The Third Adventure of Sock and Underoosa: Chapter 3
Title: Another Time They Really Weren't - Quite, Chapter Two
Fandom: Star Trek: Reboot
Characters: McCoy, Kirk, Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, Spock, Scott
A/N: This is the second chapter of the third of the four stories.
Warnings: pure crack; oddest premise yet
Disclaimer: I don't anything related to Star Trek, and I still haven't bought any new Underoos.
( Read Story One, Chap. 1 )
( Read Story One, Chap. 2 )
( Read Story One, Chap. 3 )
( Read Story Two, Chap. 1 )
( Read Story Two, Chap. 2 )
( Read Story Two, Chap. 3 )
( Read Story Three, Chap. 1 )
( Read Story Three, Chap. 2 )
“Meanwhile, back on the Enterprise - and before you ask again, it’s my dream, damn it. So, back on the Enterprise, Spock was, uh, making a new friend.”
“Oh stars, Jim. I-”
“Just listen!”
__________
“I find the correlation between your missions and ours to be… fascinating, Lieutenant Underoosa,” Spock murmured.
As difficult as it might be to imagine a satin teddy appearing flirtatious, that’s exactly the way Underoosa was looking at the Vulcan.
“Oh, so do I, Mr. Spock,” she purred, wiggling closer to him. “So do I.”
__________
“Wait just a minute, here!” McCoy protested. “This is just… This is sick, Jim! I don’t want hear another word. Great stars, man! Are you even listening to the words coming out of your mouth?”
Kirk chuckled and turned onto his side so he could wink at the doctor.
“Funny you should say that…”
__________
“Great stars, you two!” Bonnet growled. “Get a room! Are you even hearing the words coming out of your mouths?”
Spock’s expression didn’t alter as he turned to the leotard in Science blue, but the tips of his ears were tinged with green.
“Ms. Underoosa is a married… Intimate Apparel,” he stated. “Your implication is insulting, Doctor. Please apologize to her.”
Underoosa fluttered her silky lashes at Spock and then smiled at McCoy. “That’s okay. I’m sure Sock will have a good laugh about it when we get back to the Marshal.”
The leotard paled and Jim Kirtle swished over to stand between his friend and the tall bag of flesh and bone whose expression bore such a strong resemblance to Sock’s.
“Bonnet,” he warned in a whisper, wondering if the Vulcan’s hearing was as acute as that of an Ash’ai. He wondered what else the two races might have in common. If these Vulcans were anything like Ash’ai, he figured, it’s probably not a good idea to go around insulting females who reminded them of their wives.
He wasn’t buying this Spock’s theory about parallel universes. Even if their captain was another James T. and their CMO was a McCoy. He wasn’t quite convinced it wasn’t a serious of really weird coincidences. Still, this wasn’t the right time to take the kind of risks he’d become famous - some said infamous - for.
Sentient animals who don’t even have enough fur to be decent fiber-producers, he thought, a little grossed out. Living mannequins. How the hell does Underoosa find one attractive? Funny how his wife’s name is also Nyota, though…
“For crying out loud, Jim!” Bonnet’s exclamation cut into his reverie. “That green-threaded stuffed bunny hat isn’t about to let out my seams. His wife’s over there with Sock probably getting the same lecture from their own Bonnet.”
“Bones,” Kirtle corrected, then shuddered at the thought of Sock looking at some bag of flesh and bones calling herself Lieutenant Uhura the way same Spock was looking at Underoosa.
He glanced at the pair. Neither had moved, but then Underoosa was smiling at lowering her lashed. Wisps of red thread crept in among the brown fibers of her face.
“Maybe someday soon, Mr. Spock,” she murmured.
“That is doubtful,” the Vulcan said. “We do not allow children on the Enterprise.”
Jim abruptly came to the realization that he hadn’t missed half their conversation because Bonnet was distracting him. Spock and Underoosa had just been… speaking mind to mind. Which meant…
“Oh snags,” he muttered.
__________
“How come ‘Leotard’ got all those lines, but I didn’t say diddly-squat?”
