FIC: ST RPS -- I Need You So Much Closer (3/4)
Please see the Master Post for info, warnings, and author's notes.
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Part Six
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat
Zach was on the couch, idly leafing through the newspaper when Chris came over. Zach had given him a key, and more often than not, Chris showed up unannounced, and Zach was completely fine with it. He was about to make a snide comment about the vague implications of bestiality in that day’s Marmaduke when he saw the elation on Chris’ face.
“Zach, Zach, I didn’t think about it!”
“What?”
“A while ago you said one day I’d go an entire day without thinking about it, remember? Well, I was in line at LAMILL and I realized I hadn’t thought about it since my shower yesterday morning, and that’s a full day! More than a full day!”
“Chris, that’s great,” said Zach, popping up from the couch to throw his arms around Chris, who leaned into the embrace, holding tight and burying his smiling face against Zach’s neck.
“This is big, Zach,” Chris whispered, and the movement of lips against his neck made a small shiver run down Zach’s spine.
“I know,” Zach replied, firmly rubbing a hand down Chris’ back. The embrace was slowly turning from a celebratory hug into something more intimate, and though Zach wasn’t sure it was a good idea, he couldn’t bring himself to break away. Chris was happy, truly happy for the first time in a long time - Zach could feel the excited energy in the arms wrapped around his waist, and he was loath to let that go.
Chris was the one to pull back first, slowly loosening his hold on Zach, but he didn’t back away. Instead, he kept his face close to Zach’s, brought a hand up to caress Zach’s cheek, and then - like it was something they did every day - pressed their mouths together. His lips were so warm and inviting that Zach kissed back without even thinking. It felt so natural, so easy to respond that it took much longer than it should have for Zach’s brain to register the fact that this was Chris, his friend.
His friend that he’d been helping through a sexual trauma.
Zach pushed Chris away gently but firmly, stepping back to put space between them and looking pointedly away. All that came to mind were questions too direct to ask. Where had this come from? Was it genuine or some kind of caregiver transference? Was Chris responding to some kind of cues that Zach had (inadvertently) given? And, most importantly, what the hell were they going to do now?
But when Zach looked up, Chris was still grinning widely, if now blushing all the way down to the collar of his shirt. “Shit, man,” Chris chuckled, absently rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry about that.”
That was not the reaction Zach was expecting - Chris was so… calm. He went with the first question on his list. “Where the hell did that come from?”
“I used to- Oh, god this is so not how I wanted to tell you this, but what the hell. I used to have the biggest crush on you.” Zach’s mouth must have fallen open, because there was nothing but silence until Chris started fidgeting. “Wait, you didn’t know? At all? I thought you at least had some… oh, crap. Please, say something. Anything.”
So the sort-of maybe flirting, the talks that went until the early hours of the morning, the casual touches, those were Chris trying to let Zach know? Zach had thought Chris just particularly affectionate - no wonder Simon had teased him about the hugging. Zach’s brain went into overdrive trying to catch up to several years’ worth of friendship. If Chris was bisexual, and Chris used to have a crush on him…
“Used to?” It was not at all what Zach intended to focus on, but that was what came out of his mouth.
“Um, still do, I guess. But if you’re not into me, I totally get that. I really didn’t mean to spring this on you, but I’m finally feeling happy and you were right there and it felt so good to hug you and holy shit, your mouth is so tempting up close and-”
“Wait, no, it’s not that I’m not- I mean, I want-” Zach stuttered helplessly. His brain was still frantically processing, but he did know one thing. “Chris, you don’t owe me anything.”
Chris let out a soft bark of laughter. “Don’t be an idiot - I owe you so much. But I didn’t kiss you because I think I’m… indebted to you or something. I kissed you because I really, really wanted to, I have for a long time, I just didn’t have the balls to do anything about it, and if you don’t stop gnawing on your bottom lip right now I’m going to do it again because it makes your lips all red and wet and puffy and I really ought to breathe before I run out of air.”
Funny, because Zach himself was about to hyperventilate. If Chris was bisexual, and Chris still did have a crush on him, then maybe, just maybe, it was okay to crush back. It was like a floodgate opening in Zach’s heart, but he couldn’t just float away on the tide - there was too much at stake to pretend they were both without baggage.
