texts from last night, this morning, and now (tu)
(We are the people who brought you guys FOB note-fic, so this shouldn't too much of a surprise, here).
Title: Texts From Last Night, This Morning, And Now
Authors: swear_jar & apiphile
Fandom: The Used
Word Count: 1, 077.
Rating: Uuuhhh. Fuck off?
Pairing: The Used (yes, I am aware this is the pairings line).
Disclaimer: I'm not even sure they don't do this.
Notes: Texts from last night: Awesome, time-devouring website. 424 is an LA area code, 801 is the Salt Lake City area code, after that you're on your own. NB: Authors are Australian and British, not American.
(801) my jizz tastes like pineapple
(1-801) I don't believ u
(1-801) bert's jizz tastes like pineapple
(2-801) i know
(424) my pants smell of u
(1-424) thats because ther my pants u dick
(424) or u put ur dick in my pants
(1-424) mayb next time
(424) i am not too drunk, im just 2 awesom to walk
(1-424) i think some1 replaced ur legs with a bear
(424) toldu.
(424) I cant believe u threw up in her mouth
(1-424) She looked hungry.
(424) No more animal planet 4 u.
(801) bert just licked a tire tred
(801) bert just licked a fence post
(801) bert just licked a dog
(801) r u awake? bert just licked the door buzzer i dont want to touch it
(1-801) y did u have 2 open the door he just licked ME
(801) i need u in my ass
(1-801) not as much as i need u in my ass
(801) if i need u in my ass and u need me in ur ass how can both our asses evr be happy
(801) theres a 2-ended didlo in the bathroom wtf
(1-801) o rly
(801) it smells used.
(1-801) u know what else smells used?
(801) no what
(1-801) us, bcause were the used
(801) jepharee howard com over here right now so i can spank the bad jokes out of u
(801) i think some1 is having sex in my bed + im pretty sure its not me
(1-801) where r u
(801) in ur bed
(1-801) whose bed am i in then
(801) mine.
(801) did u CUM ON MY PILLOW THEN JST TURN IT OVR?
(1-801) i thnk i would remember that
(801) it was so u, don't deny it asshole
(1-801) i denied nothink i just said i though i would have remembered that
(801) i hurt myself last nite
(1-801) u hurt the whole bus
(801) ?????? bruised my shin
(801) also my face
(1-801) u bruise ur face on my fist
(1-801) now my wrist hurst
(801) pork
(1-801) chicken
(801) gerbil
(1-801) ?
(801) rainbow
(1-801) ???
(801) pooooop
(1-801) u smoked all the weed again, didnt u?
(801) spelunking
(1-801) spelunking is not an answer, asshole
(801) asshole spelunking!
(1-801) NO
(801) why am I wearing a dress?
(1-801) idk
(801) i don't like it
(1-801) you've never complained before
(801) it's an ugly dress
(1-801) well i stole it from ur mom
(802) dreamwhat
(1-802) width
(802) about 3 inches
(1-802) whore
(801) thats what she said
(801) theres a pineapple in the bathroom
(1-801) you need to eat more dick
(801) ?????
(1-801) i meant fruit quinn stole my phone
(801) no i also need to eat ur dick
(801) BERT STOLE MY PHONE
(801) im a fucking peenius
(801) i fixed the wireless with a condom
(801) peenius
(1-801) whose condom
(801) berts
(1-801) when did he start using condoms?
(424) i found a statue of a unicorn
(1-424) danger danger mcr have passd this way
(424) shut up
(424) fuck you
(424) srsly fuck u
(1-424) no fuck u
(424) no never fucking u agen
(1-424) fuck u + ur stupid emo shit
(801) y is there pee in the kitchen
(424) QUINN STARTED IT
(1-424) u wont like it
(424) fuck u)
(1-424) stop reedin his fuckin blog
(424) fuck off leave me aloan.
(1-424) ur still reedin i can see from hear
(424) i culd b watchin porn
(1-424) i'm not gonna stop lookin becuz you found goatse
(1-424) if porn makes u that sad u can stop watchin it 2
(424) fuck off leave me aloane
(1-424) o look the wireless broke nm.