Kirk sighed, pushing his fingers through thick golden hair. He heard bourbon splashing into McCoy’s cup. “You said plenty. I just didn’t think I needed to go into detail. You know what you sound like. A lot like Bonnet!” He grinned even though Bones couldn’t see it now that he lay on his back again. Now, shut up, poor me one of those and let me finish the story.”
__________
Alerted to the possibility of his wife experiencing an affinity with his counterpart similar to the one he was experiencing with hers, Spock quickly moved to adjourn the conference.
“Perhaps it would be prudent for us to continue our exchanges of information at another time,” he suggested. “It would probably be wise for Captains Kirk and Kirtle to meet face to face. It would…” He continued to blather on as they made their way to the transporter room.
Bonnet, not in the least fooled, was hard pressed not to let out a snicker every few seconds as he fluttered behind the flesh puppet down long corridors filled with strange beings. Really hard-pressed. By the time they’d alerted the Marshal Field of their plans and made it to the main transporter room, thousands of tiny red bits of cotton and springy synthetics had stretched through the fabric of his face.
But then the door hissed open and he turned the color of bleached cotton.
_____
“Captains!” Montgomery Sporran idly brushed a tassel against his nose. “I’m still no’ sure how it happened. Mr. Scott and I will figure it out, dinnae doubt it, sirs. We just need more time.”
“Aye,” agreed Montgomery Scott. “We already determined that we were both settin’ coordinates at the same time, but we cannae be certain that was the only factor. But, dinnae worry, sirs. Sporrie and I’ll ha’ this all sorted as soon as we can.”
Kirk and Kirtle exchanged glances.
Then both looked over to where Sock and Spock seemed to be attempting to have a serious conversation with Uhura and Underoosa while two booties and a creeper squirmed all over the Vulcan and the Ash’ai. The Nyotas, they noted, were smiling indulgently at their austere mates.
Neither captain was surprised to find their chief medical officers slumped grumpily by the door Scotty and Sporrie had sworn Engineering would have open before the two of them figured out how to fix the transporter.
They turned to observe the two couples again just in time to see a bootie yank on the creeper’s sleeve with his teeth. The little garment burst into tears and sobs and was only consoled by the joint efforts of both of the females she called “Mama.”
Kirtle and Kirk exchanged glances again and grinned.
__________
“That’s it?” Jaw a little slack, eyes a little squinty, McCoy stared at Kirk. “We were all stuck in a room full of people with a screaming baby?”
“Nah, we got out. Everyone ended up on his rightful ship. Don’t know if Spock and Uhura ended up having three babies, though. You didn’t need to hear the boring parts. All the technical stuff.”
“Right.” Leonard’s jaw clenched and his brow lost its furrow. “And then we lived happily ever after? Just like that?”
“Whatever you say, Bones.” Jim chuckled again. “Anyway, whadaya think?”
The ship’s doctor sighed heavily - which just made his eyes go all squinty again. “I think you need to lay off the funny fern, Jim.”
Kirk swung his legs off the sofa and sat up. “You’re just jealous that your dreams aren’t as interesting as mine.” He took a long sip of the half-full glass of amber nectar. “You know you wish your nights were as interesting as mine.”
Bones categorically disagreed and he was about to say so when the lights dimmed and the low-volume yellow alert klaxons sounded.
“Bridge to Captain Kirk,” came Sulu’s voice over the comm. Leonard could tell from the peculiar little “bloop” that accompanied the hail that the helmsman was calling over a secure channel.
“Kirk here,” Jim said, his face puckering up in a concerned frown.
“Sir,” Sulu said, “short-range sensors picked up unidentified spacecraft coming straight for us. I managed to avoid collision, but sir….”
There was a pause long enough to make Bones want to leap through the circuits and throttle the pilot before Sulu continued. He took another sip of Kentucky’s finest, instead.
“Sir, I think you’ll want to come up here. The ship is… unusual. Lieutenant Field swears it’s shaped like some famous department store her family used to own back in the Twentieth Century.”
