Line 49 (Chapter 10)
Title: Line 49
Pairing: Yulsic, Taeny, Hyoyoung, Yoonhyun, Sunsic
Rating: G - NC-17
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, high school AU
Summary: The struggle is different for everyone; we all take different measures to deal with our problems. Friendships are created and tossed upside down, love is found, love is lost, and trust is formed and betrayed as these nine girls find their places in each other's lives.
Chapter wordcount: 7,369
Prologue
Chapter 1: "Would you have said paranoid or socially retarded, I would have done a dance of joy."
Chapter 2: "Line 49 for homo- and bisexual youngsters."
Chapter 3: "Do you know what kind of relationship Jessica and Yuri share?"
Chapter 4: "A real fight? With like claws and stuff?"
Chapter 5: "You were acting like a crazy person today."
Chapter 6: "Do you even know my name?"
Chapter 7: "Ask her if she's straight? Are you kidding?"
Chapter 8: "Did somebody hurt you?"
Chapter 9: "Stop this before it's too late."
- 10 -
Sunny walked alone to school the next Monday. The Sunday had come and passed quicker than she thought possible, even though she hadn't spent it doing anything in particular.
Apart from thinking, of course, but that was what she did with most of her time either way. And for the first time, she found she was having trouble knowing how to think about her life.
For one thing, Jessica had kissed her. Jessica, who had a girlfriend, had kissed her, and by doing so she had cheated on her girlfriend of four years. The things Jessica had told her during their short walk from the beach all spun in Sunny's head - the way she had sworn she didn't care about Sunny, and told her over and over how they didn't know each other and weren't friends. Sunny assumed she had never believed it to begin with, and she sure as hell didn't now; it seemed to her like she understood now why the other girl had reacted in the way she did. Maybe even why she went off screaming at her when Sunny woke her up in class.
Jessica liked her, and as much as she loved the thought, she could only entertain it a few chosen moments a day, since it shook her entire nervous system to the core. It wasn't like anybody hadn't liked her before, no, but never had anybody liked her back.
And yes, she did like Jessica too. As much as she hated it, as much as she wished it wasn't so, as hard as she found it to understand why, she truly did. She could easily point out all of her flaws, all the things that at times made Sunny furious with her, but they didn't seem to matter. And Sunny couldn't understand that. But it seemed like love had nothing to do with logics, and that was why she had such a problem understanding it in the past.
But Jessica had taught her.
She had tried not to think too much about Yuri, but she knew she'd have to eventually. There was an underlying feeling of guilt in her wherever she went, which she tried to fight with the idea that Yuri wasn't really her problem. It was Jessica's. Yuri was the one she knew the least of all the girls in the group, and she had a hard time remembering if they'd ever even held a conversation between the two of them. So, really, she shouldn't be torturing herself with those thoughts.
But the few times she tried to really think about the situation, she always realized that since it was Jessica's problem, it automatically became hers, too.
Despite the horrible thoughts and feelings the kiss had brought with it, Sunny walked to school on the Monday without paying them any attention. There was only room for one thought in her mind right then, a thought she couldn't kill and more importantly didn't want to kill, a thought that made her start skipping and giggling like a little girl as soon as it appeared in her mind.
I had my first kiss two days ago.
Of course she was nervous about going back to school and being in the same room as both Jessica and Yuri at the same time - the mere thought made her start to cold sweat - but she had no expectations. She didn't expect Jessica to break up with Yuri just because she kissed Sunny in a moment of confusion. Of course not. But what did she really have to be afraid of? She knew now that no matter how much Jessica denied it, she liked Sunny. There was no denying that. The kiss told Sunny more about that fact than Jessica would ever be able to explain away. More than anything, she was ecstatic. She couldn't wait to see how Jessica would face her, and she wasn't afraid of getting into a fight again; she knew now it didn't have to end badly.
The only thing that truly bothered her was how small her feelings of guilt were.
She got to school a little too late, the feelings and thoughts swirling around her head distracting her from realizing how time ran away from her. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was that she got to see Jessica.
The first class of the day was physics, and it seemed a little ironic to her, given that the time of their first fight was in physics class. She quickly gathered her books out of her locker and set off to find the classroom. Smiling to herself, she was hit by the feeling that a string of happenings had been put into motion, and they were going in just the right way. Everything was about to change. And she loved it.
She reached the classroom and found that the class was already in action, and a quick scan of the room told her that her friends were all sitting in their regular spots; on the fourth row, Taeyeon next to the wall with Hyoyeon beside her, Yuri next to Hyoyeon and Tiffany next to Yuri. She noted with a pang of affection that Tiffany had saved her a seat, and she hurried over - but soon realized that Jessica wasn't there. The few seconds after she had realized it and was making her way over to Tiffany, time seemed to stretch out and turn upside down; a wave of cold washed through her body from the toes to her finger tips, and disappointment hit her like a hammer in the stomach. Was she not coming?
She sank down in the seat beside Tiffany, who shot her a look that was more judging than the teacher's - Sunny assumed it was because she was late. Jessica would never have told her what happened, would she?
Tiffany confirmed her thoughts when she moved her books aside to make room for Sunny's and said "You're late."
"I know. Sorry," Sunny whispered back, a little confused about what she was actually apologizing for. Her mind was already occupied, though, so she didn't linger on it. Not once had she entertained the possibility that Jessica would skip out on school, but of course it made sense. She had done something that was widely seen as completely horrible, so why would she want to go to the place where she had to meet her co-betrayer?
Sunny wondered how she could possibly focus on physics right then.
The teacher left the room for a minute about half an hour into the class, giving them some chores to work on while she was gone. The room was naturally filled with the sound of nobody giving a damn about the work as soon as she left, and Sunny turned slightly reluctantly to Tiffany.
"Is Jessica not coming today?" she said, trying to sound casual. She had to remind herself that asking where your friend was when she was missing wasn't anything strange, and of course Tiffany wouldn't suspect anything. The first taste of paranoia lay bitterly on her tongue.
"I don't think so," Tiffany said back, irritably eyeing through the questions they were left with. "Yuri said she didn't pick up all morning when she tried to call, so that probably means she's overslept even worse than usual."
Sunny nodded, leaning back in her chair. She tried to focus on the school work - really tried - but there was just no doing it, so she tried to relax and not think at all for a while. The day was quickly turning out a lot worse than she had wanted; she didn't want to have to wait to hear Jessica's thoughts on everything.
"So how was the beach night?" Yuri asked no one in particular, as she, too, completely ignored the books in front of her.
"It was awesome," Hyoyeon replied, and Tiffany nodded brightly. "Yoona complained to me all day yesterday over the phone about how sore she was from all the volleyball games."
"Seohyun said the same to me," Taeyeon interjected, she too with a bright smile on her face. "And she kept going on about how great Yoona is and how glad she is to have found a friend like her."
Sunny only listened with half an ear, not having the slightest interest to join. Sure, she was happy for the youngest, if only a little jealous.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, wishing to fall asleep just like Jessica had. The mixture of feelings was becoming too much for her, and quickly. She wanted to go back home, or really talk to somebody. Somebody who didn't know her, or anyone else around her, that was, cause everyone she knew would surely judge her as soon as she'd tell them what had happened. And they were probably right to.
"You're still wearing this crap?" a boy with brown hair and clear skin asked Sungmin as he dragged his entire hand over Sungmin's closed eye, dragging his eyeliner out in long, black lines down his chin. It was the same boy who had lit his hair on fire just about two weeks ago. Only the sight of him made Sungmin's legs tremble for all the wrong reasons. "You want to be a girl, is that it?"
The two boys standing on either side of the first boy both laughed, one of them black haired and with braces, and the third blond with a face that was practically covered with pimples. They were holding onto Sungmin's helpless arms while the brown haired boy had easy access to do whatever he wanted to him.
Sungmin kept his eyes closed, focusing on Yoona. Yoona's hair, Yoona's face, Yoona's smell, Yoona's heart -
The boy who had been busy smudging out his makeup pulled his arm back and directed an inexperienced fist right at his stomach. Sungmin's legs gave out as all the air left his lungs, but the two boys pressing his arms into the lockers behind him kept him floating in the air. Pain ripped and tore at his shoulders, but not a sound would pass his lips no matter how he tried. Panic rose in him; for a moment he was sure he would choke if they didn't let him go, and then one of the boys put his hand on his face again, forcing him to look up. He hated it when they touched his face.
"He'd make a fucking ugly girl though, right guys?" The blond one said, laughing along with his friends. The other two mumbled in agreement, and then Sungmin caught sight of Yoona, standing right behind the boys, looking absolutely furious.
