Hogwarts Overexposed: Chapter Twenty-One
Sorry I've been MIA for a while--I've been pretty sick with the flu, and am just starting to recover. Although I have to say, lying on my couch feeling like death incarnate was a nice change from naked tweens peeing on each other.
Chapter Twenty One
Intimate Contact is a CRIME if one or both of the participants is underage
Monday, February 20, 2006
Kim shrieked, her face suddenly glowing red as she crossed the threshold into the Slytherin common room. Plainly, Denise and Janice had arisen early and decided the room needed redecorating. Life-sized graphic nude posters of Kim now adorned every previously empty expanse of wall space in the large room. That would be horribly embarrassing if Kim weren't a NUDIST.
"Why?" Kim cried, shaking her head in dismay as tears pooled in her eyes. "What have I ever done to make them hate me this much?" You're a Sue, dear. It comes with the territory.
"You became my best friend," Emily answered sadly, cradling Kim in her arms. "Pull yourself together and I'll help you take them down."
At that moment, Tyler entered the room carrying a ladder. When he saw the girls, he paused and gave them both an apologetic look. "I was hopeful that I'd get to keep these so I can wank to them later these removed before you got to glimpse them," he said dolefully, primarily addressing Kim.
Kim soulfully nodded her appreciation of his intentions.
"Let me help you," Emily said, tossing her robes, out-of-the-way on a nearby chair. "I'll do the climbing if you'll hold the ladder steady for me."
"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have me climb the ladder?" Tyler asked uncertainly, studying Emily's diminutive skirt. "You're not exactly dressed suitably for ladder climbing." Well, clearly she's HOPING you'll get to stare up her vagina. This is Emily, after all.
"I'm dressed just fine as long as a gentleman, such as you, is steadying the ladder," she responded with a laugh. Then she gave Tyler a light kiss on the cheek. "Besides, even if you're a bad boy and peek, you know it's no huge deal with me."
Kim shook her head in bewilderment. "You think I'm over reacting to the pictures, don't you?" she snapped. "You're so comfortable with your body that I imagine you wouldn't even bother removing the posters if they were of you."
"Are you kidding? I'd be inviting everyone to come see them, and maybe even charge admission! That's not true," Emily responded defensively, as she neared the top rung of the ladder and stretched precariously to grasp one of the poster size pictures. "These pictures are most certainly offensive. Besides, you and I are different individuals with dissimilar mind-sets. I'd never think to impose my values on you." LIES, ALL LIES!
"I'm sorry," Kim whimpered apologetically. Oh, grow some ovaries and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! "My flare-up was totally unjustified. It's just that.... Damn it! Denise got away with stripping you naked at the Yule Ball and butchering you. Now she's making my life miserable by hanging these explicit pictures everywhere. Whatever happened to old-fashioned paybacks and good conquering evil?"
"Mum and Dad tell me that good still always ultimately triumphs over evil; it just sometimes takes an awfully long time," Emily declared.
"Maybe it's selfish of me, but in Denise's case I could sure go for some instant gratification," Kim announced. "Don't you agree, Tyler? Tyler?"
Tyler surely agreed, but at the moment was too busy delighting in what he considered a truly spectacular view to coherently respond. I think I may vomit.
* * * * * *
"Hermione, please be reasonable," Harry implored. "The third task is months away. There is no reason we must make a decision tonight."
"No, there certainly isn't," Hermione agreed. "If you'd rather, we can spend the next four months quarrelling about it. Meanwhile you can sleep on the chesterfield." Wow, what a bitch. What is it with all the wives threatening their husbands with sleeping on the sofa over every little thing?
"You're not serious," Harry said with a laugh, but then he took a good look at Hermione's somber face and realized that she definitely was a sanctimonious bitch not joking.
"I most certainly am," Hermione retorted. "If Fantastic Island is as safe and sound as Simone claims, then there is no reason I shouldn't go along with you on the trip. I'd like to see all the rare magical beasts. Besides, you'll need a female chaperone to stop you from molesting girls that aren't related to you. That would just be wrong. for the girls."
"But what about Ben and Emily?" Harry asked concernedly.
"What about them?" Hermione inquired. "Emily will sleep in the Slytherin dorm like she always does. As for Ben, Ginny and Sam will without doubt battle over who gets to take care of him." Because all women love children and delight in taking care of them!
