The Art of Deception (Yunho x Jaejoong) - Chapter Sixteen
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**Note: Thank you, steorie, for the wonderful banner you made for me!**
The Art of Deception (Chapter Sixteen)
Pairing: Yunho (DBSK) x Jaejoong (DBSK).
Category: K-Pop.
Length: Multi-chaptered.
Genres: Angst, drama, humor, romance.
Rating: PG-13.
Warning: Homosexuality, light swearing, sexual implications, violence.
Summary: Yunho is a rich son who’s never done anything to earn his own money. Attending snobby diners and appearing in social events with his parents is more than he can take, so he decides to run away, thinking that surely life is better elsewhere - anywhere but his place. Little does he know that it doesn’t get any better in the slums. His thirst for adventure will be quenched - a little too much. Enter street Kabuki actor Kim Jaejoong!
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
***
[Yunho’s POV]
In all honesty, it was so liberating to finally be able to unite my body to Jaejoong’s after holding back for so long for the sake of… what, exactly? Principles? Respect? Fear?
The truth is, I don’t even know why. That blatant lack of privacy is probably the main reason why we couldn’t give in to our desires and stayed apart all that time. It is still true now. The best proof of that is that to get that “privacy”, if we can call it that, we had to retreat to a place where no one knew our face or our names - then again, this probably only applies to Jaejoong, if the way the store clerk was staring at me is any indication… I prefer not to imagine that he might have recognized me.
Still, that appears to be the most plausible explanation.
Despite how much closer to Jaejoong I feel that I have become, and despite the good mood the two of us were in upon leaving the store, a dark veil seems to have been thrown over Jaejoong’s eyes.
Something is bothering him, and to be honest, my heart isn’t really at peace either.
It might have been, if it weren’t for that cursed news program reminding me of what I left behind…
I’m upset now. For many reasons.
My parents…
It frustrates me that they are who they are. It frustrates me that they brought me up to be like them… Yet, at the same time, I don’t hate them for that. I can’t hate them. How could I? When you stop and think about it, they’re only doing what their parents did before them - teaching me what they know -, since this is all they can relate to. When I left home, I was trying to escape that, but it’s only now that I realize… I’ll never be able to change that part of me - or them, for that matter.
Even if my heart softens and opens to the rest of the world, my views will always be biased by the easy life that I have always led. Saying that I want to understand… believing that I can…
How can I be taken seriously? How can I, in all honesty, say that I don’t agree with those people, when I’ve always been given what I wanted before I even had to ask?
The truth is…
I’m a fucking hypocrite. And that kills me.
My abrupt change of mood must show on my face quite obviously, because Jaejoong eyes me warily, as if afraid to ask. Not sure if I really want to tell him what’s on my mind - I don’t really wish to bring him down with me -, I pretend not to see him watching me closely. But he doesn’t seem ready to drop the issue and so he walks in front of me without warning. I barely manage not to run into him, stopping a few inches from his face. “…You awright? You don’t look so good… Something on your mind?”
His concern is so obviously honest that I suddenly really want to cry.
Instead, I smile weakly, leaning forward to kiss the bridge of his nose. Jaejoong blinks, a little surprised and probably more worried now, but he doesn’t say anything and waits for me to make the first move. With my heart in my throat, reluctant to shove my doubts and trouble at him, I make the following request to him. Maybe it can help me put things in perspective… “Do you want to… go for a walk or something? Before we head back…? …I’d like to get some fresh air.”
“Sure. Let’s go down to the river.”
Without waiting for my confirmation, Jaejoong takes my hand and drags me along with him. Before we even get there, I recognize the scenery as he takes me back to the bridge he turned to so many times for a little bit of comfort. Once we reach it, we go down the grassy slope to the small beach where he confessed his feelings to me a few weeks back. I remember the important moment that was a turning point in our relationship, and think that if he is willing to, tonight might see another great advancement.
Squeezing his fingers in mine a little tighter, I clear my throat to attract his attention, getting ready to walk on potentially dangerous ground. “Can I… ask you something?”
He comes to a halt and looks at me, all ears for what I have to say. “…Yeah?”