"Okay, boys, time for you to back off," she said, trying to pry off their arms from Sungmin, but despite her surprising strength, it was a dead end. The two boys on the side both looked to the brown haired boy, as if waiting for orders, before releasing their grip in disappointment. Sungmin's boots hit the floor again with a loud thud, and he swayed where he stood for a moment, panting for air and holding his aching stomach.
"What are you waiting for?" Yoona said, sliding in between Sungmin and the other three. "Get lost!"
"You're not a girl," the brown haired boy said, his eyes not leaving Sungmin. "You need a girl to save you. You're less than a girl. You're so fucking pathetic."
"Hey!" Yoona snapped at them, but the boys only responded by mocking her expression and laughing among themselves as they walked away, probably feeling like their day's work was done, Sungmin thought.
He leaned down, steading himself with his hand on his knees, and tried to get his breathing back to normal. He couldn't bring himself to say 'thank you', though; not after the boys' last words. So he kept silent.
"Are you alright?" Yoona said, leaning down, too, to get a look at his face. "That punch looked horrible. Here, let's sit down." She grabbed his arm and led him to the nearest bench. Two girls were already sitting there, and they shot them a look of disgust before immediately scampering off. Sungmin did his outmost to pretend it never happened.
"Does it hurt?" Yoona said, worriedly scanning his face. Probably looking for tears in his eyes, Sungmin thought.
"He just punched me in the stomach," Sungmin snapped, "yes, it hurts." Yoona blinked and immediately looked away, and Sungmin felt guilty at once, even though he didn't have the energy. "Sorry," he mumbled, feeling increasingly more pathetic with every second that passed.
"It's fine," Yoona said quietly. "It was a stupid question." Sungmin didn't want to argue, and neither did he have the energy to, so he leaned his back against the wall and stared out the window on the opposite wall. "Have those three bothered you before?" Yoona asked then, her voice more careful than before.
"Not together," Sungmin said with a joyless scoff. He hesitated for a moment. "I'm glad you came around, or I'm not sure... what would have happened." He stared at the worn, black nail polish on his nails. His pulse beat heavily in stomach. "Which just proves that what they say to me is true, right? I can't defend myself against them. I just can't." Tears welled up in his eyes, and that was it. That was the last straw. Here he was, being harassed by a few guys in school, and like they kept saying a girl could help him where he couldn't help himself, and after they were done with him he cried in her arms? If that was who he truly was, then he didn't want to be himself anymore.
"Listen," Yoona said, seeing the utter despair in his eyes. "Don't listen to what they're saying. I don't have to put any effort into... saving you," she said, her face showing complete disgust at having to speak the words, "because the only thing they seem to have picked up from their parents while growing up is 'never hit a girl'." She stroked Sungmin's hair out of his face. "You can't play that card, no matter what they say," she laughed a little, and Sungmin wanted to smile back, but he just couldn't. Not yet. "That doesn't make you weak. I'm just happy I can help you at all." Sungmin closed his eyes, straining to take in her words. "What are they?" she asked with a crooked smile.
"Crazy?" Sungmin suggested.
"Exactly," Yoona nodded. "So of course they're not right about you. You know that, right?"
Sungmin didn't know what to believe, so he said nothing, and just reached out to take one of Yoona's hands in his. Truthfully he wasn't so sure that the boys were wrong about him. He believed in most things they said to him, and because there were so many people telling him those things, why shouldn't he? There must be some reason behind it, right?
Yoona seemed to take his silence as something good, though, because she showed a proud smile that made Sungmin want to cry again. She shouldn't be proud of him. Not now, and probably not ever. He hadn't done anything to be proud of.
He dragged his gaze away from Yoona's, and remembered what they had done to his makeup. He must really have looked ridiculous, he realized, and immediately reached up to try and get it away. "I should wash this off," he said, suddenly feeling embarrassed about showing himself like that around Yoona.
"I'll help you," Yoona offered, helped him up off the bench and hooked her arm in his as they walked down the corridor. Sungmin pulled up his hood over his head and tried to ignore all the looks people gave him on the way to the bathroom.
He assumed Yoona didn't understand why it pained him so much when she dragged him into the girls' bathroom - not that it was such a big deal as it was empty either way, but with everything the three boys had said to him during the day, it was the last thing he wanted right then. But he said nothing, and let Yoona help wash him off, torn between relishing in the warmth of Yoona's care, and the feeling of weakness at needing her so badly.
They walked back to the bench they had been sitting on, which was becoming something of their regular place in school. They seemed to always end up there when they waited for the next class, probably because it was the least populated corridor in the school. The staff room was placed a little further down the corridor, which brought at least a little sense of security and the possibility of getting saved, and there weren't many classrooms around it either. There were many lockers, though, so some students still hung out there from time to time, but not many did it for longer than to just get whatever books they needed at the moment.
They sat down together, Sungmin leaning against the wall again, leisurely waiting for his calm to return and listening to Yoona's soothing voice as she talked about everything and nothing.
After only about five minutes, Seohyun appeared in the corridor. She almost walked right past them, seemingly deep in thought, and almost jumped in surprise when she finally saw them.
"Oh!" she said, stopping at their table. "There you are!"
Yoona threw a quick but worried glance at Sungmin, but smiled brightly as soon as she turned to Seohyun. "You've been looking for me?"
"Yeah," Seohyun nodded. "I mean... didn't we agree on Mondays being our study day?" She smiled awkwardly and it was obvious to Yoona that she was trying hard to not make it sound like she was angry.
"Oh, shit, you're right," Yoona said and immediately covered her mouth with her hand when she remembered the youngest was not at all fond of coarse language. She glanced at Sungmin again, and the sense of calm that had seemed to lower on him just a moment ago had completely vanished. He was harshly staring out the window, ignoring both of the girls' presence. "I... could we just do it another day?" She continued. "I just got a little busy today, and..." She threw another nervous look at Sungmin again, feeling the need to separate the two quickly, before Sungmin had too much. "Actually, can we talk about this later? Like, after school?"
"Sure," Seohyun nodded, and Yoona's heart broke a little when she noticed how disappointed she looked.
"I mean, I really want to study with you, so it'd be nice if we could..." Yoona tried.
"It's no problem," Seohyun said, and to Yoona's half horror, half pure joy, the youngest sank down on the bench opposite them. Sungmin gave her a frightened stare, and Yoona put a reassuring hand on his leg.
"This is Seohyun, as you might remember," she said, and patted his leg once to get him to say hello. He kept silent.
Seohyun seemed unfazed, however, and smiled carefully at him. "You're Sungmin, right?"
Sungmin nodded, and gave Yoona a pleading look. Can we please leave?
"Actually, we were just saying a while ago, you and Seohyun have some things in common," Yoona said. She really wanted the two of them to get along, for more than one reason, but she knew it was a horrible time to try and make it happen.
"Really," Sungmin dead-panned.
"Yeah," Seohyun chimed in. "I mean, I know what it's like to have people be mean to you in school." Sungmin stared wide-eyed at Yoona, but Seohyun immediately continued: "Don't worry, she didn't tell me anything. But it's hard to miss how people treat you around here." Sungmin turned to glare at her. "I think it's horrible... what they're doing to you."
"Right," Sungmin said with obvious disinterest. Yoona squeezed his leg under the table, willing him to at least give her a chance.
Seohyun gave Yoona a sad smile. "I'm not a scary person," she said calmly. "I'm not dangerous."
"I think you wouldn't know even if you were, and honestly I couldn't care less," Sungmin said, standing up. "I'm gonna go for a walk before class, are you coming along?" His stare could have burned holes in Yoona's head, and she looked at him sadly.
"I..." she said, looking from Sungmin to Seohyun, hating the choice she had to make. "Yeah... I mean, I guess so." She stood up, wanting so badly to stay with Seohyun, or best of all, bring her along, but knowing that was not an option. "I'll talk to you later, right?" she said with a forced smile to Seohyun. The youngest looked completely shocked at Sungmin's actions.
"Of course," she replied, and Sungmin started walking away. Yoona followed, leaving Seohyun and a piece of her heart behind.
"Whatever that was, I don't appreciate it," Sungmin said as they stepped out into the warm autumn air. "She could never understand me. And what is this shit about us having a lot in common? Maybe she thinks some girls calling her a geek every now and again is bullying, but it's nothing. Nothing."
"Sungmin," Yoona said sadly. "Don't talk like that. Maybe you two don't have much in common, but neither do you and me." Sungmin was walking quickly towards the music building, and Yoona followed obediently. "I just wish you'd have more friends than just me, and Seohyun is a really great person, if you'd only give her a chance."
Sungmin shook his head. "I only need you. You're the only one who understands me, anyway."
That's only because you won't allow anyone else to try Yoona thought, but didn't say out loud.
"And another thing, if you want me to have friends, then why didn't you invite me to your beach night?" Sungmin said harshly.
Yoona stared at him in surprise. "How did you even know about that?"
