Line 49 (Chapter 4)
Title: Line 49
Pairing: Yulsic, Taeny, Hyoyoung, 2 more to be revealed
Rating: G - NC-17
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, high school AU
Summary: The struggle is different for everyone; we all take different measures to deal with our problems. Friendships are created and tossed upside down, love is found, love is lost, and trust is formed and betrayed as these nine girls find their places in each other's lives.
Chapter wordcount: 7,214
Prologue
Chapter 1: "Would you have said paranoid or socially retarded, I would have done a dance of joy."
Chapter 2: "Line 49 for homo- and bisexual youngsters."
Chapter 3: "Do you know what kind of relationship Jessica and Yuri share?"
Sungmin stared absent-mindedly out a window where he stood in a relatively empty corridor. He was scared. He was scared without Yoona, even though he'd probably never want to admit it to anyone, maybe not even himself. He'd gone almost the entire first week now and only had people insult him four times on the rare moment when he was alone, and not a single time with Yoona by his side.
He wasn't sure why that was. Most of the people that tormented him were boys, and it seemed very off to him that they'd keep quiet because of a girl.
Just as weird as it was that he didn't feel safe without her. Like he was an easy target, a wounded zebra walking around a pack of lions. Yes, the people of the school were definitely lions, he thought.
Needless to say, he wasn't paying attention when he turned around, deciding that maybe Yoona wasn't gonna turn up. He'd been out of class for a good 20 minutes already and he hadn't seen a trace of her, so she was probably breaking the unspoken rule that she always came to find him so that he could move freely and safely around the school.
He only took a few steps, still with his gaze fixed out the window, before he walked straight into somebody, somebody much taller and probably stronger than him.
"Sorry," he mumbled without looking up. He waited for the person in front of him to move away to walk past him, but they seemed unwilling to move. Feeling the first cold sting of anxiety, Sungmin tried to walk around whoever it was, but they blocked the way. Sungmin looked up slowly. His breath quivered.
"Could you move, please?" he asked (he absolutely did not beg), and stared the boy in the face. Brown hair, pathetic excuse for pubertal beard, clean skin with no sign of pimples, and a very unfriendly smile on his lips. Sungmin exhaled.
"How can someone be so fucking ugly?" the boy said, ignoring Sungmin's request entirely. Sungmin felt redness already threatening to creep up on his cheeks, and he made to walk around the boy - who, he now realized, had been on his back before. He never really tried to remember their faces.
He barely took two steps before the boy caught a hold of his hand and pulled him back, not letting go when Sungmin was back where he was standing. "Let go of me," Sungmin said, and he managed to not sound too weak.
Again, the boy ignored him, and looked down at Sungmin's hand. "What is this shit?" he questioned, pulling at Sungmin's fingerless black glove. "Why would you wear stuff like this? You look like a fucking vampire." Sungmin struggled to pull his arm back and winced when heard the seams rip. In a moment of weakness and hope he looked past the nameless boy down the corridor, past people who stared in wonder, people who didn't notice, and he wished he could see Yoona come towards him, angel-like, like she had come back into his life to save him. He was sure that must be the reason they had been reunited. What had he ever done to deserve this?
The boy pulled the glove off him, turned it over in his hand and frowned at it. "Why do you wanna look like a fucking corpse?" he asked, throwing the glove over his shoulder. Sungmin watched blankly as it landed on top of a locker a few meters away. As the boy had let go of him when he pulled the glove off, Sungmin saw his chance, and hurried to turn around and walk the opposite way. Even though he already knew it lead to a dead end, anywhere was better than where he was right then.
"Answer me, faggot!" the boy called and grabbed Sungmin's arm.
"Would you fucking let go of me," he hissed back, and before he could blink he was pushed back against a locker, his back hit it with such intensity that he lost his breath, and in that moment Yoona was gone from his mind, from all of his senses. He was alone.
He didn't get a chance to fill his lungs back up with air before the boy leaned in close to him. He dragged his finger under Sungmin's eye, smudging out the black eyeliner towards his long hair. "Look, what is this shit?" he said, holding up his finger for Sungmin to see. "Makeup is for girls, you fag. Are you a girl?" He pushed his finger into Sungmin's cheek, wiping off the makeup he had erased. "Are you? Are you a girl?" Sungmin turned his head away and winced at the pain.
"Do you... have such a low life that you have to get into mine?" he asked, feeling how stupid, so, so amazingly stupid he was for talking back in a situation like this, with the unknown boy's lower arm pressing from his one shoulder to the other, pushing him steadily into the lockers behind him. His voice was shaking. He knew he wasn't fooling anybody, least of all himself, anything about bravery.
He was terrified. There was not a hope of a solution in his body.
The boy removed his hand from his face, wiped his finger on Sungmin's black shirt, and started digging for something in his pocket.
A knife, a gun, a scalpel, a hammer, fuck what if it's a grenade Sungmin had time to think, almost aware that the few people in the corridor were now watching them but not with a single hope that anyone would respond if he called for help, and then the boy's hand appeared in front of his face again and it was holding a lighter.
Sungmin stared at the boy's face. It was full of concentration. Once, the boy clicked the lighter, sparkles flew and the sudden and momentary light burned his eyes. Twice, the hand was shaking from the adrenaline pumping through his body, and are you nervous? Sungmin thought, momentarily consumed by malicious pleasure but not comforted in the slightest, and then a short flame rose.
The boy watched it for a second before his gaze found Sungmin's horrified face, his eyes widening slightly. Maybe it was a challenge. You, boy, with the long hair and girly makeup, which of us is man enough to survive the fire?
And then the boy lowered his hand, the fire danced, and he moved the lighter towards the tips of Sungmin's jaw-long hair. Sungmin jerked back as if burned with an iron, a scream bubbling up through his throat but remaining there as a dark, vibrating motor-like sound. His hair swung from his movements, swept through the flame for a short second, definitely not enough to catch on fire but the tips turned upwards and Sungmin struggled stronger than he had ever done before, uselessly squirming in the stranger's iron grip.
"Fucking stay still, it's just about to get fun."
Sungmin didn't know it then, but those were the words that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Not knowing if his panic brought him over the edge, or if it abandoned him completely, he relaxed. He stopped squirming. And the boy clicked the lighter once again, a new flame rose easily, and he brought it back up to Sungmin's hair. Sungmin leaned his cheek against the locker behind him, a tearless sob escaping his closed lips and no tears poured out between closed eyelids. He wasn't afraid anymore.
He could feel the harsh, repulsive smell of burnt hair, the boy let go of him, a sharp blistering pain bit at his jaw where his hair met his skin, and without the support of the boy's arm, Sungmin slid down the locker and hit the floor. As if watching himself through a magnifying glass, he saw his own still gloved hand reach up and close his fingers around the tip of his hair.
The fire went out without a sound, and then a thin stream of smoke rose in front of his eyes. He didn't know if he was imagining it. It didn't matter. The fire was out.
He remained on the floor, and looked up slowly to see the boy still standing there, looking down at him. There was something in his face that made Sungmin's mind spark back to life. Was it really regret? Was he looking down on him with a pity that wasn't by any means evil?
"Move out of the way, I need to get into my locker."
Sungmin didn't know even afterwards, but that was probably the moment he lost the last of his naïveté.
"...and then you just go back, and multiply this... with this, and ooh, there's your answer!" Seohyun smiled brightly at Yoona from beside her, her fingers pressed against two different spots in Yoona's book. "Get it?" she asked, still beaming.
Yoona was so surprised by the other girls' enthusiasm that she burst out laughing. "No, I'm afraid you're gonna have to tell me that one again. And a little bit slower, please."
Math was horrible, boring, it burned her brains out, and she kind of didn't want to admit it, but Seohyun was starting to make her feel very enthusiastic about it.
"Okay," Seohyun said, pulling her arms back and taking a deep breath to prepare herself. "See, you start by taking this..." and that was really all that Yoona could catch before her brain went into admire-Seohyun's-pretty-hands mode. Her hands were pale with long fingers and well-trimmed nails, and moved with a kind of elegance that Yoona was not familiar with. Come to think of it, all of Seohyun was like that, she thought, and stiffened when the other girl's long, dark hair brushed against her shoulder. All of her movements flowed softly and appeared slow, even when they were moving fast, as if she was always dancing. It made Yoona feel slightly light-headed.
"And so, you just divide it with this," Seohyun said, and Yoona woke up enough to look at the number Seohyun circled on the page, "and then comes the big finish. Are you with me?"
"Yes, definitely," Yoona said and nodded a little too enthusiastically. Her neck ached.
"So, you take the sum of this, and multiply it with this," Seohyun repeated once more. "And that's your answer." Yoona nodded in surprise. She actually got it. "See, it's not as hard as you thought, it is?"
"It's not that the math is easy," Yoona said, "it's that you're a good teacher."
