Hogwarts Exposed Chapter 10
It's been a while, but I'm back.
As they got closer and closer to the tower, Jamie realized she was wrong they wouldn’t both be killed. Bancroft would barely brush the side of the tower. She would be the only one killed.
And there was much rejoicing.
Caitlin and Amanda watched in anguish as the two players came closer and closer to the tower.
Hermione clung to Harry. “Harry do something; she’s going to be killed.”
Because Hermione isn't a powerful witch or anything. She has to rely on men to do everything for her, because women are like that.
Suddenly a Bludger hit Bancroft from behind so solidly that he was almost toppled from his broom. He struggled to maintain his balance, but his concentration on Jamie’s broom was broken.
Fuck you, deus ex machina.
Jamie had to do a backward flip, something she had never done before and didn’t even know if it was possible to do especially at this speed.
Of course it was possible. She's a Sue.
The crowd was all on their feet.
YMMV on whether to treat collective nouns as singular or plural, but for goodness' sake stay consistent within a sentence.
Hermione held her hands to her face in horror. “Oh my God!”
Did I mention I hate what this author has done with Hermione? Because I do.
Momentarily Jamie just laid there as the multitude looked on in dismay. Then she got to her knees and waved. “She’s okay! Caitlin yelled.
Well, of course she is.
Harry just looked at Hermione and shook his head in astonishment. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. She did a Plumpton Pass upside down coming out of that incredible dive. That’s inconceivable!”
Dammit, you know what goes here. For the record, the fact that the thought of doing it occurred to Jamie (and indeed the author) proves that it's not, in fact, inconceivable.
Hermione smiled at Harry, “No that’s Jamie Zacherley.”
The story all but admits she's an epic Sue.
The balance of the team landed to congratulate Jamie as Amanda and Caitlin ran onto the field.
And again. We'll see this a lot, as TVTropes points out, but "balance" is not a simple synonym for "remainder".
“Jamie!” Amanada yelled. “What happened? Why did you and Bancroft keep flying so close to each other and directly at that tower?”
"Yelled" is a perfectly fine dialogue tag. The way this is structured, however, seems to be suggesting that she's yelling everything in this paragraph. I hope she's got a throat sweet handy.
“He used some sort of Dark Magic. I had no control of my broom. I have no idea what caused him to break the spell, but if he hadn’t; I would have been killed.”
Semicolons do not work that way!
Alex answered her question. “He got hit by a Bludger. Almost knock the prat off his broom. Wish it had.”
Jamie looked at Alex and threw her arms around his shoulders. “My hero! Told you that I didn’t have to watch my back as long as I had you as a Beater.”
Even Sues need men to do everything for them in this universe. I think any psychologist reading Hogwarts Exposed could write an essay on the author's issues that's longer than the fic itself.
“Believe me, I’d love to take the credit for hitting that jerk, but it wasn’t me.”
Well, that's something.
Alex indicated Tony Marburger the Slytherin Beater. “Marburger threw it and I don’t think it was an accident.”
I spoke too soon. In the Slytherin changing room:
Dick Bancroft disgustingly spoke first,
I don't know whether this was a genuine fumble for "disgustedly" or whether the author was actually trying to hammer home how awful Bancroft is meant to be, because I really wouldn't put the latter past him.
“I know you meant well by throwing that Bludger at Zacherley, but I wish you hadn’t. I had everything under control. If the collision with that tower hadn’t killed her the fall to the ground would have definitely done the trick.”
Bancroft has just confessed to attempted murder. The fact that he thought he could get away with killing someone with magic in front of an entire school's worth of witnesses already established him as an idiot, but now he's taking the chance that all six of his team-mates think it's appropriate to kill someone over a school sports fixture.
Tony just looked at Dick. “This is our fourth year playing Quidditch together. When have you known me to miss my target with a Bludger at a range as close as I was to the two of you?”
This reveal would have been a lot more effective had the author not pre-empted it.
Bancroft’s face looked like it would explode with rage.
Whose POV is this sentence from?
“You bastard! You threw that Bludger at me in order to save that Gryffindor bitch. You’re no Slytherin! The Sorting Hat certainly screwed up when it placed you.
