Hogwarts Overexposed: Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty
See, Hear and Speak No Evil Even within the context of the story, this chapter title makes no sense.
Emily was still recoiling from the shock of Kim's initial scream when the dormitory door flew open and Professor Ginevra Weasley rushed into the room. Why would Ginny be dealing with Slytherins? She's not the head of house or anything, and she was a GRYFFINDOR.
"Professor! It's Kim! She's blind," Emily cried hysterically.
Ginny ran to Kim's bed, dropped down on her knees and took the trembling girl into her arms. "Calm yourself," she said soothingly. "Everything will be all right. The blindness is only short-term; it's a result of the potion that bastard, Simone, gave you last night. They KNEW it would cause blindness, and still had the kids drink it? The effects will wear off within eighteen hours. Your sight will return sometime this evening."
Although her professor's words calmed Kim slightly, she still could not stop crying. She continued to whimper softly as Ginny stroked her back with a cattle prod sensitivity.
"How could he do something so cruel and hateful?" Emily shouted. Immediately her thoughts turned to her sisters, Jamie and Caitlin. "Are all the contestants blind?"
"No," Ginny answered. "Some have lost their boobs hearing while others have no capacity to speak. Jamie was the first to recognize the effects of the potions when she awakened this morning. She roused Caitlin and then they alerted your parents, who in turn alerted the heads of house. Professor Malfoy is with Dick Bancroft now."
"Do you know how Jamie and Caitlin were affected?" Emily asked concernedly.
"Caitlin is totally deaf and Jamie can't speak," Professor Weasley answered solemnly. Hallelujah! Jamie-Sue will have to shut up for once!
"I have to go to them," Emily shouted urgently.
"No you don't," Ginny asserted. "They have each other, plus your parents are currently seeing to them. Their disabilities are much more easily dealt with than Kim's affliction. Really? I know many people who would rather be blind than deaf. Your friend is the one who needs you at the moment."
One glance at the look of desperation covering Kim's beautiful tear stained face and Emily understood Professor Weasley was correct.
"He did this to them for that stupid contest?" Emily asked, shaking her head in frustration. "Couldn't he have simply blindfolded or gagged them?" Kinky
"That's what your father asked Rishard," Ginny said. "I think he was ready to thoroughly thrash the man. He probably would have if Hermione hadn't intervened. Because it is the role of the peaceful wimminz to keep their men from fighting! Rishard claimed that there was too great a chance of cheating with blindfolds, ear plugs and gags." Is this a contest, or a kinky orgy?
"He could have at least warned them what was going to happen," Emily sighed, her voice echoing disgust. Echoing with disgust? I don't understand.
"That would have been the considerate thing to do, but Rishard maintains that would have spoiled the surprise and given the participants too much time to adjust to the handicap before the task,' Ginny responded.
Emily has to help Kim shower and pee. Oh joy. Kim also says that she would kill herself if she were actually blind. What a wonderful message for people with disabilities!
* * * * *
"Ron, why doesn't Severus just call the competition off?" Sam asked. It was obvious that she was extremely irritated. She was regretting her decision to clothe herself in poison ivy leaves stitched together with tarantula hairs.
"Because he's suffered a complete personality change, and is now a spineless woobie. I'm sure he would, if it were within his authority," Ron answered. "Severus may be the headmaster, but he still has to abide by the directives of the Board of Governors."
"I can't believe that the Governors approve of Simone's shenanigans," she countered disgustedly. Me neither. Weren't the Governors supposedly all Super!Prudes for disapproving of nudism? "First he forces the contestants to wear those licentious costumes, and then he introduces those dreadful spiders into the first event. Now he's slipped disability-causing potions into the competitors' drinks. What's next?"
"Well, he is gay, so probably something Satanic. I don't know," Ron answered, shaking his head in frustration. "Rishard, or at least the people he works for, seem to have all the angles covered. When complaints were raised concerning the costumes, they were quick to point out that until recently such competitions were held in the nude. O RLY? They also reminded everyone that two of the school's most celebrated professors were devout nudists."
Blah blah blah. More hitting us over the head with how different this is from REAL nudism, which is true and pure!
* * * * *
For some strange reason, Caitlin losing her hearing makes her also lose her Hyperempath powers. It makes no sense. Oh, and Neil is setting up a Dick/Nora relationship. I'm telling you, he's GOT to be related to Stephenie Meyer. Notice how everyone has to pair up with someone?
* * * * *
I'm cutting out the second task because it is STUPID. Roger is apparently dating Amanda. Knowing him, he's only dating her to get close to her baby, because he is a PEDOPHILE. The task itself is very boring. Hogwarts wins, even though Kim falls in the potion. For some reason, a potion designed to petrify people also cancels out the concealment charm? I don't get it.
