The Art of Deception (Yunho x Jaejoong) - Chapter Nineteen
**Note: Thank you, dadamidi, for the wonderful banner you made for me!**
**Note: Thank you, steorie, for the wonderful banner you made for me!**
The Art of Deception (Chapter Nineteen)
Pairing: Yunho (DBSK) x Jaejoong (DBSK).
Category: K-Pop.
Length: Multi-chaptered.
Genres: Angst, drama, humor, romance.
Rating: NC-17 for this chapter.
Warning: Homosexuality, abuse, light swearing, sexual implications, violence.
Summary: Yunho is a rich son who’s never done anything to earn his own money. Attending snobby diners and appearing in social events with his parents is more than he can take, so he decides to run away, thinking that surely life is better elsewhere - anywhere but his place. Little does he know that it doesn’t get any better in the slums. His thirst for adventure will be quenched - a little too much. Enter street Kabuki actor Kim Jaejoong!
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Fragile hearts might not want to read the first half of this chapter. Do a search for "The desire to kill." and start from there. I don't want to spoil anything for the others, but don't say I didn't warn you! It was hard to write... ;;
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[Jaejoong’s POV]
I’m cold… So cold…
Right now, I can’t move my legs at all. It’s as if they have taken root in the floor and won’t respond to the warnings my brain is sending them. If the house caught on fire this instant, I don’t think I could make it out safely… I would probably burn and be turned to dust… But really, I wouldn’t mind that. It’s not like I have much to lose… and I would give anything to see him suffer for what he did to me.
Him and all the others. Just burn and die already.
I feel like a pile of slime, a boneless animal left to die while no one gives a single fuck…
I’m not in pain... My whole body is pain, so much that I can’t tell what hurts and what does not. But more than anything, I’m scared… I can hear him coming back for more…
As I lie on the floor at a weird angle, slumped against the wall, unable to move the slightest bit, I see him appear in the light of the corridor - in contrast, the room I’m in is shrouded in obscurity… He walks past the doorframe and starts heading in my direction. In a desperate attempt, I try to crawl away from his grasp, but he grabs my leg and pulls me towards him. My body slipping on the floor makes a squeaking noise.
“Alright, get up.” He says with a gruff voice.
“But I… I can’t…” Barely any sounds leave my mouth and go past my dry, chapped lips. I’m not even sure he heard me, so I try to force the words out again. “I can’t g-get up.”
My teeth clatter even though it’s summer.
Probably a bright day out, with a scorching sun in a cloudless sky. Why am I so cold…?
I feel like all the blood has left my body… as lifeless as a corpse.
“What do you mean, you can’t get up? What, do you think I’m a fool? Are you defying my authority? Well, watch this, boy. I’ll make you get up!” As I lie there motionless, he takes my arm and pulls me up to my feet, making me cry out in pain. Unsteady, I wobble on shaking legs as he lifts my face up roughly, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
“Boy… This is what happens when you don’t listen to your father…”
My skin crawls at those words and I break into a cold sweat. Black dots start appearing in front of my eyes and my head throbs painfully from the blow it suffered earlier. I feel so weak and fed up with everything. I could pass out any second…
“Are you done playing stupid? Will you listen to me now?”
“…”
Thump. Thump. Thump. I know he’s waiting for an answer. I know he won’t back down until I give it to him. I also know there’s no way I’m going to get away before he gets what he wants, and from experience, that it’s better if I go along with what he says. Resisting will only make it all worse. I’ve seen what happens when I do. These bruises, this damn weakness are a proof of what this sicko is capable of…
A drop of sweat rolls down from my temple and down my neck to my clavicle. My breath hitches when he places his big, calloused hands on my shoulders, dominating me with his towering height and strong build. As much as this kills me, I know I have to…
“I can’t hear you, son.”
My heart skips a beat and I suddenly feel like throwing up.
Swallowing with difficulty, I give a slow, hesitant nod of my head, keeping my head down respectfully without avoiding his insisting gaze, something that I know he despises. I need to listen to him when he’s talking and appear submissive, in his complete control. Rebellion is out of the question, but I must not try to run away from him.
“Yes. I will. I’m… I’m sorry… Dad.”
My response seems to please him, or at least soothe his anger, which is preferable for me. By using this pet name that I know he likes to hear, I have appeased his desire to hit me. Even though in my heart he will never be my father, not more than all the assholes that preceded him... Gently, he takes me by the shoulders and directs me towards the bed, and I walk docilely as he instructs me before sitting down on the mattress, frightened to death.
After giving my immature, teenage body a look-over - I managed to put my underwear back on after he went away, but that’s all I’m wearing -, he takes a few steps forward.
He doesn’t need to say anything. I know what I have to do.
Taking a deep breath, I reach forward and unbutton his jeans carefully, trying to postpone the horrible deed, knowing that it won’t change a thing. Still I stall in slipping my small, shaking hands under the waistband of his boxers and pulling them down to reveal his already very hard and throbbing member. Disgusting bastard…
But as I expected, I’m going too slow for him.