“Can you… tell me about yourself? I know I might be intruding on matters that don’t concern me, but… I just really want to know you better. When I watch you and the rest of the boys, I can’t help but feel like I’m miles and miles behind all of you.” This I say with genuine sadness. True, it hurts me when we’re not on the same wavelength. When that happens, I feel like no matter how much I try to reach him, how far I stretch out my hand, I can never really catch up…
Given our completely different backgrounds, this happens more often that I wish it would.
At last, I bring myself to look up to him and the naked pain that I can read on his features is so real that I feel my heart throb at the sight. I instantly regret making such a bold request. “…I’m sorry. You don’t need to tell me. This is none of my business, right…? I shouldn’t have asked…”
Hating myself for bringing up such a sensitive issue, I whirl around, unable to face him.
How could I be so selfish?
I’m about to climb back up the hill and look for a place to hide and sulk when thin fingers entwine themselves with mine again, keeping me from running away. “No, I’ll… tell you. ‘Cause I trust you.” Feeling incredible relief wash over me at these words, I venture a glance over my shoulder to find Jaejoong looking at me, dead serious. “I’ve come to terms with my past, really. It’s a little painful to talk about, but you deserve to know. Besides, I had already planned to tell you some time or another…”
I have no words to express how grateful I am.
Before, I never would have dreamed that he would open up to me so much, but now…
Slightly nervous, for I really don’t know what to expect, I take a seat on a large, flat rock, wordlessly inviting Jaejoong to do as much. He joins me right away, sitting so close to me that I can feel his warmth seeping through the fabric of his jeans. Eyes fixed on the stream of running water, he begins to tell his tale with an almost detached tone of voice that is kind of horrifying, considering what he says.
And I realize that as hungry for information as I was, I never was quite ready to hear it.
Jaejoong was abandoned when he was five. His mother was a prostitute and his father happened to be her client (he doesn’t know which is worst). He’s actually lucky that she let him stick around so long… She couldn’t have gotten an abortion because she couldn’t have afforded it; not because she didn’t have the money, but because she had other purposes in mind for it (namely drugs and other expensive objects). So the reason why he’s sitting next to me today isn’t so much because someone wanted to see him live, as it is because they did not have the means to get rid of him or want to bear that burden…
That’s what he was, he says.
A bad surprise. An unwanted child. A costly mistake.
When she wouldn’t bring her clients home, she would leave him home unattended. It’s a miracle that he survived. Because of that, he had many deficiencies and got into a lot of accidents…
As my heart slowly continues to shrivel, Jaejoong manages to crack a joke.
“I could be as tall as you, but I stopped growing…”
Jaejoong points at his elbow, where a long scar stretches on. Carefully, I trace the white line with my finger as if the wound was fresh, which it clearly isn’t. “That’s when I fell down the stairs while she was gone. When she got home, I’d been crying for a long time, holding onto it ‘cause I was afraid it would fall off. The bone had pierced through the skin. Traumatizing sight for the kid that I was…”
“She kinda had no choice but to bring me to the hospital and it cost her a lot of money… money she couldn’t spend on getting high… so she was really mad at me when we left.” Jaejoong pauses momentarily, as if remembering something painful, and I decide to leave it at that. I touch the small, pointed scar next to his eye, half-afraid, half-fascinated. “How about this one…?”
“Oh, that. Fell down the couch and hit the coffee table. Nearly lost an eye.”
To hear about everything Jaejoong had to go through because of that person is more than I can take… My anger is such that if she were here, I think that I could have punched her, woman or not. What scares me is that I may not have heard the worst yet. “What an irresponsible mother…” I bite out through clenched teeth, cursing her with my whole being. “Uh, no offense.”
Jaejoong laughs cheerfully, not bothered at all. “None taken. You’re right. She was a whore.”
I can’t believe how strong Jaejoong is to have made it out alive, somehow.