Remember, kids, ambition means killing your sporting rivals! I know Slytherin got the short end of canon portrayals as well, especially as this fic was written before Slughorn and sympathetic!Snape, but even so.
“I have absolutely no problem with that! I joined this team to play Quidditch not to murder innocent people. Or have you forgotten that this is supposed to be a game? What is your problem with Zacherley anyway? I think she’s a great person.”
Of course you do. Everyone who's not blatantly evil seems to.
“Oh! Now it becomes crystal clear.” Bancroft eyed the balance of the team that was listening to the conversation in silence. “Marburger here is smitten with Zacherley; wants to get in her pants.”
Oh, the irony. Whether or not it was intentional, the "they don't know she wears no knickers LOLOLOL" thing really does detract from the tone of this scene.
“I want to do no such thing. It’s just that I don’t understand the problem you have with her. She’d even save your ass if it were in trouble.
Leave the donkey out of this.
Why should I hate her just because she is in Gryffindor? Last winter she didn’t hesitate to save my sister because I was a Slytherin. I noticed you didn’t get your feet wet.”
Bancroft ignored this comment. “Zacherley is an idiot. Almost killed herself saving a toy baby doll.”
I think the strawman has a point there. The "Jamie dived into the freezing lake to rescue a kid's doll" backstory is meant to establish her as some saintly figure, but it actually demonstrates her to be reckless even by Harry Potter standards and have no sense of priorities.
“Well, if that turn coat stays, you can find yourselves a new Seeker because I quit.”
Not that Bancroft would have stayed anyway after being sent to Azkaban for attempted murder!
Doris Burke looked at her teammates. “We do have a tough road ahead of us. Our first challenge is to find a new Seeker, and fast.”
And I bet a Sue or Stu will emerge to fill this vacancy.
Alex looked at Amanda, “Is she…?
“As naked as the day she was born. But you’re accustomed to seeing her that way.”
Evidently the plot-to-nudity ratio had gone above acceptable limits.
As Amanda scooted off, Alex slowly open the door to the locker room. I don’t understand why lately this bothers me so much. Since first year I’ve seen Jamie nude over a hundred times. It was no big deal; actually I had gotten so comfortable with it that I didn’t even take notice when she first started to develop. But lately its different, something has changed.
As soon as Alex entered the room, he spotted her sitting on a bench brushing her hair. He couldn’t get over how beautiful she was or how much she had changed since that first time he saw her nude in the spring of their first year.
I'll give you three guesses as to which plot development the author is oh-so-subtly trying to foreshadow here. But in the meantime, it's flashback time!
Since there were no classes on a Sunday, they had left their robes inside and were dressed comfortably. Alex had on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and Jamie was wearing a cut off top and a pair of white short shorts. Alex had noted to himself that her lack of clothing really accentuated the fact that Jamie was quite thin.
He'd only just started noticing her appearance four years later. Continuity alert!
As they were talking Jamie stretched as if reaching for the sky and yawned. As she did this, her top rode up exposing her…. Well, there wasn’t really anything to expose, but Alex looked away anyway. As his eyes looked down he saw that the crotch of Jamie’s shorts was red with blood. Excitedly he yelled, “Jamie, you’re bleeding. There’s blood on your shorts.”
With so many ways the author could have revealed to the other characters that she's a nudist, he goes with the panic around her getting her period. Really. The more I see of his issues, the less I like his fic. Insofar as that's even possible.
Jamie looked down at her shorts and Alex thought he heard her swear. If she did, it was certainly out of character because Jamie never swore.
Of course she didn't, oh-so-perfect Sue that she is.
As brilliant as Jamie was
Again, the narrative might as well be flashing "LOOK, A SUE!" in ten-metre neon letters with audio accompaniment.
Alex sat there in bewildered silence as Jamie told him about her parents and how they had meet in one of Voldemort’s prison camps and fallen in love. She told him how her parents had realized they had so much in common, one thing being that they were both nudists.
How very, very convenient. When you think about it this means that she actually owes her existence to Voldemort, which might be the most evil deed of his reign. We return to the present:
“Jamie, have you heard the news?”