“Chris,” Zach said, speaking slowly because he had to force each word out of his mouth. “I think this is a bad idea. You’re vulnerable-”
“Damn right, I’m vulnerable. I just kissed you and you pushed me away like a leper.”
Zach could have stamped his foot. It was hard enough for Zach to say it; couldn’t Chris just listen? “You’re vulnerable, Chris, you’ve had to learn how to trust people again, how to trust your own judgment, and I don’t want to take advantage of you. I could hurt you without even meaning to, and I’d never forgive myself.”
Chris’ eyes softened, and he stepped forward cautiously, ever so slightly invading Zach’s space, and Zach felt his moorings give just a little. “I’m not asking for sex or a lifetime commitment or even a date - I just want to kiss you. That’s all.” He stretched out a hand, letting it rest gently on Zach’s shoulder. “You’ve been so patient with me, Zach. You’ve consistently helped me, even when it cost you. I know you weren’t trying to make me fall in love with you, but I think I have, a little bit, and I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but please, just let me kiss you. Just this once. If it sucks, we never have to do it again.”
And Zach couldn’t refuse those pleading eyes if Chris had just asked him to crack open his own ribcage and pull out his heart, so he let go, let the rushing blood in his veins take him away. “Okay,” he whispered, shifting closer to Chris. Zach half-expected it to be awkward now, but Chris’ eyes were practically sparkling and his cheeks were flushed so endearingly and before Zach could give it any more thought, Chris’ lips were on his.
It started slowly, a tentative exploration, soft and chaste. Chris’ hand rested on the back of Zach’s neck, holding him close as he gently sucked on Zach’s lower lip. The kiss was teasing, playful in a way that Zach wasn’t expecting, a way that left him completely defenseless. Zach let his lips part to give Chris better access, and soon the other man’s tongue was pressing in, seeking entry. With a soft groan, Zach granted it, tilting his head for a better angle. And then Chris was everywhere, holding Zach captive with strong hands while his tongue plundered Zach’s mouth. Zach melted into it, drank Chris’ taste and inhaled his scent and finally let himself want. Want Chris, want something more than sitting together on the couch cracking jokes.
It had been terrifying, seeing Chris so broken and then feeling so responsible for his wellbeing that to have Chris content and healthy in his arms, kissing him, was almost too much, too fast. Almost. Zach lost himself so easily that only the irritating need to breathe brought him back to himself. He pulled away from Chris’ mouth, but this time Chris didn’t let Zach out of his embrace and Zach didn’t try to push back. He rested his forehead against Chris’ and tried to focus on slowing his heartbeat down to a less maddening pace.
“So, um,” Chris began, his voice finally betraying a little nervousness. “That didn’t suck. Not on this end, anyway.”
“No, I would… I would have to agree with your assessment,” Zach mumbled, his body aching for more contact. Chris smiled, and though Zach tried to fight it, he smiled, too. Before he was conscious of actually moving, Zach leaned in and then they were kissing again, hands clenching in fabric and bodies melding together.
“Oh,” Chris breathed awkwardly against Zach’s lips, and Zach suddenly realized he’d been pressing his growing erection against Chris’ hip. He froze. “It’s okay,” Chris said quickly, stepping back at arm’s-length to look Zach in the eye. “I’m not freaking out. I just need a little space.” Zach tried to move away, but Chris planted his hands on Zach’s shoulders. “Not that much space.”
For lack of anything better to say, Zach muttered “Sorry” and shut his eyes, because when he had them open, all he could see were Chris’ lips, the slight pink burn his stubble had left around Chris’ mouth, and they both had to get this under control.
“So,” Chris said, sounding steadier, and Zach opened his eyes. “What do we do now?”
“I think that’s up to you.”
“C’mon, Zach, give me a hint, at least. I told you how I felt.”
“I, um… It’s complicated.”
“No shit. Let’s start simple - you get a note in math class that says ‘Do you like Chris Pine?’ Do you check yes or no?”
“Who handed me the note?”
“Zachary.”
“Yes. I check yes, alright?”
“Okay, now we’re getting somewhere.”
