Hiding Here 5 (Jay/Onew)
Title: Hiding Here
Topic: Jay (TRAX) and Onew (SHINee)
Warnings: Angst, Implied sex
Summary: Jay and Onew have a secret relationship.
Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
Notes: Okayy, I'm sorry this took so long. Look at the bright side - this is almost over nowww~~. One or two more chapters after this one. (Probably one.)
----------------------------------------------------
They’re side by side, at some point in the night having gathered the energy to move into Jay’s bed in order to sleep. It was too late, the abuse on Jay’s back had been done, and he sat up as he woke with a groan.
Jinki smiled brightly at him, “Good morning.”
Jay sighed.
“Bad morning?” Jinki frowned, sitting up.
Rather than complaining about his back, Jay turned to Jinki with intent to complain about the real issue - that being of course - them together. He found looking at Jinki that it was hard to say anything, though. That face of his, looking so innocent, made him feel as though his complaints could only be directed at himself.
He glanced away, and told Jinki again. “We have to end this.”
“……. we don’t have to do it on the floor again..”
“You know that’s not why.” Jay blushed.
“Then why?”
“Don’t you realize how selfish we’re being?”
“Minho was all… ‘anyone who cares about you will keep a secret for you’ and..”
“Do you think Jungmo is having an easy time keeping this secret for us?” Jay’s interruption told Jinki that either Minho’s words weren’t strong enough for Jay, or he needed to work on his dramatic delivery.
“Did.. he.. tell you he’s having a hard time?” Jinki asked, fearing the answer.
“It’s obvious.” Jay responded. “He hates this. And he’s right to.. What are we even doing, Jinki? We’re perverts.”
“No we’re not.”
“Even you know that 90% of the world would think so. Are all of those people wrong?”
Jinki didn’t let the ‘even you know’ part bother him. He let it pass completely over his head, because it was other parts of that sentence that truly bothered him. 90% of the world thought they were perverts? Well even Minho said that he ‘didn’t necessarily approve’. What did that mean, anyway? He wasn’t going to vomit, but their relationship was for some reason unworthy of his approval..
Jinki looked suddenly sick, and he had to force the words out of his mouth because for some reason they didn’t want to come. He felt guided by those words. He wasn’t sure what they were, because he couldn’t even listen to himself, but they were all he had.
“I don’t care what other people think, Jay. I love this, and I know we always said it wouldn’t last, but now that you want to stop I just can’t.. stop.. When I think about never doing this again, I.. can’t..”
Jay exhaled, a long heavy sigh. He still avoided looking at Jinki, taking just a short moment to gather his thoughts.
“I love this too.” he said, “But nothing compares to performing. You know you feel that way too. We’re living out our dreams as it is. If it came down to it, you’d pick singing over me. Wouldn’t you?”
Jinki didn't answer. He frowned, almost angry at Jay for the suggestion. It wasn't a matter of choosing one or the other, because they had been living with both. He moved and straddled Jay's lap, put his hands against his cheeks, and guided him into a kiss.
Jay broke it shortly, "Answer me."
Jinki quickly kissed him again, his hands holding his face so he couldn't so easily move away. Jay wasn't too dumb to use his own hands though, and he quickly grabbed Jinki's wrists and jerked them down, turning out of the kiss. "Jinki!"
So the younger grabbed Jay's shoulders instead, shoving him back to lie down and using his own full weight to the best of his ability to keep Jay trapped because he needed Jay to feel this kiss, and he needed it to be the best kiss Jay ever had - just like all of his kisses with Jay were the best he ever had - so good that Jay wouldn't live without it, wouldn't dream of living without it.
So he pressed his lips to Jay's tightly shut mouth, "Please Jay, let me kiss you.."
"Stop it." Jay immediately answered.
"Please." Jinki kissed his closed mouth, thrust his body in a weak attempt at stimulating him, even bit at his lip to try forcing his mouth open. That's when Jay grabbed onto Jinki's shoulders and flipped them over.
For a nose-to-nose minute, Jinki wondered if some dominant surge had met with Jay and he was going to be the one kissed. That would have been better, much better, than Jay breaking down the way he did.
It was a long pause. Jinki stared, waiting. From close up, he watched tears rise in Jay's eyes, and he watched them fall down. He watched him try to fight them even still, closing his eyes and choking back sobs.
"Do you think this is easy for me?" Jay asked, shuddering. "I never wanted this."