"I heard your friends talk about how 'awesome' it was in class," he said, and Yoona couldn't understand what had made him so angry suddenly.
She couldn't help but scoff a little. "Well, the reason I didn't invite you is because this is what you're like with all my friends," she blurted out. "You give them a totally shitty impression of you, because you won't give them a chance."
Sungmin stopped walking and turned to her with furious eyes. "No, because you know what happens when I give people chances? Things like what happened in there earlier happens," he almost yelled, gesturing wildly towards the school. "That's what happens when I'm as much as put in the same room with other people, so why would I wanna talk to them?"
The tears came, and he crouched down on the spot, covering his face with his glove-clad hands. Yoona crouched down beside him, one hand on his back, the other on the ground to keep herself from falling.
She wondered in distress what would have happened to their lives by the end of the school year.
Coming to school that day was a bad idea. Sooyoung knew it, and had known it that morning when she crawled out of bed without having closed her eyes for a second. And yet, she had gone to school like every other day, despite feeling too tired to stand. She just couldn't stay at home for another day with no distractions from what she didn't want to think about.
She couldn't remember ever feeling so distressed about anything in her whole life. It had been, in her opinion, mostly sorrow free until now, and she didn't know how to deal with what she felt towards Hyoyeon. Hell, she didn't even know what to call the emotions that tore at her insides, so how could she work against them?
When lunch hour came, she didn't go to the cafeteria, but just walked around the school instead. The entire day had been nothing but a waste to her; she couldn't focus in the classroom, and Yoona had seemed too distracted for Sooyoung to have the heart to tell her about her problems. The only thing she wanted was to find Taeyeon and cry out everything she had inside, if her tired eyes would have the strength to produce any tears, that was. But then again, finding Taeyeon would surely mean finding Hyoyeon, and she knew her presence still wasn't welcome, so she just strolled around school as quickly as she could manage.
She eventually arrived back at the corner of a corridor where most of the senior girls had their lockers, and she didn't find Taeyeon. But Hyoyeon was sitting there, alone, at a bench, looking just as tired as Sooyoung felt, if such a thing was even possible. Sooyoung could barely believe her eyes when she found her. She was staring down into the table, still as a mountain, not moving a muscle.
Throwing caution to the wind, Sooyoung walked up to her table. Hyoyeon looked up, and her expression didn't change.
"Where are the others?" Sooyoung asked, attempting to not sound too interested or too cold.
Hyoyeon shrugged. "I don't know. They're eating, I guess."
"Did they leave you behind?"
"No, I left them."
Sooyoung couldn't help but become even more worried. "Why?"
But Hyoyeon just looked back at her, expression blank and face showing nothing. Sooyoung took the hint, understanding she was already pushing too hard, and nodded sadly. She turned around to leave; the other girl obviously wanted to be left alone.
"I was wrong."
Sooyoung turned around again, wondered if she had heard right. "What?"
"I was wrong," Hyoyeon repeated, not looking Sooyoung in the eye, but staring down at the table again. "When I pushed you away so you wouldn't help me, I was wrong."
Sooyoung immediately took a step back to the table. "Do you mean that?" she asked, unable to believe what she was hearing.
Hyoyeon nodded, looking up at Sooyoung's disbelieving face. "Don't get me wrong. All I'm saying is that we should still be able to be friends... I'm not gonna let you try to change anything about... you know. I don't know what I was thinking when I ignored you."
Sooyoung slid down on the bench opposite Hyoyeon. "Maybe you knew I was going to keep prying until you told me what the hell is going on," she said, and Hyoyeon smiled weakly.
"Maybe."
"Why can't you let me help you?" Sooyoung asked, relieved at how calm the conversation was compared to their previous one.
Hyoyeon shook her head. "It doesn't matter, Soo. It's no use." Sooyoung opened her mouth to argue, so she hurried to continue, "besides... my life isn't all that bad just because of that one thing. I've managed it until now, and I'll manage it for as long as I have to... as long as I can get away from it every once in a while, and see you."
Sooyoung's pulse sped up at the words. "You can see me anytime you want," she choked out. "I always want to see you."
Smiling a little wider, Hyoyeon looked down to her lap. "The thing is... these words are a lot easier for me to believe when I'm right here with you, than when I'm... home."
So it is your father Sooyoung wanted to say, he's the one who's leaving bruises on you. The fear of scaring Hyoyeon away, now that they were doing so well, kept her from saying it. "Hyo," she said, but ending up having to clear her throat before continuing, all her feeling clogging it up. "You have to understand that I can't just ignore this... you have to understand that I worry about you, right?"
Hyoyeon nodded but looked away, as if it was a truth she'd rather not deal with. "I get that, I just don't know what to do about it."
"I'm here for you, always," Sooyoung continued. Hyoyeon stared back at her, neither happy nor sad, only contemplating. "You have to try to trust me a little. Maybe I can do more for you than you think. I really..." The end of the sentence got lost in a cough as the words tumbled out all over each other; in the joy of getting to talk to Hyoyeon for real again she'd ended up almost saying too much, and confessed. "...I really want to help you," she finished awkwardly.
"Just the fact that I have you," Hyoyeon mumbled in reply, "outside of the other... less pleasant world I'm living in... helps me a lot more than you seem to understand, Soo."
Sooyoung smiled, unable to do anything else.
Sooyoung walked Hyoyeon to the bus station that day again, but this time she didn't try to convince her to come home to her apartment. She remembered last time, when Hyoyeon had declined on the grounds that her father would worry if she didn't come home, and now she realized that what that actually meant was my father will get angry if I don't come home. She shuddered.
She gathered her courage and pulled Hyoyeon into a hug when she spotted Hyoyeon's bus arriving at the station. Hyoyeon gave a surprised yelp, but seemed to relax into her embrace pretty quickly, which was a very good sign to Sooyoung.
"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Sooyoung said, placing her hands on Hyoyeon's shoulders as they pulled back.
"Yeah," Hyoyeon nodded. "I'm sorry for ignoring you, Soo. I really am. I don't know what I was thinking." The bus rolled in closer, so Sooyoung just waved her hand in reply.
"It's okay," she said. "Take care, okay?"
"You too," Hyoyeon said, giving her a bright smile that left Sooyoung weak in the knees.
Hyoyeon jumped on the bus, and Sooyoung remained at the stop until the bus left, the two girls waving at each other and making ugly faces just to see the other laugh. And when Sooyoung walked home, she felt happier than she had over the past week, sure that things would work out eventually, and unknowing of that fact that the glimpse she caught of Hyoyeon, laughing at her through the dark bus window, was the last she'd see of her in a long time.
- 11 -
Recipient: Tiffany
Sender: Sooyoung
Fany~ could you give me Hyoyeon's number?
Recipient: Sooyoungie
Sender: Tiffany
Sure, here you go. Remember to use protection, kids ;)
She should have done it ages ago, but it felt more important than ever to have a way of contacting Hyoyeon outside of school, now that she knew what she was dealing with at home. Of course, Hyoyeon didn't want her to help her, but she could never be too sure.
She smiled as she saved number Tiffany had sent to her, unable to stop the giggles that shook her stomach at the thought of actually having Hyoyeon's number in her phone. It was amazing to her how she hadn't been able to sleep all night because of the worry, and now that she had come home from school, she was too happy to sleep even if she would have tried. And everything she felt was still all about Hyoyeon. The short time they had spent together in school had changed everything for her.
Recipient: Hyo
Sender: Sooyoung
Knock knock
Her heart beat happily as she put the phone down in her lap, eagerly awaiting a reply. Would Hyoyeon disregard her text because it was from a number she didn't recognize? Would she reply at all?
Her phone buzzed as a reply came in only a couple of minutes later.
Recipient: Sooyoung
Sender: Hyoyeon
Who's there?
Sooyoung almost screamed in triumphant laughter, and immediately felt crazy for doing so. She felt like a pre-teen school girl texting her biggest boyband idol, but she couldn't help herself.
Recipient: Hyo
Sender: Sooyoung
Guess
Really, the only reason she wanted Hyoyeon to guess, was to see who she wanted it to be. And how many guesses it would take before she thought of Sooyoung.
Recipient: Sooyoung
Sender: Hyoyeon
God, Soo, that's not how that joke works
Sooyoung brought her phone to her chest and hugged it as she fell back on her bed and rolled around, stifling her laughter as the butterflies in her stomach turned into full-grown birds.
Recipient: Hyo
Sender: Sooyoung
Well, at least it got the message across, so call it an upside!
Recipient: Soo
Sender: Hyoyeon
I already do ^^
She got up from the bed and walked over to her window. Her room had a balcony attached to it, and she stopped with her hand on the door handle. She'd had to fight her mother for months to get that room, claiming loudly that the view was important to her future job as a musician. Her mother eventually couldn't bother with her antics, and just gave her the room without complaint.