“I’m sorry,” Zach sighed, staring at the floor, trying to sort out what he had only recently been able to put into words. “I’m not being deliberately obtuse. I like you, alright? I really like you. I have for a long time. It’s just… my universe does not include a scenario in which you return the sentiment, let alone one in which you kiss me. Like that.”
“So adapt.”
“I’m trying! I just need a few minutes.”
“Okay, let’s sit down.” Chris steered Zach toward the couch, a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
“This amuses you?”
“Yes. No! I mean, it’s nice not to be the flustered one for once, you know? You’ve been my rock this whole time, and I totally appreciate it, but it’s really kind of satisfying to know that I get to you.”
Zach groaned and dropped his head back against the back of the couch. “Hell, Chris, you’ve gotten to me from day one. That’s the bitch of the thing.”
“I didn’t know.” Chris’ voice sounded smaller, contrite.
“That’s because I didn’t want you to know.” Zach took a deep breath and sat up with a purpose, looking Chris in the eye. “But I guess it’s out in the open now. And there are… obstacles. But that was an amazing kiss.”
“Yeah?” Chris asked with a shy smile, and Zach nodded. “So, let’s play hypothetical for a moment. All things being equal - we’re friends, I like you, you like me, that’s all there is - what do you do?”
In truth, Zach’s answer would have been something like tear your clothes off immediately, but he knew that wasn’t what he wanted to say, hypothetical situation or not. “Well,” he began, “I think… I ask you out. See if we can get through a real date without hysterical giggling or stultifying awkwardness.”
“And, hypothetically, if this date should go smoothly?”
“I think a few more dates could be arranged.”
“And if those are a success?”Chris asked, seeming frustrated.
“Then we… talk. We reassess.”
“Very romantic, Quinto,” Chris said with an eye roll. “That’s how you seduce a guy? ‘Reassess me, baby! Discuss the future of our relationship all night long!’”
“Damn it, Chris, you’re not just some guy!” Zach said, surprising himself with the volume of his voice. “You’re doing well, and you’re happy today, and that’s great, but you can’t pretend that there’s no baggage here.” Chris seemed to deflate right before his eyes, and Zach hated himself for it. He reached out to take Chris’ hand. “I’m sorry to mention it - I really am. But it’s still real. Starting to get past it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”
“I know that,” Chris said, softly but firmly. “And you know it just as well. I’ve been asking myself over and over the same thing you want to know - if I’m ready. But you know how it is. There’s not going to be any certainty, any closure. There’s not an end date I have to reach before I can do this. It’s just… I can’t pretend I don’t want this anymore.”
Zach vaguely recalled something about how people naturally gravitated towards others at their own level of dysfunction. “Is that it? Is it because we both survived the same thing?”
Chris seemed to be concentrating fiercely on Zach’s hand in his. “I like you, Zach. I liked you before Pittsburgh, and I like you now. That hasn’t changed.”
“Same here,” Zach murmured, squeezing Chris’ hand. “I liked you the moment we met, when you told me my glasses made me look pretentious but you wanted to know where I got them anyway. I wanted to slap you, then kiss you breathless.” Chris actually smiled a little at that, and Zach felt his heart lighten. “I’m freaking out because I kind of spent the last few years convincing myself that we could never be more than friends. I still want to slap you sometimes, but knowing I can kiss you? That devastates me, Chris. The thought of it makes me light-headed. You’re not someone I can sleep with and just hope things work out. You mean too much to me.”
Chris finally raised his head. “Same here.”
“Okay. That’s good to know. So what do you want to do about it?”
Chris took a deep breath. “I want… I want to keep spending as much time with you as I have. No borrowing time off the future or wondering if I’m going to fall apart without you. I’m past that - now I just want to be around you because I like being around you.”
“I can handle that. What else?”
“I want to kiss you. A lot.” Chris smiled for real just then, a genuine, room-lighting grin. “By which I refer to both frequency and intensity of desire.”
It took all of Zach’s composure to keep his voice from shaking. “Is that all?”
“No. I want to do more than kiss you. I want to touch you - everywhere - and not think of anything but you when I do it. I want the same from you. I want to dream about you, and wake up next to you in the morning so we can do everything I dream about. I want to learn the quickest way to make you come and everything that makes you scream. I want-“
Zach couldn’t take it anymore - he silenced Chris with a swift, hard kiss before he could erode Zach’s self-control any further. “Yes,” Zach moaned, pushing back from Chris and putting enough space between them that he couldn’t simply reach out and grab him and give him everything he wanted right then. Despite Chris’… amazing words, Zach didn’t quite know how Chris felt about sex right now. He doubted Chris would know either until the moment came. “I want all of that, too. But we have to take this slow.”