Seohyun waved her hand at her, but Yoona could see the slightest hint of a blush on her cheeks. She wondered how often Seohyun got complimented. Though it didn't seem like it, she hoped it was often.
"You were the one who had to do the real thinking here," the younger of the two disagreed, "I can't do that for you." Yoona smiled, embarrassed yet unable to argue with the other girl. "Would you like to do the next part as well, while we're at it?" Seohyun suggested happily.
As much as Yoona wanted to stay around the other girl, her head felt heavy with everything she had learned. For some reason, though, she didn't want Seohyun to leave yet. Torn between wanting to keep her head and keeping Seohyun beside her, she sighed a little. "I think I've had all the math I can take for one day," she then said. Seohyun nodded, immediately closing the books in front of them.
Yoona waited in silence. Now that the math subject was over, she didn't really know what to say. She usually wasn't much of a talkative person unless she was approached, and Seohyun seemed no better, judging by how she was leaning back and staring at the door. Yoona swallowed heavily.
"I wanted to ask you..." she mumbled, suddenly feeling very nervous as she was about to interfere with Seohyun's personal life. Seohyun looked back at her with sincere interest. "I... I couldn't help but notice you were alone... earlier." Yoona mentally slapped herself as the other girl's expression immediately hardened.
"Yeah," Seohyun said slowly. Her gaze flickered between Yoona's face and hands, which lay anxiously intertwined on the table. Yoona felt as she was being judged, measured on level of trustworthiness, and like she could do nothing but wait for the results. She smiled sadly and tried not to look too patronizing. "I guess so."
"Are you always alone? I know it's none of my business," Yoona said, comforted by how Seohyun didn't ask her to go to hell or throw pens at her.
"No, I mean, in my year maybe," Seohyun replied, suddenly appearing to be very keen not to meet Yoona's eyes. "But you know I have Sunny, Taeyeon and Sooyoung... and now, it seems, Tiffany." Yoona smiled; she should have known. Seohyun was someone who was sure to spark Tiffany's motherly instincts in the blink of an eye. She seemed so innocent that Yoona herself couldn't deny the careful want to protect her.
"How come you're alone in your year?" Yoona asked after a short pause. She knew that if there was a question that would make Seohyun tell her to mind her own business, it was that one. But she really couldn't help herself, it really made her curious.
Seohyun didn't respond, but brought up her index finger to her mouth and started chewing on the side of her nail. Yoona wished she could tell her to not be nervous, but she knew there was no point, so instead she said: "You don't have to answer if you don't want to." Seohyun continued chewing on her nail for a few seconds before looking over her shoulder.
"It's okay, but there's no point in staying here, right? Let's go."
Seohyun stood up, and Yoona stared blankly at her at first. Was that Seohyun's own unique way of telling her off? The youngest picked up both of their books, held them to her chest and stared down at Yoona. Her eyes seemed to say aren't you coming? so Yoona stood up, hesitantly.
"I don't know why it's like this," Seohyun began as they walked together towards the library's exit. "I have always had problems making friends." They had buried themselves deep within the library, and quite frankly, if Seohyun wasn't there, Yoona would have been a little frightened of getting lost. Sooyoung had told her earlier that the school had practically remade the entire library to prepare for the schools coming together, and they really had spared no expense on the bookshelves, Yoona thought. They might as well be at Hogwarts.
Shoving that pleasant thought aside, she returned to a less fun reality.
"Sunny and I have ballet training once a week. We met there when we were really young. I was... something of an outsider back then, too, and Sunny... well, she's a little different," Seohyun told her with an affectionate smile. "She gave me a chance when no one else did. I got to know Taeyeon and Sooyoung through her, so it's thanks to her that I have any friends at all."
The love Seohyun held for Sunny and her friends was heard clearly in her voice. Yoona smiled at her as they slowly approached the exit. "She sounds cool. Sunny."
"She's the coolest," Seohyun agreed. "She's so different and more mature than other people our age." Yoona glanced at the other girl, an unidentified feeling brewing in her stomach. I could be that for you she thought, and frowned at herself. "While other people have been giving me weird looks, she's done nothing give me loving ones," Seohyun continued, unaware of Yoona's minor confusion. "Well, almost," she mumbled.
They reached the exit, and when Seohyun pushed the door open, they both came to an immediate halt. Sunny and Jessica were walking on opposite sides of the corridor outside, screaming bloody murder at each other. Yoona and Seohyun immediately stepped outside and let the door close and block out all the noise from entering the library.
"... If you could have just minded your own business, this would not have happened!" Jessica yelled, the strength of her screaming causing her to bend over slightly.
"How many times do I have to tell you?!" Sunny yelled back with matching intensity, "I was trying to keep you out of trouble! If you could have just responded like a normal human being, we would have been fine now!"
Seohyun slid one of her hands under the books she held up to her chest, covering her heart. "Sunny," she said in exasperation, like a mother who catches her child swearing. Sunny spun around and looked at her, but only responded with a nod.
"Yes, and look how well that one worked out! I told you, I don't need a babysitter, especially not you!" Jessica threw back across the corridor. Sunny stood fuming on the spot, her anger leaving her unable to speak.
"Jessica... guys... Jesus Christ, calm down," Yoona said, contemplating whether or not she should walk out between the two in case of an oncoming catfight. After catching the look in Jessica's eyes, she decided she was a little too fond of her hair to have it ripped off her skull.
"You know what, just worry about yourself from now on, okay?" Jessica yelled in a slightly lower volume and pitch, seemingly realizing they were in an actual public place. "Just worry about yourself and stay the hell out of my life."
Yoona's mouth fell open as Jessica stormed right past them and round a corner. Barred a few wrestling matches between Jessica and Yuri over insignificant things, she had never seen her friend so mad and openly yelling at somebody like that. She thought Jessica was normally a very timid being, kind and fearless. She didn't even want to imagine what could have happened between her and Sunny to make her so mad.
"Sunny, what in the world happened?" Seohyun asked, wording the question Yoona didn't want to ask.
Sunny turned around and faced them slowly, her eyebrows far up on her forehead and her mouth pulled out into a straight line. "Just... just..." she stuttered, before giving off a high pitched noise of frustration and stumbling off in the opposite direction that Jessica disappeared towards.
"O-okay," Seohyun said uncertainly as the sounds of Sunny's steps faded away, "seems like she wasn't up for talking right now." They looked at each other, and Seohyun's eyes were big and wide open. Also strangely pretty, Yoona thought. "I should probably go find her and calm her down," the younger continued slowly, as if the thought was everything but appealing to her. "Do you want to come with me?"
Yoona thought for a moment. "I should probably go find Sungmin," she said, and she realized it almost as the words passed her lips. She had left him alone the entire lunch break, when she knew what usually happened to him alone in school. She was just about to scold herself for her stupidity when she once again looked into Seohyun's eyes, and all other thoughts were washed away. It seemed like it had taken her a while, but once she realized the beauty they held, it was impossible to think of anything else.
"Ah... okay," Seohyun said with a slight nod and a sense of something that Yoona couldn't quite pinpoint. "I'll see you around then," she stated with a hint of a question in her voice as she backed away from Yoona, down the corridor where Sunny had ran off.
"Of course," Yoona relied and watched as the other girl's eyes became a little happier. She wanted to say something clichéd and cheesy that held promise of future friendship, but Seohyun had already turned around and started jogging down the corridor to find Sunny.
Yoona turned around, stared at the people in the library and sighed. She didn't know why, but she felt it was important to will herself not to think. Not right now.
Now where could Sungmin be?
Sooyoung walked slowly in search of the senior girls' lockers, as if every step made her think twice about seeking them out. She was in the state of a sort of unaware thinking process, every thought of which made her want to turn and run the other way.
It wasn't the first time her credulity made her feel pathetic - at least she hoped it was credulity. Something warm and fuzzy in the areas around her heart that made her fall head over heels practically as soon as she met somebody new, making her spend every waking minute thinking of the person in question and figuring out ways to impress and win them over, until finally she won their heart and all interest just flew out the window.
Pathetic, yes, indeed, she thought. What was more was that she never learned, but allowed the feeling to swoop her away time after time, leaving traces of brief, broken relationships behind her in piles. She allowed it to happen, even though she was aware of her inability to learn. She didn't even know why; did it really feel so good to be in love? Even more, did it really feel so good to believe you were in love, and then find out that maybe, when everything was said and done, it was only about a need for attention?
So, she thought as she took another few hesitant steps through the corridor, am I really doing this again? Her plan to ask Hyoyeon for help with math had already formed, and a thousand different scenarios of what might happen when they were alone were already playing out in her mind.
None of which she'd want to share with anybody else, of course.