There was some truth in her words, actually. Not that there was much to see outside Sooyoung's room; the balcony faced nothing but the street below, but that was very calming for Sooyoung at times. Their part of town was unusually still for being so central, and she loved getting up in the morning and staring down at the trees lining their street, seeing them become more or less green every day as the seasons changed little by little. That day, the leaves and the grass on each side of the street were yellowing; autumn was unmistakably coming. The air was cold, but even so, the sun was beaming, and the contrast could have easily fooled Sooyoung that spring was coming, not fall.
But maybe that had more to do with Sooyoung's state of mind than anything else.
Cause now there was Hyoyeon. When had the girl become so in control of Sooyoung's emotions? During the week they spent without talking, the world had seemed so dull and dead, like it was skipping right past autumn and going directly for winter. And now that Hyoyeon was speaking to her again, it was like the clock had been turned back and they were heading for spring again.
The bottom line was, Hyoyeon changed everything, and Sooyoung had never felt anything like it before. She had changed her world.
She tore her eyes away from the street below, and walked over to her piano. Sitting down, she tried to remember when she had last written a song. When was the last time anything had inspired her enough? Her fingers danced over the keys in a song she had known since her younger years, one of the first she ever learned, and she felt guilty for not having spent any time by the piano all summer. Both to herself, and, in some strange way, to the piano itself.
The song came to an end, and she sat by the piano, listening to the silence, and picturing Hyoyeon's last smile in her mind. The action repeated itself in her head, how she had started to walk to the bus, and turned around to give Sooyoung that bright smile, her long hair whipping in the air.
And that was really all she needed.
She had rarely felt so inspired, rarely felt like writing a song came to easy to her, but never before had it taken her so long to finish one, either. Sure, there had been ones that she'd come back to work in after a few days, or months, even, but she always tried to get a first draft of a song in the first sitting. It felt better that way to her. She didn't want to start a song with one feeling, and then lose it and finish it with another. It didn't feel real to her.
Maybe it had something to do with her sleep-deprived brain, but finding the right twists and bends in both music and lyrics took hours upon hours, and she didn't stop once. She only muttered an unfocused reply to her mother when the latter came in to tell her dinner was ready, and she forgot it the minute her mother left the room.
But in the end, it finished, when it was dark outside and she had totally forgotten about the time. She played it through in one go, crossing out words and notes and filling in better ones where she felt it was needed, and the hair on her arms rose as she got goose bumps. This one was her definite favorite out of every song she had ever written; it flowed perfectly, and though it might have been cheesy, it got her message across as well as she could.
And maybe, just maybe, she liked it so much because it was purely inspired by Hyoyeon.
She stood up from her piano and looked around her room; her cell phone was still lying on her bed. She walked over to it, and noticed Hyoyeon had sent her another text during the time was in her music world.
Recipient: Soo
Sender: Hyoyeon
I'm bored... help?
And she didn't know what it was, but the love for the other girl, the happiness every little word she spoke to her, hit her with full force. Her eyes filled up with tears of gratitude and her heart swelled up so badly it almost hurt.
Hyoyeon needed to know how she felt. She couldn't be just friends with her without knowing what the other felt anymore, she just couldn't. If Hyoyeon would shoot her down, well, then at least she'd know. And she could secretly work on making the other girl fall for her. It didn't matter, as long as she got to tell her how she felt.
An idea formed in her mind, and she called Hyoyeon without a moment's hesitation. She didn't feel a trace of nervousness as the signals rang.
"Hello?" came Hyoyeon's unsure voice after the third ring.
"Hyo, hi," Sooyoung said, falling on her back on the bed again, consumed with happiness just from hearing her voice. "Whatcha up to?"
"Nothing," Hyoyeon replied, "wondering what to do."
Sooyoung smiled. "That's perfect!"
"Uh..." Hyoyeon laughed. "Okay?"
"Something amazing has happened," Sooyoung continued.
"What?"
"I found something that moves me." She waited for Hyoyeon's reply with a smug smile on her face, sure that her plan would go her way.
Hyoyeon seemed to hesitate for a moment. "So what was it?" she asked then.
"You will know when you hear the song," Sooyoung said, trying to make the other girl curious. "So you need come over right now and listen to it. And then maybe we can work on a new one together, like we said we would. And, and you can stay the night afterwards, and we'll go to school together tomorrow." She glanced at the clock on her bedside table, and it told her it was close to 8 PM; late, but not too late.
"But-" Hyoyeon began, but Sooyoung cut her off.
"I know it's late, but you need to hear this. Please, Hyoooo," she tried with all the cuteness she could muster.
"But it's so far," Hyoyeon said with attempted seriousness, but couldn't help but laugh at the other girl's distorted voice.
"Yes, see, that's why you need to get on a bus and get over here so it won't be far anymore," Sooyoung said pointedly, and they both laughed. "Pleeaaaase..."
"Alright, alright," Hyoyeon said before Sooyoung could resort to cuteness again. "I'll do it."
"Yay," Sooyoung said quietly and rolled over on her stomach. "You won't regret it, I promise."
"Yeah, this song you're talking about better be damn good," Hyoyeon laughed. "I think the last bus leaves from here in about twenty minutes, so I'll have to go and get ready."
"Okay. Hurry!" Sooyoung said, and Hyoyeon laughed at her again. Sooyoung made a mental note to become more childish and silly, because making Hyoyeon laugh was quickly becoming her favorite thing ever.
"Bye for now, Soo," Hyoyeon said before hanging up the phone.
Sooyoung hopped up off the bed and did a small dance in the middle of her room, a dance that would never be for anyone else's eyes but her own. And possibly Hyoyeon's, at some point, if she was into that kind of thing. She shook her head quickly and laughed at herself, the though being too much for her to take.
Glancing around the room, she was glad that she had decided to clean most of her room during her previous sleepless night, otherwise she might have panicked right about then. She picked up some dirty clothes off the floor and threw them back down on her couch, not having the energy to get them out of the room.
So, if the bus was leaving in twenty minutes from Hyoyeon's place, and it took her half an hour to get into town by bus, that meant she'd be there in fifty minutes, which thereby meant she'd have to walk to the bus station to meet her in forty minutes. What was she supposed to do for forty minutes?
Without really thinking about it, she walked back to the piano as if drawn to it, and sat back down, playing the song over and over, occasionally stopping to perfect small details that made little to no difference.
Thirty-five minutes passed like that, of course with many breaks that consisted of nervous nail-biting and different scenarios of what the night might hold playing out in her mind. Five minutes remained until she'd need to go; the distance was so short that if she'd leave now, she'd be much too early, and she'd have to spend time at the cold, dark bus station and be nervous instead of in her room.
But she couldn't stand just sitting around for another minute, so she stood up, grabbed her phone and was just about to run to the station when said phone started ringing. She froze in her spot and looked at the caller ID; it told her it was Sunny. Frowning, she picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey," Sunny said, her voice unmistakably insecure. "What are you doing?"
"Uh..." Sooyoung said. She knew something must be up with the other girl; she never called otherwise. She didn't want to turn her down if she needed to talk to somebody, but she definitely didn't want to miss Hyoyeon at the bus stop, either. "Actually, I was just about to go meet Hyoyeon," she said, scratching the back of her head.
"Oh, okay," Sunny replied, sounding very absent-minded. "I won't disturb you guys, then. Have fun."
"Wait," Sooyoung hurried, "is something wrong?"
Sunny didn't say anything for a moment, and it only strengthened Sooyoung's belief that something was very wrong with her. "No, nothing's wrong."
"Did something happen?" Sooyoung asked. "I have some time, if you wanted to talk about something..."
"Kind of," Sunny admitted, probably knowing she couldn't fool her friend. "But it's no big deal, we can talk about it tomorrow, or you know, whenever."
"Of course," Sooyoung agreed. "Maybe you can call Taeyeon or so for now."
"I did, but the line's busy, and she doesn't pick up when I call her cell," Sunny said, sighing. "But yeah, we can talk tomorrow. I'll see you in school."
"Yeah," Sooyoung said. "Bye."
They hung up, and Sooyoung felt a little unbalanced for a second, like she had fallen behind her own brain. She hated turning her friend down, but she did have other things to think about.
Confessing to Hyoyeon, for example. Her head started spinning again at the thought, and she checked the time on her phone; the five minutes had passed easily during Sunny's call. She ran out of her room into the hallway, and her mother gave her a very surprised look from the living room couch.
"Where's the fire?" she called when Sooyoung ran towards the door.
"A friend's gonna stay the night," she called back, knowing that her mother wouldn't object too much. "I'm just going to meet her at the bus stop."
Her mother, like she thought, didn't complain, and Sooyoung quickly dressed and practically flew out the door.
Chapter 11: "This is who you are, Taeyeon."