“What news?”
“Slytherin canned Bancroft as captain and he quit the team.”
This would have worked a lot better as reported speech - Alex told Jamie about Bancroft's resignation or similar - because as we've already been shown that scene it can just be mentioned to give context to their reactions.
“Really, I for one won’t miss playing against him.”
“Unfortunately the way his mind works he will probably blame this all on you.”
That confrontation could really go either way. On the one hand it's a proven idiot versus one of the most blatant Sues in the fandom, but on the other it's a male versus a female in a fic written by a misogynistic tosser.
“Yeah, I guess I should have let him kill me. Look at my breast. Do you think it will get black and blue where he ran into me.”
Alex took a close look at Jamie’s side. “Does it hurt, I don’t see any bruising.”
Okay, how is "look at my breast" from a 15-year-old girl to a 15-year-old boy not a come-on?
“It felt like I was hit by a truck when he collided with me. I wish I knew why he hated me so much.”
“That’s easy. You’re everything he’s not and never will be; he’s jealous.”
Cliché alert!
“Naughty, naughty. Remember the first rule when dealing with a nudist. Never touch normally covered body parts. Now you, however, are fair territory.” Jamie slapped Alex on the butt.
Isn't the whole point of being a nudist that there are no normally covered body parts? On account of being, you know, a nudist?
“Don’t bet on it, the world is at my door.” Jamie opened the door and ran outside.
Momentarily, Alex was frozen in place. That was the exit door. She just ran outside starkers. Alex was out the door.
He was frozen in place then he was outside the door? Did he teleport?
He couldn’t believe his eyes. He expected Jamie to be huddled by the door, but instead she was running toward the deserted Quidditch pitch. Alex took off after her, but she was a faster runner. She is mad, absolutely mad.
As Jamie ran, she thought. I must be mad.
Is there an echo in here?
She was standing in the middle of the room when he finally entered and threw his arms around her naked body. “Are you nutters?
One person cannot be nutters. They can be nuts, or a nutter.
Are you trying to get yourself expelled?
I'm pretty sure there's no rule that says you can't run naked around the Quidditch pitch. They'd probably never needed it before she came along.
He held her tight in his arms realizing how much he would miss her if she were forced to leave school.
Hogwarts would go into mourning. Everyone would throw themselves one by one off the Astronomy Tower if they could no longer bask in the glow of the almighty Sue.
“Alex, you can’t imagine how wonderful that felt. Every morning I wish I could exercise and run like that. I have to do that again and soon.”
Suddenly Jamie realized Alex was hugging her tightly to his body. She was naked. He had never hugged her naked before. Something unfamiliar was pressing against her body.
... fuck you, Hogwarts Exposed. Thankfully the scene ends there, but the author's not done trying to destroy what's left of my sanity because:
“I’ve made up my mind Amanda. This Friday while everyone is at the house Halloween party I’m going to do it.”
“You’re going to do what Jamie?”
”Give myself to Harry Potter.”
... double fuck you, Hogwarts Exposed.
“Oh.” Amanda said timidly. “I had hoped that you changed your mind about that.”
You and me both.
“No, not at all. I understand your motives totally. Not only that, but I have the same opinion. If it weren’t for him, in all likelihood I wouldn’t have my best friend. It’s just what you want to give him. What are you going to do? Walk up to him and say, ‘Hi Professor Potter, you saved my life 5 years ago, want to shag?’”
The voice of reason.
Jamie got off her bed and walked toward the window; then turned back toward Amanda with tears in her eyes. “Amanda you make what I want to do sound so dirty. You make it sound like its something from a filthy porno movie.
Message from Fred!
“My dad always told me that I was extremely lucky because I had a sort of a sixth sense when it came to judging people. He said I always knew whom I could and couldn’t trust. He must be right. Look at the wonderful relationships I have with you and Alex and now with Caitlin. He also felt that I would be able to tell when the right person came along: the guy I wanted to give my special gift.
This notion of sacred virginity in a world that seems a lot more liberated than we're used to really doesn't work. I'm not saying that this combination of traits can never be made to work by a skilled enough worldbuilder, but in a culture derived from western civilisation where sacred virginity tends to be connected with repression it strains credibility.