With every step, it seemed like she became more and more aware that she should not be thinking about Hyoyeon so much and in this way. What it came down to was that even though Sooyoung didn't want it to happen, she would probably lose interest in Hyoyeon once - well, if she won her heart. It was a horrible, cringe-worthy thought, and it was not at all the kind of person Sooyoung wanted to be. What she least of all wanted was to hurt the other girl.
There she was, aware of all her shortcomings but lacking the self-control to just stay away.
And despite all her internal chaos, a big, goofy smile still plastered itself on her face when she walked up to the group, and Hyoyeon was the first to look up and smile at her. The girls were standing in a circle, and Tiffany and Yuri, who were standing to Hyoyeon's right, gave her a little wave a few seconds later. She returned it while trying not to look too enthusiastic and stood between Hyoyeon and Taeyeon.
It took a while for her brain to realize it in Hyoyeon's presence, but eventually she noticed that the shortest of the girls was missing.
"Where's Sunny?" she asked, noting that Taeyeon looked more stressed out than usual.
"Her and Jessica got into a fight," Yuri replied immediately, and Sooyoung felt like it was as if to remind her of Jessica's existence in the group. How dare you forget about her?
"A fight?" Sooyoung said, surprised. Despite her own and Sunny's never-ending bickering, she could never imagine the other girl getting into a real fight with someone. "A real fight? With like claws and stuff?"
Hyoyeon laughed at her, and Sooyoung's stomach warmed up. "No claws," she smiled, "but it was rather terrifying."
"I've never seen Jessica like that," Yuri said thoughtfully, and Tiffany sent her a questioning look. "Well, I mean, I've never seen Jessica like that with anyone other than me," Yuri corrected herself, and Tiffany nodded.
"Well, so, what happened?" Sooyoung asked, curiosity getting the better of her.
"Jessica fell asleep in class, Sunny woke her up and Jessica basically clawed her eyes out," Yuri said. "She gets a bit moody when she's tired, but I really have no idea what happened in there."
Sooyoung widened her eyes and gave Hyoyeon a stare. "Lesson learned," she said, "will definitely not be waking Jessica up anytime soon." Hyoyeon giggled again and gave Sooyoung's arm a light slap that almost sent the taller of the two flying off into the corridor.
"Seohyun came around earlier," Taeyeon said, and Sooyoung was almost surprised to hear her talk. "She said Sunny is totally furious." Sooyoung tried and failed to imagine Sunny furious. "If those two can't work it out, I think we have a problem," Taeyeon said, glaring worriedly at Sooyoung.
"I'm sure Jessica will come to her senses soon," Tiffany replied with a smile in Taeyeon's direction. "She's not an idiot. She will probably be feeling very guilty later tonight."
Yuri nodded. "I'm going to her place after school, I'll talk to her," she said, her voice firm and responsible. Sooyoung felt slightly intimidated.
However it was quickly forgotten when Hyoyeon turned to her with an ambiguous smile. "I should probably get going to the bus station," she announced.
Sooyoung's stomach turned. "I'll walk you there," she hurried, stumbling over her words. Hyoyeon looked at her in surprise. "...I live nearby," Sooyoung added pathetically as explanation.
"Okay, sure," Hyoyeon smiled, her gaze not leaving Sooyoung's face. "So, should we go?"
Sooyoung's heart sped up with a frightening speed. When she didn't think she could speak, she just nodded and held out her hand, motioning for Hyoyeon to go first.
"See you tomorrow," Hyoyeon said to Tiffany, Yuri and Taeyeon who all looked a bit perplexed. Sooyoung nodded in agreement, and followed Hyoyeon as she started walking away. Looking over her shoulder, Taeyeon gave her an all too knowing look, to which Sooyoung responded with a wave and an exaggerated smile, not wanting to accept the fact that her best friend probably knew her heart better than she did herself.
But that was a thought for another time. Now, she was about to have a five minute walk alone with Hyoyeon, and that thought alone was enough to turn her legs into jelly.
Yoona found Sungmin just as he came out of a bathroom.
"There you are," she said in relief as soon as she saw him. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"
"Not the men's room," Sungmin replied blankly and pointed with his thumb over his shoulder.
Yoona might have laughed, but she noticed something was wrong. "I'm sorry I didn't come find you earlier. Are you okay?"
Sungmin had cut off the burnt part of his hair in the bathroom, but it was still long enough to cover the brand on his jaw. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go home."
Sooyoung soon realized that with Hyoyeon, there was a lot to discover. She didn't know if it was because of her love-muddled mind, but it seemed to her like it wasn't usually that way when getting to know somebody. Nobody had ever really been that interesting before.
She wasn't sure if she could trust her own judgment either, since the intensity of her crush kept her floating on clouds 23 hours of the day.
One of the first things she discovered was that it was very hard for her to keep cheesy thoughts out of her head when Hyoyeon was around.
It was hard for her to believe that the summer was coming to an end soon, especially that day, when they first walked together to the bus station. Even though the leaves on all the trees were starting to yellow and the green grass seemed just about to die down, the sun was beaming. It was a very warm day, though with a lot of cold wind. As they walked along the roads, they had to call out to each other to make sure the other heard.
Despite the approaching autumn, Sooyoung felt like it was an unusually warm spring day, the first day of the season where you, however naively, are brave enough to exchange your winter jacket for your summer one. The start of something new.
As soon as that thought was created in Sooyoung's mind, she had to stop herself from starting to skip where she was walking. She had just given Hyoyeon her best impression of their very unique history teacher's voice, and Hyoyeon had had to stop and bend over in a fit of laughter. She had then given her own interpretation of the same teacher, which had Sooyoung grabbing on to her shoulder in an attempt to stop from falling into a ditch.
All in all, Sooyoung couldn't remember the last time she had been so happy.
She groaned and wiped tears of laughter out of the corner of her eyes. "That's brutal," she said, one hand on her aching stomach. "Just too funny."
"You're really good with impressions," Hyoyeon said, her eyes hidden behind her hand as she breathed deeply to calm down. "You're really funny. I'm jealous."
Sooyoung scoffed and slapped Hyoyeon's arm lightly, silently feeling like she might burst from the comment. "You shouldn't be jealous, you're really good yourself."
Hyoyeon wiped away the last traces of tears and looked down with a smile. "Speaking of things you're very good at," she started, raising her voice as another heavy wind caught up to them. "You said you were still writing music, right?"
Sooyoung sighed a little. "Yeah, I do," she called back, "but I'm not really that good. Actually I think I even used to be better." Her music was something that felt very personal to her, something she wouldn't easily let anyone hear. Unless, of course, Hyoyeon asked.
"How so?" the blond wondered, stumbling a little when the wind tried to pull her off the road. Sooyoung pretended she didn't want to put her arms around her waist to keep her steady.
"I suck at writing lyrics," she said instead, "but I love writing instrumental songs. It's a challenge to make them speak without words. I used to write songs with this guy, Siwon, but he moved away, like half-way across the country. He always wrote the lyrics for our songs." Truth to be told, her songs were usually only made up of simple piano comps, but that did not need to mentioned if the other girl was impressed by her, she thought.
"Really?" Hyoyeon began and paused as a car sped by them. "I think the lyrics are the easy part." Sooyoung stared at her, surprised. She wrote music too? "Composing is always so hard, I'm impressed that you think it's so easy." Hyoyeon smiled at her.
Sooyoung chuckled a little. Knowing Hyoyeon was also into music made it a lot harder for her to seem good - not that she wasn't confident about her own talent. "Don't be too impressed before you've heard me play," she warned. "So what instrument do you play?"
Hyoyeon smiled dejectedly. "The piano, but only a little bit. I'm actually really bad," she said, and hurried to continue when she saw Sooyoung was about to interrupt her, "also I tried the drums a while back. Great for getting your aggressions out." Sooyoung laughed. "What about you?"
"Well, I've played the piano since I was about 10, so I'm really bored with that." Hyoyeon scoffed at her. "No, I'm only joking, I love it. Also I play the guitar just a teeeeny tiiiiny bit, but piano is really my main instrument." When the initial intimidation of Hyoyeon's music skills melted away, Sooyoung felt her enthusiasm about both music and Hyoyeon rise up in her throat, and she hurried to ask: "What kind of lyrics do you write?"
The blond shrugged a bit, an embarrassed blush rising on her cheeks. "You know." Sooyoung just stared, and Hyoyeon laughed again. "I guess... I write about everything and nothing. You know... things that move me." She looked highly nervous, and Sooyoung couldn't help but feel how adorable it was.
"Ah," she said, nodding slowly, "maybe that's why I find it so hard."
"What do you mean?"
Sooyoung looked down with a half-hearted smile. "Maybe I find it hard to write lyrics because nothing has moved me for a long time." Her breath shook in her throat. She wasn't sure if it was because of the cold wind or something else.
"Really?" Hyoyeon said, apparently not at all bothered by Sooyoung's change of mood. "Then that needs to change." She looked straight into Sooyoung's eyes as they walked beside each other. The taller of the two felt her heart start beating faster at the eye contact.