Pairing: Yulsic, Taeny, Hyoyoung, Yoonhyun, Sunsic
Rating: G - NC-17
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, high school AU
Summary: The struggle is different for everyone; we all take different measures to deal with our problems. Friendships are created and tossed upside down, love is found, love is lost, and trust is formed and betrayed as these nine girls find their places in each other's lives.
Chapter wordcount: 7,369
Prologue
Chapter 1: "Would you have said paranoid or socially retarded, I would have done a dance of joy."
Chapter 2: "Line 49 for homo- and bisexual youngsters."
Chapter 3: "Do you know what kind of relationship Jessica and Yuri share?"
Chapter 4: "A real fight? With like claws and stuff?"
Chapter 5: "You were acting like a crazy person today."
Chapter 6: "Do you even know my name?"
Chapter 7: "Ask her if she's straight? Are you kidding?"
Chapter 8: "Did somebody hurt you?"
Chapter 9: "Stop this before it's too late."
- 10 -
Sunny walked alone to school the next Monday. The Sunday had come and passed quicker than she thought possible, even though she hadn't spent it doing anything in particular.
Apart from thinking, of course, but that was what she did with most of her time either way. And for the first time, she found she was having trouble knowing how to think about her life.
For one thing, Jessica had kissed her. Jessica, who had a girlfriend, had kissed her, and by doing so she had cheated on her girlfriend of four years. The things Jessica had told her during their short walk from the beach all spun in Sunny's head - the way she had sworn she didn't care about Sunny, and told her over and over how they didn't know each other and weren't friends. Sunny assumed she had never believed it to begin with, and she sure as hell didn't now; it seemed to her like she understood now why the other girl had reacted in the way she did. Maybe even why she went off screaming at her when Sunny woke her up in class.
Jessica liked her, and as much as she loved the thought, she could only entertain it a few chosen moments a day, since it shook her entire nervous system to the core. It wasn't like anybody hadn't liked her before, no, but never had anybody liked her back.
And yes, she did like Jessica too. As much as she hated it, as much as she wished it wasn't so, as hard as she found it to understand why, she truly did. She could easily point out all of her flaws, all the things that at times made Sunny furious with her, but they didn't seem to matter. And Sunny couldn't understand that. But it seemed like love had nothing to do with logics, and that was why she had such a problem understanding it in the past.
But Jessica had taught her.
She had tried not to think too much about Yuri, but she knew she'd have to eventually. There was an underlying feeling of guilt in her wherever she went, which she tried to fight with the idea that Yuri wasn't really her problem. It was Jessica's. Yuri was the one she knew the least of all the girls in the group, and she had a hard time remembering if they'd ever even held a conversation between the two of them. So, really, she shouldn't be torturing herself with those thoughts.
But the few times she tried to really think about the situation, she always realized that since it was Jessica's problem, it automatically became hers, too.
Despite the horrible thoughts and feelings the kiss had brought with it, Sunny walked to school on the Monday without paying them any attention. There was only room for one thought in her mind right then, a thought she couldn't kill and more importantly didn't want to kill, a thought that made her start skipping and giggling like a little girl as soon as it appeared in her mind.
I had my first kiss two days ago.
Of course she was nervous about going back to school and being in the same room as both Jessica and Yuri at the same time - the mere thought made her start to cold sweat - but she had no expectations. She didn't expect Jessica to break up with Yuri just because she kissed Sunny in a moment of confusion. Of course not. But what did she really have to be afraid of? She knew now that no matter how much Jessica denied it, she liked Sunny. There was no denying that. The kiss told Sunny more about that fact than Jessica would ever be able to explain away. More than anything, she was ecstatic. She couldn't wait to see how Jessica would face her, and she wasn't afraid of getting into a fight again; she knew now it didn't have to end badly.
The only thing that truly bothered her was how small her feelings of guilt were.
She got to school a little too late, the feelings and thoughts swirling around her head distracting her from realizing how time ran away from her. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was that she got to see Jessica.
The first class of the day was physics, and it seemed a little ironic to her, given that the time of their first fight was in physics class. She quickly gathered her books out of her locker and set off to find the classroom. Smiling to herself, she was hit by the feeling that a string of happenings had been put into motion, and they were going in just the right way. Everything was about to change. And she loved it.
She reached the classroom and found that the class was already in action, and a quick scan of the room told her that her friends were all sitting in their regular spots; on the fourth row, Taeyeon next to the wall with Hyoyeon beside her, Yuri next to Hyoyeon and Tiffany next to Yuri. She noted with a pang of affection that Tiffany had saved her a seat, and she hurried over - but soon realized that Jessica wasn't there. The few seconds after she had realized it and was making her way over to Tiffany, time seemed to stretch out and turn upside down; a wave of cold washed through her body from the toes to her finger tips, and disappointment hit her like a hammer in the stomach. Was she not coming?
She sank down in the seat beside Tiffany, who shot her a look that was more judging than the teacher's - Sunny assumed it was because she was late. Jessica would never have told her what happened, would she?
Tiffany confirmed her thoughts when she moved her books aside to make room for Sunny's and said "You're late."
"I know. Sorry," Sunny whispered back, a little confused about what she was actually apologizing for. Her mind was already occupied, though, so she didn't linger on it. Not once had she entertained the possibility that Jessica would skip out on school, but of course it made sense. She had done something that was widely seen as completely horrible, so why would she want to go to the place where she had to meet her co-betrayer?
Sunny wondered how she could possibly focus on physics right then.
The teacher left the room for a minute about half an hour into the class, giving them some chores to work on while she was gone. The room was naturally filled with the sound of nobody giving a damn about the work as soon as she left, and Sunny turned slightly reluctantly to Tiffany.
"Is Jessica not coming today?" she said, trying to sound casual. She had to remind herself that asking where your friend was when she was missing wasn't anything strange, and of course Tiffany wouldn't suspect anything. The first taste of paranoia lay bitterly on her tongue.
"I don't think so," Tiffany said back, irritably eyeing through the questions they were left with. "Yuri said she didn't pick up all morning when she tried to call, so that probably means she's overslept even worse than usual."
Sunny nodded, leaning back in her chair. She tried to focus on the school work - really tried - but there was just no doing it, so she tried to relax and not think at all for a while. The day was quickly turning out a lot worse than she had wanted; she didn't want to have to wait to hear Jessica's thoughts on everything.
"So how was the beach night?" Yuri asked no one in particular, as she, too, completely ignored the books in front of her.
"It was awesome," Hyoyeon replied, and Tiffany nodded brightly. "Yoona complained to me all day yesterday over the phone about how sore she was from all the volleyball games."
"Seohyun said the same to me," Taeyeon interjected, she too with a bright smile on her face. "And she kept going on about how great Yoona is and how glad she is to have found a friend like her."
Sunny only listened with half an ear, not having the slightest interest to join. Sure, she was happy for the youngest, if only a little jealous.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head back, wishing to fall asleep just like Jessica had. The mixture of feelings was becoming too much for her, and quickly. She wanted to go back home, or really talk to somebody. Somebody who didn't know her, or anyone else around her, that was, cause everyone she knew would surely judge her as soon as she'd tell them what had happened. And they were probably right to.
"You're still wearing this crap?" a boy with brown hair and clear skin asked Sungmin as he dragged his entire hand over Sungmin's closed eye, dragging his eyeliner out in long, black lines down his chin. It was the same boy who had lit his hair on fire just about two weeks ago. Only the sight of him made Sungmin's legs tremble for all the wrong reasons. "You want to be a girl, is that it?"
The two boys standing on either side of the first boy both laughed, one of them black haired and with braces, and the third blond with a face that was practically covered with pimples. They were holding onto Sungmin's helpless arms while the brown haired boy had easy access to do whatever he wanted to him.
Sungmin kept his eyes closed, focusing on Yoona. Yoona's hair, Yoona's face, Yoona's smell, Yoona's heart -
The boy who had been busy smudging out his makeup pulled his arm back and directed an inexperienced fist right at his stomach. Sungmin's legs gave out as all the air left his lungs, but the two boys pressing his arms into the lockers behind him kept him floating in the air. Pain ripped and tore at his shoulders, but not a sound would pass his lips no matter how he tried. Panic rose in him; for a moment he was sure he would choke if they didn't let him go, and then one of the boys put his hand on his face again, forcing him to look up. He hated it when they touched his face.
"He'd make a fucking ugly girl though, right guys?" The blond one said, laughing along with his friends. The other two mumbled in agreement, and then Sungmin caught sight of Yoona, standing right behind the boys, looking absolutely furious.
"Okay, boys, time for you to back off," she said, trying to pry off their arms from Sungmin, but despite her surprising strength, it was a dead end. The two boys on the side both looked to the brown haired boy, as if waiting for orders, before releasing their grip in disappointment. Sungmin's boots hit the floor again with a loud thud, and he swayed where he stood for a moment, panting for air and holding his aching stomach.