(1-424) guess u have 2 talk me now
(424) PUT THE CONDOM BACK, CUNTFACE
(1-424) NO U CAN SHARE MY FUCKIN HERPES BITCHASS
(424) reconnect the wireless
(1-424) fuck u
(424) no fuckin til i get internet
(1-424) no internet til u stop stalkin him
(424) fuck u
(1-424) neyway there's no more condoms on teh bus so ur fucked, i can't even fix it agin if i want ha
(424) imma fuckin kill u in ur sleep
(1-424) liek i can even sleep w ur jerkin off over him
(424) fuck uuuuuuu
(801) u realise u bin send ur txts 2 ur hole address book rite
(801) bert
(801) how meny times do u want me 2 fuck u agen hahah
(424) quinn i fuckin hate u. i want a divorce
(1-424) im gonna call up schetttteccherher + get him 2 get a restainin order b4 u embasras us all
(801) srsly bert wtf did quinn do
(424) I AM NOT FUCKING STALKING HIM OK
(801) oh
(424) you gave me the fuckin bullhorn, fucker, don't try and deny
(801) how about I send u a picture of my new peircing?
(801) bert? quinn?
(424) quinn u fuckin die
(424) rite now u die
(801) :(
(424) ... does that go thru ur peehole?
(1-424) what
(801) :)
(424) i was txtin jeph i dont luv u nemore
(1-424) u sound more sinsear when u dont have ur head in my lap asshole
(424) send photos
(424) dont send ph
(424) that was q soz
(424) bert cant talk rite now he has my dick in his m
(424) q dies now u r witness
(801) im confused
(801) ...i'll send more pictuers. also i got another tattoo.
(424) we miss u stinkface
(1-424) i will swap u 4 bert
(801) i miss u guys to, your faces but not your stinks
(424) that wuz not the phot u wanted 2 send rite
(801) did i send 1 calld jhumpin.jpg?
(1-424) u sent 1 of u blowin dan.
(424) u sent 1 of u n dan
(801)... how u know it's dan?
(424) we've all seen dans dick jepharee
(424) quinn broke the internet at least now igot new porn yay
(1-424) u r gross bert
(1-424) sick sick sick sick
(424) send mor
(801) we are sorry to inform that jepharee howard cannot send pictures right now
(801) he is currently all tied up. please leave a message after the shoobidoowhop.
(424) dan u suck
(801) wrong jepha sucks
(1-424) stop molestin jeph n lite this fuckin thing
(801) when r u cummin home
(424) look out the window fuckass
Title: Texts From Last Night, This Morning, And Now
Authors: swear_jar & apiphile
Fandom: The Used
Word Count: 1, 077.
Rating: Uuuhhh. Fuck off?
Pairing: The Used (yes, I am aware this is the pairings line).
Disclaimer: I'm not even sure they don't do this.
Notes: Texts from last night: Awesome, time-devouring website. 424 is an LA area code, 801 is the Salt Lake City area code, after that you're on your own. NB: Authors are Australian and British, not American.
(801) my jizz tastes like pineapple
(1-801) I don't believ u
(1-801) bert's jizz tastes like pineapple
(2-801) i know
(424) my pants smell of u
(1-424) thats because ther my pants u dick
(424) or u put ur dick in my pants
(1-424) mayb next time
(424) i am not too drunk, im just 2 awesom to walk
(1-424) i think some1 replaced ur legs with a bear
(424) toldu.
(424) I cant believe u threw up in her mouth
(1-424) She looked hungry.
(424) No more animal planet 4 u.
(801) bert just licked a tire tred
(801) bert just licked a fence post
(801) bert just licked a dog
(801) r u awake? bert just licked the door buzzer i dont want to touch it
(1-801) y did u have 2 open the door he just licked ME
(801) i need u in my ass
(1-801) not as much as i need u in my ass
(801) if i need u in my ass and u need me in ur ass how can both our asses evr be happy
(801) theres a 2-ended didlo in the bathroom wtf
(1-801) o rly
(801) it smells used.
(1-801) u know what else smells used?
(801) no what
(1-801) us, bcause were the used
(801) jepharee howard com over here right now so i can spank the bad jokes out of u
(801) i think some1 is having sex in my bed + im pretty sure its not me
(1-801) where r u
(801) in ur bed
(1-801) whose bed am i in then
(801) mine.
(801) did u CUM ON MY PILLOW THEN JST TURN IT OVR?
(1-801) i thnk i would remember that
(801) it was so u, don't deny it asshole
(1-801) i denied nothink i just said i though i would have remembered that
(801) i hurt myself last nite
(1-801) u hurt the whole bus
(801) ?????? bruised my shin
(801) also my face
(1-801) u bruise ur face on my fist
(1-801) now my wrist hurst
(801) pork
(1-801) chicken
(801) gerbil
(1-801) ?