"I'm sure it will."
Even though Sooyoung had tried to keep her pace slow, the bus station was still strategically placed only a few minutes away from the school, and they reached it all too soon. Sooyoung wanted to scream when they got there, wanting so badly to be around Hyoyeon just a while longer. Not really daring to ask the other girl to hang out, she decided to stay and wait for the bus with her.
"We're here," Hyoyeon stated tiredly as they sought protection from the storm in one of the bus shelters.
"I'll wait with you," Sooyoung hurried to say as Hyoyeon seemed to look at her expectantly. She suddenly wondered if that was the same look the blond would have at the end of a date, wondering if she would be kissed or invited in or just dismissed.
"Would you do that?" Hyoyeon asked, a glint of awe in her eyes. "It's really cold.”
As if to prove her point, the wind changed and blew straight into their shelter with full force. Sooyoung forced her hands down her jeans pocket and jumped up and down on the spot. "Well, when does the bus get here?" she asked with a laugh.
Hyoyeon smiled and turned around to look at a big clock above the black entrance to the waiting room. "In about 23 minutes," she said, looking guiltily at Sooyoung.
"23 minutes?!" The taller of the two repeated, seeing with her inner eye how her lips would turn blue before she'd come home. "But we'll freeze to death before then!"
"Sorry," Hyoyeon said, scratching her head, "I guess we are a bit early.”
Sooyoung stared at Hyoyeon's troubled features, and she thought she felt warm despite the wind. The cheesy thoughts had definitely taken a permanent residence in her head. "Do you see that big, beige castle over there?" She asked, turning around and pointing down the road. Hyoyeon followed her gaze, but saw only a beige apartment building. She frowned. "That's where I live," Sooyoung said proudly, and Hyoyeon laughed. "I think we should go," the younger suggested boldly. "It'll kill some time and you can get to meet all my people. You know, all my servants and stuff."
Hyoyeon laughed harder and reached out to slap Sooyoung on the arm. In the short time that they'd gone to the same school, she'd done that a lot, Sooyoung thought dimly. "You're crazy," Hyoyeon laughed.
"It's literally a 5 minute walk there, so you won't miss your bus, I promise," Sooyoung continued, trying to tone down the crazy and show she was actually serious. "What do you say?"
Hyoyeon's smile faded a little. "I don't know..." she mumbled, turning to look at the clock again.
"Please?" Sooyoung dared to beg. "You can even stay and take a later bus if you'd like." She ignored the part of her that wanted to say or you could stay the night, or a few days, or how about forever?
Hyoyeon looked into her eyes, her smile completely gone, and for a short moment Sooyoung was sure something was wrong, something was completely off and heading in a very wrong direction, a sense that made her think I'm about to get hurt. Alike the feeling of being close to falling, she had to fight off the urge to hold up her hands to protect herself.
"Let's go, but that's all I can promise," Hyoyeon said, the moment passed and she smiled again. The cold feeling dribbled down Sooyoung's spine and disappeared from her mind, but she would never fully forget it.
Having Hyoyeon by her side made her happy, but before she could push her other thoughts away, she was absently aware that no other pair of eyes had ever made her feel so many things in such a short moment.
"This is me," Sooyoung said happily as they stopped outside her apartment. "This is my castle."
Hyoyeon giggled, Sooyoung almost died. "It's very majestic."
"Isn't it?" the taller nodded. "I live here with my one faithful servant."
"Oh?" Hyoyeon said almost hesitantly.
"Aka, my mother."
Hyoyeon covered her face with her hands and laughed out loud. I made her laugh Sooyoung thought with a sting of excitement and did a mental dance of victory.
Hyoyeon eventually calmed down and stared at Sooyoung like she was mentally ill. "What about your dad?" she asked carefully, "does he not live here?"
Sooyoung shook her head. "No, I've never even met my dad. When I was little my mom used to tell me he was a superhero, so of course he couldn't spend time with us," she rambled before she could stop herself. Hyoyeon smiled sadly at her. "She's never told me exactly what happened, but at least I know better than the superhero story now."
"How can you be sure?" Hyoyeon asked, "he did leave you a castle after all." Sooyoung frowned at her for a second before understanding and bursting into laughter. It was all she could do. "My parents aren't together either," Hyoyeon said after a while, the tone of her voice changing. "I live with my dad. My mom moved out when I was 12, and they let me choose who I wanted to live with." Sooyoung listened intently as Hyoyeon shared something with her that seemed very hard for her to talk about, if her voice was any indication. "I think I chose to stay with my dad only to get back at my mom for separating our family." Hyoyeon looked down at her shoes, memories practically flashing by behind her eyes. "Worst decision I ever made, to be honest."
"Where's your mother now?" Sooyoung asked softly. Hyoyeon met her gaze for a short moment before bitterly looking away again.
"I haven't spoken to her in years, so I can't be sure."
Sooyoung nodded and looked down at the ground. Even though Hyoyeon's mother wasn't dead - not that she knew of anyway - she had still lost her somehow. She couldn't imagine what it must be like to lose a parent, because Sooyoung herself honestly never mourned her father in any way. She hadn't known him, she hadn't lost him. He had always been gone, superhero or not.
"So, would you like to come in for a while? I can give you the grand tour if you want," Sooyoung asked, trying to change the subject and get happy, laughing Hyoyeon back. The sadness in the girl's eyes as she stood fumbling with the zipper of her black jacket was making it hard for Sooyoung to breathe.
Hyoyeon took a deep breath, the sadness not going anywhere, and pulled out her phone from her pocket. "My father..." she mumbled, her eyes not leaving the display, "...he'll worry if I don't come home."
"Oh," Sooyoung said simply. She wanted to say but you have a cellphone, just call him, but she didn't want to appear too demanding, so she kept quiet.
"I don't think I should go in just for a minute either," Hyoyeon continued thoughtfully, looking up at Sooyoung. "I think if I did, then I would end up staying."
Sooyoung just blinked blankly at her, feeling her hands start to sweat. "Okay," she said, nodding, but burning with need to make Hyoyeon happy again. "I'll walk you back to the station," she said, keeping the disappointment out of her voice as good as she could. Her stomach turned when Hyoyeon shook her head.
"It's okay, I have a lot to think about on the way," she said, attempting a smile that looked all too fake in Sooyoung's eyes. "Also, like you said, it's not a very long walk."
"A-are you sure?" the taller stuttered. The feeling that something was going horribly wrong came crashing back.
"Yeah," Hyoyeon nodded and took a step backwards on the gravel. "I'll see you tomorrow, right? Maybe we can take this walk again." Sooyoung nodded quickly, not being able to stop her worry from showing.
"Hyoyeon, is everything okay?" she asked before she knew what she was doing. Hyoyeon nodded.
"Yeah. I wish you were a senior too, though. Or that I was a junior."
Sooyoung's throat went dry. "Me, too," she mumbled, wondering what was actually going on with her and all her senses. What was Hyoyeon doing to her?
"Bye for now, Soo," the blond said. Sooyoung didn't know if she said it back, but the other girl soon turned around and walked towards the bus station, her blond hair whipping about madly in the wind. Sooyoung remained where she was standing for a minute, wondering if the other girl would look over her shoulder or turn around, but she never did.
“Hey, Hyo…” she said before she had gone too far.
“Yeah?” Hyoyeon stopped and turned around, her hair playing in the wind. Sooyoung thought it looked almost like they were under water.
“Maybe we can collaborate sometime… Since you’re good with lyrics, and I’m good with music. Maybe we can write a song.” Sooyoung’s lips felt numb.
Hyoyeon gave a small smile. “Maybe.”
Sooyoung stood staring at the stairway for a long time after she walked in the door. A small beginning of a chaos was about to spread over her mind, a chaos that was pure Kim Hyoyeon. What was it about that girl?
And should she ask her out? she wondered. That had always been goal one the countless of times she'd had a crush on anybody; step #1: get them to ask you on a date. Sadly, for Sooyoung the first date meant that the fun would soon be over. She was close to winning her date's heart, which meant she would soon grow tired of their company.
But she suspected it was a little different when it came to Hyoyeon. She didn't think there was a chance in the world that the other girl would ask her out - did people even really do that anymore anyway?
And what was it that made Hyoyeon so sad? Was it the loss of her mother, or was it something else? Why didn't she want to see Sooyoung's home from the inside, why didn't she want to stay? Was Sooyoung being clingy?
Not until that thought struck her did she notice that her heart was beating heavily in her chest, so heavily it almost hurt. She took a deep breath and made her way up the stairs to her mother's apartment. Never before had she felt so obsessed with somebody. It was pretty exciting.
Tumblr & Twitter
I'll rephrase, you guys: comments are very, VERY much loved and worshipped. ^^
Chapter 5: "You were acting like a crazy person today."