“Amanda, this won’t be the first time I’ve made love to Harry Potter. I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve been together in my dreams and each time was better than the previous.
“I sense we were destined to be together. The rebounding of Voldemort’s curse spared my parents lives so that they could marry and conceive me. Then he comes out of an exit at the Quidditch Patch that no one else was using just it time to save me from being raped and killed. Now just as I’ve turned fifteen, he returns from the Muggle world to be my professor. I can’t picture anyone being more deserving of my love.
“If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be thinking about a true love. I want to give him what is most important to me. I want to make love to him, because I love him for being who he is and making it possible for me to be who I am. I love him for giving me my parents, my life and making it possible for me to have wonderful friends like you. Please don’t make my wanting to be with him sound dirty and cheap.”
Not only is she the finest witch of her generation and an inspiration to everyone at Hogwarts not called Dick Bancroft, Jamie has mastered the art of the spontaneous eloquent monologue. How many 15-year-olds talk like this?
Amanda approached Jamie and put her arms around her. “I’m sorry Jamie. It’s not at all dirty. What you want to do is beautiful everything about you is beautiful. I hope he realizes how lucky he is and how special you are.”
Where did I put that bucket?
Caitlin has given me the password to the staircase entrance that leads to the teacher’s quarters. She’s also shown me which room belongs to Professor Potter.
I wonder if she told Caitlin exactly why she wanted that info.
“Friday I intend to wear those Wales Quidditch robes as my costume for the party, but slip out about nine o’clock and sneak up to his room. When he answers his door I’ll refresh his memory of our past, tell him how much I love him for giving me the opportunity to live and offer him my gift as I return his robes.”
“I imagine you intend to be naked under the robes.”
How utterly predictable.
Jamie nodded yes.
As opposed to nodding no.
“Won’t you be frightened?”
“Only that he’ll turn me down and report me to the Headmaster.”
On the one hand, there's no way Harry even as a teacher is going to report any student to Snape. Least of all a Sue. On the other, Jamie can be forgiven (words that it pains me to type) for not knowing this.
“Jamie, he’s human and a man. There is no way he’ll say no to your face and body.”
Unless he's, you know, not an ephebophile. Unfortunately, we already know he is in this fic. DD:
Elsewhere, the Omniscient Council of Vagueness™ are discussing plans for a torture chamber. This is welcome relief from the horror of the previous scene.
“How are our plans progressing?” Will her chamber be ready and properly fitted in time?”
“All will be as you have ordered Great One. The chamber itself is prepared, however, much of the décor must be hand made. Sadly most of the embellishments that we ordered are not manufactured.
Well, no. You can hardly go to IKEA to kit out a torture chamber.
They are being hand made to exactly match the style of that era. In regards to that, the crafter of the Cage had a question. Did you want the band between the legs with or without the sharp iron spike? ”
“Without. If it is determined that any mutilation is necessary, I want us to have the enjoyment. I regret I can not be there to oversee, but I have the greatest confidence in you, Damien.”
"Did I mention we're evil?"
“Thank you Great One. My goal is to serve you dependably. The others appreciate your lack of ability to be with us currently, but will celebrate your return.”
“Damien, you have proved your faithfulness on many occasions. When I rule you shall be justly rewarded.”
“I seek not reward Great One. Having you rule will be my greatest reward.”
A+ for toadying.
“Do you have any questions?”
“Yes, if I may be so bold. If the pigeon agrees to join us how will you discern she is speaking the truth?”
“She will be given two tests. The first will be to pleasure you.”
Of course it will. This is Hogwarts Exposed, after all. I'm not sure how pleasuring Damien the toady is going to prove that she's telling the truth, but who knows in this fic.
“Me! You are too kind my lord.
Upon which his lord AKs him for having the hots for a mortal enemy.
What if she refuses?”
“Dismember her and send the pieces to Potter.”
“What if she should pass that trial? What will be her final challenge?”
“She will be required to torture and kill the little bitch that now refers to her as Mum.”
They're going after Hermione. If this was canon!Hermione I'd say they had a death wish, but with this author in charge I most unfortunately rate their chances.
