Hogwarts Too Exposed Chapter 9 part 2

[szaleniec1000]

Here there be glurge. And also grimdark. Not at the same time, but I wouldn't put it past this author to try.

Comments

[zelda_queen]

"'Who the hell do you think you are banging like that?' Ron shouted as he opened the door."

"A preteen girl," said Anderson. "Isn't that who every man in this fic wants to bang?"

See, this is why commas are IMPORTANT. And now I feel ill. Thanks so much, Neil.

"You know she's bad and deserves everything the forces of shitdark care to throw at her because she's clearly not a true nudist. A true nudist wouldn't flee to screen her nudity. I only wish I was joking: I wouldn't be surprised at all if this was the actual intention."

I actually think it's Neil's inability to keep consistent characterization. These idiots all go on about how they are PROUD to be nudists, and how They Don't Care what Everyone Thinks. Then, come the first instant of someone trying to humiliate or shame them for their nudism, they're all "OMG, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT, THAT'S SO MEAN TO DO THAT AND NOT LET ME COVER MYSELF UP!!! D':"

[szaleniec1000]

Naturism is a whole new attitude and a whole new way of thinking, which is why naturists have exactly the same attitude to being caught in the nude as the rest of us. Similarly, naturists don't make a big deal of nudity, which is why they talk about it all the time. And they don't focus on the body parts they always focus on when they're naked. It's not just inconsistent characterisation; he seems to be forgetting the very premise of his story.

[chelonianmobile]

I really, really, really should not have laughed.

[sickbritkid2]

This might pass as interesting character development, if we hadn't already had this exact slip brushed off as though it were nothing earlier in the chapter.

And if the Eight Deadly Words hadn't been recited by you, me, ZQ, and numerous others prior to this chapter.

[szaleniec1000]

The Eight Deadly Words are basically what I mean when I say "shitdark": a world so horrible that it's not worth saving, and might as well be annihilated by a passing gamma ray burster for all the readers care. Even the supposedly sympathetic characters in this scene aren't, because they could have outfought the baddies if they had anything about them at all: it was three against three, and Ron and Tonks are canonical badasses.

[sickbritkid2]

The glurge can only mean one thing: that we're about to take a hard left into A-grade shitdark. And reading ahead in this chapter, indeed we are.

Plus, I've found this chapter rather dull and uninteresting, and whenever that's happened, then something ridiculously dark is JUST around the corner.

[sickbritkid2]

“You, young lady are a double first. Not only are you the first first-year to ever play on a Slytherin team, but you are also the first female seeker in Slytherin history.”

*pounds a shot*

I'm risking alcohol poisoning with these fanfic cliches!

[szaleniec1000]

"Mary Sue/Gary Stu becomes a Seeker in their first year just like Harry" was a worn-out cliché before FF.net even had a Harry Potter section. I'm not saying it can never be done well, but it'd take a really good writer to do it in a way that's not going to have readers thinking about how they've seen it a thousand times before.

[tenkai_kujaku]

It just gets worse and worse, doesn't it?

[szaleniec1000]

That it does. More glurge, more pointless grimdark and yet another badass female character reduced to an ineffectual bystander.

[szaleniec1000]

And the fact that I've seen more than one comment to the effect of "I used to like Hogwarts Exposed but don't any more" testifies to that.