"What are you waiting for?" Yoona said, sliding in between Sungmin and the other three. "Get lost!"
"You're not a girl," the brown haired boy said, his eyes not leaving Sungmin. "You need a girl to save you. You're less than a girl. You're so fucking pathetic."
"Hey!" Yoona snapped at them, but the boys only responded by mocking her expression and laughing among themselves as they walked away, probably feeling like their day's work was done, Sungmin thought.
He leaned down, steading himself with his hand on his knees, and tried to get his breathing back to normal. He couldn't bring himself to say 'thank you', though; not after the boys' last words. So he kept silent.
"Are you alright?" Yoona said, leaning down, too, to get a look at his face. "That punch looked horrible. Here, let's sit down." She grabbed his arm and led him to the nearest bench. Two girls were already sitting there, and they shot them a look of disgust before immediately scampering off. Sungmin did his outmost to pretend it never happened.
"Does it hurt?" Yoona said, worriedly scanning his face. Probably looking for tears in his eyes, Sungmin thought.
"He just punched me in the stomach," Sungmin snapped, "yes, it hurts." Yoona blinked and immediately looked away, and Sungmin felt guilty at once, even though he didn't have the energy. "Sorry," he mumbled, feeling increasingly more pathetic with every second that passed.
"It's fine," Yoona said quietly. "It was a stupid question." Sungmin didn't want to argue, and neither did he have the energy to, so he leaned his back against the wall and stared out the window on the opposite wall. "Have those three bothered you before?" Yoona asked then, her voice more careful than before.
"Not together," Sungmin said with a joyless scoff. He hesitated for a moment. "I'm glad you came around, or I'm not sure... what would have happened." He stared at the worn, black nail polish on his nails. His pulse beat heavily in stomach. "Which just proves that what they say to me is true, right? I can't defend myself against them. I just can't." Tears welled up in his eyes, and that was it. That was the last straw. Here he was, being harassed by a few guys in school, and like they kept saying a girl could help him where he couldn't help himself, and after they were done with him he cried in her arms? If that was who he truly was, then he didn't want to be himself anymore.
"Listen," Yoona said, seeing the utter despair in his eyes. "Don't listen to what they're saying. I don't have to put any effort into... saving you," she said, her face showing complete disgust at having to speak the words, "because the only thing they seem to have picked up from their parents while growing up is 'never hit a girl'." She stroked Sungmin's hair out of his face. "You can't play that card, no matter what they say," she laughed a little, and Sungmin wanted to smile back, but he just couldn't. Not yet. "That doesn't make you weak. I'm just happy I can help you at all." Sungmin closed his eyes, straining to take in her words. "What are they?" she asked with a crooked smile.
"Crazy?" Sungmin suggested.
"Exactly," Yoona nodded. "So of course they're not right about you. You know that, right?"
Sungmin didn't know what to believe, so he said nothing, and just reached out to take one of Yoona's hands in his. Truthfully he wasn't so sure that the boys were wrong about him. He believed in most things they said to him, and because there were so many people telling him those things, why shouldn't he? There must be some reason behind it, right?
Yoona seemed to take his silence as something good, though, because she showed a proud smile that made Sungmin want to cry again. She shouldn't be proud of him. Not now, and probably not ever. He hadn't done anything to be proud of.
He dragged his gaze away from Yoona's, and remembered what they had done to his makeup. He must really have looked ridiculous, he realized, and immediately reached up to try and get it away. "I should wash this off," he said, suddenly feeling embarrassed about showing himself like that around Yoona.
"I'll help you," Yoona offered, helped him up off the bench and hooked her arm in his as they walked down the corridor. Sungmin pulled up his hood over his head and tried to ignore all the looks people gave him on the way to the bathroom.
He assumed Yoona didn't understand why it pained him so much when she dragged him into the girls' bathroom - not that it was such a big deal as it was empty either way, but with everything the three boys had said to him during the day, it was the last thing he wanted right then. But he said nothing, and let Yoona help wash him off, torn between relishing in the warmth of Yoona's care, and the feeling of weakness at needing her so badly.
They walked back to the bench they had been sitting on, which was becoming something of their regular place in school. They seemed to always end up there when they waited for the next class, probably because it was the least populated corridor in the school. The staff room was placed a little further down the corridor, which brought at least a little sense of security and the possibility of getting saved, and there weren't many classrooms around it either. There were many lockers, though, so some students still hung out there from time to time, but not many did it for longer than to just get whatever books they needed at the moment.
They sat down together, Sungmin leaning against the wall again, leisurely waiting for his calm to return and listening to Yoona's soothing voice as she talked about everything and nothing.
After only about five minutes, Seohyun appeared in the corridor. She almost walked right past them, seemingly deep in thought, and almost jumped in surprise when she finally saw them.
"Oh!" she said, stopping at their table. "There you are!"
Yoona threw a quick but worried glance at Sungmin, but smiled brightly as soon as she turned to Seohyun. "You've been looking for me?"
"Yeah," Seohyun nodded. "I mean... didn't we agree on Mondays being our study day?" She smiled awkwardly and it was obvious to Yoona that she was trying hard to not make it sound like she was angry.
"Oh, shit, you're right," Yoona said and immediately covered her mouth with her hand when she remembered the youngest was not at all fond of coarse language. She glanced at Sungmin again, and the sense of calm that had seemed to lower on him just a moment ago had completely vanished. He was harshly staring out the window, ignoring both of the girls' presence. "I... could we just do it another day?" She continued. "I just got a little busy today, and..." She threw another nervous look at Sungmin again, feeling the need to separate the two quickly, before Sungmin had too much. "Actually, can we talk about this later? Like, after school?"
"Sure," Seohyun nodded, and Yoona's heart broke a little when she noticed how disappointed she looked.
"I mean, I really want to study with you, so it'd be nice if we could..." Yoona tried.
"It's no problem," Seohyun said, and to Yoona's half horror, half pure joy, the youngest sank down on the bench opposite them. Sungmin gave her a frightened stare, and Yoona put a reassuring hand on his leg.
"This is Seohyun, as you might remember," she said, and patted his leg once to get him to say hello. He kept silent.
Seohyun seemed unfazed, however, and smiled carefully at him. "You're Sungmin, right?"
Sungmin nodded, and gave Yoona a pleading look. Can we please leave?
"Actually, we were just saying a while ago, you and Seohyun have some things in common," Yoona said. She really wanted the two of them to get along, for more than one reason, but she knew it was a horrible time to try and make it happen.
"Really," Sungmin dead-panned.
"Yeah," Seohyun chimed in. "I mean, I know what it's like to have people be mean to you in school." Sungmin stared wide-eyed at Yoona, but Seohyun immediately continued: "Don't worry, she didn't tell me anything. But it's hard to miss how people treat you around here." Sungmin turned to glare at her. "I think it's horrible... what they're doing to you."
"Right," Sungmin said with obvious disinterest. Yoona squeezed his leg under the table, willing him to at least give her a chance.
Seohyun gave Yoona a sad smile. "I'm not a scary person," she said calmly. "I'm not dangerous."
"I think you wouldn't know even if you were, and honestly I couldn't care less," Sungmin said, standing up. "I'm gonna go for a walk before class, are you coming along?" His stare could have burned holes in Yoona's head, and she looked at him sadly.
"I..." she said, looking from Sungmin to Seohyun, hating the choice she had to make. "Yeah... I mean, I guess so." She stood up, wanting so badly to stay with Seohyun, or best of all, bring her along, but knowing that was not an option. "I'll talk to you later, right?" she said with a forced smile to Seohyun. The youngest looked completely shocked at Sungmin's actions.
"Of course," she replied, and Sungmin started walking away. Yoona followed, leaving Seohyun and a piece of her heart behind.
"Whatever that was, I don't appreciate it," Sungmin said as they stepped out into the warm autumn air. "She could never understand me. And what is this shit about us having a lot in common? Maybe she thinks some girls calling her a geek every now and again is bullying, but it's nothing. Nothing."
"Sungmin," Yoona said sadly. "Don't talk like that. Maybe you two don't have much in common, but neither do you and me." Sungmin was walking quickly towards the music building, and Yoona followed obediently. "I just wish you'd have more friends than just me, and Seohyun is a really great person, if you'd only give her a chance."
Sungmin shook his head. "I only need you. You're the only one who understands me, anyway."
That's only because you won't allow anyone else to try Yoona thought, but didn't say out loud.
"And another thing, if you want me to have friends, then why didn't you invite me to your beach night?" Sungmin said harshly.
Yoona stared at him in surprise. "How did you even know about that?"