Bones choked.
Fandom: Star Trek: Reboot
Characters: McCoy, Kirk, Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, Spock, Scott
A/N: This is the second chapter of the third of the four stories.
Warnings: pure crack; oddest premise yet
Disclaimer: I don't anything related to Star Trek, and I still haven't bought any new Underoos.
( Read Story One, Chap. 1 )
( Read Story One, Chap. 2 )
( Read Story One, Chap. 3 )
( Read Story Two, Chap. 1 )
( Read Story Two, Chap. 2 )
( Read Story Two, Chap. 3 )
( Read Story Three, Chap. 1 )
( Read Story Three, Chap. 2 )
“Meanwhile, back on the Enterprise - and before you ask again, it’s my dream, damn it. So, back on the Enterprise, Spock was, uh, making a new friend.”
“Oh stars, Jim. I-”
“Just listen!”
__________
“I find the correlation between your missions and ours to be… fascinating, Lieutenant Underoosa,” Spock murmured.
As difficult as it might be to imagine a satin teddy appearing flirtatious, that’s exactly the way Underoosa was looking at the Vulcan.
“Oh, so do I, Mr. Spock,” she purred, wiggling closer to him. “So do I.”
__________
“Wait just a minute, here!” McCoy protested. “This is just… This is sick, Jim! I don’t want hear another word. Great stars, man! Are you even listening to the words coming out of your mouth?”
Kirk chuckled and turned onto his side so he could wink at the doctor.
“Funny you should say that…”
__________
“Great stars, you two!” Bonnet growled. “Get a room! Are you even hearing the words coming out of your mouths?”
Spock’s expression didn’t alter as he turned to the leotard in Science blue, but the tips of his ears were tinged with green.
“Ms. Underoosa is a married… Intimate Apparel,” he stated. “Your implication is insulting, Doctor. Please apologize to her.”
Underoosa fluttered her silky lashes at Spock and then smiled at McCoy. “That’s okay. I’m sure Sock will have a good laugh about it when we get back to the Marshal.”
The leotard paled and Jim Kirtle swished over to stand between his friend and the tall bag of flesh and bone whose expression bore such a strong resemblance to Sock’s.
“Bonnet,” he warned in a whisper, wondering if the Vulcan’s hearing was as acute as that of an Ash’ai. He wondered what else the two races might have in common. If these Vulcans were anything like Ash’ai, he figured, it’s probably not a good idea to go around insulting females who reminded them of their wives.
He wasn’t buying this Spock’s theory about parallel universes. Even if their captain was another James T. and their CMO was a McCoy. He wasn’t quite convinced it wasn’t a serious of really weird coincidences. Still, this wasn’t the right time to take the kind of risks he’d become famous - some said infamous - for.
Sentient animals who don’t even have enough fur to be decent fiber-producers, he thought, a little grossed out. Living mannequins. How the hell does Underoosa find one attractive? Funny how his wife’s name is also Nyota, though…
“For crying out loud, Jim!” Bonnet’s exclamation cut into his reverie. “That green-threaded stuffed bunny hat isn’t about to let out my seams. His wife’s over there with Sock probably getting the same lecture from their own Bonnet.”
“Bones,” Kirtle corrected, then shuddered at the thought of Sock looking at some bag of flesh and bones calling herself Lieutenant Uhura the way same Spock was looking at Underoosa.
He glanced at the pair. Neither had moved, but then Underoosa was smiling at lowering her lashed. Wisps of red thread crept in among the brown fibers of her face.
“Maybe someday soon, Mr. Spock,” she murmured.
“That is doubtful,” the Vulcan said. “We do not allow children on the Enterprise.”
Jim abruptly came to the realization that he hadn’t missed half their conversation because Bonnet was distracting him. Spock and Underoosa had just been… speaking mind to mind. Which meant…
“Oh snags,” he muttered.
__________
“How come ‘Leotard’ got all those lines, but I didn’t say diddly-squat?”