Irritated, he takes my head and pulls it towards his cock, forcing me to take him all the way inside my mouth at once. “What the hell are you waiting for? I don’t have all day!” The sudden gesture takes me by surprise and I almost suffocate from the intrusion, but I pull my head back and assume a bobbing movement, just the way I know he likes it.
It’s not like he’s the one who taught me… I have seen others before him.
Still, that doesn’t mean I enjoy this… The feel of his palpitating flesh between my lips grosses me out to the point where I feel I could vomit on my own lap.
I feel soiled. Dirty like my whore of a mother.
“Come on… Pick up the pace a little!” Because I’m apparently not going quick and deep enough for his tastes, he grips my hair and makes me blow him faster, to my utter horror and disgust. The truth is it takes me all my concentration not to barf all over him… Humiliated, I try to keep up, barely able to breathe with his cock shoved down my throat.
The tears fill my eyes but I won’t cry. I won’t, dammit.
This is what he wants to see… That he’s broken me beyond repair.
I won’t give him the honor of discovering his success.
My mouth hurts. My soul hurts. I’m so fucking tired, but still it’s not enough for him. The guy is enjoying this so much that he starts thrusting inside my mouth. Seems like he wasn’t satisfied with fucking me in the ass earlier… now he’s fucking raping my mouth, the motherfucking bastard… and there’s nothing I can do but let him.
I let out a small whimper and immediately regret it, because I know that I’m exciting him, I know that he gets off that kind of reaction…
The fear that he instils in me. The submission. The hate, too.
The desire to kill.
And that’s when I wake up.
When I wake up, I find myself in that position: sitting against the wall with my legs brought up against my body, hugging my knees with my face buried in them, huddled up for a little bit of warmth. I open my eyes, lift my head, look around. From what I can gather, I fell asleep in the alleyway and stayed here a while, seeing how it’s currently dark and cool out. Very slowly, I understand that this was just a dream.
Recollections from the past. Not exactly a figment of my imagination.
I’m so shaken… out of it that it takes me another full minute to realize that it’s raining and that I’m soaked to the bone. Despite that, I can tell that I’ve been crying, and so I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hands, as pointless as this is.
And I pick myself up, once again.
Not caring much about the rain, since I’m already dripping from head to toe anyway, I take my time, not taken with the idea of going back to a house full of depressed people (even though I know I’m a handful myself). But most of all, a house void of him.
Not long after I start heading home, I catch sight of a figure in the distance, heading straight in my direction, and the instant I see it I immediately recognize the silhouette and the walk as belonging to Yoochun. How could I not? After twenty years of knowing him, I can say with confidence that there is not a thing I do not know about him, from the way he eats to the way he sleeps and the way he … loves me.
Suddenly, I’m tempted to turn heels and leave, but I know he saw me. I’m not going to run away from my best friend. If anything, I need his support now more than ever.
I stop walking and wait. The rain continues its pitter-patter on tin roofs.
When he finally reaches me, he smiles a little awkwardly, and I return his smile with equal embarrassment. This feels so wrong. “There you are, hyung. Are you alright…?” He asks, and I nod without much conviction, something that he does not fail to notice. “You sure? Your eyes are all watery… Have you been crying?”
That’s the extent of his knowledge of me. He can tell, even in this rain…
“Yeah, I’m fine. I sat down for a while and fell asleep, but there’s really nothing-”
He cups my cheek with his hand, turning my face gently to examine it under every angle. “Had a nightmare? Was it one of your foster homes again?”
There’s nothing I can hide from him. “…Yeah…” I croak out, looking over his shoulder.
Not needing any explanations - he’s heard it all before -, he pulls me into his arms and I gratefully let him embrace me, nestling my face in his shoulder. The weather does not bother me. I can feel the remnants of Yoochun’s warmth through his shirt. I needed this... How I missed this. Unknowingly to him, I make a silent vow never to hurt him again.
After a moment, Yoochun pulls back a little, but he does not let go of my arms.
“It’s a relief you’re safe. I was starting to worry… Been looking for you since dinner, ‘cause you and Yunho weren’t back yet. By the way, where is he? He’s not with you…?”
Of course. I still need to explain this.
Closing my eyes, I remain silent, but Yoochun is intent on getting the truth out of me. First, he utters a respectful “Hyung…?”, but when I still don’t say anything, he drops the formalities. Not that there is ever a need for them. “…Yah! Jaejoong-ah! Hey, tell me what happened. Did you two have a fight or something…? Where is Yunho, Jae?”
“Yunho is gone. Back where he belongs.”
Yoochun is beyond puzzled by what I say. “…What…? Why…?”
“I told him to. It couldn’t be helped.”
The more I say, the more confused Yoochun seems to be. No wonder he is, after he found out about us such a short time ago and we appeared to be so happy together… He must be pondering when the hell I’m going to make up my mind… “You told him…? Are you… You’re joking, right? If you’re not, I’m gonna have to punch you hard.”
No use lying to him. He’s gonna find out one way or another.
I shrug uninterestedly, but my heart is literally crumbling to pieces. “It’s the truth.”