One of the things I really appreciate about magic in the Harry Potter series is that it operates under its own set of (mostly) consistent rules. Neil's magic MAKES NO SENSE. It is not logical at all, and that distresses me.
* * * * *
"I'm disappointed, Rishard," Eric said as he and Rishard watched the crowd depart the Quidditch Pitch. "Extremely disappointed."
"Disappointed?" Rishard cried, aghast. "What did you expect? I thought the task was thrillingly exciting and I delivered the teenage nudity that our male viewers crave." NOT ALL MEN ARE PEDOPHILES LIKE YOU, NEIL.
Eric is clearly EEEEEEEEEVIL, and tells Rishard that he is going to have to make sure that some of the contestants die because it makes for good television or something. Apart from the fact that wizard TV has NEVER been mentioned in the Harry Potter universe, it's stupid.
* * * * *
Sunday, February 19, 2006
"Do you have any idea why Rishard wants to meet with all the participants?" Caitlin asked as she and Jamie departed this life in a blaze of gunfire the Gryffindor common room together. Both teams had been ordered to meet with Mr. Simone in the Charms classroom at eight o'clock for a mass execution.
"Simone feels that Kim wasn't an isolated case. He thinks the majority of us were using the concealment charm rather than wearing his decadent costumes." I don't know why the Sues are complaining. They wore more revealing clothes to the not!Yule Ball.
"Well, he's right. You'd think the pervert would be pleased about that, rather than upset," Caitlin protested. "Because of the charm's completely illogical failure poor Kim ended up on display totally nude. If we'd have all been wearing the actual costumes, the most show that the deviates deviants, not deviates in his audience would have gotten might have been a few quick peeks at assorted body parts. Instead they got to gawk at Kim totally naked for a good ten minutes."
"Don't remind me," Jamie said, a feeling of guilt churning her stomach. "My plan totally backfired. How is she managing the situation?"
"Not too good," Caitlin answered. "I wish it could have been you or I in her place. Better yet, Emily. Nothing embarrasses her." Caitlin sighed. "Kim just isn't like the three of us. She enjoys naturism, but isn't comfortable being nude when others are fully clothed. She must be totally assimilated."
"Now, thanks to me, the entire wizard world has seen her starkers and her pictures are being disseminated on the wizard net," Jamie groaned. THERE IS NO WIZARD INTERNET, YOU TWAT.
"Don't blame yourself," Caitlin pleaded. "You had no way of knowing that the potion would cancel out the charm. It was just bad luck."
"I know," Jamie said sadly, "But that doesn't alter the fact that nearly every boy over the age of puberty is wanking off to her nude pictures. Really? They are so desperate that they are wanking to child porn? Worse, because she was petrified, the poor girl can't even get a moment of privacy by running out of the picture and partially hiding in the frame."
"Some of the girls are shoddier than the boys," Caitlin declared. "Emily tells me that Denise keeps hanging up life-sized pictures of Kim in the Slytherin common room; labeled pictures."
"Labeled? What do you mean by labeled?" Jamie inquired.
"Arrows pointing to her various body parts with nasty comments," Caitlin said, blushing. "Like firm succulent breasts and wet juicy...." Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
"Never mind! I get the idea," Jamie interrupted. "She wasn't happy nearly killing Emily. Now she's moved onto mortifying Kim. Don't the prefects do anything about the pictures?"
"You forget; Emily and Kim are in Slytherin House." Caitlin reminded her. "Even people like Doris and Tyler are hesitant to go against the house majority." I know Slytherin has a bad reputation, but I'm pretty sure that blatant sexual harassment would be frowned upon.
"I just pray that one day that girl gets her comeuppance," Jamie declared.
"Me, too," Caitlin agreed. "Is Dad going to be at this meeting?"
"Both Hermione and Harry," Jamie answered. "Also, Alex! Harry and Alex were looking over the original copy of the contract that we all agreed to, hoping to find a loophole that would permit the use of the charm."
"I hope they find one," Caitlin affirmed. "Even after what happened to Kim, I prefer the concealment charm over the actual costume. I don't want to be worried with tucking myself in every few minutes."
"I agree," Jamie said.
Caitlin and Jamie were the last to arrive and as soon as they were seated, Simone cleared his throat in order to attain silence.
"This meeting was called for two reasons," Simone announced. "First of all, we have discovered several Mary Sues living among us. They will be terminated immediately. Second, canon has been abused horribly, and shall be restored. The promoters have decided on some minor changes to make the last event of the tournament a bit more exciting. Before I reveal those changes, however, I would like to discuss the intentional violation of tournament rules that occurred on Saturday. This breach of contract could have resulted in Hogwarts being disqualified. Disqualification did not take place only because investigation showed that both teams had breached the contract."