Pairing: Yulsic, Taeny, Hyoyoung, 2 more to be revealed
Rating: G - NC-17
Genre: Drama, romance, angst, high school AU
Summary: The struggle is different for everyone; we all take different measures to deal with our problems. Friendships are created and tossed upside down, love is found, love is lost, and trust is formed and betrayed as these nine girls find their places in each other's lives.
Chapter wordcount: 7,214
Prologue
Chapter 1: "Would you have said paranoid or socially retarded, I would have done a dance of joy."
Chapter 2: "Line 49 for homo- and bisexual youngsters."
Chapter 3: "Do you know what kind of relationship Jessica and Yuri share?"
Sungmin stared absent-mindedly out a window where he stood in a relatively empty corridor. He was scared. He was scared without Yoona, even though he'd probably never want to admit it to anyone, maybe not even himself. He'd gone almost the entire first week now and only had people insult him four times on the rare moment when he was alone, and not a single time with Yoona by his side.
He wasn't sure why that was. Most of the people that tormented him were boys, and it seemed very off to him that they'd keep quiet because of a girl.
Just as weird as it was that he didn't feel safe without her. Like he was an easy target, a wounded zebra walking around a pack of lions. Yes, the people of the school were definitely lions, he thought.
Needless to say, he wasn't paying attention when he turned around, deciding that maybe Yoona wasn't gonna turn up. He'd been out of class for a good 20 minutes already and he hadn't seen a trace of her, so she was probably breaking the unspoken rule that she always came to find him so that he could move freely and safely around the school.
He only took a few steps, still with his gaze fixed out the window, before he walked straight into somebody, somebody much taller and probably stronger than him.
"Sorry," he mumbled without looking up. He waited for the person in front of him to move away to walk past him, but they seemed unwilling to move. Feeling the first cold sting of anxiety, Sungmin tried to walk around whoever it was, but they blocked the way. Sungmin looked up slowly. His breath quivered.
"Could you move, please?" he asked (he absolutely did not beg), and stared the boy in the face. Brown hair, pathetic excuse for pubertal beard, clean skin with no sign of pimples, and a very unfriendly smile on his lips. Sungmin exhaled.
"How can someone be so fucking ugly?" the boy said, ignoring Sungmin's request entirely. Sungmin felt redness already threatening to creep up on his cheeks, and he made to walk around the boy - who, he now realized, had been on his back before. He never really tried to remember their faces.
He barely took two steps before the boy caught a hold of his hand and pulled him back, not letting go when Sungmin was back where he was standing. "Let go of me," Sungmin said, and he managed to not sound too weak.
Again, the boy ignored him, and looked down at Sungmin's hand. "What is this shit?" he questioned, pulling at Sungmin's fingerless black glove. "Why would you wear stuff like this? You look like a fucking vampire." Sungmin struggled to pull his arm back and winced when heard the seams rip. In a moment of weakness and hope he looked past the nameless boy down the corridor, past people who stared in wonder, people who didn't notice, and he wished he could see Yoona come towards him, angel-like, like she had come back into his life to save him. He was sure that must be the reason they had been reunited. What had he ever done to deserve this?
The boy pulled the glove off him, turned it over in his hand and frowned at it. "Why do you wanna look like a fucking corpse?" he asked, throwing the glove over his shoulder. Sungmin watched blankly as it landed on top of a locker a few meters away. As the boy had let go of him when he pulled the glove off, Sungmin saw his chance, and hurried to turn around and walk the opposite way. Even though he already knew it lead to a dead end, anywhere was better than where he was right then.
"Answer me, faggot!" the boy called and grabbed Sungmin's arm.
"Would you fucking let go of me," he hissed back, and before he could blink he was pushed back against a locker, his back hit it with such intensity that he lost his breath, and in that moment Yoona was gone from his mind, from all of his senses. He was alone.
He didn't get a chance to fill his lungs back up with air before the boy leaned in close to him. He dragged his finger under Sungmin's eye, smudging out the black eyeliner towards his long hair. "Look, what is this shit?" he said, holding up his finger for Sungmin to see. "Makeup is for girls, you fag. Are you a girl?" He pushed his finger into Sungmin's cheek, wiping off the makeup he had erased. "Are you? Are you a girl?" Sungmin turned his head away and winced at the pain.
"Do you... have such a low life that you have to get into mine?" he asked, feeling how stupid, so, so amazingly stupid he was for talking back in a situation like this, with the unknown boy's lower arm pressing from his one shoulder to the other, pushing him steadily into the lockers behind him. His voice was shaking. He knew he wasn't fooling anybody, least of all himself, anything about bravery.
He was terrified. There was not a hope of a solution in his body.
The boy removed his hand from his face, wiped his finger on Sungmin's black shirt, and started digging for something in his pocket.
A knife, a gun, a scalpel, a hammer, fuck what if it's a grenade Sungmin had time to think, almost aware that the few people in the corridor were now watching them but not with a single hope that anyone would respond if he called for help, and then the boy's hand appeared in front of his face again and it was holding a lighter.
Sungmin stared at the boy's face. It was full of concentration. Once, the boy clicked the lighter, sparkles flew and the sudden and momentary light burned his eyes. Twice, the hand was shaking from the adrenaline pumping through his body, and are you nervous? Sungmin thought, momentarily consumed by malicious pleasure but not comforted in the slightest, and then a short flame rose.
The boy watched it for a second before his gaze found Sungmin's horrified face, his eyes widening slightly. Maybe it was a challenge. You, boy, with the long hair and girly makeup, which of us is man enough to survive the fire?
And then the boy lowered his hand, the fire danced, and he moved the lighter towards the tips of Sungmin's jaw-long hair. Sungmin jerked back as if burned with an iron, a scream bubbling up through his throat but remaining there as a dark, vibrating motor-like sound. His hair swung from his movements, swept through the flame for a short second, definitely not enough to catch on fire but the tips turned upwards and Sungmin struggled stronger than he had ever done before, uselessly squirming in the stranger's iron grip.
"Fucking stay still, it's just about to get fun."
Sungmin didn't know it then, but those were the words that would haunt him for the rest of his life. Not knowing if his panic brought him over the edge, or if it abandoned him completely, he relaxed. He stopped squirming. And the boy clicked the lighter once again, a new flame rose easily, and he brought it back up to Sungmin's hair. Sungmin leaned his cheek against the locker behind him, a tearless sob escaping his closed lips and no tears poured out between closed eyelids. He wasn't afraid anymore.
He could feel the harsh, repulsive smell of burnt hair, the boy let go of him, a sharp blistering pain bit at his jaw where his hair met his skin, and without the support of the boy's arm, Sungmin slid down the locker and hit the floor. As if watching himself through a magnifying glass, he saw his own still gloved hand reach up and close his fingers around the tip of his hair.
The fire went out without a sound, and then a thin stream of smoke rose in front of his eyes. He didn't know if he was imagining it. It didn't matter. The fire was out.
He remained on the floor, and looked up slowly to see the boy still standing there, looking down at him. There was something in his face that made Sungmin's mind spark back to life. Was it really regret? Was he looking down on him with a pity that wasn't by any means evil?
"Move out of the way, I need to get into my locker."
Sungmin didn't know even afterwards, but that was probably the moment he lost the last of his naïveté.
"...and then you just go back, and multiply this... with this, and ooh, there's your answer!" Seohyun smiled brightly at Yoona from beside her, her fingers pressed against two different spots in Yoona's book. "Get it?" she asked, still beaming.
Yoona was so surprised by the other girls' enthusiasm that she burst out laughing. "No, I'm afraid you're gonna have to tell me that one again. And a little bit slower, please."
Math was horrible, boring, it burned her brains out, and she kind of didn't want to admit it, but Seohyun was starting to make her feel very enthusiastic about it.
"Okay," Seohyun said, pulling her arms back and taking a deep breath to prepare herself. "See, you start by taking this..." and that was really all that Yoona could catch before her brain went into admire-Seohyun's-pretty-hands mode. Her hands were pale with long fingers and well-trimmed nails, and moved with a kind of elegance that Yoona was not familiar with. Come to think of it, all of Seohyun was like that, she thought, and stiffened when the other girl's long, dark hair brushed against her shoulder. All of her movements flowed softly and appeared slow, even when they were moving fast, as if she was always dancing. It made Yoona feel slightly light-headed.
"And so, you just divide it with this," Seohyun said, and Yoona woke up enough to look at the number Seohyun circled on the page, "and then comes the big finish. Are you with me?"
"Yes, definitely," Yoona said and nodded a little too enthusiastically. Her neck ached.
"So, you take the sum of this, and multiply it with this," Seohyun repeated once more. "And that's your answer." Yoona nodded in surprise. She actually got it. "See, it's not as hard as you thought, it is?"
"It's not that the math is easy," Yoona said, "it's that you're a good teacher."