Continued...
As they got closer and closer to the tower, Jamie realized she was wrong they wouldn’t both be killed. Bancroft would barely brush the side of the tower. She would be the only one killed.
And there was much rejoicing.
Caitlin and Amanda watched in anguish as the two players came closer and closer to the tower.
Hermione clung to Harry. “Harry do something; she’s going to be killed.”
Because Hermione isn't a powerful witch or anything. She has to rely on men to do everything for her, because women are like that.
Suddenly a Bludger hit Bancroft from behind so solidly that he was almost toppled from his broom. He struggled to maintain his balance, but his concentration on Jamie’s broom was broken.
Fuck you, deus ex machina.
Jamie had to do a backward flip, something she had never done before and didn’t even know if it was possible to do especially at this speed.
Of course it was possible. She's a Sue.
The crowd was all on their feet.
YMMV on whether to treat collective nouns as singular or plural, but for goodness' sake stay consistent within a sentence.
Hermione held her hands to her face in horror. “Oh my God!”
Did I mention I hate what this author has done with Hermione? Because I do.
Momentarily Jamie just laid there as the multitude looked on in dismay. Then she got to her knees and waved. “She’s okay! Caitlin yelled.
Well, of course she is.
Harry just looked at Hermione and shook his head in astonishment. “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. She did a Plumpton Pass upside down coming out of that incredible dive. That’s inconceivable!”
Dammit, you know what goes here. For the record, the fact that the thought of doing it occurred to Jamie (and indeed the author) proves that it's not, in fact, inconceivable.
Hermione smiled at Harry, “No that’s Jamie Zacherley.”
The story all but admits she's an epic Sue.
The balance of the team landed to congratulate Jamie as Amanda and Caitlin ran onto the field.
And again. We'll see this a lot, as TVTropes points out, but "balance" is not a simple synonym for "remainder".
“Jamie!” Amanada yelled. “What happened? Why did you and Bancroft keep flying so close to each other and directly at that tower?”
"Yelled" is a perfectly fine dialogue tag. The way this is structured, however, seems to be suggesting that she's yelling everything in this paragraph. I hope she's got a throat sweet handy.
“He used some sort of Dark Magic. I had no control of my broom. I have no idea what caused him to break the spell, but if he hadn’t; I would have been killed.”
Semicolons do not work that way!
Alex answered her question. “He got hit by a Bludger. Almost knock the prat off his broom. Wish it had.”
Jamie looked at Alex and threw her arms around his shoulders. “My hero! Told you that I didn’t have to watch my back as long as I had you as a Beater.”
Even Sues need men to do everything for them in this universe. I think any psychologist reading Hogwarts Exposed could write an essay on the author's issues that's longer than the fic itself.
“Believe me, I’d love to take the credit for hitting that jerk, but it wasn’t me.”
Well, that's something.
Alex indicated Tony Marburger the Slytherin Beater. “Marburger threw it and I don’t think it was an accident.”
I spoke too soon. In the Slytherin changing room:
Dick Bancroft disgustingly spoke first,
I don't know whether this was a genuine fumble for "disgustedly" or whether the author was actually trying to hammer home how awful Bancroft is meant to be, because I really wouldn't put the latter past him.
“I know you meant well by throwing that Bludger at Zacherley, but I wish you hadn’t. I had everything under control. If the collision with that tower hadn’t killed her the fall to the ground would have definitely done the trick.”
Bancroft has just confessed to attempted murder. The fact that he thought he could get away with killing someone with magic in front of an entire school's worth of witnesses already established him as an idiot, but now he's taking the chance that all six of his team-mates think it's appropriate to kill someone over a school sports fixture.
Tony just looked at Dick. “This is our fourth year playing Quidditch together. When have you known me to miss my target with a Bludger at a range as close as I was to the two of you?”
This reveal would have been a lot more effective had the author not pre-empted it.
Bancroft’s face looked like it would explode with rage.
Whose POV is this sentence from?
“You bastard! You threw that Bludger at me in order to save that Gryffindor bitch. You’re no Slytherin! The Sorting Hat certainly screwed up when it placed you.