And to keep going as if none of this had ever happened…
“Long story short, I remember her being loaded most of the time. So it’s no wonder she overdosed. Then I found her on the kitchen floor.” Upon hearing that, I turn to look at Jaejoong in horror, unable to imagine what it must have been like for a child to make such a horrible discovery. But Jaejoong remains impassive, not letting the slightest emotion show. “Maybe I’m not human, but when she kicked the bucket, Yunho… I didn’t cry. I would have been happy if she hadn’t left me in so much shit… After her death, her pimp came to claim the apartment and threw me out.”
Thus begin Jaejoong’s street ‘adventures’.
Jaejoong met Yoochun shortly after. He doesn’t go in details about his youth, but he lets on that his friend had a similar background. They never parted after they met and have known each other for a good twenty years. They lived in the streets for two years - or that’s what it felt like, although Jaejoong did not really have any way of knowing, except maybe for the coming and going of seasons…
They would steal food and clothes from stores. It was simple, because they were small and lithe, which made it easy to sneak in and out without being seen. Not to mention the ladies were crazy about them. One of them would distract them while the other did the job. They were a great team. Sometimes it didn’t work out, though. A show owner would start to grow suspicious and they had no choice but to change locations. When that happened, well… They ate whatever they found lying around…
“We had no choice.” Jaejoong says flatly, bringing his bony legs up to sit cross-legged.
Speechless, I place my hand on his sharp knee, clueless as to what I can do.
The boys would go watch Kabuki performances together, slipping in unspotted, and that’s how they both fell in love with the art form of expression. It was the only escapism they had…
“This place wasn’t always so poor… It used to be very high-class before the district was hijacked by gangs and delinquents. That scared the classy people away forever.”
One day, however, they were caught shoplifting and the police was involved in the affair.
After some research, they came to the conclusion that the boys had no family, that they were homeless, and they were taken to an orphanage. The rules were strict and they were unhappy during their stay, even though it ended up not lasting very long. They were soon adopted because they were cute. “And it’s always the cute children that leave first”, Jaejoong says bitterly, “kinda like kitten or puppies”. Of course, they did not want to part, but they were forced to. It was very hard for them to say goodbye.
Fortunately, they lived close by, so they found each other again quickly, but even when they tried to run away together, they never succeeded: the police was constantly on to them. “From that one day when we left the orphanage and on, we went through a long series of foster homes...”
Something about this doesn’t bode well to me…
“I presume it didn’t go well…?”
As soon as those words leave my mouth, I want to kick myself mentally for uttering them and being such a hopeless loser. Of course it did not go well; otherwise, Jaejoong wouldn’t be where he is today.
He would have a roof over his head, a family and a warm nest to return to.
Jaejoong’s face darkens considerably. “I’d rather we skip this part.”
“…sorry…”
“…s’alright…”
To show me that it’s fine, that he’ll be alright, Jaejoong places his hand over mine on his knee and presses gently in order to reassure me. How unfair it is that he’s the one comforting me, when it really should be the other way around. Based on his reaction, I can only imagine how unpleasant his memories must be… It’s obvious that he did not find a place to call home in either of those houses. He said his memories were painful ones, and I would do well to remember that.
I really have a knack at sticking my nose where it does not belong.
So as not to mess up once again, I decide to shut my trap and let him say all he needs and wants to say.
The boys found every possible occasion to see each other. They were a great support to one another. For the first time since Jaejoong started speaking, his eyes well up with tears as he talks about the man.
Their relationship is unlike anything I’ll ever know. The hardships that they went through together, the times when they wanted to give up and found strength in each other to keep going…
“…If it weren’t for Yoochun… If he hadn’t been there, I would have died long ago…”
This is the extent of Jaejoong and Yoochun’s love for each other.
I wish… there was something I could do.
But all I can do is think about my own childhood and how lucky I was to have been born in a wealthy family that loved me, no matter how many flaws its members had. It’s only now that I understand how spoiled I have been, all this time… This is doing everything but make me feel better about running away from home. Choking back my own tears, I slip my arms around Jaejoong’s neck and waist and hug him fiercely, rubbing his upper back with affection.
Whether I do it for him or for me, I have no idea.
After returning the embrace just as strongly, Jaejoong continues.