Seohyun waved her hand at her, but Yoona could see the slightest hint of a blush on her cheeks. She wondered how often Seohyun got complimented. Though it didn't seem like it, she hoped it was often.
"You were the one who had to do the real thinking here," the younger of the two disagreed, "I can't do that for you." Yoona smiled, embarrassed yet unable to argue with the other girl. "Would you like to do the next part as well, while we're at it?" Seohyun suggested happily.
As much as Yoona wanted to stay around the other girl, her head felt heavy with everything she had learned. For some reason, though, she didn't want Seohyun to leave yet. Torn between wanting to keep her head and keeping Seohyun beside her, she sighed a little. "I think I've had all the math I can take for one day," she then said. Seohyun nodded, immediately closing the books in front of them.
Yoona waited in silence. Now that the math subject was over, she didn't really know what to say. She usually wasn't much of a talkative person unless she was approached, and Seohyun seemed no better, judging by how she was leaning back and staring at the door. Yoona swallowed heavily.
"I wanted to ask you..." she mumbled, suddenly feeling very nervous as she was about to interfere with Seohyun's personal life. Seohyun looked back at her with sincere interest. "I... I couldn't help but notice you were alone... earlier." Yoona mentally slapped herself as the other girl's expression immediately hardened.
"Yeah," Seohyun said slowly. Her gaze flickered between Yoona's face and hands, which lay anxiously intertwined on the table. Yoona felt as she was being judged, measured on level of trustworthiness, and like she could do nothing but wait for the results. She smiled sadly and tried not to look too patronizing. "I guess so."
"Are you always alone? I know it's none of my business," Yoona said, comforted by how Seohyun didn't ask her to go to hell or throw pens at her.
"No, I mean, in my year maybe," Seohyun replied, suddenly appearing to be very keen not to meet Yoona's eyes. "But you know I have Sunny, Taeyeon and Sooyoung... and now, it seems, Tiffany." Yoona smiled; she should have known. Seohyun was someone who was sure to spark Tiffany's motherly instincts in the blink of an eye. She seemed so innocent that Yoona herself couldn't deny the careful want to protect her.
"How come you're alone in your year?" Yoona asked after a short pause. She knew that if there was a question that would make Seohyun tell her to mind her own business, it was that one. But she really couldn't help herself, it really made her curious.
Seohyun didn't respond, but brought up her index finger to her mouth and started chewing on the side of her nail. Yoona wished she could tell her to not be nervous, but she knew there was no point, so instead she said: "You don't have to answer if you don't want to." Seohyun continued chewing on her nail for a few seconds before looking over her shoulder.
"It's okay, but there's no point in staying here, right? Let's go."
Seohyun stood up, and Yoona stared blankly at her at first. Was that Seohyun's own unique way of telling her off? The youngest picked up both of their books, held them to her chest and stared down at Yoona. Her eyes seemed to say aren't you coming? so Yoona stood up, hesitantly.
"I don't know why it's like this," Seohyun began as they walked together towards the library's exit. "I have always had problems making friends." They had buried themselves deep within the library, and quite frankly, if Seohyun wasn't there, Yoona would have been a little frightened of getting lost. Sooyoung had told her earlier that the school had practically remade the entire library to prepare for the schools coming together, and they really had spared no expense on the bookshelves, Yoona thought. They might as well be at Hogwarts.
Shoving that pleasant thought aside, she returned to a less fun reality.
"Sunny and I have ballet training once a week. We met there when we were really young. I was... something of an outsider back then, too, and Sunny... well, she's a little different," Seohyun told her with an affectionate smile. "She gave me a chance when no one else did. I got to know Taeyeon and Sooyoung through her, so it's thanks to her that I have any friends at all."
The love Seohyun held for Sunny and her friends was heard clearly in her voice. Yoona smiled at her as they slowly approached the exit. "She sounds cool. Sunny."
"She's the coolest," Seohyun agreed. "She's so different and more mature than other people our age." Yoona glanced at the other girl, an unidentified feeling brewing in her stomach. I could be that for you she thought, and frowned at herself. "While other people have been giving me weird looks, she's done nothing give me loving ones," Seohyun continued, unaware of Yoona's minor confusion. "Well, almost," she mumbled.
They reached the exit, and when Seohyun pushed the door open, they both came to an immediate halt. Sunny and Jessica were walking on opposite sides of the corridor outside, screaming bloody murder at each other. Yoona and Seohyun immediately stepped outside and let the door close and block out all the noise from entering the library.
"... If you could have just minded your own business, this would not have happened!" Jessica yelled, the strength of her screaming causing her to bend over slightly.
"How many times do I have to tell you?!" Sunny yelled back with matching intensity, "I was trying to keep you out of trouble! If you could have just responded like a normal human being, we would have been fine now!"
Seohyun slid one of her hands under the books she held up to her chest, covering her heart. "Sunny," she said in exasperation, like a mother who catches her child swearing. Sunny spun around and looked at her, but only responded with a nod.
"Yes, and look how well that one worked out! I told you, I don't need a babysitter, especially not you!" Jessica threw back across the corridor. Sunny stood fuming on the spot, her anger leaving her unable to speak.
"Jessica... guys... Jesus Christ, calm down," Yoona said, contemplating whether or not she should walk out between the two in case of an oncoming catfight. After catching the look in Jessica's eyes, she decided she was a little too fond of her hair to have it ripped off her skull.
"You know what, just worry about yourself from now on, okay?" Jessica yelled in a slightly lower volume and pitch, seemingly realizing they were in an actual public place. "Just worry about yourself and stay the hell out of my life."
Yoona's mouth fell open as Jessica stormed right past them and round a corner. Barred a few wrestling matches between Jessica and Yuri over insignificant things, she had never seen her friend so mad and openly yelling at somebody like that. She thought Jessica was normally a very timid being, kind and fearless. She didn't even want to imagine what could have happened between her and Sunny to make her so mad.
"Sunny, what in the world happened?" Seohyun asked, wording the question Yoona didn't want to ask.
Sunny turned around and faced them slowly, her eyebrows far up on her forehead and her mouth pulled out into a straight line. "Just... just..." she stuttered, before giving off a high pitched noise of frustration and stumbling off in the opposite direction that Jessica disappeared towards.
"O-okay," Seohyun said uncertainly as the sounds of Sunny's steps faded away, "seems like she wasn't up for talking right now." They looked at each other, and Seohyun's eyes were big and wide open. Also strangely pretty, Yoona thought. "I should probably go find her and calm her down," the younger continued slowly, as if the thought was everything but appealing to her. "Do you want to come with me?"
Yoona thought for a moment. "I should probably go find Sungmin," she said, and she realized it almost as the words passed her lips. She had left him alone the entire lunch break, when she knew what usually happened to him alone in school. She was just about to scold herself for her stupidity when she once again looked into Seohyun's eyes, and all other thoughts were washed away. It seemed like it had taken her a while, but once she realized the beauty they held, it was impossible to think of anything else.
"Ah... okay," Seohyun said with a slight nod and a sense of something that Yoona couldn't quite pinpoint. "I'll see you around then," she stated with a hint of a question in her voice as she backed away from Yoona, down the corridor where Sunny had ran off.
"Of course," Yoona relied and watched as the other girl's eyes became a little happier. She wanted to say something clichéd and cheesy that held promise of future friendship, but Seohyun had already turned around and started jogging down the corridor to find Sunny.
Yoona turned around, stared at the people in the library and sighed. She didn't know why, but she felt it was important to will herself not to think. Not right now.
Now where could Sungmin be?
Sooyoung walked slowly in search of the senior girls' lockers, as if every step made her think twice about seeking them out. She was in the state of a sort of unaware thinking process, every thought of which made her want to turn and run the other way.
It wasn't the first time her credulity made her feel pathetic - at least she hoped it was credulity. Something warm and fuzzy in the areas around her heart that made her fall head over heels practically as soon as she met somebody new, making her spend every waking minute thinking of the person in question and figuring out ways to impress and win them over, until finally she won their heart and all interest just flew out the window.
Pathetic, yes, indeed, she thought. What was more was that she never learned, but allowed the feeling to swoop her away time after time, leaving traces of brief, broken relationships behind her in piles. She allowed it to happen, even though she was aware of her inability to learn. She didn't even know why; did it really feel so good to be in love? Even more, did it really feel so good to believe you were in love, and then find out that maybe, when everything was said and done, it was only about a need for attention?
So, she thought as she took another few hesitant steps through the corridor, am I really doing this again? Her plan to ask Hyoyeon for help with math had already formed, and a thousand different scenarios of what might happen when they were alone were already playing out in her mind.
None of which she'd want to share with anybody else, of course.