"But do you think it's a prudent idea for us to travel that far away from Hogwarts together," Harry argued. "Who would take care of the kids if something unanticipated happened to both of us? I'd feel much better knowing you were safe here at home."
"Ah! Ha! You're not convinced that Fantastic Island is as safe as they allege," Hermione asserted triumphantly.
"No, I'm not," Harry admitted reluctantly. "The blending of ancient wizard spells and wards with Muggle technology is until now uncharted territory. I know that computers are capable of doing incredible stuff, but..." Harry paused. I thought magic and technology didn't mix. All the enchantments on Hogwarts make Muggle technology not work. I would imagine that this "Fantastic Island" place has at least as many protective enchantments.
"But what if the technology isn't up to snuff and the electrically enhanced enchantments for some reason fail?" Hermione cut in. "Do they have enough trained wizards on hand to control all the beasts? Never yet has a Nundu been subdued by fewer than a hundred skilled wizards working together."
"I know," admitted Harry half-heartedly. "I'm sure the financiers of Fantastic Island have taken every reasonable precaution to insure visitor safety, but some beasts should simply be steered clear of."
Oh, and I HOPE THAT MICHEAL CRICHTON TURNS INTO A ZOMBIE AND EATS YOUR BRAINS FOR RIPPING HIM OFF, NEIL. I HOPE HE EATS THEM SLOWLY SO YOU DIE PAINFULLY.
"Surely they aren't using any of the more dangerous beasts in the final task. Why have the challenge even take place there?" Hermione inquired.
"Plot device, my dear. Publicity," Harry answered simply. "The whole wizard world will be tuned into the final task. Using Fantastic Island as a background for the competition will give the new resort millions of Galleons of free media hype."
"Hermione, I'm sure every conceivable safeguard has been taken," Harry again maintained.
"All but one," Hermione said stubbornly. "Harry, ever since we were eleven, I've always been beside you giving support. I've no intention of stopping now simply because we're married with children."
"Your love and support has at all times been my greatest strength," Harry admitted, and then he looked at Hermione with pleading puppy dog eyes. "Will you really make me sleep on the chesterfield if I refuse to say you can go with me?"
"No," answered Hermione dejectedly. "I couldn't sleep without you lying next to me. Harry, we're not just a run-of-the-mill married couple, we're repulsive Sues who deserve to die a most painful death a team. If there is even the slightest chance of you and the students being in danger, I want to be there."
Harry studied Hermione's resolute face. "I was just being over protective," he admitted. "I love you so much. I feel in the wrong whenever I place you in danger." Harry paused and studied the floor. "Truth is, I want you with me. I need you with me. Without you, I'm only half a wizard. I only feel strong and whole with you by my side."
SO FUCKING CODEPENDENT.
"I love you Harry," Hermione said, heaving a deep sigh as tears dampened her eyes. "Let's go to bed so that Neil can have his hourly wank I can properly show you just how very much I adore you."
* * * * * *
So for the sex-ed classes, Snape has agreed to have all the kids switch genders by means of Polyjuice potion. WHY? Seriously, why would that be necessary? Everything you need to know about sex can be taught normally or learned as you go along. It's not rocket science.
* * * * * *
Saturday, April 1, 2006
Caitlin takes Evan to the Room of Requirement. They take a bath together. Naked.
* * * * * *
Caitlin and Emily have another one of their disgusting discussions about sex and how obsessed they are with penises.
* * * * * *
Sam and Ron have to ask Timmy if he's ok with them having another kid. You know, if my parents had ever done this, I would have been REALLY creeped out. Also, Neil clearly has no understanding of female anatomy.
* * * * * *
Monday, April 10, 2006
"You won't be needing your books today," Professor Ginny Weasley announced as the students hurried to their seats. "I've arranged a special treat for you."
"Maybe Thatcher is going to give us an up close and personal look at her bod," Janice whispered spitefully. I'm calling it now: Janice is a closeted lesbian. She is seriously obsessed with the Sues and their bodies.
"I'd hardly call Potter or Thatcher showing off their not so private tidbits a treat," Denise sniggered.
"Miss Graves, that will be enough chitchat," Professor Weasley chastised. "Oddly enough, today's curriculum had its groundwork laid with a similar malicious comment you made at the beginning of the school year."
"A comment that I made," Denise replied innocently. "What comment was that Professor?"
"You criticized our textbook as being somewhat behind times and suggested that you'd all learn more by examining actual individuals nude," Professor Weasley explained.