“Why?” Chris asked, so desperately it was almost a whine. “You said it yourself, I’m doing well. And I finally know what I want, and-“
“For me, you tit! I spend years convincing myself I couldn’t have you and then you throw yourself at me - I’m in a delicate state! I need to know you’re not going to break my heart.”
“I won’t!”
“And there are things…” Zach began, trying to find the right words. “Things you won’t know if you’re ready for until you’re there. And we need to agree that if either of us needs to slow down or even stop, the other will respect that.”
Chris seemed to be genuinely considering this, and after a moment, agreed. “We can take it slow.”
“So,” Zach said with a calmness he didn’t feel, looking at the man he might finally have a chance with. The man he finally got to ask, “You free for dinner tomorrow night?”
“Let me check,” said Chris, his eyes never leaving Zach’s. “Yup, I’m free.”
“Pick you up at seven?”
“Sounds perfect.”
Part Seven
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door…
“Admit it.”
“Do I have to?”
“Yup.”
“Fine,” Chris sighed, unwinding the scarf from around his neck as they stepped inside his front hall. “You are better at the dating thing.”
Zach couldn’t resist pushing it a bit farther as he locked the door behind them. “How much better?”
“So much better. Happy?”
“Oh yes,” Zach said, tugging Chris a little closer by the ends of the scarf that still remained draped over his neck. He kissed Chris lightly, very lightly, on the lips, letting him go before Chris could push in farther. It was meant to be a gentle tease, but Chris followed him as he stepped back, staying very much within Zach’s personal space.
“I hate to ask,” Chris said, “but just how many guys have you gotten by taking them to Griffith Observatory after hours and whispering in their ears about the gap in Saturn’s rings?”
“Just one,” Zach said, feigning casualness. “Well, almost one. I’m working on one.”
Chris flushed at the implication. “How… how did you even do that? Get them to let us in after hours?”
Zach laughed softly. “Uh, I’m sorry, did you miss the little theater named after Leonard?”
“I thought that was just, like, an honorary thing.”
“An honorary thing after you donate a shitload of money. One phone call and it’s ‘Yes, Mr. Nimoy. Whatever you want, Mr. Nimoy.’”
The sparkles of humor in Chris’ eyes made Zach’s heart float up into the back of his throat.
“You know,” Chris said lightly, “this is our third date.”
“Is it?”
“Yep. You took me to dinner at the cutest little Italian place I have ever seen in my life. I took you to the smelliest independent movie theater in southern California to see the most boring movie in the history of time. And then you drove me up a mountain in the middle of the night to show me the stars.”
Zach could guess where this was headed, and his palms began to sweat. “That would be three, yes.”
Chris stepped in even closer, until their bodies were nearly touching. They hadn’t even removed their jackets, but Zach could still feel the heat radiating off of Chris’ body. “You do know what they say about the third date, don’t you?”
“I’m familiar with the tradition,” Zach said, barely keeping his voice from squeaking.
“So,” Chris said, reaching out to set his hands on Zach’s waist, “I believe custom dictates that one of us must put out.”
“Only one?” Zach teased, moving in until his lips brushed Chris’ as they spoke. “That seems… manifestly unfair.”
Chris muttered what might have been a “Jesus, Zach,” had his lips not already been crushed to Zach’s, moving firmly and deliberately against his mouth. Zach, for his part, didn’t stumble a bit at Chris’ weight pressed against him, just held on, opening his mouth and letting Chris’ eager tongue slide in. Chris had proven to be a skilled, enthusiastic kisser with a distinct lack of patience, and Zach almost felt bad at rarely having to initiate anything. Almost.
Jackets were shed quickly, so quickly Zach didn’t even have time to think. Chris gripped handfuls of Zach’s shirt, keeping him close as they stumbled through the halls. God, Chris smelled so good, the crispness of the outside air still clinging lightly to his skin, which warmed quickly under Zach’s touch.