With every step, it seemed like she became more and more aware that she should not be thinking about Hyoyeon so much and in this way. What it came down to was that even though Sooyoung didn't want it to happen, she would probably lose interest in Hyoyeon once - well, if she won her heart. It was a horrible, cringe-worthy thought, and it was not at all the kind of person Sooyoung wanted to be. What she least of all wanted was to hurt the other girl.
There she was, aware of all her shortcomings but lacking the self-control to just stay away.
And despite all her internal chaos, a big, goofy smile still plastered itself on her face when she walked up to the group, and Hyoyeon was the first to look up and smile at her. The girls were standing in a circle, and Tiffany and Yuri, who were standing to Hyoyeon's right, gave her a little wave a few seconds later. She returned it while trying not to look too enthusiastic and stood between Hyoyeon and Taeyeon.
It took a while for her brain to realize it in Hyoyeon's presence, but eventually she noticed that the shortest of the girls was missing.
"Where's Sunny?" she asked, noting that Taeyeon looked more stressed out than usual.
"Her and Jessica got into a fight," Yuri replied immediately, and Sooyoung felt like it was as if to remind her of Jessica's existence in the group. How dare you forget about her?
"A fight?" Sooyoung said, surprised. Despite her own and Sunny's never-ending bickering, she could never imagine the other girl getting into a real fight with someone. "A real fight? With like claws and stuff?"
Hyoyeon laughed at her, and Sooyoung's stomach warmed up. "No claws," she smiled, "but it was rather terrifying."
"I've never seen Jessica like that," Yuri said thoughtfully, and Tiffany sent her a questioning look. "Well, I mean, I've never seen Jessica like that with anyone other than me," Yuri corrected herself, and Tiffany nodded.
"Well, so, what happened?" Sooyoung asked, curiosity getting the better of her.
"Jessica fell asleep in class, Sunny woke her up and Jessica basically clawed her eyes out," Yuri said. "She gets a bit moody when she's tired, but I really have no idea what happened in there."
Sooyoung widened her eyes and gave Hyoyeon a stare. "Lesson learned," she said, "will definitely not be waking Jessica up anytime soon." Hyoyeon giggled again and gave Sooyoung's arm a light slap that almost sent the taller of the two flying off into the corridor.
"Seohyun came around earlier," Taeyeon said, and Sooyoung was almost surprised to hear her talk. "She said Sunny is totally furious." Sooyoung tried and failed to imagine Sunny furious. "If those two can't work it out, I think we have a problem," Taeyeon said, glaring worriedly at Sooyoung.
"I'm sure Jessica will come to her senses soon," Tiffany replied with a smile in Taeyeon's direction. "She's not an idiot. She will probably be feeling very guilty later tonight."
Yuri nodded. "I'm going to her place after school, I'll talk to her," she said, her voice firm and responsible. Sooyoung felt slightly intimidated.
However it was quickly forgotten when Hyoyeon turned to her with an ambiguous smile. "I should probably get going to the bus station," she announced.
Sooyoung's stomach turned. "I'll walk you there," she hurried, stumbling over her words. Hyoyeon looked at her in surprise. "...I live nearby," Sooyoung added pathetically as explanation.
"Okay, sure," Hyoyeon smiled, her gaze not leaving Sooyoung's face. "So, should we go?"
Sooyoung's heart sped up with a frightening speed. When she didn't think she could speak, she just nodded and held out her hand, motioning for Hyoyeon to go first.
"See you tomorrow," Hyoyeon said to Tiffany, Yuri and Taeyeon who all looked a bit perplexed. Sooyoung nodded in agreement, and followed Hyoyeon as she started walking away. Looking over her shoulder, Taeyeon gave her an all too knowing look, to which Sooyoung responded with a wave and an exaggerated smile, not wanting to accept the fact that her best friend probably knew her heart better than she did herself.
But that was a thought for another time. Now, she was about to have a five minute walk alone with Hyoyeon, and that thought alone was enough to turn her legs into jelly.
Yoona found Sungmin just as he came out of a bathroom.
"There you are," she said in relief as soon as she saw him. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"
"Not the men's room," Sungmin replied blankly and pointed with his thumb over his shoulder.
Yoona might have laughed, but she noticed something was wrong. "I'm sorry I didn't come find you earlier. Are you okay?"
Sungmin had cut off the burnt part of his hair in the bathroom, but it was still long enough to cover the brand on his jaw. "Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go home."
Sooyoung soon realized that with Hyoyeon, there was a lot to discover. She didn't know if it was because of her love-muddled mind, but it seemed to her like it wasn't usually that way when getting to know somebody. Nobody had ever really been that interesting before.
She wasn't sure if she could trust her own judgment either, since the intensity of her crush kept her floating on clouds 23 hours of the day.
One of the first things she discovered was that it was very hard for her to keep cheesy thoughts out of her head when Hyoyeon was around.
It was hard for her to believe that the summer was coming to an end soon, especially that day, when they first walked together to the bus station. Even though the leaves on all the trees were starting to yellow and the green grass seemed just about to die down, the sun was beaming. It was a very warm day, though with a lot of cold wind. As they walked along the roads, they had to call out to each other to make sure the other heard.
Despite the approaching autumn, Sooyoung felt like it was an unusually warm spring day, the first day of the season where you, however naively, are brave enough to exchange your winter jacket for your summer one. The start of something new.
As soon as that thought was created in Sooyoung's mind, she had to stop herself from starting to skip where she was walking. She had just given Hyoyeon her best impression of their very unique history teacher's voice, and Hyoyeon had had to stop and bend over in a fit of laughter. She had then given her own interpretation of the same teacher, which had Sooyoung grabbing on to her shoulder in an attempt to stop from falling into a ditch.
All in all, Sooyoung couldn't remember the last time she had been so happy.
She groaned and wiped tears of laughter out of the corner of her eyes. "That's brutal," she said, one hand on her aching stomach. "Just too funny."
"You're really good with impressions," Hyoyeon said, her eyes hidden behind her hand as she breathed deeply to calm down. "You're really funny. I'm jealous."
Sooyoung scoffed and slapped Hyoyeon's arm lightly, silently feeling like she might burst from the comment. "You shouldn't be jealous, you're really good yourself."
Hyoyeon wiped away the last traces of tears and looked down with a smile. "Speaking of things you're very good at," she started, raising her voice as another heavy wind caught up to them. "You said you were still writing music, right?"
Sooyoung sighed a little. "Yeah, I do," she called back, "but I'm not really that good. Actually I think I even used to be better." Her music was something that felt very personal to her, something she wouldn't easily let anyone hear. Unless, of course, Hyoyeon asked.
"How so?" the blond wondered, stumbling a little when the wind tried to pull her off the road. Sooyoung pretended she didn't want to put her arms around her waist to keep her steady.
"I suck at writing lyrics," she said instead, "but I love writing instrumental songs. It's a challenge to make them speak without words. I used to write songs with this guy, Siwon, but he moved away, like half-way across the country. He always wrote the lyrics for our songs." Truth to be told, her songs were usually only made up of simple piano comps, but that did not need to mentioned if the other girl was impressed by her, she thought.
"Really?" Hyoyeon began and paused as a car sped by them. "I think the lyrics are the easy part." Sooyoung stared at her, surprised. She wrote music too? "Composing is always so hard, I'm impressed that you think it's so easy." Hyoyeon smiled at her.
Sooyoung chuckled a little. Knowing Hyoyeon was also into music made it a lot harder for her to seem good - not that she wasn't confident about her own talent. "Don't be too impressed before you've heard me play," she warned. "So what instrument do you play?"
Hyoyeon smiled dejectedly. "The piano, but only a little bit. I'm actually really bad," she said, and hurried to continue when she saw Sooyoung was about to interrupt her, "also I tried the drums a while back. Great for getting your aggressions out." Sooyoung laughed. "What about you?"
"Well, I've played the piano since I was about 10, so I'm really bored with that." Hyoyeon scoffed at her. "No, I'm only joking, I love it. Also I play the guitar just a teeeeny tiiiiny bit, but piano is really my main instrument." When the initial intimidation of Hyoyeon's music skills melted away, Sooyoung felt her enthusiasm about both music and Hyoyeon rise up in her throat, and she hurried to ask: "What kind of lyrics do you write?"
The blond shrugged a bit, an embarrassed blush rising on her cheeks. "You know." Sooyoung just stared, and Hyoyeon laughed again. "I guess... I write about everything and nothing. You know... things that move me." She looked highly nervous, and Sooyoung couldn't help but feel how adorable it was.
"Ah," she said, nodding slowly, "maybe that's why I find it so hard."
"What do you mean?"
Sooyoung looked down with a half-hearted smile. "Maybe I find it hard to write lyrics because nothing has moved me for a long time." Her breath shook in her throat. She wasn't sure if it was because of the cold wind or something else.
"Really?" Hyoyeon said, apparently not at all bothered by Sooyoung's change of mood. "Then that needs to change." She looked straight into Sooyoung's eyes as they walked beside each other. The taller of the two felt her heart start beating faster at the eye contact.