Remember, kids, ambition means killing your sporting rivals! I know Slytherin got the short end of canon portrayals as well, especially as this fic was written before Slughorn and sympathetic!Snape, but even so.
“I have absolutely no problem with that! I joined this team to play Quidditch not to murder innocent people. Or have you forgotten that this is supposed to be a game? What is your problem with Zacherley anyway? I think she’s a great person.”
Of course you do. Everyone who's not blatantly evil seems to.
“Oh! Now it becomes crystal clear.” Bancroft eyed the balance of the team that was listening to the conversation in silence. “Marburger here is smitten with Zacherley; wants to get in her pants.”
Oh, the irony. Whether or not it was intentional, the "they don't know she wears no knickers LOLOLOL" thing really does detract from the tone of this scene.
“I want to do no such thing. It’s just that I don’t understand the problem you have with her. She’d even save your ass if it were in trouble.
Leave the donkey out of this.
Why should I hate her just because she is in Gryffindor? Last winter she didn’t hesitate to save my sister because I was a Slytherin. I noticed you didn’t get your feet wet.”
Bancroft ignored this comment. “Zacherley is an idiot. Almost killed herself saving a toy baby doll.”
I think the strawman has a point there. The "Jamie dived into the freezing lake to rescue a kid's doll" backstory is meant to establish her as some saintly figure, but it actually demonstrates her to be reckless even by Harry Potter standards and have no sense of priorities.
“Well, if that turn coat stays, you can find yourselves a new Seeker because I quit.”
Not that Bancroft would have stayed anyway after being sent to Azkaban for attempted murder!
Doris Burke looked at her teammates. “We do have a tough road ahead of us. Our first challenge is to find a new Seeker, and fast.”
And I bet a Sue or Stu will emerge to fill this vacancy.
Alex looked at Amanda, “Is she…?
“As naked as the day she was born. But you’re accustomed to seeing her that way.”
Evidently the plot-to-nudity ratio had gone above acceptable limits.
As Amanda scooted off, Alex slowly open the door to the locker room. I don’t understand why lately this bothers me so much. Since first year I’ve seen Jamie nude over a hundred times. It was no big deal; actually I had gotten so comfortable with it that I didn’t even take notice when she first started to develop. But lately its different, something has changed.
As soon as Alex entered the room, he spotted her sitting on a bench brushing her hair. He couldn’t get over how beautiful she was or how much she had changed since that first time he saw her nude in the spring of their first year.
I'll give you three guesses as to which plot development the author is oh-so-subtly trying to foreshadow here. But in the meantime, it's flashback time!
Since there were no classes on a Sunday, they had left their robes inside and were dressed comfortably. Alex had on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and Jamie was wearing a cut off top and a pair of white short shorts. Alex had noted to himself that her lack of clothing really accentuated the fact that Jamie was quite thin.
He'd only just started noticing her appearance four years later. Continuity alert!
As they were talking Jamie stretched as if reaching for the sky and yawned. As she did this, her top rode up exposing her…. Well, there wasn’t really anything to expose, but Alex looked away anyway. As his eyes looked down he saw that the crotch of Jamie’s shorts was red with blood. Excitedly he yelled, “Jamie, you’re bleeding. There’s blood on your shorts.”
With so many ways the author could have revealed to the other characters that she's a nudist, he goes with the panic around her getting her period. Really. The more I see of his issues, the less I like his fic. Insofar as that's even possible.
Jamie looked down at her shorts and Alex thought he heard her swear. If she did, it was certainly out of character because Jamie never swore.
Of course she didn't, oh-so-perfect Sue that she is.
As brilliant as Jamie was
Again, the narrative might as well be flashing "LOOK, A SUE!" in ten-metre neon letters with audio accompaniment.
Alex sat there in bewildered silence as Jamie told him about her parents and how they had meet in one of Voldemort’s prison camps and fallen in love. She told him how her parents had realized they had so much in common, one thing being that they were both nudists.
How very, very convenient. When you think about it this means that she actually owes her existence to Voldemort, which might be the most evil deed of his reign. We return to the present:
“Jamie, have you heard the news?”
“What news?”