A warning light flashed in Zach’s brain at the speed with which this had escalated, but his body ached for Chris’ touch, delivered so sparingly over the past few weeks at Zach’s own request. They needed to go slow, to make sure each was ready for the next step… but by god, did Chris feel ready, if the hot bulge at the front of his jeans was any indication.
Chris shifted against the wall and Zach moved with him, an easy, primal dance that ended with their hips neatly aligned, erections rubbing perfectly against each other. Chris moaned loudly into Zach’s mouth, yanking him even closer by the belt loops and beginning to thrust, giving Zach silent permission to do the same.
They moved together so easily that it sent Zach’s already intensifying arousal shooting to the stars. He hadn’t been with anyone since… well, he couldn’t even remember, but it had been at least six months, and this was Chris, and he couldn’t slow down to save his own life. On one particularly hard, shuddering thrust, the head of his cock rubbed against the soft cloth of his boxers beneath the denim and he knew, without words, he was going to come just like this.
Chris seemed to sense the increased intensity, grabbing Zach’s ass hard and rutting against him like an animal. Zach sobbed for the heat building in his gut, for the way Chris whispered yes and Zach and fuck whenever Zach got the angle just right. Zach was shooting before he even knew it was hitting him, coming in shivering pulses that made him curl bodily into Chris. Beautiful, eager Chris who laughed with joy when he felt Zach shudder against him.
Soon, the wet fabric of Zach’s underwear began to chafe, but he gritted his teeth and rocked his hips a few more times, trying to gauge how close Chris was. But Chris used his grip on Zach’s jeans to slow him to stillness, refocusing on plundering every corner of Zach’s mouth with his tongue.
When Zach got his breath back, he tried to pull away, just a few inches so he could worm a hand between their bodies, but Chris wouldn’t even allow him that much space. When they both came up for air, Zach gasped, “Chris, let me…” and slid a purposeful hand toward Chris’ crotch.
But Chris stopped him with a hand over his. “Not, uh,” Chris said, his face going red with more than just arousal. “Not tonight.”
“But I…” Zach said, his brain still addled with lust and that forceful climax. “Don’t you want to-”
Chris smiled, and though it was a bashful one, it was genuine. “That’s, um, okay. I already got exactly what I wanted.”
“Oh,” Zach said, dumbly.
“For tonight. I just wanted to feel you. And see you, though I couldn’t see your face, so we’re going to have to do that again soon. But mostly feel you.”
“You don’t want me to-”
“Wow, your brain gets a little fried after sex,” Chris said, lifting up on his tiptoes to kiss Zach’s forehead. “I’m going to have to remember that.” Then he looked Zach square in the eye. “I’m satisfied. For tonight, I got everything I needed.” He paused. “Well, almost everything.”
Zach quirked an eyebrow, but by now had figured not to reach for Chris’ crotch again.
“Stay the night?” Chris asked, cheeks going slightly red again.
“Uh, I think I’ll have to,” Zach said, looking down at the small wet patch growing on his jeans. “Either that or borrow some sweatpants.”
“Why not both?” Chris asked, and when he pressed himself against Zach for another strong but close-mouthed kiss, Zach could feel Chris’ semi-hard softening a little in his pants. It went against Zach’s every instinct, not to reach for Chris, to stroke him back to hardness and drop to his knees and make Chris moan even louder than before. But that would have to wait.
Not tonight.
&&&
Zach couldn’t move.
He tried to struggle, but his body wouldn’t respond. There was something behind him, something evil, and it was coming closer. Whatever it was, he was helpless before it, his heart pounding and his body dumping useless shots of adrenaline into his veins, only serving to make him panic. But the unseen thing wasn’t the only presence in the room. Zach looked in front of him, struggled to make his eyes focus, and it was…
Chris. It was Chris, staring at Zach with terror in his eyes. No, staring at whatever was behind Zach, the looming malevolence inching closer. Zach tried calling out for help, but his vocal cords were as paralyzed as the rest of his body. Chris. What was Chris doing there? A wave of nausea surged through Zach when he realized that, whatever was about to happen, Chris was going to witness it.