"I'm sure it will."
Even though Sooyoung had tried to keep her pace slow, the bus station was still strategically placed only a few minutes away from the school, and they reached it all too soon. Sooyoung wanted to scream when they got there, wanting so badly to be around Hyoyeon just a while longer. Not really daring to ask the other girl to hang out, she decided to stay and wait for the bus with her.
"We're here," Hyoyeon stated tiredly as they sought protection from the storm in one of the bus shelters.
"I'll wait with you," Sooyoung hurried to say as Hyoyeon seemed to look at her expectantly. She suddenly wondered if that was the same look the blond would have at the end of a date, wondering if she would be kissed or invited in or just dismissed.
"Would you do that?" Hyoyeon asked, a glint of awe in her eyes. "It's really cold.”
As if to prove her point, the wind changed and blew straight into their shelter with full force. Sooyoung forced her hands down her jeans pocket and jumped up and down on the spot. "Well, when does the bus get here?" she asked with a laugh.
Hyoyeon smiled and turned around to look at a big clock above the black entrance to the waiting room. "In about 23 minutes," she said, looking guiltily at Sooyoung.
"23 minutes?!" The taller of the two repeated, seeing with her inner eye how her lips would turn blue before she'd come home. "But we'll freeze to death before then!"
"Sorry," Hyoyeon said, scratching her head, "I guess we are a bit early.”
Sooyoung stared at Hyoyeon's troubled features, and she thought she felt warm despite the wind. The cheesy thoughts had definitely taken a permanent residence in her head. "Do you see that big, beige castle over there?" She asked, turning around and pointing down the road. Hyoyeon followed her gaze, but saw only a beige apartment building. She frowned. "That's where I live," Sooyoung said proudly, and Hyoyeon laughed. "I think we should go," the younger suggested boldly. "It'll kill some time and you can get to meet all my people. You know, all my servants and stuff."
Hyoyeon laughed harder and reached out to slap Sooyoung on the arm. In the short time that they'd gone to the same school, she'd done that a lot, Sooyoung thought dimly. "You're crazy," Hyoyeon laughed.
"It's literally a 5 minute walk there, so you won't miss your bus, I promise," Sooyoung continued, trying to tone down the crazy and show she was actually serious. "What do you say?"
Hyoyeon's smile faded a little. "I don't know..." she mumbled, turning to look at the clock again.
"Please?" Sooyoung dared to beg. "You can even stay and take a later bus if you'd like." She ignored the part of her that wanted to say or you could stay the night, or a few days, or how about forever?
Hyoyeon looked into her eyes, her smile completely gone, and for a short moment Sooyoung was sure something was wrong, something was completely off and heading in a very wrong direction, a sense that made her think I'm about to get hurt. Alike the feeling of being close to falling, she had to fight off the urge to hold up her hands to protect herself.
"Let's go, but that's all I can promise," Hyoyeon said, the moment passed and she smiled again. The cold feeling dribbled down Sooyoung's spine and disappeared from her mind, but she would never fully forget it.
Having Hyoyeon by her side made her happy, but before she could push her other thoughts away, she was absently aware that no other pair of eyes had ever made her feel so many things in such a short moment.
"This is me," Sooyoung said happily as they stopped outside her apartment. "This is my castle."
Hyoyeon giggled, Sooyoung almost died. "It's very majestic."
"Isn't it?" the taller nodded. "I live here with my one faithful servant."
"Oh?" Hyoyeon said almost hesitantly.
"Aka, my mother."
Hyoyeon covered her face with her hands and laughed out loud. I made her laugh Sooyoung thought with a sting of excitement and did a mental dance of victory.
Hyoyeon eventually calmed down and stared at Sooyoung like she was mentally ill. "What about your dad?" she asked carefully, "does he not live here?"
Sooyoung shook her head. "No, I've never even met my dad. When I was little my mom used to tell me he was a superhero, so of course he couldn't spend time with us," she rambled before she could stop herself. Hyoyeon smiled sadly at her. "She's never told me exactly what happened, but at least I know better than the superhero story now."
"How can you be sure?" Hyoyeon asked, "he did leave you a castle after all." Sooyoung frowned at her for a second before understanding and bursting into laughter. It was all she could do. "My parents aren't together either," Hyoyeon said after a while, the tone of her voice changing. "I live with my dad. My mom moved out when I was 12, and they let me choose who I wanted to live with." Sooyoung listened intently as Hyoyeon shared something with her that seemed very hard for her to talk about, if her voice was any indication. "I think I chose to stay with my dad only to get back at my mom for separating our family." Hyoyeon looked down at her shoes, memories practically flashing by behind her eyes. "Worst decision I ever made, to be honest."
"Where's your mother now?" Sooyoung asked softly. Hyoyeon met her gaze for a short moment before bitterly looking away again.
"I haven't spoken to her in years, so I can't be sure."
Sooyoung nodded and looked down at the ground. Even though Hyoyeon's mother wasn't dead - not that she knew of anyway - she had still lost her somehow. She couldn't imagine what it must be like to lose a parent, because Sooyoung herself honestly never mourned her father in any way. She hadn't known him, she hadn't lost him. He had always been gone, superhero or not.
"So, would you like to come in for a while? I can give you the grand tour if you want," Sooyoung asked, trying to change the subject and get happy, laughing Hyoyeon back. The sadness in the girl's eyes as she stood fumbling with the zipper of her black jacket was making it hard for Sooyoung to breathe.
Hyoyeon took a deep breath, the sadness not going anywhere, and pulled out her phone from her pocket. "My father..." she mumbled, her eyes not leaving the display, "...he'll worry if I don't come home."
"Oh," Sooyoung said simply. She wanted to say but you have a cellphone, just call him, but she didn't want to appear too demanding, so she kept quiet.
"I don't think I should go in just for a minute either," Hyoyeon continued thoughtfully, looking up at Sooyoung. "I think if I did, then I would end up staying."
Sooyoung just blinked blankly at her, feeling her hands start to sweat. "Okay," she said, nodding, but burning with need to make Hyoyeon happy again. "I'll walk you back to the station," she said, keeping the disappointment out of her voice as good as she could. Her stomach turned when Hyoyeon shook her head.
"It's okay, I have a lot to think about on the way," she said, attempting a smile that looked all too fake in Sooyoung's eyes. "Also, like you said, it's not a very long walk."
"A-are you sure?" the taller stuttered. The feeling that something was going horribly wrong came crashing back.
"Yeah," Hyoyeon nodded and took a step backwards on the gravel. "I'll see you tomorrow, right? Maybe we can take this walk again." Sooyoung nodded quickly, not being able to stop her worry from showing.
"Hyoyeon, is everything okay?" she asked before she knew what she was doing. Hyoyeon nodded.
"Yeah. I wish you were a senior too, though. Or that I was a junior."
Sooyoung's throat went dry. "Me, too," she mumbled, wondering what was actually going on with her and all her senses. What was Hyoyeon doing to her?
"Bye for now, Soo," the blond said. Sooyoung didn't know if she said it back, but the other girl soon turned around and walked towards the bus station, her blond hair whipping about madly in the wind. Sooyoung remained where she was standing for a minute, wondering if the other girl would look over her shoulder or turn around, but she never did.
“Hey, Hyo…” she said before she had gone too far.
“Yeah?” Hyoyeon stopped and turned around, her hair playing in the wind. Sooyoung thought it looked almost like they were under water.
“Maybe we can collaborate sometime… Since you’re good with lyrics, and I’m good with music. Maybe we can write a song.” Sooyoung’s lips felt numb.
Hyoyeon gave a small smile. “Maybe.”
Sooyoung stood staring at the stairway for a long time after she walked in the door. A small beginning of a chaos was about to spread over her mind, a chaos that was pure Kim Hyoyeon. What was it about that girl?
And should she ask her out? she wondered. That had always been goal one the countless of times she'd had a crush on anybody; step #1: get them to ask you on a date. Sadly, for Sooyoung the first date meant that the fun would soon be over. She was close to winning her date's heart, which meant she would soon grow tired of their company.
But she suspected it was a little different when it came to Hyoyeon. She didn't think there was a chance in the world that the other girl would ask her out - did people even really do that anymore anyway?
And what was it that made Hyoyeon so sad? Was it the loss of her mother, or was it something else? Why didn't she want to see Sooyoung's home from the inside, why didn't she want to stay? Was Sooyoung being clingy?
Not until that thought struck her did she notice that her heart was beating heavily in her chest, so heavily it almost hurt. She took a deep breath and made her way up the stairs to her mother's apartment. Never before had she felt so obsessed with somebody. It was pretty exciting.
Tumblr & Twitter
I'll rephrase, you guys: comments are very, VERY much loved and worshipped. ^^
Chapter 5: "You were acting like a crazy person today."