Kim and Emily exchanged uneasy glances. Was the Professor actually about to ask one or both of them to disrobe and allow the classmates to examine them? Why would Emily be uneasy? I'm sure she'd be more than happy to provide a hands-on exhibit.
"Although I'm sure your suggestion at the time was intended more to embarrass certain classmates than it was to further education, it did have some merit," Ginny continued. "Our textbook is undeniably antiquated and being able to examine at your leisure someone of the opposite sex would certainly be extremely educational." And what would they be learning that they couldn't get from a book or a diagram? This isn't an art class or a medical school. This is sex ed.
"Professor!" Tyler called, raising his hand apprehensively. "You're not suggesting that some of us actually strip off our clothes in front of our classmates and allow them to check us out starkers, are you?" His eyes glanced fleetingly in Emily's direction. "Even if some of us wouldn't mind doing it, it's just not proper."
"The Headmaster and I agree," Professor Weasley replied. "We even had concerns with you examining professional models; additionally no age appropriate models were available. That is why we decided to use this."
Ginny walked over to her desk and uncovered two large cauldrons, each containing a slow-bubbling, mudlike substance.
The children are turned loose in the castle with polyjuice potion. This is beyond wrong.
"I'm not sure," he croaked nervously. "A part of me wants to be alone to transform and another part of me is uneasy to be off on my own."
"I know what you mean," Emily said understandingly. "Why don't you come with Kim and I? We're going to go to the Room of Requirement so that we can be totally alone and undisturbed."
"But..." Tyler shilly-shallied. "Won't that be sort of creepy? I mean you will both be guys and I'll be a girl and well... I sort of intended to get naked and sort of check out the new equipment."
Emily laughed. "What did you think Kim and I are going to do? Come on, it will be fun," Emily said grabbing Tyler hand and pulling him along. "We can show each other how to properly do certain things."
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
Tyler's mouth dropped wide open, but he uttered not a word. He had the feeling that he was about to partake in the most bizarre experience of his young life. And I have a feeling that I'm going to be pulling an Oedipus while reading the next chapter.
End of chapter 21
Chapter Twenty: See, Hear and Speak No Evil ~ Table of Contents ~ Chapter Twenty-Two: Fantastic Island
Chapter Twenty One
Intimate Contact is a CRIME if one or both of the participants is underage
Monday, February 20, 2006
Kim shrieked, her face suddenly glowing red as she crossed the threshold into the Slytherin common room. Plainly, Denise and Janice had arisen early and decided the room needed redecorating. Life-sized graphic nude posters of Kim now adorned every previously empty expanse of wall space in the large room. That would be horribly embarrassing if Kim weren't a NUDIST.
"Why?" Kim cried, shaking her head in dismay as tears pooled in her eyes. "What have I ever done to make them hate me this much?" You're a Sue, dear. It comes with the territory.
"You became my best friend," Emily answered sadly, cradling Kim in her arms. "Pull yourself together and I'll help you take them down."
At that moment, Tyler entered the room carrying a ladder. When he saw the girls, he paused and gave them both an apologetic look. "I was hopeful that I'd get to keep these so I can wank to them later these removed before you got to glimpse them," he said dolefully, primarily addressing Kim.
Kim soulfully nodded her appreciation of his intentions.
"Let me help you," Emily said, tossing her robes, out-of-the-way on a nearby chair. "I'll do the climbing if you'll hold the ladder steady for me."
"Are you sure you wouldn't rather have me climb the ladder?" Tyler asked uncertainly, studying Emily's diminutive skirt. "You're not exactly dressed suitably for ladder climbing." Well, clearly she's HOPING you'll get to stare up her vagina. This is Emily, after all.
"I'm dressed just fine as long as a gentleman, such as you, is steadying the ladder," she responded with a laugh. Then she gave Tyler a light kiss on the cheek. "Besides, even if you're a bad boy and peek, you know it's no huge deal with me."
Kim shook her head in bewilderment. "You think I'm over reacting to the pictures, don't you?" she snapped. "You're so comfortable with your body that I imagine you wouldn't even bother removing the posters if they were of you."
"Are you kidding? I'd be inviting everyone to come see them, and maybe even charge admission! That's not true," Emily responded defensively, as she neared the top rung of the ladder and stretched precariously to grasp one of the poster size pictures. "These pictures are most certainly offensive. Besides, you and I are different individuals with dissimilar mind-sets. I'd never think to impose my values on you." LIES, ALL LIES!
