In This World and the Next Chapter 9

[szaleniec1000]

It's been a while, I know, but I'm back. I can't make any promises as to a schedule, but I'm hoping to get cracking with this and Hogwarts Overexposed over the coming year.

Also, if you haven't already, check out A Perfectly Ordinary Nightmare: I wrote it as a reaction to the first chapter of ITWATN. It's basically how that set-up would pan out if

Comments

[sith_droideka]

Okay, at least in KiP they didn't knock down the Burrow. Well, Lord Potter didn't knock down the Burrow

[szaleniec1000]

You might want to read some dark!Hermione for ideas. I don't have any recs, but I know there's a fair bit out there.

[sith_droideka]

Maybe. I want to keep the characters acting like they would, given the passage of time, but Hermione and Luna didn't have enough personality or agency to see what they would do since they didn't really do anything besides Banishing the leftover Horcrux goop or threatening Bellatrix.

Ironic, from a series known for its powerful ladies, to say the least...

[szaleniec1000]

It's interesting because the author seems to be sympathetic to the idea of strong female characters but fails miserably in the execution.

[duster]

I'm mad that my phone ate my last comment. I thought it was nice.

The amount of breaking "show, don't tell" is brutally murdering their characters.

Here we're shown fuck nothing as to why we should side with Harry and Hermione at all. There's absolutely no set-up for why these characters are sympathetic in the slightest. We're told everything sucks and the Weasleys did it in the span of what one paragraph? One paragraph is not enough to convince an audience to give a shit about the protagonists and their plight. Where's the build up? Where's the scenes showing the wizarding world falling apart? Where's the Weasley fall from grace? Nowhere. We're just told all this shit happens and expected to buy it. In original fiction it's just baffling and in fanfiction it's even worse because we know these characters. You gotta sell harder.

Harry and Hermione come across more as villains with petty grudges and poor impulse control than the heroes.

One more thing.

Sirius doesn't know what's going on yet you are expecting him to make decisions

[sith_droideka]

Well, the Weasley fall from grace was shown. The only problem is, from our perspective it's not an actual fall from grace. To us, Mrs. Weasley and Percy attacking SCBE for attacking the Weasley family is perfectly justified. To the in-universe characters, the Burrow being knocked down and Arthur shutting Molly up in the Leaky Cauldron. But we don't see the Burrow being knocked down or Arthur assaulting Molly for the sake of SCBE as being justified, while SCBE and the magical community don't see the attacks as being justified.

And a further thing with this author is two things: one, robst is amazing at writing villains, it's just that he doesn't know he's made them the main characters. Lord Potter in Knowledge is Power, another work of his, is an amazing manipulator when he's not swearing at everyone. And his Neville is frightening in what a logical extrapolation of living with Lord Potter and being waited hand-and-foot would turn him into: a power-mad bully who wanted to keep Bellatrix as a trophy and physically assaulted an Auror

[duster]

I actually lol'd at the point about villains because that's amazing fridge logic. I'm still waiting for mustache twirling because that's the last piece of this insane puzzle.

I almost feel bad for the background characters not because of Harry and Hermione being insufferable human beings, but because the author just nerfed their intelligence for the sake of a confusing time travel story.

[sickbritkid2]

Great to have you back, mate. I was afraid we'd lost you, there!

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter or the last three books would certainly have been different.

Oh, right, forgot about this twat's hatred of the Order, Prince, and Hallows. Didn't stop him from basically lifting stuff like Luna and confident!Neville from them. Hypocritical ponce.

[szaleniec1000]

Not to mention how he's perfectly willing to invalidate stuff from the earlier books when it suits him.

I thought I'd lost me too - I must admit I was wondering if I'd ever get back into the reviews. Cheers for the welcome back. :)

[sith_droideka]

Not so much confident!Neville so much as bully!Neville, assuming his writing didn't improve between Knowledge is Power and ITWATN.

[sickbritkid2]

The only thing stopping me from now picturing Mrs Granger as Emma Wrong is that I haven't the first clue what the latter looks like.

...sunnuvabitch, now that I think about it, I've never seen any sort of physical description for Wrong, either!

[szaleniec1000]

If not for the fact that she's mentioned as having a face, I'd be perfectly willing to believe that she's either invisible or a stick figure. And then there's the fact that Damien can't recognise her (his own boss!) when said face appears in the fireplace.

[sickbritkid2]

All those times Harry stepped off the express and watched as the other children received hugs from their parents flashed through his mind, now he had someone who love and hugged him.

Melodramatic cunt. I know the Dursleys were complete and utter assholes to him, oftentimes for no reason, but they still willingly sheltered and raised Harry! Which explains why Harry, in the end, was never vindictive or anything toward them, and wound up striking up a decent friendship with Dudley.

And goddamnit, Rowling, you should've put Dudley on Platform 9 3/4 with a kid in the epilogue! I know about "Vernon's DNA", but come on!

[szaleniec1000]

I'd have loved to have seen that. It'd be the perfect resolution for his redemption arc.