Just like that, Jinki was suddenly alone. The one at fault, the devil that came and ruined Jay's life, that made him a pervert. He felt cold, and hollow, and he said "I'm sorry" but Jay wouldn't hear it.
"Don't be sorry." he said, "This isn't your fault." But it was, and Jinki knew it now. "Just... let me go." He'd been keeping Jay prisoner for his own satisfaction.
"I'm sorry." Jinki said again, tears rising in his own eyes before he could even consider holding them back. The moment Jay opened his eyes and saw that, guilt shot him in the chest.
"Don't cry."
"Get off of me. And I'll leave." Jinki said, not even realizing how bad his sudden sobbing broke his words.
"Don't leave like this.." Jay responded, sudden panic flooding over him.
"How am I supposed to leave? Like everything's okay and we're not.." Jinki's sentence trailed off into sniffles and whimpers. That's how he and Jay stayed for a short moment, crying and trembling, until Jay's instincts kicked in and he did all he knew to do - giving Jinki what he wanted.
It might have even been the first time he initiated a kiss with Jinki. It certainly felt like it. He pushed his lips awkwardly against his and was still, as if he'd never kissed any one before, as if he wasn't even sure how it worked.
Fortunately, Jinki's sexual instincts were stronger in this situation. His mind cleared and his sobs were swallowed. Jinki carefully manuevered his way back on top, and in short time both of their tears were gone.
Jay did feel it, he always had. He didn't want to live without this any more than Jinki did, at least not yet. He moved his hands over Jinki's cheeks and dried his tears, and Jinki kissed his away.
It was the best sex they'd ever had. The least clumsy, at least, and surely the most gentle.
As Jinki gathered his things, he asked. "Will you call?"
"... I don't know."
*
Months flew by. In that time, Minho and Jinki talked about it. "I'm sure he'll call." Minho had said a week after, "Give him time.", he said after a month. "He's busy lately, he just signed on to do a drama."
Eventually, Minho stopped talking.
Jungmo didn't say much at all. "How are things with..?" he hadn't even finished the sentence. "Over." Jay had responded, and wondered if it was a lie.
After three months of not seeing each other and surviving, things would be fine to continue this way - right?
------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes Part 2!: Sorry, this chapter was originally going to be longer but I think it might even be possible for me to finish this story in two or three more scenes so I'm gonna shoot for that.
Topic: Jay (TRAX) and Onew (SHINee)
Warnings: Angst, Implied sex
Summary: Jay and Onew have a secret relationship.
Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
Notes: Okayy, I'm sorry this took so long. Look at the bright side - this is almost over nowww~~. One or two more chapters after this one. (Probably one.)
----------------------------------------------------
They’re side by side, at some point in the night having gathered the energy to move into Jay’s bed in order to sleep. It was too late, the abuse on Jay’s back had been done, and he sat up as he woke with a groan.
Jinki smiled brightly at him, “Good morning.”
Jay sighed.
“Bad morning?” Jinki frowned, sitting up.
Rather than complaining about his back, Jay turned to Jinki with intent to complain about the real issue - that being of course - them together. He found looking at Jinki that it was hard to say anything, though. That face of his, looking so innocent, made him feel as though his complaints could only be directed at himself.
He glanced away, and told Jinki again. “We have to end this.”
“……. we don’t have to do it on the floor again..”
“You know that’s not why.” Jay blushed.
“Then why?”
“Don’t you realize how selfish we’re being?”
“Minho was all… ‘anyone who cares about you will keep a secret for you’ and..”
“Do you think Jungmo is having an easy time keeping this secret for us?” Jay’s interruption told Jinki that either Minho’s words weren’t strong enough for Jay, or he needed to work on his dramatic delivery.
“Did.. he.. tell you he’s having a hard time?” Jinki asked, fearing the answer.
“It’s obvious.” Jay responded. “He hates this. And he’s right to.. What are we even doing, Jinki? We’re perverts.”
“No we’re not.”
“Even you know that 90% of the world would think so. Are all of those people wrong?”
Jinki didn’t let the ‘even you know’ part bother him. He let it pass completely over his head, because it was other parts of that sentence that truly bothered him. 90% of the world thought they were perverts? Well even Minho said that he ‘didn’t necessarily approve’. What did that mean, anyway? He wasn’t going to vomit, but their relationship was for some reason unworthy of his approval..
Jinki looked suddenly sick, and he had to force the words out of his mouth because for some reason they didn’t want to come. He felt guided by those words. He wasn’t sure what they were, because he couldn’t even listen to himself, but they were all he had.