The evil, dark thing was upon him now, so close Zach could feel its weight bearing down on him. He braced himself for pain, for the kind of pain that lanced through to the core, his muscles locking, and he shut his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see Chris’ face when…
When Zach woke up, he was alone, utterly disoriented in the tangle of sheets. He hadn’t had a nightmare like that in years, though it was a familiar one. He’d had it almost nightly in the weeks and months following the assault. The addition of Chris was new, though. Chris…
Zach was reaching for his cell phone and dialing before he even knew he was doing it.
“Zach?” came the sleepy voice on the other end of the line. “Y’alright?”
“I…” I had a nightmare. You were there. I just needed to hear your voice. “I had a nightmare.”
“Shit,” Chris muttered, suddenly sounding very awake. “I’m guessing you mean… that kind of nightmare?”
Zach shut his eyes, but when he did, all he could see was Chris’ terrified face. “Yeah.”
“Oh my god,” Chris said, and Zach could practically see him chewing on his lip with worry. Chris worrying over Zach - something about that was almost funny. “Are you okay? Do you want me to come over there?”
“I’m…” Zach was about to reassure Chris that he was just fine, but then he took a second to think about it. If Zach needed him, Chris would be there in a heartbeat. Zach took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes - no more image of a terrified Chris, just Chris with horrific bedhead and the phone pressed to his ear. The dream was already fading. “No, I think I’m alright. Just… can we talk for a few minutes? Then I’ll leave you alone, I promise.”
“Hey, none of that. How many times did I wake you up in the middle of the night?”
Nine. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t think…” Chris hesitated for a long moment. “You don’t think this is because of what we did the other night, do you? Because if it is, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
“No. No, it’s not.” But that might not be true - Zach had no way of knowing. “At least, I don’t think so. And even if it is, it’s definitely not your fault. I think it was just… bad timing, is all.”
“Do we need to go slower?”
“Of-” Again, Zach nearly answered without thinking - of course not. But maybe that wasn’t the right answer. “Maybe… maybe next time we just settle for a good night kiss? I love kissing you. I want more than that, but… maybe you’re right. Maybe this is dredging up some old stuff and I need a little more time.”
“Yeah. Okay, yeah.”
“But not a lot of time,” Zach said quickly.
“Zach, it’s okay,” Chris said with a soft chuckle. “Do you remember, like, everything you’ve said to me? Repeat that to yourself with ‘Zach’ in place of ‘Chris.’”
Zach smiled to himself. “I still want this,” he said softly. “I still want you.”
“I know.”
“Thanks, Han Solo.”
“Hey, I always thought you’d look cute with the Leia buns.”
“I was always more of a fan of the wrap-around braids, myself.”
“Yeah, you would be.”
“What does that even mean?” Zach asked, laughing. Then: “Hey, Chris?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks.” Zach didn’t think he needed to say what for.
“Hey, you literally did the same for me,” Chris said softly. “And mine involved a lot more bleach.”
“My nose hairs remember it well,” Zach chuckled. “We still on for the thing tomorrow night?”
“Definitely.”
&&&
Apparently, the quickest way to get Zach dressed and out of his house was to get a phone call from Chris, who said in a rusty, sensual voice, “Get over here, Zach, I’ve got something to show you.” Because Zach hadn’t even bothered to color-uncoordinate his sweater and t-shirt - they might actually match for all he knew - he just put on enough clothing to be decently warm and jumped in the car.
Despite himself, Zach entertained the slightest of hopes that Chris might show up at the door naked save for a well-placed bow, but what he got was nearly as good: Chris grinning from ear to ear, nearly bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement. “I guess I could’ve told you over the phone,” he said, “but I kind of wanted to show you in person.”
“Oh. So the something is not your dick,” Zach said with faux disappointment.
“Not this particular something. Although there’s a high probability this particular something might lead to- okay, I’m just gonna shut up and show you now.”
What he handed Zach was a paper nearly identical to the one he had seen several months before, declaring Chris negative for a long list of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV.
“Read this,” Chris said, pointing to a small paragraph at the bottom of the page.
Patient has passed the window period for seroconversion since last unsafe sexual contact and can be considered free of HIV antibodies.
“It’s my six-month test,” Chris said, now actually hopping back and forth slightly. “They said that something like 97% of people show some kind of sign by three months, but a clean test at six months means I’m free. For good.”