"I'm sorry," Kim whimpered apologetically. Oh, grow some ovaries and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! "My flare-up was totally unjustified. It's just that.... Damn it! Denise got away with stripping you naked at the Yule Ball and butchering you. Now she's making my life miserable by hanging these explicit pictures everywhere. Whatever happened to old-fashioned paybacks and good conquering evil?"
"Mum and Dad tell me that good still always ultimately triumphs over evil; it just sometimes takes an awfully long time," Emily declared.
"Maybe it's selfish of me, but in Denise's case I could sure go for some instant gratification," Kim announced. "Don't you agree, Tyler? Tyler?"
Tyler surely agreed, but at the moment was too busy delighting in what he considered a truly spectacular view to coherently respond. I think I may vomit.
* * * * * *
"Hermione, please be reasonable," Harry implored. "The third task is months away. There is no reason we must make a decision tonight."
"No, there certainly isn't," Hermione agreed. "If you'd rather, we can spend the next four months quarrelling about it. Meanwhile you can sleep on the chesterfield." Wow, what a bitch. What is it with all the wives threatening their husbands with sleeping on the sofa over every little thing?
"You're not serious," Harry said with a laugh, but then he took a good look at Hermione's somber face and realized that she definitely was a sanctimonious bitch not joking.
"I most certainly am," Hermione retorted. "If Fantastic Island is as safe and sound as Simone claims, then there is no reason I shouldn't go along with you on the trip. I'd like to see all the rare magical beasts. Besides, you'll need a female chaperone to stop you from molesting girls that aren't related to you. That would just be wrong. for the girls."
"But what about Ben and Emily?" Harry asked concernedly.
"What about them?" Hermione inquired. "Emily will sleep in the Slytherin dorm like she always does. As for Ben, Ginny and Sam will without doubt battle over who gets to take care of him." Because all women love children and delight in taking care of them!
"But do you think it's a prudent idea for us to travel that far away from Hogwarts together," Harry argued. "Who would take care of the kids if something unanticipated happened to both of us? I'd feel much better knowing you were safe here at home."
"Ah! Ha! You're not convinced that Fantastic Island is as safe as they allege," Hermione asserted triumphantly.
"No, I'm not," Harry admitted reluctantly. "The blending of ancient wizard spells and wards with Muggle technology is until now uncharted territory. I know that computers are capable of doing incredible stuff, but..." Harry paused. I thought magic and technology didn't mix. All the enchantments on Hogwarts make Muggle technology not work. I would imagine that this "Fantastic Island" place has at least as many protective enchantments.
"But what if the technology isn't up to snuff and the electrically enhanced enchantments for some reason fail?" Hermione cut in. "Do they have enough trained wizards on hand to control all the beasts? Never yet has a Nundu been subdued by fewer than a hundred skilled wizards working together."
"I know," admitted Harry half-heartedly. "I'm sure the financiers of Fantastic Island have taken every reasonable precaution to insure visitor safety, but some beasts should simply be steered clear of."
Oh, and I HOPE THAT MICHEAL CRICHTON TURNS INTO A ZOMBIE AND EATS YOUR BRAINS FOR RIPPING HIM OFF, NEIL. I HOPE HE EATS THEM SLOWLY SO YOU DIE PAINFULLY.
"Surely they aren't using any of the more dangerous beasts in the final task. Why have the challenge even take place there?" Hermione inquired.
"Plot device, my dear. Publicity," Harry answered simply. "The whole wizard world will be tuned into the final task. Using Fantastic Island as a background for the competition will give the new resort millions of Galleons of free media hype."
"Hermione, I'm sure every conceivable safeguard has been taken," Harry again maintained.
"All but one," Hermione said stubbornly. "Harry, ever since we were eleven, I've always been beside you giving support. I've no intention of stopping now simply because we're married with children."
"Your love and support has at all times been my greatest strength," Harry admitted, and then he looked at Hermione with pleading puppy dog eyes. "Will you really make me sleep on the chesterfield if I refuse to say you can go with me?"
"No," answered Hermione dejectedly. "I couldn't sleep without you lying next to me. Harry, we're not just a run-of-the-mill married couple, we're repulsive Sues who deserve to die a most painful death a team. If there is even the slightest chance of you and the students being in danger, I want to be there."
