Comments | szaleniec1000: Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapters 11 (part 3) and 12

szaleniec1000

Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapters 11 (part 3) and 12

Jul 02, 2012 22:48

It can be effective to place a chapter break in the middle of the scene ("It wasn't even Voldemort.") but when you do it every time there's something going on it gets very old very fast. Now doing it for the verdict of the hearing, the culmination of a multi-chapter arc, could theoretically have worked. However, we'll soon see that not only didn't ( Read more... )

balance of stupidity, show don't tell, missed the point of voldemort, the mirror of ytidun, did not do the bloody research, moustache twirling, reading the books is a good idea, welsh railway, hogwarts roboticised, metaphor fail, americanisms in the potterverse, mary sue and gary stu, creepiest toddler ever, have i mentioned i hate this fic, le gros tas de merde, plagiarism, wrong word dammit, onion slicing convention, bad sex, department of redundancy department, completely nonsexual, sexism, pointless wittering, puppy-punting patrol, nudity for everyone, disembodied dialogue, harry potter, badfic:hogwarts too exposed, harry the pervert, idiot balls for everyone, singularity of fail, snape is ooc, literally stupid

Comments 45

danel4d July 2 2012, 22:34:25 UTC

So much of it is as ever bad, but this single paragraph brought me right out of it, and I wondered for a second if you were parodying it:

“I thought it would have distressed you,” Damien said, looking rather confused ( ... )

kanelives July 3 2012, 01:50:21 UTC

I keep expecting Harry to say "Actually, is Dolan". The fic would make a lot more sense that way.

rainbowjehan July 3 2012, 02:30:53 UTC

Maaaaaaaaan. I am still reading this, because I am demented (and because you're funny), and for some reason I'm always filled with the urgent desire to rewrite it. Mostly because I KNOW I could do it better, and because it has so little to do with the actual books that I'm not concerned about the fact that I haven't read past OotP, and thanks your Britpicking I even think I could do the linguistic tricky bits with almost no effort on my part at all.

I DO NOT LIKE THIS FEELING. It is like having the hots for a fifteen-year-old who is allergic to pants.

szaleniec1000 July 3 2012, 17:16:54 UTC

I had the same idea, which eventually evolved into Hogwarts Enraged. The original plan was to retell the whole thing in rage comic form a la Mass Effect Deception, but in the end I just decided to parody things as they came into my head. And I still like to think I've done a better job with continuity than HE itself.

rainbowjehan July 3 2012, 18:31:56 UTC

I really want to read Hogwarts Enraged! I'm waiting until I have an internet connexion that is not dial-up, since images are pretty much a no-go at this point.

szaleniec1000 July 3 2012, 18:45:50 UTC

Well, hope it's worth the wait. :)

Thread 14

sickbritkid2 July 4 2012, 10:39:34 UTC

Apart from anything else, Sam was presented as an expert in the books Harry's life story when we first met her; surely she'd have recognised Cedric's name when Draco gave it.

I swear, if Linkara was reviewing these fics ATFW style, the Continuity Alarm would've been destroyed by now, what with my own triggering every few chapters.

sickbritkid2 July 4 2012, 10:44:59 UTC

The Metamorphmagus can alter her appearance? Who'd have thought?

Just preposterous, I tell you!

*facepalm*

Are we supposed to believe that Hermione, the brainy studier who would, no doubt, know the capabilities of a Metamorphmagus, and Harry, who witnessed the capabilities of a Metamorphmagus firsthand, would be surprised by Tonks using her abilities to give a good impression on the stand?!

Are we supposed to be THIS STUPID, NEIL!? ARE WE!!?!?!?!?