When Yoochun and he finally came of age, they left their current foster homes for good and cut all ties, if there were any to begin with. That’s when they began loitering around and met Junsu and Changmin. They all became inseparable from then on. Junsu and Changmin were teenagers on the run living together, but Jaejoong suspected there was more to them than met the eye.
Indeed, they were a couple. And they weren’t exactly rich either.
Since the beginning, I have been wondering whether Yoochun and Junsu are siblings or cousins, but considering the circumstances in which they met, it seems very unlikely that they are even related at all.
Of course, I keep that to myself, suddenly feeling very very dumb.
Jaejoong had been thinking about becoming a Kabuki actor himself and he had been reading about it - one of the only good things that he had learned during his childhood. The same could be said about Yoochun. It turned out that Junsu was a magnificent singer, so they took him in as part of the choir. As for Changmin, he had not much interest in plays (not for being part of one, at least), but he became close friends with everyone and decided to join them in their enterprise.
By that time, the opera house had been slowly abandoned, closed down by the owner who had gone bankrupt, and forgotten by most people.
Because the district was hardly sought after now - as a matter of fact, it was avoided -, the boys were able to pick the lock and get in to make the place their headquarters.
There was a side entrance that could be accessed from the end of an alley which normal people preferred not to wander in. That’s actually where people could get in to see the show and where the boys lived; since it had originally been the singers’ quarters, it could accommodate them, but it was quite cramped for the lot of them. As for the front entrance, it remained locked, abandoned to the eyes of authority, so the performances could be held without problems.
And that is how they had lived ever since.
More than a dozen men and children squeezed together in a home about the size of my bedroom.
How can I ever make amends for my greed? For taking so much and giving nothing?
What would Jaejoong think if he knew?
Surely he couldn’t bear to look at me the same way again…
When Jaejoong’s voice dies out in the hollow of my neck - I hadn’t dared let go of him since I first pulled him into my arms -, I do not move, clinging to him obstinately. My eyes are closed and my breathing is steady, as if I was on the verge of falling asleep, but my humid eyes and Jaejoong’s wet shoulder say otherwise about my state. On one or two instances, Jaejoong tries to push me away gently, but I resist with all the strength that I have, pressing my body even closer against his.
Finally, he gives up, chuckling softly in the fabric of my shirt.
I really have no idea how long we stay like this, but when I finally muster the courage to distance myself from Jaejoong a little, my tears have stopped falling. Ever so slowly, I back away meekly, thinking that my eyes must be puffy and red for that’s how they feel. No pretending that I wasn’t crying just now, that’s for sure… Jaejoong is no fool. There’s no way I can make up excuses, he won’t buy it.
But after he exposed his heart to me like that, the least that I can do is return the favor.
So I’ll step on my pride and show him how I feel.
“Don’t cry for me.” He protests, drying the wet trails on my cheeks with his thumbs.
Of course, I can’t easily submit to his request. If anything, it only serves to open the valves again... Two big drops of salty water roll down my face and I wipe them furiously, sniffling miserably as my vision becomes blurry again despite my attempts to calm down and get a hold of myself.
Uncomfortable, Jaejoong rubs the small of my back with his hand hesitatingly, in an attempt to make me feel better. “…Hey… Stop, really. I’m not worth all that trouble…”
Unable to help myself, I punch him on the arm.
“Shut up. You’re worth every tear.”
He smirks condescendingly. “I know. I was just trying to make you feel better.”
I burst out laughing, burying my face in my hands. What am I going to do with him?
It’s obvious that he said that to lift my mood and dissipate the awkwardness that had started to settle between us after we both showed signs of weakness, something that we usually avoid like the pest, since our egos are much too large for our own good. At that moment, I think that if I sometimes regret Jaejoong’s utter lack of romanticism, I’m endlessly grateful for his sense of humor.
Today, things were said and things changed, but I’m relieved to have Jaejoong back to normal.
I want to see him smile. I want us both to be laughing to the end.
As I look up, Jaejoong is now standing in front of me with his hand stretched out. I take it.
“Let’s go back.”
Chapter Seventeen