Kirk sighed, pushing his fingers through thick golden hair. He heard bourbon splashing into McCoy’s cup. “You said plenty. I just didn’t think I needed to go into detail. You know what you sound like. A lot like Bonnet!” He grinned even though Bones couldn’t see it now that he lay on his back again. Now, shut up, poor me one of those and let me finish the story.”
__________
Alerted to the possibility of his wife experiencing an affinity with his counterpart similar to the one he was experiencing with hers, Spock quickly moved to adjourn the conference.
“Perhaps it would be prudent for us to continue our exchanges of information at another time,” he suggested. “It would probably be wise for Captains Kirk and Kirtle to meet face to face. It would…” He continued to blather on as they made their way to the transporter room.
Bonnet, not in the least fooled, was hard pressed not to let out a snicker every few seconds as he fluttered behind the flesh puppet down long corridors filled with strange beings. Really hard-pressed. By the time they’d alerted the Marshal Field of their plans and made it to the main transporter room, thousands of tiny red bits of cotton and springy synthetics had stretched through the fabric of his face.
But then the door hissed open and he turned the color of bleached cotton.
_____
“Captains!” Montgomery Sporran idly brushed a tassel against his nose. “I’m still no’ sure how it happened. Mr. Scott and I will figure it out, dinnae doubt it, sirs. We just need more time.”
“Aye,” agreed Montgomery Scott. “We already determined that we were both settin’ coordinates at the same time, but we cannae be certain that was the only factor. But, dinnae worry, sirs. Sporrie and I’ll ha’ this all sorted as soon as we can.”
Kirk and Kirtle exchanged glances.
Then both looked over to where Sock and Spock seemed to be attempting to have a serious conversation with Uhura and Underoosa while two booties and a creeper squirmed all over the Vulcan and the Ash’ai. The Nyotas, they noted, were smiling indulgently at their austere mates.
Neither captain was surprised to find their chief medical officers slumped grumpily by the door Scotty and Sporrie had sworn Engineering would have open before the two of them figured out how to fix the transporter.
They turned to observe the two couples again just in time to see a bootie yank on the creeper’s sleeve with his teeth. The little garment burst into tears and sobs and was only consoled by the joint efforts of both of the females she called “Mama.”
Kirtle and Kirk exchanged glances again and grinned.
__________
“That’s it?” Jaw a little slack, eyes a little squinty, McCoy stared at Kirk. “We were all stuck in a room full of people with a screaming baby?”
“Nah, we got out. Everyone ended up on his rightful ship. Don’t know if Spock and Uhura ended up having three babies, though. You didn’t need to hear the boring parts. All the technical stuff.”
“Right.” Leonard’s jaw clenched and his brow lost its furrow. “And then we lived happily ever after? Just like that?”
“Whatever you say, Bones.” Jim chuckled again. “Anyway, whadaya think?”
The ship’s doctor sighed heavily - which just made his eyes go all squinty again. “I think you need to lay off the funny fern, Jim.”
Kirk swung his legs off the sofa and sat up. “You’re just jealous that your dreams aren’t as interesting as mine.” He took a long sip of the half-full glass of amber nectar. “You know you wish your nights were as interesting as mine.”
Bones categorically disagreed and he was about to say so when the lights dimmed and the low-volume yellow alert klaxons sounded.
“Bridge to Captain Kirk,” came Sulu’s voice over the comm. Leonard could tell from the peculiar little “bloop” that accompanied the hail that the helmsman was calling over a secure channel.
“Kirk here,” Jim said, his face puckering up in a concerned frown.
“Sir,” Sulu said, “short-range sensors picked up unidentified spacecraft coming straight for us. I managed to avoid collision, but sir….”
There was a pause long enough to make Bones want to leap through the circuits and throttle the pilot before Sulu continued. He took another sip of Kentucky’s finest, instead.
“Sir, I think you’ll want to come up here. The ship is… unusual. Lieutenant Field swears it’s shaped like some famous department store her family used to own back in the Twentieth Century.”
Bones choked.