"I heard your friends talk about how 'awesome' it was in class," he said, and Yoona couldn't understand what had made him so angry suddenly.
She couldn't help but scoff a little. "Well, the reason I didn't invite you is because this is what you're like with all my friends," she blurted out. "You give them a totally shitty impression of you, because you won't give them a chance."
Sungmin stopped walking and turned to her with furious eyes. "No, because you know what happens when I give people chances? Things like what happened in there earlier happens," he almost yelled, gesturing wildly towards the school. "That's what happens when I'm as much as put in the same room with other people, so why would I wanna talk to them?"
The tears came, and he crouched down on the spot, covering his face with his glove-clad hands. Yoona crouched down beside him, one hand on his back, the other on the ground to keep herself from falling.
She wondered in distress what would have happened to their lives by the end of the school year.
Coming to school that day was a bad idea. Sooyoung knew it, and had known it that morning when she crawled out of bed without having closed her eyes for a second. And yet, she had gone to school like every other day, despite feeling too tired to stand. She just couldn't stay at home for another day with no distractions from what she didn't want to think about.
She couldn't remember ever feeling so distressed about anything in her whole life. It had been, in her opinion, mostly sorrow free until now, and she didn't know how to deal with what she felt towards Hyoyeon. Hell, she didn't even know what to call the emotions that tore at her insides, so how could she work against them?
When lunch hour came, she didn't go to the cafeteria, but just walked around the school instead. The entire day had been nothing but a waste to her; she couldn't focus in the classroom, and Yoona had seemed too distracted for Sooyoung to have the heart to tell her about her problems. The only thing she wanted was to find Taeyeon and cry out everything she had inside, if her tired eyes would have the strength to produce any tears, that was. But then again, finding Taeyeon would surely mean finding Hyoyeon, and she knew her presence still wasn't welcome, so she just strolled around school as quickly as she could manage.
She eventually arrived back at the corner of a corridor where most of the senior girls had their lockers, and she didn't find Taeyeon. But Hyoyeon was sitting there, alone, at a bench, looking just as tired as Sooyoung felt, if such a thing was even possible. Sooyoung could barely believe her eyes when she found her. She was staring down into the table, still as a mountain, not moving a muscle.
Throwing caution to the wind, Sooyoung walked up to her table. Hyoyeon looked up, and her expression didn't change.
"Where are the others?" Sooyoung asked, attempting to not sound too interested or too cold.
Hyoyeon shrugged. "I don't know. They're eating, I guess."
"Did they leave you behind?"
"No, I left them."
Sooyoung couldn't help but become even more worried. "Why?"
But Hyoyeon just looked back at her, expression blank and face showing nothing. Sooyoung took the hint, understanding she was already pushing too hard, and nodded sadly. She turned around to leave; the other girl obviously wanted to be left alone.
"I was wrong."
Sooyoung turned around again, wondered if she had heard right. "What?"
"I was wrong," Hyoyeon repeated, not looking Sooyoung in the eye, but staring down at the table again. "When I pushed you away so you wouldn't help me, I was wrong."
Sooyoung immediately took a step back to the table. "Do you mean that?" she asked, unable to believe what she was hearing.
Hyoyeon nodded, looking up at Sooyoung's disbelieving face. "Don't get me wrong. All I'm saying is that we should still be able to be friends... I'm not gonna let you try to change anything about... you know. I don't know what I was thinking when I ignored you."
Sooyoung slid down on the bench opposite Hyoyeon. "Maybe you knew I was going to keep prying until you told me what the hell is going on," she said, and Hyoyeon smiled weakly.
"Maybe."
"Why can't you let me help you?" Sooyoung asked, relieved at how calm the conversation was compared to their previous one.
Hyoyeon shook her head. "It doesn't matter, Soo. It's no use." Sooyoung opened her mouth to argue, so she hurried to continue, "besides... my life isn't all that bad just because of that one thing. I've managed it until now, and I'll manage it for as long as I have to... as long as I can get away from it every once in a while, and see you."
Sooyoung's pulse sped up at the words. "You can see me anytime you want," she choked out. "I always want to see you."
Smiling a little wider, Hyoyeon looked down to her lap. "The thing is... these words are a lot easier for me to believe when I'm right here with you, than when I'm... home."
So it is your father Sooyoung wanted to say, he's the one who's leaving bruises on you. The fear of scaring Hyoyeon away, now that they were doing so well, kept her from saying it. "Hyo," she said, but ending up having to clear her throat before continuing, all her feeling clogging it up. "You have to understand that I can't just ignore this... you have to understand that I worry about you, right?"
Hyoyeon nodded but looked away, as if it was a truth she'd rather not deal with. "I get that, I just don't know what to do about it."
"I'm here for you, always," Sooyoung continued. Hyoyeon stared back at her, neither happy nor sad, only contemplating. "You have to try to trust me a little. Maybe I can do more for you than you think. I really..." The end of the sentence got lost in a cough as the words tumbled out all over each other; in the joy of getting to talk to Hyoyeon for real again she'd ended up almost saying too much, and confessed. "...I really want to help you," she finished awkwardly.
"Just the fact that I have you," Hyoyeon mumbled in reply, "outside of the other... less pleasant world I'm living in... helps me a lot more than you seem to understand, Soo."
Sooyoung smiled, unable to do anything else.
Sooyoung walked Hyoyeon to the bus station that day again, but this time she didn't try to convince her to come home to her apartment. She remembered last time, when Hyoyeon had declined on the grounds that her father would worry if she didn't come home, and now she realized that what that actually meant was my father will get angry if I don't come home. She shuddered.
She gathered her courage and pulled Hyoyeon into a hug when she spotted Hyoyeon's bus arriving at the station. Hyoyeon gave a surprised yelp, but seemed to relax into her embrace pretty quickly, which was a very good sign to Sooyoung.
"I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Sooyoung said, placing her hands on Hyoyeon's shoulders as they pulled back.
"Yeah," Hyoyeon nodded. "I'm sorry for ignoring you, Soo. I really am. I don't know what I was thinking." The bus rolled in closer, so Sooyoung just waved her hand in reply.
"It's okay," she said. "Take care, okay?"
"You too," Hyoyeon said, giving her a bright smile that left Sooyoung weak in the knees.
Hyoyeon jumped on the bus, and Sooyoung remained at the stop until the bus left, the two girls waving at each other and making ugly faces just to see the other laugh. And when Sooyoung walked home, she felt happier than she had over the past week, sure that things would work out eventually, and unknowing of that fact that the glimpse she caught of Hyoyeon, laughing at her through the dark bus window, was the last she'd see of her in a long time.
- 11 -
Recipient: Tiffany
Sender: Sooyoung
Fany~ could you give me Hyoyeon's number?
Recipient: Sooyoungie
Sender: Tiffany
Sure, here you go. Remember to use protection, kids ;)
She should have done it ages ago, but it felt more important than ever to have a way of contacting Hyoyeon outside of school, now that she knew what she was dealing with at home. Of course, Hyoyeon didn't want her to help her, but she could never be too sure.
She smiled as she saved number Tiffany had sent to her, unable to stop the giggles that shook her stomach at the thought of actually having Hyoyeon's number in her phone. It was amazing to her how she hadn't been able to sleep all night because of the worry, and now that she had come home from school, she was too happy to sleep even if she would have tried. And everything she felt was still all about Hyoyeon. The short time they had spent together in school had changed everything for her.
Recipient: Hyo
Sender: Sooyoung
Knock knock
Her heart beat happily as she put the phone down in her lap, eagerly awaiting a reply. Would Hyoyeon disregard her text because it was from a number she didn't recognize? Would she reply at all?
Her phone buzzed as a reply came in only a couple of minutes later.
Recipient: Sooyoung
Sender: Hyoyeon
Who's there?
Sooyoung almost screamed in triumphant laughter, and immediately felt crazy for doing so. She felt like a pre-teen school girl texting her biggest boyband idol, but she couldn't help herself.
Recipient: Hyo
Sender: Sooyoung
Guess
Really, the only reason she wanted Hyoyeon to guess, was to see who she wanted it to be. And how many guesses it would take before she thought of Sooyoung.
Recipient: Sooyoung
Sender: Hyoyeon
God, Soo, that's not how that joke works
Sooyoung brought her phone to her chest and hugged it as she fell back on her bed and rolled around, stifling her laughter as the butterflies in her stomach turned into full-grown birds.
Recipient: Hyo
Sender: Sooyoung
Well, at least it got the message across, so call it an upside!
Recipient: Soo
Sender: Hyoyeon
I already do ^^
She got up from the bed and walked over to her window. Her room had a balcony attached to it, and she stopped with her hand on the door handle. She'd had to fight her mother for months to get that room, claiming loudly that the view was important to her future job as a musician. Her mother eventually couldn't bother with her antics, and just gave her the room without complaint.