Zach couldn’t say a word, just swept Chris up in his arms, distantly hoping the sudden, overwhelming touch wasn’t too much for him. It wasn’t; Chris hugged back fiercely, holding tight to Zach’s waist and pressing his face into Zach’s neck. “It’s over. Well, I mean, this part of it, this fear, is over.”
Zach didn’t know what he intended to say but it came out, “I love you, Chris. I love you so much. I would have loved you no matter what the test said, but I’m so, so happy right now.”
He could feel Chris’ grin against his neck. “I’m thinking we should celebrate.”
“Do you want to-”
“Not frozen yogurt again.”
“I wasn’t going to suggest frozen yogurt,” Zach said haughtily. “I was going to suggest… skeeball at Dave & Busters.”
“Such a limited imagination,” Chris said, pulling back to look Zach in the eye and shake his head. “Blowjobs, Zachary.”
“You’re… you think…”
“I’m ready,” Chris said quietly. “I’m clean, I’m safe, I’m feeling really good, and I want to do this. With you.” He blushed a little. “If, you know, you feel the same.”
Zach grinned. There had been no more nightmares. In fact, there had been a rather pleasant dream involving Chris and a zero-gravity chamber on a space ship. “I’m good to go.”
Chris’ grin spread until it matched Zach’s. “Good, because I think you owe me an orgasm.”
Zach knew he was kidding, but went with it. “Oh, so we’re keeping score now?”
Chris crossed his arms over his chest playfully. “Well, so far I’m the only one with points on the board, so-”
Zach cut him off with a kiss, gripping Chris’ biceps with firm pressure until Chris uncrossed his arms. “You want my mouth?” Zach whispered against Chris’ lips.
“More than anything.”
Zach kissed him again, slow and deep. “Couch okay?”
As soon as the words left Zach’s mouth, Chris was striding toward the living room, tugging Zach along. “Couch great. Couch perfect. Couch make Chris talk like Neanderthal, apparently.”
“Okay, if you can still use words like ‘Neanderthal’ in two minutes, I’m not doing my job. Remember that. Or, y’know, try. If your brain is still functioning.”
Chris jumped to land flat out on the couch, then began stacking cushions behind him to prop himself up before unzipping and lowering his briefs and jeans to his knees. Zach would have liked to do that, to push his hand into Chris’ pants, slowly draw Chris’ cock out, and feel it grow to hardness in his hand. But Chris had the control here, and that was just how Zach wanted it.
Chris stroked himself lazily a few times and grinned up at Zach. “Well? You gonna make me do all the work here?”
The confidence, the cockiness in that grin, shot straight to Zach’s gut, sending his blood rushing to his dick. He hadn’t had the opportunity to see Chris in this mood much in the past six months, save for the last few weeks, and he was beginning to feel spoiled by it. But he couldn’t let Chris off too easily, so he rolled his eyes before taking his time to adjust himself in his pants and straddle Chris’ legs.
The first touch of Zach’s lips to the underside of Chris’ cock was gentle, almost experimental, just to see the sound Chris would make. It turned out to be one of mingled pleasure and frustration, so Zach kissed Chris’ cock again, harder and wetter this time, and Chris gasped in pure pleasure. That was it, the sound Zach had been after. And Zach did have the privilege of feeling Chris grow harder in his hands.
Zach quickly learned that Chris liked a firm hand - or mouth - and plenty of wetness. He worshipped the head of Chris’ cock with his lips and tongue while his hand pumped steadily at the base. Chris wriggled beneath him, digging a hand into Zach’s hair that only tugged when there was something that he wanted Zach to keep doing. Luckily, Zach didn’t mind having his hair tugged.
Straining his eyes upward, Zach glanced up to see Chris watching him with amazed eyes, and it made Zach groan as he took Chris deeper into his mouth, until the tip was nudging the back of his throat. But Chris didn’t push him any farther, actually pulled Zach’s head up until he was focusing on the crown again, licking and sucking at the sensitive underside.
Soon, Chris’ breath was coming fast and he gasped out, “Getting close.”
Zach pulled off for a second, never letting up with his hand. “Wanna come in my mouth?”