“Slytherin canned Bancroft as captain and he quit the team.”
This would have worked a lot better as reported speech - Alex told Jamie about Bancroft's resignation or similar - because as we've already been shown that scene it can just be mentioned to give context to their reactions.
“Really, I for one won’t miss playing against him.”
“Unfortunately the way his mind works he will probably blame this all on you.”
That confrontation could really go either way. On the one hand it's a proven idiot versus one of the most blatant Sues in the fandom, but on the other it's a male versus a female in a fic written by a misogynistic tosser.
“Yeah, I guess I should have let him kill me. Look at my breast. Do you think it will get black and blue where he ran into me.”
Alex took a close look at Jamie’s side. “Does it hurt, I don’t see any bruising.”
Okay, how is "look at my breast" from a 15-year-old girl to a 15-year-old boy not a come-on?
“It felt like I was hit by a truck when he collided with me. I wish I knew why he hated me so much.”
“That’s easy. You’re everything he’s not and never will be; he’s jealous.”
Cliché alert!
“Naughty, naughty. Remember the first rule when dealing with a nudist. Never touch normally covered body parts. Now you, however, are fair territory.” Jamie slapped Alex on the butt.
Isn't the whole point of being a nudist that there are no normally covered body parts? On account of being, you know, a nudist?
“Don’t bet on it, the world is at my door.” Jamie opened the door and ran outside.
Momentarily, Alex was frozen in place. That was the exit door. She just ran outside starkers. Alex was out the door.
He was frozen in place then he was outside the door? Did he teleport?
He couldn’t believe his eyes. He expected Jamie to be huddled by the door, but instead she was running toward the deserted Quidditch pitch. Alex took off after her, but she was a faster runner. She is mad, absolutely mad.
As Jamie ran, she thought. I must be mad.
Is there an echo in here?
She was standing in the middle of the room when he finally entered and threw his arms around her naked body. “Are you nutters?
One person cannot be nutters. They can be nuts, or a nutter.
Are you trying to get yourself expelled?
I'm pretty sure there's no rule that says you can't run naked around the Quidditch pitch. They'd probably never needed it before she came along.
He held her tight in his arms realizing how much he would miss her if she were forced to leave school.
Hogwarts would go into mourning. Everyone would throw themselves one by one off the Astronomy Tower if they could no longer bask in the glow of the almighty Sue.
“Alex, you can’t imagine how wonderful that felt. Every morning I wish I could exercise and run like that. I have to do that again and soon.”
Suddenly Jamie realized Alex was hugging her tightly to his body. She was naked. He had never hugged her naked before. Something unfamiliar was pressing against her body.
... fuck you, Hogwarts Exposed. Thankfully the scene ends there, but the author's not done trying to destroy what's left of my sanity because:
“I’ve made up my mind Amanda. This Friday while everyone is at the house Halloween party I’m going to do it.”
“You’re going to do what Jamie?”
”Give myself to Harry Potter.”
... double fuck you, Hogwarts Exposed.
“Oh.” Amanda said timidly. “I had hoped that you changed your mind about that.”
You and me both.
“No, not at all. I understand your motives totally. Not only that, but I have the same opinion. If it weren’t for him, in all likelihood I wouldn’t have my best friend. It’s just what you want to give him. What are you going to do? Walk up to him and say, ‘Hi Professor Potter, you saved my life 5 years ago, want to shag?’”
The voice of reason.
Jamie got off her bed and walked toward the window; then turned back toward Amanda with tears in her eyes. “Amanda you make what I want to do sound so dirty. You make it sound like its something from a filthy porno movie.
Message from Fred!
“My dad always told me that I was extremely lucky because I had a sort of a sixth sense when it came to judging people. He said I always knew whom I could and couldn’t trust. He must be right. Look at the wonderful relationships I have with you and Alex and now with Caitlin. He also felt that I would be able to tell when the right person came along: the guy I wanted to give my special gift.
This notion of sacred virginity in a world that seems a lot more liberated than we're used to really doesn't work. I'm not saying that this combination of traits can never be made to work by a skilled enough worldbuilder, but in a culture derived from western civilisation where sacred virginity tends to be connected with repression it strains credibility.