There was some truth in her words, actually. Not that there was much to see outside Sooyoung's room; the balcony faced nothing but the street below, but that was very calming for Sooyoung at times. Their part of town was unusually still for being so central, and she loved getting up in the morning and staring down at the trees lining their street, seeing them become more or less green every day as the seasons changed little by little. That day, the leaves and the grass on each side of the street were yellowing; autumn was unmistakably coming. The air was cold, but even so, the sun was beaming, and the contrast could have easily fooled Sooyoung that spring was coming, not fall.
But maybe that had more to do with Sooyoung's state of mind than anything else.
Cause now there was Hyoyeon. When had the girl become so in control of Sooyoung's emotions? During the week they spent without talking, the world had seemed so dull and dead, like it was skipping right past autumn and going directly for winter. And now that Hyoyeon was speaking to her again, it was like the clock had been turned back and they were heading for spring again.
The bottom line was, Hyoyeon changed everything, and Sooyoung had never felt anything like it before. She had changed her world.
She tore her eyes away from the street below, and walked over to her piano. Sitting down, she tried to remember when she had last written a song. When was the last time anything had inspired her enough? Her fingers danced over the keys in a song she had known since her younger years, one of the first she ever learned, and she felt guilty for not having spent any time by the piano all summer. Both to herself, and, in some strange way, to the piano itself.
The song came to an end, and she sat by the piano, listening to the silence, and picturing Hyoyeon's last smile in her mind. The action repeated itself in her head, how she had started to walk to the bus, and turned around to give Sooyoung that bright smile, her long hair whipping in the air.
And that was really all she needed.
She had rarely felt so inspired, rarely felt like writing a song came to easy to her, but never before had it taken her so long to finish one, either. Sure, there had been ones that she'd come back to work in after a few days, or months, even, but she always tried to get a first draft of a song in the first sitting. It felt better that way to her. She didn't want to start a song with one feeling, and then lose it and finish it with another. It didn't feel real to her.
Maybe it had something to do with her sleep-deprived brain, but finding the right twists and bends in both music and lyrics took hours upon hours, and she didn't stop once. She only muttered an unfocused reply to her mother when the latter came in to tell her dinner was ready, and she forgot it the minute her mother left the room.
But in the end, it finished, when it was dark outside and she had totally forgotten about the time. She played it through in one go, crossing out words and notes and filling in better ones where she felt it was needed, and the hair on her arms rose as she got goose bumps. This one was her definite favorite out of every song she had ever written; it flowed perfectly, and though it might have been cheesy, it got her message across as well as she could.
And maybe, just maybe, she liked it so much because it was purely inspired by Hyoyeon.
She stood up from her piano and looked around her room; her cell phone was still lying on her bed. She walked over to it, and noticed Hyoyeon had sent her another text during the time was in her music world.
Recipient: Soo
Sender: Hyoyeon
I'm bored... help?
And she didn't know what it was, but the love for the other girl, the happiness every little word she spoke to her, hit her with full force. Her eyes filled up with tears of gratitude and her heart swelled up so badly it almost hurt.
Hyoyeon needed to know how she felt. She couldn't be just friends with her without knowing what the other felt anymore, she just couldn't. If Hyoyeon would shoot her down, well, then at least she'd know. And she could secretly work on making the other girl fall for her. It didn't matter, as long as she got to tell her how she felt.
An idea formed in her mind, and she called Hyoyeon without a moment's hesitation. She didn't feel a trace of nervousness as the signals rang.
"Hello?" came Hyoyeon's unsure voice after the third ring.
"Hyo, hi," Sooyoung said, falling on her back on the bed again, consumed with happiness just from hearing her voice. "Whatcha up to?"
"Nothing," Hyoyeon replied, "wondering what to do."
Sooyoung smiled. "That's perfect!"
"Uh..." Hyoyeon laughed. "Okay?"
"Something amazing has happened," Sooyoung continued.
"What?"
"I found something that moves me." She waited for Hyoyeon's reply with a smug smile on her face, sure that her plan would go her way.
Hyoyeon seemed to hesitate for a moment. "So what was it?" she asked then.
"You will know when you hear the song," Sooyoung said, trying to make the other girl curious. "So you need come over right now and listen to it. And then maybe we can work on a new one together, like we said we would. And, and you can stay the night afterwards, and we'll go to school together tomorrow." She glanced at the clock on her bedside table, and it told her it was close to 8 PM; late, but not too late.
"But-" Hyoyeon began, but Sooyoung cut her off.
"I know it's late, but you need to hear this. Please, Hyoooo," she tried with all the cuteness she could muster.
"But it's so far," Hyoyeon said with attempted seriousness, but couldn't help but laugh at the other girl's distorted voice.
"Yes, see, that's why you need to get on a bus and get over here so it won't be far anymore," Sooyoung said pointedly, and they both laughed. "Pleeaaaase..."
"Alright, alright," Hyoyeon said before Sooyoung could resort to cuteness again. "I'll do it."
"Yay," Sooyoung said quietly and rolled over on her stomach. "You won't regret it, I promise."
"Yeah, this song you're talking about better be damn good," Hyoyeon laughed. "I think the last bus leaves from here in about twenty minutes, so I'll have to go and get ready."
"Okay. Hurry!" Sooyoung said, and Hyoyeon laughed at her again. Sooyoung made a mental note to become more childish and silly, because making Hyoyeon laugh was quickly becoming her favorite thing ever.
"Bye for now, Soo," Hyoyeon said before hanging up the phone.
Sooyoung hopped up off the bed and did a small dance in the middle of her room, a dance that would never be for anyone else's eyes but her own. And possibly Hyoyeon's, at some point, if she was into that kind of thing. She shook her head quickly and laughed at herself, the though being too much for her to take.
Glancing around the room, she was glad that she had decided to clean most of her room during her previous sleepless night, otherwise she might have panicked right about then. She picked up some dirty clothes off the floor and threw them back down on her couch, not having the energy to get them out of the room.
So, if the bus was leaving in twenty minutes from Hyoyeon's place, and it took her half an hour to get into town by bus, that meant she'd be there in fifty minutes, which thereby meant she'd have to walk to the bus station to meet her in forty minutes. What was she supposed to do for forty minutes?
Without really thinking about it, she walked back to the piano as if drawn to it, and sat back down, playing the song over and over, occasionally stopping to perfect small details that made little to no difference.
Thirty-five minutes passed like that, of course with many breaks that consisted of nervous nail-biting and different scenarios of what the night might hold playing out in her mind. Five minutes remained until she'd need to go; the distance was so short that if she'd leave now, she'd be much too early, and she'd have to spend time at the cold, dark bus station and be nervous instead of in her room.
But she couldn't stand just sitting around for another minute, so she stood up, grabbed her phone and was just about to run to the station when said phone started ringing. She froze in her spot and looked at the caller ID; it told her it was Sunny. Frowning, she picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey," Sunny said, her voice unmistakably insecure. "What are you doing?"
"Uh..." Sooyoung said. She knew something must be up with the other girl; she never called otherwise. She didn't want to turn her down if she needed to talk to somebody, but she definitely didn't want to miss Hyoyeon at the bus stop, either. "Actually, I was just about to go meet Hyoyeon," she said, scratching the back of her head.
"Oh, okay," Sunny replied, sounding very absent-minded. "I won't disturb you guys, then. Have fun."
"Wait," Sooyoung hurried, "is something wrong?"
Sunny didn't say anything for a moment, and it only strengthened Sooyoung's belief that something was very wrong with her. "No, nothing's wrong."
"Did something happen?" Sooyoung asked. "I have some time, if you wanted to talk about something..."
"Kind of," Sunny admitted, probably knowing she couldn't fool her friend. "But it's no big deal, we can talk about it tomorrow, or you know, whenever."
"Of course," Sooyoung agreed. "Maybe you can call Taeyeon or so for now."
"I did, but the line's busy, and she doesn't pick up when I call her cell," Sunny said, sighing. "But yeah, we can talk tomorrow. I'll see you in school."
"Yeah," Sooyoung said. "Bye."
They hung up, and Sooyoung felt a little unbalanced for a second, like she had fallen behind her own brain. She hated turning her friend down, but she did have other things to think about.
Confessing to Hyoyeon, for example. Her head started spinning again at the thought, and she checked the time on her phone; the five minutes had passed easily during Sunny's call. She ran out of her room into the hallway, and her mother gave her a very surprised look from the living room couch.
"Where's the fire?" she called when Sooyoung ran towards the door.
"A friend's gonna stay the night," she called back, knowing that her mother wouldn't object too much. "I'm just going to meet her at the bus stop."
Her mother, like she thought, didn't complain, and Sooyoung quickly dressed and practically flew out the door.
Chapter 11: "This is who you are, Taeyeon."