“Oh my god,” Chris moaned, and then let out a string of yesyesyes when Zach’s mouth descended on him again. Zach sucked harder, pumped harder until Chris was pulsing against his hand and into his mouth. He swallowed around Chris’ cock, which made Chris cry out even louder, Zach’s name somewhere in the string of syllables.
Eventually, Zach pulled away, licking the last of Chris’ taste from his lips. He kept stroking gently, feeling intuitively that Chris would like that, and he certainly seemed to. Chris kept groaning, “Fuck, Zach, oh my god,” and the hand in Zach’s hair was now petting firmly in gratitude. “I needed that so badly. You have no idea.”
Who doesn’t need a blow job? Zach nearly asked, but a swell of pride in his chest kept him quiet. It felt so satisfying to give that to Chris, especially after the other night. Zach had understood why Chris might want to stop then, but it had also frustrated Zach, who just wanted to show Chris exactly how good he could make him feel. Well, the frustration was no more.
They laid there in that position for several minutes, Zach resting his head against Chris’ stomach while he continued to caress Chris’ cock and Chris got his breath back. Eventually, though, Chris gently removed Zach’s hand and began to sit up, tucking himself away. “Okay,” he said. “Switch.”
Zach sat up to give Chris room. “You just want me to-”
“Yep,” Chris said, popping up from the couch with more energy than Zach would have guessed Chris had. “We reverse positions, Zachary, so that I may fellate you.”
Despite Chris’ mocking rhetoric, hearing him say “fellate” was enough to make Zach’s already half-hard cock swell a little in his underwear. He lay down on the couch, preferring not to sit up so straight, and he was barely in position before Chris was eagerly unzipping him and pulling the waistband of his underwear down below his balls.
Then something occurred to Zach. “Wait,” he said, reaching to tilt Chris’ chin up to Zach’s face. “I want your hands.”
Chris rolled his eyes. “I have done this before, you know. I’m no virtuoso and I’m a bit out of practice, but I remember pretty damn good.”
“No, it’s not that,” Zach said, feeling his cheeks flushed. “It’s just… I haven’t been tested since my last partner.”
There was a pause. “If you say you’re clean, I trust you,” Chris said quietly, and Zach’s heart broke a little at the conviction in that statement.
“I want to wait,” Zach murmured, something he never thought he’d say around Chris. “Just to make sure. That’s…” He didn’t want to phrase it to make it sound like he was trying to mother Chris during sex. “That’s my responsibility. I have condoms, if you want.”
Chris wrinkled his nose. “Ick, the taste of latex. Handjob?”
“Absolutely,” Zach sighed with relief. “Love your hands anyway. Want to feel them on me.”
With a wicked grin, Chris said, “Now this I have had practice at. Though it’s mostly been one-handed lately, and in the shower. But at least the guy’s hot.”
“Get down to business,” Zach said, copying Chris’ grin. “Let’s see how all that solo practice pays off.”
Pretty damn well, as it turned out. Zach could have used more than spit and precum for lube, but Chris’ hands were good enough that it mattered less than it ordinarily might. And it was Chris, his face set in concentration as he stroked and tugged at Zach’s cock with surprising dexterity. He twisted his fingers around the head and rubbed a knuckle along the underside like he already knew that was the fastest way to get Zach off. Well, that was something Chris had listed among his wants, so Zach let him know, in the most vocal of terms, exactly how good it felt.
Chris was squeezing him with both hands when Zach felt the pleasure rise up in his gut. “I’m… I’m gonna come,” he stuttered out, and Chris tugged a little harder, pressed in a little more.
And then he leaned in and whispered. “Fucking do it, Zach.”
And Zach did, coming in hot pulses all over his own shirt, Chris’ hands, probably Chris’ shirt as well. Chris expertly stroked every last drop from his throbbing cock before gently cleaning it off with the hem of Zach’s own t-shirt and tucking him back in his underwear. He showed a hand covered with droplets of cum to Zach. “Ordinarily, I’d be cleaning this up with my tongue. But I guess I should just wash it off today.”
Zach pulled his wits together just enough to nod, his body missing the warmth and pressure as the other man stood.
Chris looked at his hand again and shook his head. “Goddamn,” he said. “I can’t wait to taste you.”
For what was quite possibly the first time in his life, Zach’s eyes rolled back in his head after sex.
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