Harry studied Hermione's resolute face. "I was just being over protective," he admitted. "I love you so much. I feel in the wrong whenever I place you in danger." Harry paused and studied the floor. "Truth is, I want you with me. I need you with me. Without you, I'm only half a wizard. I only feel strong and whole with you by my side."
SO FUCKING CODEPENDENT.
"I love you Harry," Hermione said, heaving a deep sigh as tears dampened her eyes. "Let's go to bed so that Neil can have his hourly wank I can properly show you just how very much I adore you."
* * * * * *
So for the sex-ed classes, Snape has agreed to have all the kids switch genders by means of Polyjuice potion. WHY? Seriously, why would that be necessary? Everything you need to know about sex can be taught normally or learned as you go along. It's not rocket science.
* * * * * *
Saturday, April 1, 2006
Caitlin takes Evan to the Room of Requirement. They take a bath together. Naked.
* * * * * *
Caitlin and Emily have another one of their disgusting discussions about sex and how obsessed they are with penises.
* * * * * *
Sam and Ron have to ask Timmy if he's ok with them having another kid. You know, if my parents had ever done this, I would have been REALLY creeped out. Also, Neil clearly has no understanding of female anatomy.
* * * * * *
Monday, April 10, 2006
"You won't be needing your books today," Professor Ginny Weasley announced as the students hurried to their seats. "I've arranged a special treat for you."
"Maybe Thatcher is going to give us an up close and personal look at her bod," Janice whispered spitefully. I'm calling it now: Janice is a closeted lesbian. She is seriously obsessed with the Sues and their bodies.
"I'd hardly call Potter or Thatcher showing off their not so private tidbits a treat," Denise sniggered.
"Miss Graves, that will be enough chitchat," Professor Weasley chastised. "Oddly enough, today's curriculum had its groundwork laid with a similar malicious comment you made at the beginning of the school year."
"A comment that I made," Denise replied innocently. "What comment was that Professor?"
"You criticized our textbook as being somewhat behind times and suggested that you'd all learn more by examining actual individuals nude," Professor Weasley explained.
Kim and Emily exchanged uneasy glances. Was the Professor actually about to ask one or both of them to disrobe and allow the classmates to examine them? Why would Emily be uneasy? I'm sure she'd be more than happy to provide a hands-on exhibit.
"Although I'm sure your suggestion at the time was intended more to embarrass certain classmates than it was to further education, it did have some merit," Ginny continued. "Our textbook is undeniably antiquated and being able to examine at your leisure someone of the opposite sex would certainly be extremely educational." And what would they be learning that they couldn't get from a book or a diagram? This isn't an art class or a medical school. This is sex ed.
"Professor!" Tyler called, raising his hand apprehensively. "You're not suggesting that some of us actually strip off our clothes in front of our classmates and allow them to check us out starkers, are you?" His eyes glanced fleetingly in Emily's direction. "Even if some of us wouldn't mind doing it, it's just not proper."
"The Headmaster and I agree," Professor Weasley replied. "We even had concerns with you examining professional models; additionally no age appropriate models were available. That is why we decided to use this."
Ginny walked over to her desk and uncovered two large cauldrons, each containing a slow-bubbling, mudlike substance.
The children are turned loose in the castle with polyjuice potion. This is beyond wrong.
"I'm not sure," he croaked nervously. "A part of me wants to be alone to transform and another part of me is uneasy to be off on my own."
"I know what you mean," Emily said understandingly. "Why don't you come with Kim and I? We're going to go to the Room of Requirement so that we can be totally alone and undisturbed."
"But..." Tyler shilly-shallied. "Won't that be sort of creepy? I mean you will both be guys and I'll be a girl and well... I sort of intended to get naked and sort of check out the new equipment."
Emily laughed. "What did you think Kim and I are going to do? Come on, it will be fun," Emily said grabbing Tyler hand and pulling him along. "We can show each other how to properly do certain things."
SICK SICK SICK SICK SICK
Tyler's mouth dropped wide open, but he uttered not a word. He had the feeling that he was about to partake in the most bizarre experience of his young life. And I have a feeling that I'm going to be pulling an Oedipus while reading the next chapter.
End of chapter 21
Chapter Twenty: See, Hear and Speak No Evil ~ Table of Contents ~ Chapter Twenty-Two: Fantastic Island