Yoochun’s fist hits me square in the jaw, expected and deserved. He doesn’t hold back, but I barely flinch and have almost no reaction. His words hurt a lot more, to be honest. “Why are you always like this…? Why do you always have to screw up your chances of being happy? Fuck, Jaejoong, I don’t know what to do with you anymore…! It’s like you’re doing it on purpose! Do you enjoy suffering that much? Huh?”
The words leave my mouth before I even think them through. “What about you?!”
And there goes my promise, already broken.
Yoochun slaps me. Hard. “That was uncalled for.”
He’s right. That was a low blow.
Today isn’t a good day. I really need to learn to shut the fuck up.
Apologetic, I place my hand at the junction between the base of his neck and the start of his frail shoulder, squeezing gently. “I’m sorry.” Yoochun pays the gesture no attention and continues to stare hard at me. But I really don’t want to have this conversation, so I whirl around and get ready to leave, though he grips my arm and holds me back.
“Anyway, this is my decision, Chun. Don’t meddle, okay?”
As I expected, the other has no intention of letting me go without first telling me a piece of his mind. No wonder we grew up together. He’s as stubborn as me. “Don’t you bullshit me and think you can get away with it. I’m not stupid, hyung. I know you-” Now rather annoyed, I try to shrug off his hands and free myself, but he strengthens his hold. “I’m not finished. Don’t you fucking walk out on me before I’m done talking to you!”
Reluctant to listen, but apparently not going anywhere fast, I turn to face him again and cross my arms mulishly. “Fine. Go on… I’m listening.”
He doesn’t need to be told twice.
“Finally… Finally some decent guy walks into your life and you ask him to leave? What’s wrong with you? How could you do that to him?” Perhaps the reason why I didn’t want to hear him out is because I know that he’s gonna be right no matter what he says. He probably knows me better than I know myself and he never misses an opportunity to remind me of that fact. It’s infuriating, to say the least.
“I know you’re upset. No, not upset. This is killing you… But I won’t let you do this.” Mechanically, he pushes up his bangs that are now dripping on his brow. “Okay… I wasn’t too thrilled about you guys at first. You know that. You know why.”
Right. No need to bring that up.
I can still clearly remember the look on his face when he found us kissing.
He continues. “Remember when you brought Yunho to Minnie’s pub for the first time…? I knew it, at that time. I knew that he liked you. And you, buddy… You were head over heels for this stranger and… it hurt. You’ve no idea how much it hurt. Big surprise there, huh? He just popped out of nowhere one day and… and like a moron I tried and wanted to believe that he was just a passing crush… that you’d get over him in a flash.”
I can’t resist. It’s too tempting. “That’s right, you’re a moron.”
Yoochun does not find me very funny. He covers my mouth. “Shut up. Let me finish.”
Smirking under his hand, I take it off my lips, but I let him speak.
“I’ve seen what good he does to you. I’ve seen your smiles when he’s around. You’ve never smiled at anyone else like that - not even me.” That’s not true! On what basis is he saying such a thing? I attempt to cut him off, but he won’t let me.
“DON’T. Interrupt me. Can you keep quiet for once? I am right, aren’t I? I’m always right when it comes to you. Don’t even bother trying to fool me. This is why… That’s why I told him he could have you. He’s the first one not to get his ass kicked, remember? All the others before him got beaten up. Because they were trash. But he’s not.”
See what I told you? He reads my mind.
I’m not allowed to have a single thought without him figuring me out. It’s so frustrating!
“I know what you’re trying to do. It’s a noble reason. But don’t you think Yunho’s old enough to make his own choices? Why should you have the right to decide for him?” Trying to busy myself with something other than Yoochun’s words of truth, I focus on fixing my clothes that have stuck to my body and that are clinging to me uncomfortably. “Anything could happen to him. Did you think of what he’s going to do on his own?”
I suddenly freeze in my movements. Well, that could be a problem.
“Um… No…?”
Yoochun doesn’t look too proud of me. That makes two of us. “What? You didn’t…? Aish! I swear you’re dumber than I thought. Let’s go look for him together.”
Truly, I wish I could. More than anything. Just… erase that conversation with Yunho. Pretend it never happened. But…
Here comes the reality check, like a slap in the face. “…I can’t.”
“Care to tell me why?”
“He hates my guts now. And I don’t blame him…”
What I said earlier can’t be taken back and he probably thinks that I chased him away because I didn’t want him around - which can’t be farther from the truth. Yet Yoochun doesn’t buy it. “No, he doesn’t. He loves you terribly, Jae. Just like you do. You’re just making excuses, you wuss. Stop running away. Let’s go get your man. Yeah…?”
Somehow, I have a hard time believing him, but… Could he be right about that too?
Well, why not? What have I got to lose anyway?
“Asking him to forgive me is one thing… For now, let’s just make sure he’s alright.”
I really thought Yunho would be better off without me. That hasn’t changed in my mind.
I just hope I didn’t make a terrible mistake by sending him off alone…
Chapter Twenty