It's been a week. One week without my furry, purring, skittish Oz. I miss him more than I thought possible, and less too. I'm away from the house, all day, almost every day, so out of sight, out of mind. By at night, that's when it gets me. When I'm lying in bed I feel a phantom cat at my feet, warming them and getting in the way in the best ( Read more... )

The end. At least he was not in pain.

Dying a little inside. No other words right now.

Ozymandias the Cat. Oz. Ozy. Oz Man. Oz Cat. The loofiest of floofs. Bug. Buggie. Bug-a-boo. Buddy.

Oz is in the hospital. I think my heart is gonna break.

Walked into the grad offices today. Saw the three directing students clustered together in one of their offices talking in hushed voices. They saw me, stopped talking or a moment, and shut the door. Don't you love when it's clear people are talking about you. At least it makes my paranoia more justified.

I don't feel quite as much a failure as I did the other day. I'm still semi embarassed to have the play up, but it's not as bad as I thought. I do think I probably need to see some kind of therapist. I'm just down all the time and crying and for no fucking reason ever. Also, I always think people hate me and are talking about me and spreading ( Read more... )

failure
a failure
like
feel like
like a
feel
I feel
I feel like a failure.

The fucking puppy ate my powercord. Again. And I blamed Josh for it. Again. But this time it wasn't really my fault. Had I been using it not too much earlier in the evening? Sure. Did I know the puppy was out and about, tearing through the house, attacking the cat, dumping it's water out onto the kitchen floor under a plastic mat where I'm ( Read more... )

Not mine - Josh's. I wanted to get him big electronic things that he loves and has been wanting, but I just didn't have the big $$ to drop on them. So I got him a book and a game - very nice and I'm sure appreciated, but without the same "wow" factor. Then I took him to dinner - part of the present I suppose. He's always loved fondue, or at ( Read more... )

Anxiety is the word of the day. Too much coffee? Too much work not done? Afraid of the work undone? Afraid of choices so I make no choice? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. Frustrated by my lack of work. If a person wants to do something, they do it. I make noise about wanting to do something and then don't do it. What does that say about me? And ( Read more... )

Yesterday I went to the wedding of one of my dearest, closest friends. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. The whole event went off without many hitches. (Well, there were hitches, but nothing that couldn't be overcome.) And then after, Josh went to return the rental car (which is a whole different matter) and I walked across the Brooklyn ( Read more... )