(801) rainbow
(1-801) ???
(801) pooooop
(1-801) u smoked all the weed again, didnt u?
(801) spelunking
(1-801) spelunking is not an answer, asshole
(801) asshole spelunking!
(1-801) NO
(801) why am I wearing a dress?
(1-801) idk
(801) i don't like it
(1-801) you've never complained before
(801) it's an ugly dress
(1-801) well i stole it from ur mom
(802) dreamwhat
(1-802) width
(802) about 3 inches
(1-802) whore
(801) thats what she said
(801) theres a pineapple in the bathroom
(1-801) you need to eat more dick
(801) ?????
(1-801) i meant fruit quinn stole my phone
(801) no i also need to eat ur dick
(801) BERT STOLE MY PHONE
(801) im a fucking peenius
(801) i fixed the wireless with a condom
(801) peenius
(1-801) whose condom
(801) berts
(1-801) when did he start using condoms?
(424) i found a statue of a unicorn
(1-424) danger danger mcr have passd this way
(424) shut up
(424) fuck you
(424) srsly fuck u
(1-424) no fuck u
(424) no never fucking u agen
(1-424) fuck u + ur stupid emo shit
(801) y is there pee in the kitchen
(424) QUINN STARTED IT
(1-424) u wont like it
(424) fuck u)
(1-424) stop reedin his fuckin blog
(424) fuck off leave me aloan.
(1-424) ur still reedin i can see from hear
(424) i culd b watchin porn
(1-424) i'm not gonna stop lookin becuz you found goatse
(1-424) if porn makes u that sad u can stop watchin it 2
(424) fuck off leave me aloane
(1-424) o look the wireless broke nm.
(1-424) guess u have 2 talk me now
(424) PUT THE CONDOM BACK, CUNTFACE
(1-424) NO U CAN SHARE MY FUCKIN HERPES BITCHASS
(424) reconnect the wireless
(1-424) fuck u
(424) no fuckin til i get internet
(1-424) no internet til u stop stalkin him
(424) fuck u
(1-424) neyway there's no more condoms on teh bus so ur fucked, i can't even fix it agin if i want ha
(424) imma fuckin kill u in ur sleep
(1-424) liek i can even sleep w ur jerkin off over him
(424) fuck uuuuuuu
(801) u realise u bin send ur txts 2 ur hole address book rite
(801) bert
(801) how meny times do u want me 2 fuck u agen hahah
(424) quinn i fuckin hate u. i want a divorce
(1-424) im gonna call up schetttteccherher + get him 2 get a restainin order b4 u embasras us all
(801) srsly bert wtf did quinn do
(424) I AM NOT FUCKING STALKING HIM OK
(801) oh
(424) you gave me the fuckin bullhorn, fucker, don't try and deny
(801) how about I send u a picture of my new peircing?
(801) bert? quinn?
(424) quinn u fuckin die
(424) rite now u die
(801) :(
(424) ... does that go thru ur peehole?
(1-424) what
(801) :)
(424) i was txtin jeph i dont luv u nemore
(1-424) u sound more sinsear when u dont have ur head in my lap asshole
(424) send photos
(424) dont send ph
(424) that was q soz
(424) bert cant talk rite now he has my dick in his m
(424) q dies now u r witness
(801) im confused
(801) ...i'll send more pictuers. also i got another tattoo.
(424) we miss u stinkface
(1-424) i will swap u 4 bert
(801) i miss u guys to, your faces but not your stinks
(424) that wuz not the phot u wanted 2 send rite
(801) did i send 1 calld jhumpin.jpg?
(1-424) u sent 1 of u blowin dan.
(424) u sent 1 of u n dan
(801)... how u know it's dan?
(424) we've all seen dans dick jepharee
(424) quinn broke the internet at least now igot new porn yay
(1-424) u r gross bert
(1-424) sick sick sick sick
(424) send mor
(801) we are sorry to inform that jepharee howard cannot send pictures right now
(801) he is currently all tied up. please leave a message after the shoobidoowhop.
(424) dan u suck
(801) wrong jepha sucks
(1-424) stop molestin jeph n lite this fuckin thing
(801) when r u cummin home
(424) look out the window fuckass