“I don’t care what other people think, Jay. I love this, and I know we always said it wouldn’t last, but now that you want to stop I just can’t.. stop.. When I think about never doing this again, I.. can’t..”
Jay exhaled, a long heavy sigh. He still avoided looking at Jinki, taking just a short moment to gather his thoughts.
“I love this too.” he said, “But nothing compares to performing. You know you feel that way too. We’re living out our dreams as it is. If it came down to it, you’d pick singing over me. Wouldn’t you?”
Jinki didn't answer. He frowned, almost angry at Jay for the suggestion. It wasn't a matter of choosing one or the other, because they had been living with both. He moved and straddled Jay's lap, put his hands against his cheeks, and guided him into a kiss.
Jay broke it shortly, "Answer me."
Jinki quickly kissed him again, his hands holding his face so he couldn't so easily move away. Jay wasn't too dumb to use his own hands though, and he quickly grabbed Jinki's wrists and jerked them down, turning out of the kiss. "Jinki!"
So the younger grabbed Jay's shoulders instead, shoving him back to lie down and using his own full weight to the best of his ability to keep Jay trapped because he needed Jay to feel this kiss, and he needed it to be the best kiss Jay ever had - just like all of his kisses with Jay were the best he ever had - so good that Jay wouldn't live without it, wouldn't dream of living without it.
So he pressed his lips to Jay's tightly shut mouth, "Please Jay, let me kiss you.."
"Stop it." Jay immediately answered.
"Please." Jinki kissed his closed mouth, thrust his body in a weak attempt at stimulating him, even bit at his lip to try forcing his mouth open. That's when Jay grabbed onto Jinki's shoulders and flipped them over.
For a nose-to-nose minute, Jinki wondered if some dominant surge had met with Jay and he was going to be the one kissed. That would have been better, much better, than Jay breaking down the way he did.
It was a long pause. Jinki stared, waiting. From close up, he watched tears rise in Jay's eyes, and he watched them fall down. He watched him try to fight them even still, closing his eyes and choking back sobs.
"Do you think this is easy for me?" Jay asked, shuddering. "I never wanted this."
Just like that, Jinki was suddenly alone. The one at fault, the devil that came and ruined Jay's life, that made him a pervert. He felt cold, and hollow, and he said "I'm sorry" but Jay wouldn't hear it.
"Don't be sorry." he said, "This isn't your fault." But it was, and Jinki knew it now. "Just... let me go." He'd been keeping Jay prisoner for his own satisfaction.
"I'm sorry." Jinki said again, tears rising in his own eyes before he could even consider holding them back. The moment Jay opened his eyes and saw that, guilt shot him in the chest.
"Don't cry."
"Get off of me. And I'll leave." Jinki said, not even realizing how bad his sudden sobbing broke his words.
"Don't leave like this.." Jay responded, sudden panic flooding over him.
"How am I supposed to leave? Like everything's okay and we're not.." Jinki's sentence trailed off into sniffles and whimpers. That's how he and Jay stayed for a short moment, crying and trembling, until Jay's instincts kicked in and he did all he knew to do - giving Jinki what he wanted.
It might have even been the first time he initiated a kiss with Jinki. It certainly felt like it. He pushed his lips awkwardly against his and was still, as if he'd never kissed any one before, as if he wasn't even sure how it worked.
Fortunately, Jinki's sexual instincts were stronger in this situation. His mind cleared and his sobs were swallowed. Jinki carefully manuevered his way back on top, and in short time both of their tears were gone.
Jay did feel it, he always had. He didn't want to live without this any more than Jinki did, at least not yet. He moved his hands over Jinki's cheeks and dried his tears, and Jinki kissed his away.
It was the best sex they'd ever had. The least clumsy, at least, and surely the most gentle.
As Jinki gathered his things, he asked. "Will you call?"
"... I don't know."
*
Months flew by. In that time, Minho and Jinki talked about it. "I'm sure he'll call." Minho had said a week after, "Give him time.", he said after a month. "He's busy lately, he just signed on to do a drama."
Eventually, Minho stopped talking.
Jungmo didn't say much at all. "How are things with..?" he hadn't even finished the sentence. "Over." Jay had responded, and wondered if it was a lie.
After three months of not seeing each other and surviving, things would be fine to continue this way - right?
------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes Part 2!: Sorry, this chapter was originally going to be longer but I think it might even be possible for me to finish this story in two or three more scenes so I'm gonna shoot for that.