“Amanda, this won’t be the first time I’ve made love to Harry Potter. I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve been together in my dreams and each time was better than the previous.
“I sense we were destined to be together. The rebounding of Voldemort’s curse spared my parents lives so that they could marry and conceive me. Then he comes out of an exit at the Quidditch Patch that no one else was using just it time to save me from being raped and killed. Now just as I’ve turned fifteen, he returns from the Muggle world to be my professor. I can’t picture anyone being more deserving of my love.
“If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t even be thinking about a true love. I want to give him what is most important to me. I want to make love to him, because I love him for being who he is and making it possible for me to be who I am. I love him for giving me my parents, my life and making it possible for me to have wonderful friends like you. Please don’t make my wanting to be with him sound dirty and cheap.”
Not only is she the finest witch of her generation and an inspiration to everyone at Hogwarts not called Dick Bancroft, Jamie has mastered the art of the spontaneous eloquent monologue. How many 15-year-olds talk like this?
Amanda approached Jamie and put her arms around her. “I’m sorry Jamie. It’s not at all dirty. What you want to do is beautiful everything about you is beautiful. I hope he realizes how lucky he is and how special you are.”
Where did I put that bucket?
Caitlin has given me the password to the staircase entrance that leads to the teacher’s quarters. She’s also shown me which room belongs to Professor Potter.
I wonder if she told Caitlin exactly why she wanted that info.
“Friday I intend to wear those Wales Quidditch robes as my costume for the party, but slip out about nine o’clock and sneak up to his room. When he answers his door I’ll refresh his memory of our past, tell him how much I love him for giving me the opportunity to live and offer him my gift as I return his robes.”
“I imagine you intend to be naked under the robes.”
How utterly predictable.
Jamie nodded yes.
As opposed to nodding no.
“Won’t you be frightened?”
“Only that he’ll turn me down and report me to the Headmaster.”
On the one hand, there's no way Harry even as a teacher is going to report any student to Snape. Least of all a Sue. On the other, Jamie can be forgiven (words that it pains me to type) for not knowing this.
“Jamie, he’s human and a man. There is no way he’ll say no to your face and body.”
Unless he's, you know, not an ephebophile. Unfortunately, we already know he is in this fic. DD:
Elsewhere, the Omniscient Council of Vagueness™ are discussing plans for a torture chamber. This is welcome relief from the horror of the previous scene.
“How are our plans progressing?” Will her chamber be ready and properly fitted in time?”
“All will be as you have ordered Great One. The chamber itself is prepared, however, much of the décor must be hand made. Sadly most of the embellishments that we ordered are not manufactured.
Well, no. You can hardly go to IKEA to kit out a torture chamber.
They are being hand made to exactly match the style of that era. In regards to that, the crafter of the Cage had a question. Did you want the band between the legs with or without the sharp iron spike? ”
“Without. If it is determined that any mutilation is necessary, I want us to have the enjoyment. I regret I can not be there to oversee, but I have the greatest confidence in you, Damien.”
"Did I mention we're evil?"
“Thank you Great One. My goal is to serve you dependably. The others appreciate your lack of ability to be with us currently, but will celebrate your return.”
“Damien, you have proved your faithfulness on many occasions. When I rule you shall be justly rewarded.”
“I seek not reward Great One. Having you rule will be my greatest reward.”
A+ for toadying.
“Do you have any questions?”
“Yes, if I may be so bold. If the pigeon agrees to join us how will you discern she is speaking the truth?”
“She will be given two tests. The first will be to pleasure you.”
Of course it will. This is Hogwarts Exposed, after all. I'm not sure how pleasuring Damien the toady is going to prove that she's telling the truth, but who knows in this fic.
“Me! You are too kind my lord.
Upon which his lord AKs him for having the hots for a mortal enemy.
What if she refuses?”
“Dismember her and send the pieces to Potter.”
“What if she should pass that trial? What will be her final challenge?”
“She will be required to torture and kill the little bitch that now refers to her as Mum.”
They're going after Hermione. If this was canon!Hermione I'd say they had a death wish, but with this author in charge I most unfortunately rate their chances.
Continued...