been to give it up. And even though Dean didnt speak about Lisa like they had been in love, there was clearly still enough love there to make the separation painful.
And seeing Dean now, so obviously upset after seeing them again, Castiel wished he could do more than offer a quiet meal of cheeseburgers on his couch. Wished he could just wrap Dean up in his arms and hold him until the hurt passed, remind him that he wasnt alone and that he still had people in his life that cared for him, a great deal. But Dean pulled away every time he tried to touch him, shook his head every time Castiel asked him if he wanted to talk about it, leaving him feeling frustrated on top of his concern, helpless, and shut out.
So after a very quiet dinner, Castiel escaped to the kitchen to clean up their dishes. He was more than a little surprised when Dean followed him, automatically falling into their routine where Dean dried the dishes afterwards so Castiel could put them away. But while this routine was usually filled with pleasant banter and laughter, or even companionable silence, tonight Dean was miles away. He was so distracted he almost walked right into Castiel more than once, until he actually did, knocking the holder full of cutlery right out of Castiels hand.
Reflexively Castiel reached out, trying to grab onto it before it fell, but the cutlery was already spilling out of it mid-air, and as a result Castiel ended up grabbing the wrong end of a knife, skewering himself and losing a large chunk of flesh out of his finger.
Castiel yelped and cursed in pain as blood dripped everywhere, and Dean finally snapped out of it, cursing as well as he grabbed Castiels arm and held it under the sink.
Shit, Cas, Im so sorry! Dean apologised as he inspected the damage.
Its okay, Dean, Castiel replied, hissing in pain from the water.
No, its not, Dean frowned. Do you have a first aid kit somewhere?
In the laundry, he directed.
Okay, dont move, Dean instructed before rushing off to get the kit.
When Dean returned, he handled Castiel so gently and so carefully as he cleaned and bandaged the wound, that even though Castiel was in pain, his heart couldnt help but leap a little at the fact that Dean was touching him again. He couldnt take his eyes off Deans face as Dean concentrated, so close he could practically count the freckles smattered across Deans nose. So close he began to hold his breath, for fear that Dean might skitter away from him again.
All done, Dean suddenly announced, looking up to find himself inches away from Castiels face. Dean blinked, looking at Castiel as if it was the first time he was really seeing him in hours, and Castiel meant to say Thank You, he really did, but what came out was,
I love you.
Dean froze, his breath hitching in his throat, stunned.
Castiels eyes went wide as well, realizing what hed just said.
What? Dean exhaled, barely a whisper.
Castiel opened his mouth, halfway to apologizing and taking it back, but then he realised he couldnt. He couldnt take it back like it was a mistake or a lie, because it was the truth.
Smiling weakly, he reached up to cup Deans cheek with his good hand, stroking his thumb soothingly across the skin there as he waited for his unexpected admission to sink in.
But the stunned look never left Deans face. After a long moment, he finally swallowed, hard, then reached up to pull Castiels hand away.
I cant do this again.
It was Castiels turn to be stunned now, completely unprepared for the words that had come out of Deans mouth, and the heavy finality that had come with them.
What? Castiel echoed, his heart dropping through his stomach as all the air flew out of his chest.
Im sorry, Dean choked out as he swept past, leaving the room, and Castiel barely understood what was happening until he heard the front door slam.
By the time he pulled himself together, rushing out the door, Dean was already at the bottom of the stairs, charging out of the building.
Dean! he yelled as he ran down the stairs after him. Please, wait! he practically sobbed, his heart pounding in his ears as he gasped for breath that just wouldnt come.
But it was too late. By the time he made it out the entrance he could already hear the familiar squeak of the Impala door from down the street, the slam of it closing shut. And by the time he got to where he knew the car was parked, Dean was already driving away.
Dean! he called out one more time, but it came out as a whimper for lack of air. And all he could do was stand there, watching helplessly from the middle of the street as the roar of the Impala faded into nothing, and all he could hear were his own hitching gasps as disbelieving tears streamed down his face.
Hed forgotten that some comets crash, eventually.
~ tbc