"I want it understood that no such abuse will be tolerated during the final event," Simone barked.
At this point Alex shot his arm into the air. "Excuse me sir. Exactly how do you feel the contract was breached?"
"Just who are you and why are you at this meeting?" Rishard squealed. Evidently he had forgotten his previous encounter with Alex.
"I'm Alex Ward," Alex stated, taking to his feet. "Jamie Zacherley, one of the Hogwarts contestants is my intended meal. It was at her suggestion and encouragement that many members of both teams decided to use a concealment charm rather than wear a flimsy costume that often had a tendency to shift and expose private body parts. I read and reread the agreement numerous times and fail to see that this violated any provision of the contract."
"Then young man, I suggest you never decide to enter the field of law," Rishard replied smugly. "The contract clearly states that for all events the participants must wear the team uniform provided by the promoters and nothing but that."
"Now if it is alright with our junior want-to-be barrister, I'd like to continue."
"I'm sorry, Sir, but that's not what the contract says," Alex stated politely.
"I think I know the conditions of the agreement, young man," Simone protested. "I wrote the damn contract."
"I think that if you take the time to reread the contract carefully, you will see that you are quite mistaken," Alex stated emphatically. "The contract actually states clearly that the contestants must wear nothing more than the team uniform during participation. Obviously, your intention was to insure that no one put on a cover up.
Ok, this is really stupid. People who write contracts DELIBERATELY write them in a way to eliminate loopholes. That's why contracts are written in "legalese." It is VERY specific language that ensures that there are no loopholes.
"No one violated your terms. The contenders that used the concealment charm actually wore less than the team uniform. They were physically nude," Alex reported. He's a reporter now?
"Let me see that," Rishard said, angrily ripping the document out of Alex's hand. After studying it momentarily he threw the paper back at Alex. "You're trying to twist the meaning with semantics."
"Actually, I'd say it was you that was endeavoring to change the actual wording," Hermione declared. "Plus, I can't see what difference it makes. Either way, to the audience, the contestants appear to be wearing your tacky uniforms. Even you must admit that despite what occurred with Kim, there is less chance of accidental exposure using the charm." She hesitated for effect. "Surely you wouldn't want these children used as sex objects."
Rishard became extremely flustered. That was exactly what he wanted, but, of course, he certainly couldn't readily admit it. It's really depressing that Neil thinks that child porn is so mainstream. "Fine," he said, a beaten tone to his voice. "I suppose it doesn't matter whether they wear the actual uniform or use the charm." Quickly he tried to change the subject. "What I really sought to discuss with you tonight is a thrilling change in venue for the final event of the competition."
Rishard cleared his throat. "I'm tremendously pleased to announce that the concluding event of the competition, scheduled for June, will take place on Fantastic Island." What an original name.
At first the room was completely silent, and then burst into chaotic discussion.
"Excuse me, Sir," Kim said raising her hand shyly into the air. "Does such a place in fact exist? I was under the impression that the supposed existence of an island containing fantastic magical beasts was a myth."
"Many people are under that impression," Rishard confirmed. "But let me assure you, the existence of Fantastic Island is not a falsehood. Much like Hogwarts, its location is unplottable, but I can guarantee you that it actually exists. And you should definitely take my word for it, since I'm so trustworthy!"
"I've known of its existence," Harry declared, "but it isn't exactly a petting zoo. Many of the beasts living there are considered exceedingly dangerous. I was under the impression that it was off limits to all but the most highly specialized and trained animal keepers. You can't seriously plan to hold the third event there."
Rishard nodded his head. "Until recently it was indeed a highly restricted area and the Ministry had actually encouraged the belief that its very existence was a fable. Why? During the last two years, however, private enterprise has spent millions of Galleons on protective wards and charms to make the island completely safe." Oh, I have a BAD feeling about this.
"In a few months, advertisements will begin appearing announcing the opening of Fantastic Island as the premier vacation destination for wizard families. It is expected to over night become the magical world's equivalent to Disney World." Rishard paused briefly for effect and to let everyone take in this information.
MOTHERFUCKER YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TRY TO RIP OFF JURASSIC PARK I WILL EAT A BABY TRICERATOPS IF YOU DO THAT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
"Due to a highly placed connection, we have been granted the opportunity to take part in a sneak peek at what the island will offer vacationers."
The students burst into thrilled applause, followed by excited discussion. Harry and Hermione simply stared uneasily at each other. They shared a horribly sickening feeling in their stomachs. You're not the only ones. Seriously, ripping off JK Rowling was bad enough. But Michael Crichton? He's going to bitchslap you from beyond the grave, Neil.
End of Chapter 20
Chapter Nineteen: The Second Task ~ Table of Contents ~ Chapter Twenty-One: Intimate Contact